Author devours offending high-heeled shoe. Crowd cheers. David Blaine is super-jealous.
Recently, I had a conversation that went something like this:
Guy: Hey Natalia! Glad to see you!… Nice dress!
Natalia: Thanks, man!
Guy: A bit on the short side, huh?… And wow, those heels…
Natalia: Yeah, I figured it’s the weekend, you know?
Guy: I hope you don’t get offended, but since you’re a feminist, don’t you think that dressing like that can be seen as a sign of insecurity?
Natalia: I suppose it can. But I’m sure that if I wore an ankle-length skirt that could be construed as a sign of insecurity too. I’m just not going to let that be my problem. Being a feminist and all. And hey, I like the way my legs look.
Guy: But if you like your legs… why try to prove to others that they look good? That seems like insecurity to me.
Natalia: I’m necessarily not trying to prove anything, I’m just enjoying them. *points to shirtless guy by pool* Check those biceps out! I bet he likes those! Is he also insecure? Or does this only apply to women?
Guy: But women are different! They’re seen as sex objects!
Natalia: Ah yes. You are different, woman. Cover up now, cover up!
It bugs me when “women as sex objects” gets trotted out to make me feel ashamed. Men rarely get shamed like this, even though the lucrative romance novel genre tells me that women frequently see men as sex objects too, not to mention men seeing other men as sex objects as well. There’s a reason Fabio has had a lucrative career, and it doesn’t have to do with his revolutionary post-modernist thought.
Having said that, I do not deny the damage and danger that befalls women when they are defined strictly in terms of their bodies and their desirability level. There are double standards at work here, and women get the short end of the stick. I still remember how, in 2003, Tara Reid complained about being ridiculed for her free-wheeling ways and displays of sexuality, while Colin Farrell was being lionized for the same damn thing. Five years later, not a whole lot has changed. And Hollywood isn’t even the worst of it. Do people make fun of Michael Bernard Mukasey’s looks like they did of Janet Reno’s? Do conservative clerics make “uncovered meat” statements about men?
This is beside the endless litany of “she was wearing object X, hence she asked for it”-type comments that immediately crop up whenever a rape case is mentioned. I mean, just look at the post below mine.
If you’re a woman, you can’t win. If you’re seen as attractive, you’re probably a slut, and deserve to be treated accordingly. If someone thinks you’re unattractive, well, you hardly count for a human being, and deserve to be treated accordingly.
I do believe that telling women that they have the responsibility to make sure that no man within a 10-mile radius “gets the wrong idea” about them (whether this idea involves sexual availability, level of intelligence, level of confidence, etc….) is misguided. First of all, it allows the assholes to set the standard. Second of all, it, once again, allows for the perpetuation of the idea that men are animals guided solely by instinct (funny how that “animal” label is immediately jettisoned when we start talking about, say, male achievement in the realm of physics as a means to prove that women are intellectually inferior – just which one is it, guys? Are you all Einsteins? Or Neanderthals?).
In feminist circles, there can be pretty harsh disagreements over appearance. While many of us will readily admit that submitting to the pressure to look conventionally attractive is certainly understandable, enjoying an attractive aspect of one’s persona is often seen as the result of brainwashing, or immaturity, or irresponsibility. It’s an interesting subject for me, because I identify strongly with a certain beauty culture that’s practiced in my family. Now, I’m not going to pretend that beauty culture in general, and Ukrainian beauty culture in particular, is all hunky-dory. It’s a complicated subject, and it has both obvious and not-so-obvious dark sides.
But having examined it, I have not outright rejected it, and the issue here was more than just fitting in for the sake of convenience. I think this goes for a lot of feminists. It’s like acknowledging the sorry nature of most of mainstream programming, yet refusing to toss out your TV set because hey, “Lost” is on.
Living in Jordan has given me a whole new perspective on this, because you tend to watch what you wear here, and what is acceptable in a private gathering isn’t at all acceptable for a stroll down the street. While I sincerely wish to refrain from offending people I come across, it is hard to conform. You can feel defensive. Or you can feel like a fake. In these moments, you start clinging on to those strappy high-heeled shoes of yours (and this is coming from a person who prefers flats) with trembling fingers, as if they are a holy relic. It’s a freakishly weird situation, for me, but it’s what happens when your choices become even more potentially problematic than usual.
