I think questions are a good thing, it’s just that this particular type of question shifts all the responsibility to the person being questioned. Better questions may include inquiries like “I’m trying to understand your experience. Is X a problem because of Y? What does it feel like to be in your position?” which can open up a chance to see it from another perspective. It’s good to ask questions about your assumptions. These types of questions make us more able to think about how our situations would be experienced by the disabled, by people of other ethnicities, genders, sexualities, languages, and religions. Then we may become able to see why our environment is not welcoming to them and work together to try to change that.

I don’t mind when people ask the question.

I DO mind when
1) they act like it’s the first time it’s been asked (scroll down about 3/8 of the way)
2) I’ve offered a suggestion and it’s been precipitously ignored (scroll down7/8 of the way)
3) I’m told that whatever I’ve suggested isn’t going to do any good (start 1/4 of the way down; then keep going)
4) even when I’m offering an example of how a chorus of “majority voices” calling out one of their own on whatever behavior they’ve just condemned constitutes an emblematic gesture

So if you’re going to ask the question, how about listening when someone respectfully suggests An Answer?

Seriously, what almost amuses me about this — almost — is how “mainstream” feminists are acting like they haven’t been through some of the exact same crap with men who aren’t hearing them.

(And I belong to more than one “race”, so trust me and anyone else with a similar BG; men’s *LALALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU* behavior is THE SAME ALL OVER)

I mean, isn’t any of it ringing a bell? At? All??

I didn’t mean always, apologies. Some people are quite capable of looking at things from another point of view and offering viable solutions to big social problems.

I agree that it _is_ unfair to put the responsibility for solving the problem back on the people who are suffering because of it.

Unfair but the way it usually is. You ask the people who don’t suffer socially to come up with a solution for those that do and if they even care at all they won’t come up with a good one because they aren’t in the same place.

Herein lies the rub. When you offer a solution that solution has to be acceptable to those who feel (correctly or not) that they have been wronged.

Often, because you are not like them or in their situation, you have somehow wronged them or are complicit and responsible for the situation (and/or benefit from it). You can easily end up in a vicious cycle because any suggestion you (as the privileged class) is deemed insufficient for whatever reason. Sometimes the discourse gets muddied because the person who wants the answer has a very specific idea (with a very high bar) in mind and you have not offered that solution or because whatever is suggested just doesn’t resonate with them. In other words, too often the discourse leads to more acrimony and finger pointing because people start labeling one another because they have different perspectives.

I disagree with the notion that any suggestion I make can’t be good because I am not in the same exact situation as another just as much as I disagree with the notion that the any and all demands by the people in the situation must be met because all of those demands are, by default, rationale, practical and legitimate when the person demanding them does have a legitimate beef with the system. We need to put aside our biases, assumptions & instincts toward finger-pointing to come up with solid, workable solutions; unfortunately, we’re human and this objectivity and rationality is hard to achieve when faced with situations in which emotions/bias/personal agendas play a significant role.