Denelian – thank you for sharing your experiences. That sheds a lot of light on the character. And I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with so many close-minded and abusive people.

And I like what you picked up about the theme of broken bodies, and especially the contradictions/potential lack of self-awareness the narrator faces in trying to heal her own body…

Denelian, so true about the way fibromyalgia is dismissed and mistreated, compounding the effects of the mistreatments that may cause the overwhelmed in the first place…

you mentioned the apparent relaionship between incest and physical pain.

i was raped at 5 by a family friend, and then for years by my step-father. i was diagnosed with Acute Intermitent Porphyria when i was nine, fibronalgia and rhumetory arthritis at 15. and the second two, the diagnoses INCLUDED th fact that i had been sexually abused. the rhumetologist who diagnosed me didn’t actually believe in fibromalgia, he thought that it was an expression of the mental ills that happen when one has been sexually abused.
which, by the way, is total bullshit, evidenced by the fact that some pain meds work and others don’t (if no pain meds work i could see it being mental. if all worked, i could see it being mental at treatable by placebo effect…)

even worse, way too many doctors also think that fibro is a mental illness – not necissarily a result of abuse, but that showing the symptoms of fibro, the pain and sleep issues and everything, means that there is nothing physically wrong with the person, they are just unsane (not necissarily INsane, just not as sane as everyone else). the fact that so many people with fibro develop depression (chronic pain causes chronic depression, that is just a FACT) makes the whole thing worse. doctors refuse to treat fibromalguia, and instead try to treat what they assume the problem to be. so i get spoken down to, told that its all in my head, ignored, neglected, mistreated and misdiagnosed… this perception problem on the part of doctors has almost killed me once, and led me to have to use a cane and/or a walker for over a year, becase NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THERE WAS AN ISSUE. i had a neurologist say to me “yes, you have areas of pin-point nerve death, but the reason you are in so much pain is because you are fat”.
turn out i had displasia of the hip and needed a couple of surgeries to fix it. and it could have been fixed – easier and with less complications – WHEN I WAS 9, HAD ANYONE EVER BOTHERED TO LISTEN TO ME!!!!!

so… yes, it seems that a lot of people who were sexually abused develop fibro. but i know a far larger number of people with fibro who WEREN’T abused and who DON’T have mental health issues (except that all invariably develop depression from the pain). it appears, to me, to be a false correlation. and one that causes a LOT of harm. but one thing that may be true… most people who suffer chronic illness as children/teens think that they are suffering because they deserve to be punished. this was how it was with me (and lots of others i know). so when i was abused by my step father, i didn’t say anything, i thought i deserved it. people who are abusers are really good at finding people who will blame themselves for the abuse, and that may explain the high correlation that appears to be present. if that makes sense.