Comments on: What would they say if you were dead?

By: jayne doe,former ho(philly)

jayne doe,former ho(philly) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:28:51 +0000

This story hit close to home in more ways then one…I also wanted to extend my condolences to the victims of this senseless crime….I am truly sorry for your loss.I wish you serenity and peace in 2009.

By: jayne doe,former ho(philly)

jayne doe,former ho(philly) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:24:38 +0000

Stop blaming the victim… this is a perfect example of how vulnerable sex workers are.I enjoyed reading everyones comments,thank you! We need to continue the dialogue and create awareness… and sensitivity to the conditions in which many sex workers live and work. As a former sex worker, I understand much of this from personal experience…I am grateful to be out of the biz but do not regret my past. I will continue to take risks to champion our cause! Our lives matter!

By: Wendy

Wendy — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 02:23:31 +0000

Angela-
Despite your concerns for the victims of violence you have helped you don’t seem to quite understand sexual and domestic violence. Seeking an order of protection does not automatically make one safer. In fact it can make a situation worse. A victim of a particular partner, relative, enfatuated semi stranger is the only one besides the perpetrator who can come close gauging what is likely to put them in a more or a less safer place.

You have no right to demand that victims you work with file a report. Victims of abuse already have at lease one person trying to control their every move. Why is it so many victims of abusers don’t seek out the “professionals” for help and especially law enforcement? Because they CAN’T keep them safe – and in many cases the requirements for getting help put them at more risk. Who are you to be yet another person attempting to do what you believe is the right course of action?

By: Aimee

Aimee — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:16:27 +0000

In the ten years that I have been fortunate enough to know Anthony, I can only attest that he was an incredible human being who carried a dignity, kindness and sound character that is incredibly rare to find in NYC. I found out about this tragedy when I’d called him to thank him for a book he had given and to take him up on an overdue lunch- I was always thanking him for something because he gave his compassion and heart so freely. This loss is incredibly painful for all who were lucky enough to know him. In terms of the press, what they have done to his name is both cheap and horrifying. We who know the real Anthony can rest well in remembering his selflessness and his beauty.

By: SnowdropExplodes

SnowdropExplodes — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 11:55:07 +0000

@ piny: yeah, I realise I worded that spectacularly badly and ended up saying something a lot different from what I was trying to get at.

I think the point I was aiming at (and missing by miles) was that suggesting that “creating a stink” would work, or is even possible, for some people, seems to me like a privileged position to take, and that saying “I know how to create a stink” seems somehow to be a victim-blaming statement.

Instead, I happily jumped aboard and showed off my own privilege and victim-blaming skills instead. Heh.

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:50:52 +0000

New York Law Journal’s print article on his murder was only slightly better.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:16:55 +0000

Also, Angela, your response to SarahMC was a non-sequitur. She didn’t say you had white privilege. She said you have privilege. You’re cisgendered, I take it? And not a sex worker? That privilege.

By: William

William — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:14:18 +0000

Can we drop the tired old “lifestyle” trope, please? Using the term to describe people into kink, or people into people of the “wrong” gender, or people into sex under the “wrong” circumstances, or really to describe anything that is a central part of a person’s identity and sense of self, is judging someone. The term lifestyle implies a whole host of things (choice, abnormality, and frivolity, to name a few) which all serve purely to marginalize the people being so described. “Lifestyle” is a convenient tag because it allows judgment without having to resort to the kinds of expression that would normally catch hell in the social group in which a discussion is taking place. Its a subtle form of othering. Worse, using the “lifestyle” tag doesn’t actually add anything to the discussion or make whats being discussed any more clear. It isn’t shorthand for a complicated concept, it isn’t the jargon of a specific community, all it is is a way of keeping the “aberrant” behavior being judged in the forefront of the discussion.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:59:34 +0000

Angela, is it your position that she had an obligation to seek a restraining order, even if she feared arrest or harassment, just because she had a legal right to seek one?

By: piny

piny — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:09:31 +0000

Angela: for all your troubles, if they threw you in jail purely for being a WOC, you would have a huge army of supporters to argue your case.

I understand the point you’re trying to make here, but this isn’t how this works either. Sex work is mostly criminalized, and so sometimes is kink, but criminalization is only a part of the process. The common oppression is the belief that one’s circumstances, identity, “lifestyle,” all make you deserving of extralegal brutality and even murder; that there are certain groups who are categorically criminal and dangerous; that the law is only for the protection of the few; that due process is a premium and not a fundamental right.

That’s the really insidious part. That’s when the police become terrifying. Women of color aren’t remotely shielded from this status quo. Large numbers of women of color are currently rotting–sometimes literally!–in prison because of racism and sexism, and there isn’t much rioting in the streets on their behalf.