2) If she brings up an issue that you’re unfamiliar with (e.g. using the word ‘actor’ rather than ‘actress’) be prepared to discuss it reasonably rather than dismiss it out of hand

3) STAND UP FOR FEMINISM; challenge other men (even your best friends) about the sexist comments they make. Challenge presumptions about gender

4) Read up. Seriously. Chances are if you’re with a feminist you’re both quite intelligent; you’ve probably read books on loads of different topics. Pick up some books – ‘The Female Eunuch’, ‘Men In Feminism’, whatever – and educate yourself.

5) Treat her as a person, not a gender (it saddens me that this is necessary)

6) Swallow your pride. Many men come to feminism through their partners and there’s no shame in it. If being with a feminist is what brought you to gender equality then good for you; now you can spread the ideas to others!

I took note of the comments pertaining to standing up to other men, who behave inappropriately. Don’t be an enabler, is the message I’m taking away. I get it. I try to engage misogynist behavior from other men, in cyber forums. Sometimes, I chicken out. Sometimes I get dogpiled by guys who accuse me of seeking to curry favor with the women in the forum. Trying to get in their pants, so to speak. Like the only reason a guy can be in solidarity with feminist women, is because he wants to get laid. Like, on this one political forum I participate in, I’m always trying to call out the guys who use the c*nt word. I try to call them on it, and point out what a harmful word it is. It’s really the gender equivalent of the N word. It never fails, some knuckedragger will give me crap, and suggest I’m just trying to get laid by the liberal women. LOL. Yeah, trying to get laid on a political forum. That sounds like an idiotic scheme. I try to be consistent, and challenge racism, sexism and bias. But, its good to be reminded how important it is, here.

But, whatever crap I take is nothing in comparison to some of the toxic and misogynist stuff some women have to take on discussion forums. So, I guess I shouldn’t complain.

I’d just like to point out the critical first step: Don’t date an anti-feminist girl. It doesn’t work. ;) I tried it once and it revealed to me just how key sharing my political and social sensibilities has to be for any relationship I get into.

Amen to that.

I do not claim to be the world’s most pro-feminist dude. I’m just not. So there’s the disclaimer. But…

…I was in a long relationship with an anti-feminist woman. I’ll spare you all the details, but my point is that it was really, really hard–especially, in fact, around amandaw’s #1 comment on deference.

If you’re listening and deferring–from a pro-feminist male point of view–to someone who casts everything in a patriarchal (anti-feminist) light, I can’t exactly explain the dynamic but I guess it just looks weak. If either partner is used to thinking in terms of gaining control over the other, she or he will probably tend to see legitimate strength in the other also as a threat to control. And she or he will see deference in the other as weakness or submission.

I guess what I’m saying is that a pro-feminist mindset in a man in a hetero relationship is (a) a good thing; but (b) a source of vulnerability. A woman who rejects feminism, or who understands it poorly, isn’t a good partner for that kind of vulnerability.

BTW, the trackback to Lumpesse in comment #80 is interesting. I totally agree that pro-feminist men have to take a serious look at what masculinity is supposed to mean to them.