Ultimately, I don’t pretend to have the answers. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do with themselves. I just want to say that if someone who barely knows you tells you how you *really* feel about yourself and how you *ought* to look and dress and behave (regardless of whether you’re wearing overalls, a cocktail dress, or a cyborg costume), probably the best comeback line for that was once sung by Madonna:
“I’m not your bitch, don’t hang your shit on me.”
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Duh! It’s whichever one is convenient for the perpetuation of patriarchy at the moment, silly!
So if a guy rapes a woman or refuses to change a diaper or cheats on his partner, it’s because he’s just a man. He can’t be held to the same standards that women are.
But if men happen to do all the very bestest math and science in the whole world and make all the best music and write all the best books (except for Virgina Wolfe, of course), it’s because they’re biologically superior in every way.
I can’t believe you didn’t know that.
I am just fuming at comments a student made about her daughter’s clothing. She was saying that a boy was bothering her daughter. This student has decided that her daughter’s clothing is the sole cause of this. Mom has “explained” to her that if she dresses “inappropriately” she’ll get attention she doesn’t want. Mom has forced her to wear what she thinks is appropriate, but, surprise, daughter changes the minute she’s out of Mom’s site. Now, mom feels that she cannot defend her own daughter against the boy because her daughter is “deliberately provoking him” (her exact words) with what she chooses to wear.
What kind of fucked up world do we live in when a girl’s own fucking mother thinks that her daughter’s attire can “provoke” boys and men into bad behavior? Oh, those poor, poor menz! Absolutely disgusting. And, of course, I could not say a word because if she complained about me telling her to shove her sexist crap up her ass where it belongs instead of forcing it on her daughter – I would lose my job.
I feel a bit better getting that off my chest, even if it was a bit OT.
Actually, we humans are all animals. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It is not usually guys though that point out how someone is an animal “guided solely by instinct”. Physicist Feynman was a genius that expressed great morality. He was also a guy that cheated on his wife. How someone brands him depends a lot more on that someone than “us guys”.
But I say, dress any way you wish. You’ve got my support.
But I do wonder who this was written for: Colin Farrell unveils slim new look
By Anita Singh, Showbusiness Editor
I don’t think it was for us guys. Or by us guys.
My general feeling re: conforming to beauty standards (culture clash aside) is that if you can find something that makes you feel like you look good–not like OTHER people think so, but just clothes you feel good in–rock it. I fully appreciate that me showing off some cleavage ties into a lot of problematic constructs, but getting dressed in the morning is hard enough (not a morning person + eating disorder history = potential crisis every morning). If I take that one outfit that makes me feel okay (or, heaven forfend, good) and say, “but this is exploitation of my body as an object/playing into shapist standards,” then I’m really just screwed. (And no, my wardrobe is not especially revealing.)
Also, the whole “which is it, guys?” problem is to me reflective of the fact that Sexism Hurts Everyone. Physicists and that dude playing Ultimate with no shirt on could never be teh same person, because physicists are skinny/tubby geeks crippled with debilitating shyness, and the dude with no shirt on is a macho man who will probably catcall you. Similarly, women who are sexually active/slutty/etc are not identifiable with the quiet, mousy, intellectual types, or the Nice Girls.
I find it singularly impressive that you remembered the complaints of Tara Reid.
It seems that Tara Reid is pretty much one of the few actresses who’ll actually come out and say it: there’s a double standard.
Wow. What I always wish I had the presence of mind to say in these conversations is “Why do you think my clothing choices are remotely your business?”
(And yes, I have had such a conversation with a guy, way back in college, who explained to me that women only shave their legs out of conformity. That’s like saying that men only wear shirts in public on balmy days out of conformity. It’s sort of true, but sort of misses the point.)
I was just talking to a couple of my friends about how I choose where I buy my gas based on, not how much it is, but whether or not I’ve been hit on there by one of the workers. I actually have to pay more a gallon for gas because I’ve been hit on by three slimeballs at three separate gas stations! I know guys grow up learning that women like it when random guys compliment them, and I’m not denying that some women might. But this woman doesn’t, and men have to learn that we’re not all the same. It’s either look nice and get bothered by some random guy, or look like a slob and suffer the same abuse. I should be allowed to look nice and not have to deal with creeps. Is that too much to ask?
