Comments on: Maryland Court Rules That No Actually Means No

By: Janet

Janet — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:09:37 +0000

The testimony says that the SECOND man (A MINOR FOR GOD’S SAKE, TO A COLLEGE WOMAN STUDENT!) asked for consent so he would not “rape” her, she consented. Then during intercourse of the SECOND man, she said stop, he stopped after 5 to 10 seconds, FOR THIS YOU WILL PUT TWO MEN IN JAIL? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!!!! ONE MAN WILL SERVE TEN YEARS FOR TEN SECONDS OF NON CONSENSUAL INTERCOURSE!!! THIS MAY MAKE A SERIAL RAPIST YOU STUPID IDIOTS!!!! YOU LESBIANS WANT OPEN SEX WHENEVER BUT HATE MEN SO MUCH, IT’S SICKENING.

THIS FROM THE STORY COVERING IT:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/crime/bal-te.md.rape17apr17,0,5827288,full.story

The case stems from a December 2003 incident in which he and a friend, both high school students, had sex with a community college student in an isolated school parking lot.

Baby, then 16, and Michael Wilson, 15, groped the woman and made sexual advances to her, according to police. First, Wilson had sex with the woman while Baby was outside the car. Then, police said, Baby told her it was his turn.

“[So] are you going to let me hit it?” he said, according to police. “I don’t want to rape you.”

The victim testified in Montgomery County court that she agreed to sex “as long as he stops when I tell him to.” As he began, she told him to stop because he was hurting her, but he kept going for five or 10 seconds, she said.

Wilson pleaded guilty to second-degree rape and was sentenced to 18 months in prison. Baby denied any wrongdoing but was convicted of first-degree rape and other crimes and sentenced to 15 years in prison, with all but five suspended.

By: SarahMC

SarahMC — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 03:04:44 +0000

If you’re so “into sex” that you don’t hear your partner protest or tell you to stop for a few minutes, you are using your partner as a fucktoy and probably suck at sex.

By: Cara

Cara — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:49:18 +0000

Uh, yeah Ripley, I can certainly see why you’d be creeped out by that! *shudders*

By: ripley

ripley — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:22:40 +0000

amen, Cara. true true,

I remember with a sexual partner that I noticed his tendency to kind of “shut off” mentally during sex, and even though I wanted to continue having sex, I was creeped out, because I wondered if he would stop if I told him to. I also wondered if it mattered who I was, ultimately, because it felt like he didn’t even see me. I tried to work it out with him, tried to get him to look me in the eye, to respond to me when I said something.

let me tell you, it’s a horrible feeling when someone snaps angrily at you IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVING SEX WITH YOU for “interrupting” whatever was going on in his head (WHILE HE WAS HAVING SEX WITH YOU).

and this guy was basically a nice guy, and didn’t have awful attitude towards women generally. He had just internalized mainstream attitudes about sex that let men off the hook by assuming they “cannot stop” or “cannot think” while they are having sex. let’s not do that any more, okay?

By: Ismone

Ismone — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:13:22 +0000

Ally, That was interesting, but it bugs me that she (and her commenters) dismiss the 1 in 4 number out of hand, and claim that when intoxicated women say they were raped, it is just beer goggles + regret. Being so intoxicated as to be beyond the point of consent is rape. Which can happen to men as well, but which is physiologically difficult because it is hard to em, keep hard if they are intoxicated beyond the point of consent.

By: Cara

Cara — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 19:35:51 +0000

Michael, the first couple sentences of your comment scared the shit out of me, and then I was very relieved upon reading further.

Here’s the thing, for Sam and the multitudes who agree: if you get so “into” sex that you cannot hear your partner telling you to stop — if you get so “into” sex that you lose your ability to communicate with the person you’re having sex with — you shouldn’t be having sex with anyone but yourself. Period. Either learn some self-control and learn to respect your sexual partners or get really used to your hand. Because if you lose the ability to listen to your partner and respect his or her wishes while having sex, I can guarantee you that at some point, you’re going to rape someone. Brutal, maybe, but also fucking true.

By: Friday links « zinepersephone

Friday links « zinepersephone — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 07:38:04 +0000

[...] are we allowed to invoke the “n” word in bed? Feministe had it first. Pam’s House Blend and Feministing quickly [...]

By: Marle

Marle — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:20:11 +0000

5 seconds doesn’t sound like a long time, but it’s a huge amount of time when it’s painful sex. Especially if you don’t know when it’s going to stop because your partner isn’t fucking listening to you. Guys, if you “don’t hear” her or “can’t stop”, then you’re a sadistic bastard. It’s not like women whisper *stop* as quietly as we can to say “Gotcha!” later. It’s not a game. It’s rape.

By: michael

michael — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 00:33:02 +0000

I’ve got to disagree a little bit with Puellasolis. I’ve been so engrossed in having sex with my partner that it would have taken me longer than 10 seconds to notice a bomb going off outside. The only things that occupied my focus were what I was doing, and what my partner was doing. If she said stop, thats it. If you’re having sex and not noticing anything that your partner does, you are, at best, just using them as a prop for masturbation.

I can understand some of the knee jerk “what about the menz” stuff here, since the first reaction I had to the bare bones details of this story “She said stop, and he didn’t for 5-10 seconds and they’re calling that rape” was “holy shit, I’ve done something like that”. Difference being, in my case what happened when my partner said “ouch, stop” was that I immediately ceased with the thrusting, then attempted to withdraw gently, so as not to cause more “ouch”.

By: Puellasolis

Puellasolis — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 23:20:52 +0000

Guys get into sex and might not even hear her.

Whenever I hear/read things like this, I can’t help wondering how fast the speaker/writer would stop, pull out, and have his shorts on if his parents (or the girl’s parents) walked in on them. I suspect it would be on the order of milliseconds, which leads me to think that this whole “guys get into it and can’t stop, at least for a while” line is nonsense. *Ahem.*