Comments on: I Sing Like A Girl

By: Kids and gender « GenderKid

Kids and gender « GenderKid — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:55:22 +0000

[...] For a feminist twist: I Sing Like A Girl. [...]

By: M

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 09:47:35 +0000

Hmm. I don’t think it’s as simple as “female is bad; therefore I don’t want to be called female.” I think there’s also pressure and desire to be act gender-typical, be seen as a “real boy” or “real girl.” I remember when I didn’t want to read certain books because “they’re for boys.”

By: Renee

Renee — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:40:52 +0000

Also one addition I found him a kickboxing class in town and the teacher is a woman, also his new art teacher is a male which is a switch from his previous class. We have made a decision to start mixing up his gender roles in the public sphere more. Here is hoping he is on his way to a more open understanding of gender. THanks again.

By: Renee

Renee — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:39:27 +0000

Thanks everyone for all of your wonderful suggestions. After much discussion with destruction it seems he does indeed view singing like a girl as a negative thing, not because girls sing badly but because he is a boy. He still refuses any form of voice lessons but is considering taking up an instrument. At least he is following his love of music.

By: Betsy

Betsy — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:51:52 +0000

Also, to beat a dead horse – the taunt “you sing like a girl” is different than “you throw like a girl.” Your response would be exactly right for “you throw like a girl,” because the implication is that girls=bad throwers, you=bad thrower. And obviously we know that girls can throw just as well as boys. But with singing, the point wasn’t that he sings badly, since that is not a stereotype about girls; it’s saying that when he sings, he seems like a girl, which is a very different kind of insult. Sorry for going on about this; it obviously touched a nerve for me.

By: masami

masami — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 03:42:56 +0000

I suggest getting a karaoke set for the whole family. Your husband can sing along (proving that men do sing) and imitation of great pop/rock singers is also going to teach him some technique.

By: Betsy

Betsy — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:22:05 +0000

If he could completely understand that the feminine is not a pejorative, or a threat to his masculinity, the taunt you sing like a girl would hold no power to hurt him.

I’m sorry, but this is just not true. The power of the taunt isn’t in its content; it is in the emotion and rejection behind the content. I know others have said this in different words, but it bears repeating.

Moreover, although it is of course laudable that you are teaching him that there are no value differences between boys and girls, he learns every day that it doesn’t mean boys and girls are exactly the same. When you are a child (and when you’re an adult, for that matter), your gender (trans- or cis-) is an important part of your identity, even if you don’t believe that there are traits written in stone that must accompany that gender. I am a staunch, lifelong, non-essentialist feminist, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt my sense of identity to have people insist that I seem like a man. Not because there’s anything wrong with being a man or being masculine or gender transgression, but because it would be a denial of an important part of my self. So it is surprising to me that you are “baffled” that it’s upsetting to him to be taunted that way, no matter how feminist he’s been raised.

(I should add that I perhaps over-identify with him, because as a young child with short hair I was often taunted by other four-year-olds for looking like a boy. I have an uber-feminist wonderful mom, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.)

By: Antigone

Antigone — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 18:35:07 +0000

Tapetum-

My husband when he teaches class makes the same comments. I always think it’s sweet.

By: Zardeenah

Zardeenah — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 18:05:45 +0000

Threemile: Thanks! I will talk to the teachers — And since in his class, the kids choose their own work, I was thinking that a little project on Scotland for show and tell might not go amiss before”kilt day”.

I also think the boys’ choir/mixed choir is a fantastic idea. To bring up ballet again, one of the things the San Francisco Ballet school does to help keep the boys in class is have a special boys only class, as well as the regular mixed classes (which usually have only one or two boys per class). All boys, with a male teacher. It’s got to be easier to do something if you’re not the only one.

By: Karinna A.

Karinna A. — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 17:01:06 +0000

Chiming in to recommend a children’s choir for Destruction, and piano lessons, if he’ll take them. Singing is fun, and a good director can really have a positive impact on the kids as well as laying the foundation for good musicianship. (I still use some the techniques I learned in children’s choir lo these many years ago!)

If he’ll be amenable, piano lessons are also a really valuable just for the musical literacy part. Even if he decides he wants to play tuba and never sing or play piano again, being able to read notes and have a basic grasp of music theory is invaluable no matter what instrument he plays.

And at least for me, music is always an outlet for when I’m feeling down and out, or any strong emotion, really. Boys are really acculturated, no matter how hard you try to teach the opposite, to not express or hardly even feel any negative emotion but anger. Having some way to express sadness or other emotion, without the stigma of more traditional outlets (e.g., tears), might also be a benefit.

But then, I’m biased, coming from a family of music teachers, singers, and instrument players.