Betsy, I prefer Miss Manners’ “How kind of you to take an interest!” followed by a frosty, pursed lipped stare.
Along this line I think is the “smile!” comments I always used to get from men at my old office.
“Smile Vanessa! You look so gloomy! Why don’t you smile!”
Eventually I would make it a point to comically look the other way when certain people walked by.
Yes, gender stereotypes are a double standard, didn’t we cover this in the ’70’s? That’s just the way human sexuality works so we’ll probably always have to fighting unfairness. It’s never ending.
Well, people should not tell others how they ought to feel or dress but a woman’s persona is more public than a man’s. That’s why people feel they have permission critique it. Men on the other hand tend to invest their identity in what they do rather than how they look. Culture only reinforces this.
a woman’s persona is more public than a man’s?
care to explain that?
Thanks for this one, Natalia. And for the picture. :)
But women are different! They’re seen as sex objects!
And somehow this is your problem? Bleah.
In fact, the construction of that sentence is telling. Passive voice. “Are seen as”, not “people/men see women as”.
I hadn’t heard that about Tara Reid. Suddenly I kinda like her.
care to explain that?
The objectifying male gaze creates a publicly negotiated self. “Do these shoes go with this dress?” One could ask that of a male or female friend but in either case they adopt the male gaze. This image of imaginary self-identification is placed in the public realm where others feel free to inspect it. That doesn’t make it right of course and one should inform others you don’t appreciate it, if that’s what you prefer.
but since you’re a feminist
This is the part that bothers me: as if 1)all feminists have to follow one set of rules; 2) those rules include being anti-everything-traditionally-viewed-as-female.
When did somebody decide that if you wear high-heeled shoes or a flirty dress, Gloria Steinem will come and take away your Feminist Clubhouse Key?
Clearly, Guy has no idea that the being a feminist means you get to pick–your job, your role, and your own clothes–without being dictated to. By anybody.
Women do shave their legs out of conformity, and should stop doing so. Buuut that’s my bit. Either way, I don’t view a woman differently if she does shave her legs.
I agree that everything everyone here has said pretty much that, like rape, it’s men’s problem not women’s and that they’re the ones that need to buck up.
But there’s always this one though that comes into my mind about the way women dress.
Do women just wear whatever makes them feel good? No. Many women shave/was their legs/ass/vulva/knuckles/eyebrows/moustaches/whatever it is so that men will think they’re sexy and show a lot of cleavage so that men WILL see them as sex objects. Is it fair that many women DO want men to see them as sex objects (but not act on that) which is the definition of being a tease? I don’t think it’s fair for the rest of us who get looked at more/seen as sex objects more when we’re just trying to look like what feels good to us. It’s an odd argument to have. I’m not saying men shouldn’t live up to the standards they try to set for women in terms of, well, everything. I’m just saying women give men a lot of mixed signals in terms of what cloths/outfits/shoes should illicit some kind of ‘woo hoo’ reaction from men.
AAAANyway.
Yeah what is with that? I’ve gotten that from both younger guys (early 20s) and older men. What does that even mean, and are they only asking me if I’m a woman (or you too I guess) or did I really look that pissed/sad before? I never know how to react.
Having a more bestial, instinctive side doesn’t necessarily write off having a calculated, more rational and intelligent side. These two qualities are not mutually exclusive. I suppose one could show that in hunting animals and prey (as our ancestors once did), one would be require to be logical and rational (calculating where the prey is going to show up, at what time, with what army…) and also instinctive (the more sabretoothed tigers you fight and kill, the more instinctive you become of their attack pattens when on a one-on-one fight). I would think that the same applies for warfare as well: part of is logical and rational, but a good fighter also must have experience/a fighter’s instinct.
This just goes to show that the world allows for men to have MORE than one dimension/facet, ie….he may be a supremely intelligent guy who is also a skirt-chaser. Some fictional characters would be like The Hulk (the dumb one) and Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hide. I think this basically showcases men’s purported need to compete and be good in everything.
