It made me sad then, as now, how much the LGBT community has to hide for its safety, how people would react to the tiniest bit of what they would see as homosexuality, and punish them, or at the very least stare disgusted.

That is what struck me most about PD’s post. At first I thought the challenge of just not kissing or holding hands in public would be easy. But when I read all the other details she pointed out, no touching in anyway, no “we” language, no wedding ring, it really hit me just how limited gay couples are in public. I shared this with my husband, who is tolerant but not really understanding of LGBT issues, and he just kept saying how sad it is. It was really an eye-opener for me as a heterosexual.

OK… to those who expressed distaste for PDAs in general, what harm do they do? When anything consensually sexual is disapproved of, who gets the brunt of the disapproval? That’s right, women (and other females). *gently closes can of worms for now*

I’m just not comfortable with PDA, straight, gay, or otherwise. It has something to do with how I was raised: my family is not overly physically affectionate, and I’m not used to expressing emotions, in a physical way, so publicly. I’m also a very private person and engaging in PDA myself squicks me out, so seeing others do makes me even more uncomfortable. Of course PDA doesn’t do any real harm, but I just don’t want to see it.

I’m sure my het privilege is coming through here – after all, if I were afraid of engaging in PDA with my partner because of society’s reactions and such, I might have quite different opinions about it. But as a straight girl, it honestly just bothers me. And I hate it when people treat me like a prude because of that. Just cause I don’t want to see other people kiss in public doesn’t mean I’m afraid of sex or any of that. Nor do I think sex should always be “special.” I would prefer that it didn’t happen right in front of me (unless I’m involved, of course!).

OK… to those who expressed distaste for PDAs in general, what harm do they do? When anything consensually sexual is disapproved of, who gets the brunt of the disapproval? That’s right, women (and other females). *gently closes can of worms for now*

I do want to respond to this. For me, personally, I get irritated with people in relationships when I am single, even though I personally don’t really care about dating and doubt the whole long-term-monogamy-whatever. Hell, I get irritated with people in relationships even when I am seeing someone, because I can always leave that person to the side and talk to the other people I am with who I generally see less often than my lover. To me, it is rude to be setting a pair of people apart from the group by virtue of the fact they are dating. Too often, I see couples who can’t break apart from the night to sit by people they haven’t seen in a month, or who can’t talk about anything but each other when they are apart. I hate especially people who bring along their het sweeties on “Girls Night Out” (or, while I am not there, Boys Night Out). Come on, couples, you are not actually attached at the hip.

I think our society treats couples differently. For instance, Emily Post says you cannot invite out one member of a married couple without inviting their spouse. Why the fuck not, Emily? Aren’t they two different people?

1) It makes me uncomfortable because I don’t know how to react. It is rude to stare. But if they’re in your field of vision, it’s hard to avoid it. Pointedly looking elsewhere can be a pain, when your attention needs to be on something (a show, a conversation partner, whatever) in their general direction. It’s distracting as anything. And heaven forbid you need them to move so you can reach your drink on the bar or get to the bathroom or something, because even though they’re in public they’ve lost all awareness and consideration of those around them, and you’re trying to politely(!) get the attention of this couple with her hand in his crotch and his face in her cleavage slurping away.

2) It is such an obvious display of the heterosexual privilege in our culture, and I just know that if I were to do something like that with my girlfriend I’d certainly get some verbal crap and might be assaulted or arrested. And even though I don’t really want to be *that* demonstrative in public, the fact that they CAN and I CAN’T stokes my anger at the whole f-ing heterosexist world. Of course, I don’t express the anger in any way, but the in-my-face-ness of their heterosexual privilege just pisses me off. (also, I find myself wondering if that couple is composed of people who talk about gays “flaunting.”)