Comments on: Mommy, What’s a Blow Job?

By: Larone

Larone — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:32:07 +0000

I learned about sex when I was 11 I had heard the word mentioned before but had never had any interest in knowing what it was up intil the point I started masterbating also at 11 any way I learned about sex from a collection of encyclopedias that we had in our living room I would stay up at night and read them for fear that my parents would stop me and I would get In trouble for reading something “bad”.

By: Buying into mainstream gender | Toban Black

Buying into mainstream gender | Toban Black — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:29:58 +0000

[...] “You can’t be sexy without consuming.” – Julie (in this Feministe blog post) [...]

By: Mommy, Whatâ??s a Blow Job? : Bratz Doll

Mommy, Whatâ??s a Blow Job? : Bratz Doll — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:26:15 +0000

[...] the original post here: Mommy, Whatâ??s a Blow Job? Social [...]

By: DaisyDeadhead

DaisyDeadhead — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 18:59:15 +0000

I told my kid, when she was very young, that 1) one could not touch one’s genitalia in public, and 2) you should not tell anyone else that you did. Those were the rules.

Obviously, I was saying what WAS acceptable, by telling her what was not.

Later, she thanked me for that. Probably one of the few things I got right!

By: Ruchama

Ruchama — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 16:08:11 +0000

I remember in fourth or fifth grade, a boy on the playground at recess started shouting, “I have a boner! I have a boner!” I had no idea what that meant, so when I got home, I asked my mom. My question interrupted her in the middle of a phone call, but I guess she decided that her 10-year-old daughter asking about boners was important enough to ask the friend on the phone to hold on for a minute. She gave me a short explanation — something like, “sometimes, the veins in men’s penises get more blood, and that makes the penis hard,” — and I responded, “You mean like an erection?” My mother, really trying not to laugh, responded, “Yes, it’s another word for erection,” and then went back to her phone call. Afterwards, she asked me where I’d heard those words, and I told her (“boner” from the kid on the playground, “erection” from a “what’s happening to your body” book I’d read), and evidently decided that my questions weren’t really anything to be concerned about.

By: Kaninchen

Kaninchen — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:52:41 +0000

Yeah, my mom — a shitty parent in many, many, many ways — got masturbation exactly right. Her only comment to me was to point out that it was something I should do with the door closed. I have no idea where she got it from; her mother has a pathological fear of closed doors. And no respect for other people’s boundaries, which I think is the general case of the specific thing about doors.

By: Maria P.

Maria P. — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:25:54 +0000

Ahh, masturbation… I think my mother not mentioning it (other than a comment about washing one’s hands after “touching [the] crotch”) was one of the best things that she could have done for my sexual development. I remember being horrified when I learned from a classmate (in 4th or 5th grade) that “normal” sex (PIV, natch) was completely different from masturbation. He puts what where?! That sounds awful!

Abstinence only folks? I didn’t have anything to do with males until I met an insanely wonderful person in my last year at university. I could have my sexual satisfaction any time I wanted, 100% pregnancy/STD/angst-free — why would I bother trying to be sex-ay and hawt for teh boys?

But on the subject of girls being pressured into being hawt, I cringe when I have to compliment one of my kindergarteners on her My First High Heels. A lot of gender stuff works differently here in Thailand, but heels are non-negotiable. (Well, for middle- and upper-class folks.) Hey, get started early enough and you’ll become like my coworker who can’t even wear flat shoes any more!

Argh. If I ever have a daughter, I hope I’m able to give her the critical awareness to avoid this kind of ridiculousness.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:42:27 +0000

Oh god, I know exactly how you feel about thinking that you’re the only one masturbating. When I was younger people would ask if I had any secrets. And I’d always say yes, but there was “one secret that I’d NEVER tell”. And it was the masturbating. I have masturbated since I was like 2, or as far back as I can remember. I remember the shame and guilt I’d feel after I was done. I don’t know when I stopped feeling the shame, probably around puberty when I realized that other people did it too.
But I absolutely will tell my future son/daughter that it’s normal when they do it. I will tell them anything they want to know actually, as long as I feel like I can say it in the right way, and that they will receive me in the right way.

By: pastfirst

pastfirst — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:06:23 +0000

An excellent article. I know exactly what you mean.
I have 3 teen-age kids and hopefully I’m doing a better job than my parent’s did. I openly discuss everything, sometimes to the point of embarrassing them with my openess.
My mother didn’t even prepare me for menstruation so I cried hysterically and thought I was bleeding to death.

By: Feminist Review

Feminist Review — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 07:03:01 +0000

This reminds me of The Lolita Effect that came out last year, also about the media's sexualization of little girls, though it doesn't have the spin of how parents can talk to their children. My two cents is that when a child is old enough to ask, they're old enough to be told the truth, albeit in an age appropriate way.