Please note I am just offering a plausible explanation for this phenomenon of men being “rational”, yet “instinctive” at the same time. I am not in anyway agreeing to this statement that men are instinctive and rational at the same time….most PEOPLE are.
I’ve always wondered about that. When people say that they dress up not for anyone else but for themselves only, can we say for a fact that that’s the only/sole reason?
I DO like to dress up and yes, I do feel more confident/happy if I believe I’m wearing clothes I feel and look good in, but there is also a part of me that wants others to think that I look good too. I don’t need their validation, but it would be kind of nice if they though I look good….maybe because it would boost my ego? I’m not too sure, really.
I’m just saying women give men a lot of mixed signals in terms of what cloths/outfits/shoes should illicit some kind of ‘woo hoo’ reaction from men.
Well of course. That’s all part of the dance. It’s a good thing. I’d hate it if we had a mating season.
I had a similar conversation the other day.
Them: Flaunting your breasts shows you have low self-esteem!
Me: Flaunting?
Them: Displaying them, like you were in that outfit!
Me: I was wearing a top. Having DDs, they were visible.
Them: Low self-esteem!
Me: Having DDs means I have low self esteem?
Them: No, showing them off does!
Me: Why should I hide them? They’re fantastic!
Them: See? You clearly have low self-esteem or you wouldn’t feel the need to show off your body.
Me: … show off my body which I think is awesome?
Them: Yes.
Me: *backs slowly away from bearer of moon logic*
Conversation has obviously been drastically edited, but the dumb remains.
Of course not. In fact, I was taught that the way I dress should show politeness to people I care for – i.e., in my family, if you greet a guest wearing sweats and a ratty t-shirt, you’re being inconsiderate (well, unless you’re sick or painting a wall or something along the same lines).
It’s also nice to know that someone thinks I look nice. Unless they’re terribly rude about it.
It gives me great pleasure to conform in that way. It depends on what you like.
Hexy, I find that this happens to women with large breasts ALL THE TIME (helloooo Jessica Valenti). If you have big ones, you’re automatically a show-off, no matter what you wear. And you’re probably insecure and stupid too.
Just wanted to correct my earlier post; I meant Oppenheimer, not Feynman. Feynman never cheated.
“It gives me great pleasure to conform in that way”
Uh, shaving gives you great pleasure? The act or the results? Either way, I really envy you, because I hate the act of shaving, I hate that it causes my skin to be irritable and dry, and I hate stubble. I do it because society has ingrained in me the belief that my hairy legs and pits look hideous.
Both. I notice I have the same thing with dyeing my hair – there’s something about exerting a certain aesthetic control/the unnaturalness aspect that pleases me.
This reminds me of a famous Grandma – Mum showdown that happened at our house a couple of years ago. My grandma (usually a super-rocking grandma and feminist for many reasons) commented that she didn’t know how the teenage (like 14 year old) boys at her church were supposed to tell the difference between their female peers and prostitutes (Woah. I know. Although I also know that some 85 year old brains lose some of their internal censoring mechanisms and thought monitoring.)
So Mum told Grandma that she’d better stop thinking such perverted thoughts and projecting them onto teenage girls by making wild assumptions about the reasons for and significance of their chosen wardrobes.
Word. I understand liking to experiment with appearances like dying your hair ‘unnatural’ colors (my favorites on women are red and purple). But I, along with the rest of the girls in my sixth grade class and pretty much all girls the age of 12 in the country, was told that what was happening to my body was ugly and that I should shave all of my body hair off , and cover my breasts with a bra. Sure, I played along for a couple years, but eventually did a big FUCK YOU and stopped shaving anything and stopped wearing bras. It feels great to be happy with how I look naturally, and that is something that men are allowed to do every day.
Besides, nobody even noticed when I stopped shaving anyway so to me the fact that I even did it in the first place seemed ridiculous.
My perspective is that the act of shaving itself is just fine, and liking smooth skin is just fine. It bothers me though that, like so many other things in society, shaving and smooth skin are gendered which is, of course, completely absurd. Therefore women are made to feel ugly or guilty if they do not properly adhere, or do not timely shave their legs/whatever else. The shaving of legs thing ties in too closely with ‘perfuming’ (aka giving yourself a yeast infection) your vagina and waxing your pubes. ONLY women are told to change these things about themselves and it pisses me off. Which you can probably tell based on my really long rant.
