Comments on: xkcd explains Nice Guys in comic format

By: Ex nice guy

Ex nice guy — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 13:30:09 +0000

The problem with the Nice Guy, and a good clue that he is indeed a Nice Guy and not a nice guy, is that he is going through the motions that work on women to get what he wants from women. If he actually cares enough about you to know that you have other things you want more than diamonds, chocolate, roses and teddy bears, he may even know enough about you to know that what you want from a sex partner is not him.
Note, motions that work ON WOMEN. Not so much things that you as a person like, but things that all women like. He gets annoyed that he downloaded the cheat sheet to women, and pressing left up right up up square down down triangle didn’t unlock the secret pussy level. It’s got nothing to do with what she wants, it’s about what he does to get her to do what he wants, and he’s not stopping to ask if there’s a word for a woman having sex she doesn’t want to. This is part of why it’s a feminist issue, because the woman in question isn’t treated as an individual person with individual wants, interests or lusts, but as one more example of womanhood, that mysterious other, and women are all the same. He thinks he knows more about what women want than women do. When the women don’t match his beliefs, he doesn’t change his beliefs, he sets out to change the women, and right there, that is the moment of difference between a nice guy and a Nice Guy. The nice guy is the one with his ears open listening to you, the Nice Guy is the one with his mouth open telling you that you need to listen to him.

By: bushti

bushti — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:11:50 +0000

I don’t know about nice guys being so awful. I was the “nice girl.” Loved the boy, hoped friendship would develop into something more, wasn’t the kind of sexpot who could pick up a random guy at a party, didn’t (and still don’t) want sex without personal attachment or, yes, friendship. I got lucky: we’re now in a relationship, though I had to wait for it for two years.

The fact is, not all of us — male or female — are all that into dating. It can be superficial. I might want to get to know you by talking about mutual interests, or doing things together, and I might want you to get to know me in my “off hours” when I’m not playing at being an object of desire. I might want that casual warmth that comes with being your friend as well as your girlfriend. And maybe I’m just shy. None of that is so terrible, I think.

By: Faye Kane

Faye Kane — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 21:56:59 +0000

“Anna” said in an earlier post:

It’s not about being kind, or thoughtful, or sensitive, it’s about doing it with an agenda

Unless I misunderstand you, you misunderstand Nice Guys. I found this forum by searching for XKCD comics specifically having to do with this issue. I run a geek-girl site dedicated to helping geeky guys get laid and STILL BE GEEKS

But I don’t think ANY guy understands that it’s possible to be both, particularly “Nice Guys”. I hate Real Man, and the more “manly” they are, the more I hate them. However, even though I’m a girl geek, against my will, I am genetically programed to want to be f*cked by the worst of them. Even *I* don’t want to have sex with a wimpy, apologetic guy, because that’s not what sex IS.

I LIKE geeks but I’m not sexually attracted to them. Nor is almost anyone else except homosexuals. The more guys are like girls, the more I like them personally. I’d LOVE to live in a group house with a shy, introverted guy! He’d be smart, funny, knowledgeable, curious, interesting, and speak correct English.

But I would want that ONLY if there were a stupid brutish guy in the other bedroom–the bedroom he grabs me and pulls me into as I walk by. The only sex the Nice Guy would get from me is when he masturbates while holding his ear against the wall.

Real Men are the ones who DESERVE the mistreatment I sexually crave. GOD I wish I were a lesbian! Then I could work for a law that they cut the balls off all the little baby boys.

If women ran everything, there wouldn’t be all this… SICKNESS everywhere, and cruelty. Real Men ought to be locked up in cages as dangerous animals or thrown in trash compactors and buried in landfills with the rest of the garbage.

The only problem is that then they couldn’t do the kinds of bad things they did that caused us “superior women” to get rid of them in the first place.

“Like to talk to” and “desire sexually” are complex conjugates, like position and momentum, or frequency and total energy: the more you know of one, the less you have of the other.

So how it is possible to be both at the same time? IT ISN’T. Guys need to learn to release their death grip on the part of their mind that wants to have brutal sex with women.

That IS possible.

I hope.

By: littlem

littlem — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:32:47 +0000

Didn’t Jeff deconstruct this already?

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2007/12/explainer-what-is-nice-guy.html

By: Jim

Jim — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:55:11 +0000

I remember watching a epsiode of “House” called No More Mr. Nice Guy, where House believes something is medically wrong with his patient because his too nice. His wife then says to another doctor that she was irritated with him because of his nativity. However, she later continues that nice guys make people irritable, because they are everything other people are not. It makes me wonder do people question a nice guy’s sincerity because they are not sincere themselves.

By: Hershele Ostropoler

Hershele Ostropoler — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:05:52 +0000

Ok. I’m sorry I said you were honest.

By: Jim

Jim — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:14:19 +0000

I wonder if Jim is “missing” (or possibly missing) the nice guy/Nice Guy™ distinction.
No, I'm not missing the distinction. I'm just acknowledging that not all nice guys are that way.

By: aloofGrrl

aloofGrrl — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:36:20 +0000

I have had a lot of “guy friends” such as this. Never escalated into dating, though. I always had a serious “mostly-nice-guy-boyfriend” to keep me from breaking under the sexual tension of my “nice-guy-friend”. When I did try to date a nice-guy-friend years later, our relationship imploded: it was based off of the “want-but-can’t-have”.

I like the mention earlier about the guilt that accompanies these relationships. I have an acquaintance right now who is (oh so young) seemingly trying to be my selfless “friend”. It’s oh so hard to avoid him and there’s no opportunity to reject him. He’s always doing these little favors for me – they are friendly but their numbers betray his intention.

I wonder if I’ve ever had a guy-friend that was really just a friend…

I don’t usually use so many hyphens – by the way.

By: Hershele Ostropoler

Hershele Ostropoler — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:04:00 +0000

I wonder if Jim is “missing” (or possibly missing) the nice guy/Nice Guy™ distinction.

By: Jim

Jim — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:58:13 +0000

The last few post was not meant to cause controversy. It was met to show a different perspective on the nice guy. It was meant to show rejection in the nice guy’s perspective. There has been alot internet bullying on the nice guy and I think that people should look at relationships through their eyes. My point was that there is two sides to every story.