/rant.
I think that what’s important to understand when discussing such personal things as race/gender/class/whatever is to frame things as your experiences, not as fact or as someone else’s experiences. So I could say, “I stopped shaving my legs because I saw it as conformity to/endorsement of an unhealthy beauty standard,” but not “women who shave their legs are conformists” or “because you shave your legs, you’re a conformist/anti-feminist/whatever.”
This may seem obvious to those liable to be reading this blog, but I think that the same disrespect in framing can go both ways. Just as some guy told Natalia she was insecure because she dressed up, so are feminist and other left-wing communities sometimes prone to passing judgment on women who don’t fulfill our ideals. Just look at the controversy over Obama-voting feminists.
Well, I understand both sides of the argument here, even tho’ this may be anathema to many feminists… First, it seems to me that this guy is probing some interesting inconsistencies in the feminist movement regarding female sexuality. A great book about this very issue is Female Chauvinist Pigs
Is it empowering for women to dress however they want, even if it is conforming to somewhat arbitrary standards set by the consumption driven media? I suppose so, but… most of human communication is non-verbal and there is a well documented non-verbal “vocabulary” consisting of movements, facial expressions, and attire.
Some of this is culturally specific, like how one dresses. When a woman dresses in a business suit (which I have before) this communicates non-verbally to people that she is a professional, and, typically, people treat her with more respect than they would if she were in sweat pants. Is there anything wrong with this? I think in everyday, brief interactions with each other, such assessments are ubiquitous and very normal.
Well, if a woman wears a very short skirt with high-heels, I think she is communicating that she wants people to notice her primarily for her body. Similarly, a man walking around without a shirt, flexing his biceps, communicates that he wants people to notice his body. Some people find these displays crass and cheap. I happen to be one of them. I don’t think it has anything to do with the sex of the person displaying themselves. It is just the “Look at me!!! I really, really, really want random, superficial attention from strangers,” message that turns me off.
I don’t think it has anything to do with the sex of the person displaying themselves.
You say that, but I think the way you phrased it was telling:
I think she is communicating that she wants people to notice her primarily for her body.
Similarly, a man walking around without a shirt, flexing his biceps, communicates that he wants people to notice his body.
See the difference there? You may be right that the man and woman want people to notice their bodies, but with the woman you extend that to being noticed primarily for her body. And that is a difference in the way men and women are treated – women are valued primarily for their bodies, whereas men’s bodies are only one aspect of themselves.
And for the record – I do sometimes wear sexy clothes just because I like the way I look in them. And sometimes I wear them for my fiance, but that doesn’t mean I want attention from anyone beside him. I do think the reason I wear the things I do is influenced by a sexist society – why are attractive clothes for women ones that show off our bodies far more than attractive clothes for men? – but that is not the same as saying I’m doing it for male attention.
Primarily? Really? Because, personally, when I wear a short dress and high heels, I do want my body to be noticed, on a variety of levels. But the things that are also obviously noticeable about me is the type of clothes that I am wearing, the style, the oversized handbag, the loud conversation. There’s an entire package there.
Similarly, if I see a man in a tight sleeveless shirt, I look at the package – does he have a vacuous look in his eyes, or is he eagerly engaging someone about something on the 6 o’clock news? If it’s the latter, I’ll probably be interested in talking to him.
Of course, I’ll get judged more than he does. ‘Cause I’m a wo-man, and that’s the way it works! Better shut up and sit down and not look to sexxxay or anything.
Notice how you had to add a deliberate action – flexing his biceps – in order to get the analogy to work? If a man is walking around without a shirt, we don’t automatically assume that he’s looking for a sexual partner because of his physical appearance. So why do we make that assumption of women in heels?
Human sexuality is asymmetric. If we were earthworms, who are true hermaphrodites it would be different, but we aren’t.
A quible; You didn’t actually answer whether you thought something is wrong with treating people with different levels of respect based on clothing. All you said was it’s all-encompassing and the standard. Neither of those awfully similar words indicate a good or a not-so-good feeling with regards to the action. It seems to me that the ‘Cheap and crass’ way you describe some people’s dressing habits hinge on the want of bodily attention, which slides awfully quickly thought-wise to percieved sexual exploits that might mar their character, all based on clothing. It’s the only way I’ve ever seen the word ‘cheap’ used to describe how someone dresses, anyway. Virgin / whore dichotomy, we’re here. That view helps exactly no one. A suit is still a stitched piece of fabric that’s drapped across your body, much like a translucent tank top or a really short skirt, the only thing different are the connotations people associate with it (which stereotypes we’re trying to move away ~from~, not shunning the clothing choices of some by assumption on what (and who) they’re wearing ‘em for). Attire shouldn’t make a dent for treating people with the same level of courtesy.
pfft, my biceps are way better than my legs…but…
:::eyeballs something that looks slightly classist…moves on:::
Excellent post Natalia. I find it odd how no matter what, women can never win. If you like your body, no matter how it’s built, how it’s dressed, how natural or unnatural it is…someone will find a way to try and make you feel wrong and or bad about it.
Hell, we’re trapped in the things for the whole of our lives, we might as well adorn them/show them/not show them/maintain them in a manner we enjoy.
Life is too short to worry about what Random Deeply Concerned Dude thinks of one’s dress and heels.
i have always found judging people for the way they dress to be an utterly worthless venture. ‘OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THEY’RE WEARING’ conversations are one thing, but entire judgements of character (‘it’s obvious he can’t be a good worker or professional if he keeps his eyebrow piercing,’ ’she’s such a ho,’ ‘what white trash,’ ‘if only he’d stop dressing so ghetto he’d be taken seriously,’ ‘dying her hair colours like that make her look like a drug addict,’ etc) are fucking idiotic. of course everyone does this subconsciously but i don’t understand the point in trying to justify it anyway.
judging character based on the way one dresses is almost always influenced by sexist, racist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, religiously bigoted, EVERYTHING, ideals and stereotypes. it helps perpetuate all these -isms and oppressions.
it’s already bad enough to be a woman/poc/gay/trans*/fat/poor/member of some unpopular religion/whatever, but then what you dress yourself in, what you don’t dress yourself in, what colour you dye your hair, what you put on your head, what you decorate your body with, how much you paid for whatever you’re wearing, your posture, all of this, is put under a microscope to give a BRAND NEW TOTALLY BETTER REASON to treat you like shit.
and three reasons are usually given:
1) ‘well, they’re just clothes and they’re changeable, so if they want to be more accepted, why don’t they just change it!’ because we shouldn’t have to change how we look so that you hate us a little bit less for something about ourselves we can’t change anyway. people shouldn’t have to wear more conservative/revealing clothes/expensive clothes, stop wearing the things their religion mandates, stop wearing the clothes they grew up with and everyone else they’ve known has worn, stop wearing the things they’ve seen their rolemodels who are like them have worn, wear and do the things that they enjoy and feel are instrinsic to their being like what sort of music they like to listen to just so that their difference from you isn’t as obvious and you can hate them just a little bit less. we’ll pass, thank you.
if they’re that insignificant and that changeable, then maybe you should stop making such a huge fucking deal about it.
2) ‘they’re just perpetuating the stereotype of their oppressed group by dressing that way!’ WHO GIVES A FUCK. if a gay man wants to dress like Carson Kressley, LET HIM BE. if a black person want to dress ‘ghetto,’ LET HIR BE. if a woman wants to wear the shortest skirt ever and show her cleavage and bleach her out hair, LET HER BE. the examples go on but i am fucking sleepy, y’all. but let’s be real. if you would GET OVER IT, it wouldn’t matter. it is really THAT SIMPLE. because all YOU’RE doing is trying to find a reason to solidify the prejudiced way YOU view an oppressed group, no matter how badly you want to say otherwise.
3) ‘they’re just dressing that way to be provocative/make a political statement/upset people/get a reaction/alienate themselves!’ rofllll. poor you, having to witness that! most likely they aren’t, and this is just your paranoid ass going OH NOOOO AN OPPRESSED PERSON WHO HAS BROUGHT ATTENTION TO THEMSELF, WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO, and if they are, maybe you should listen to the message they’re trying to bring across through their way of dressing instead of instantly shutting down like an idiot.
ugh, sorry to unload on here. the relationship between oppressed people and the sacrifices they have to make just to try and get as accepted as possible by the people oppressing them fascinates me and also ABSOLUTELY INFURIATES ME.
a comment about my experiences dressing as a woman is to follow.
lorelei-
That was a righteous rant. Very true, and well said.
“(And yes, I have had such a conversation with a guy, way back in college, who explained to me that women only shave their legs out of conformity. That’s like saying that men only wear shirts in public on balmy days out of conformity. It’s sort of true, but sort of misses the point.)”
This analogy is completely illogical. Both MEN and WOMEN wear shirts on hot days. Only women shave their legs. (I realize there are exceptions to this, but men are not expected by society at large to shave their legs.) The analogy would make sense if women walked around topless on hot days, but men continued to wear shirts, but that’s clearly not what happens.
A piece of useless trivia here ….
American women started shaving their legs and armpits after WWI, when the doughboys came home and talked about those amazing “French women” who shaved. What those doughboys forgot to mention is that French women who shaved were *prostitutes* – shaving was required (along with a licensure and a monthly medical examination) for cleanliness reasons.
Yeah, I collect weird information. :)
the concept of what and how much clothing a respectable woman should wear is completely culturebound.
obvs there are cultures where women & men wear much less but aren’t considered insecure or asking for sex.
just as there are different opinions about what to wear around the world– there are different opinions within an individual society. wearing less or more clothes can be ascribed to a variety of motives, not just asking for sex.
women are harassed and assaulted regardless of whether they’re attractiveness or what they’re wearing. being “cute” is just as dangerous as being “elderly” if you’re in a vulnerable situation with a potential aggressor.
women in cultures who wear lots of clothes are still subject to sexual harassment and violence. it’s not about the clothes — that’s an excuse or justification or rationalization.
wearing clothes is not something someone “does” to someone else. outfits are not threatening — even though they may make you uncomfortable.
inviting someone to see your body is not the same as them offering a harassing or disparaging remark. compliments are alright. “i like your dress. you look nice.” insults are, well…insulting.
women’s legs, arms, cleavage, etc. are not dangerous. it’s not a crime to see women’s bodies. it’s not a shame to see women’s bodies.
wow, thank you for thinking so, Ren! :D
I dress in what I think I look good in. Sometimes I get called awful names for what I wear, sometimes men harass me, sometimes I get wonderful compliments from people who think I look beautiful/cute/sexy/stylish/pretty/interesting or who want to know where I bought my shoes.
I don’t want sexual male attention, but ya know what? When I go out in a baggy shirt and jeans I still get hollered at. A friend of mine and I were in jeans and sweaters at the grocery store one and two guys tried to pick us up.
I’ve stopped giving a shit what other people think. Go ahead, call me a whore. I’ve heard it before. I’m a pretty fucking cool person, you’re the one missing out if you decide to live by snap judgments. Life is just too short to worry if other people approve of me.
I will wear my denim mini-skirt and hot pink high-heeled boots if I damn well please. I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it because I think it looks cool. If I were simply trying to get men to notice me for my body, well, you’d think I’d try to fit the beauty standards a tad better than I do. Maybe flat iron my hair and lighten it, get a tan so I’m not as pale as a ghost, wear eye-liner, shy away from heels since they put me over the six foot mark…
But I don’t. Because I don’t care. If some random person in the grocery store or the mall or a diner chooses to pas judgment on me due to what I’m wearing, that is their problem. They should be ashamed, not me.
I LOVE you.
I think the idea that people should not and do not frequently use attire to communicate messages to each other is unrealistic. Yes, I think women and men should be able to dress as they please. I also think women and men should be aware that what they are wearing sends messages to people around them.
We are animals, right? Well, we send mating cues to each other non-verbally, don’t we? Do you think women and men might be sending and receiving such cues using their attire? People are programmable, and we learn non-verbal vocabulary as we grow-up in our culture. If a guy walks around bare chested with it sticking out, my instincts are that he wants women to notice him as a sex object. Similarly, if a woman wears a mini skirt with high heels. To think that people would not interpret these cues in a sexual manner is vastly misunderstanding human nature.
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