Comments on: Why are even smart liberal men freaked out by abortion?

By: justanothergrrl

justanothergrrl — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 01:44:18 +0000

My mom told me about her abortion (which took place in the 70s). She also told me about my grandmother’s abortion (in the 1940s), which leads me to deduce that my grandmother told her. I’ve always been really proud of both of them for making decisions about when to have kids and when not to that were right for them.
Knowing these stories has meant that throughout my adult life I’ve known that my family that would understand and support my choices. So, um, hell yeah parents should tell their children about this stuff.

By: annalouise

annalouise — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:42:44 +0000

What the fuck pheniscks. seriously.

What kind of immature person expects their mother to keep such a huge secret or act like she’s ashamed so to protect her daughter’s irrational feelings?

By: Ruchama

Ruchama — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:41:07 +0000

I know of at least two women close to me who have told their kids that they had abortions. With both of them, they already had two kids (ages 5 and 7 in one case, 3 and 6 in the other), and were in financially difficult situations, and were told a few months into the pregnancy that they’d need to go on complete bed rest in order to have a chance of carrying the pregnancy to term. Both decided with their husbands that an abortion was the best option for them. And in both cases, they already told the kids “You’re going to have a baby brother or sister,” so the kids knew that something was going on, and the abortion was explained to them when they were older.

One of these was in 1980. The other was 1955. In that 1955 one, the abortion was done secretly and illegally, and the woman developed an infection that put her in the hospital for two weeks.

By: Phenicks

Phenicks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:59:29 +0000

I don’t think you should EVER tell your child you’ve had an abortion. My godmother told my godsister about her 7 abortions before having her and my godsister always thinks ” Thank goodness I was number 8″, they aren’t very close. :(

By: Whatevermachine

Whatevermachine — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 17:57:49 +0000

Perhaps it’s been said above, but I believe two issues even ‘smart liberal’ men do not get are abortion and rape. I spent a long time trying to convince my best male friend that rapists are usually NOT creeps who hang out in alleyways, but far more likely to be someone you know. He just doesn’t get it, nor why telling rape jokes infront of women is a stupid idea, since he’s likely to say it infront of a survivor at some point, and bring back memories. Abortion is another thing a lot of men don’t understand. And I think the reason why is that they don’t have the female experience. When I was a child, I too didn’t understand rape or abortion. I was too ignorant and naive of the issues. But since I became a menstruating woman who has to deal with the threat of unwanted pregnancy and sexual violence, I understand these things. So I believe the male perspective on these issues is often like that of plenty of pre-teen girls: simply blissfully naive of the reality.

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:31:28 +0000

sophonisba:
But how many mothers discuss their own abortions with their children? Not many, I imagine. It’s just one of those things that is in the past that parents don’t really have a need to discuss with their children in most circumstances.

By: Henry

Henry — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 05:38:54 +0000

“P.S. while it’s nice that people have engaged Henry in good faith, I suspect he is a troll.”

I’m sorry you think so; I’m not sure what would give you that impression. I guess it depends on your definition of a troll. I’m certainly not in ideological agreement with a lot of the opinions here, but I’ve never kept that a secret, or made any intentionally inflammatory statements.

I’m comfortable with the content of my posts here over the last couple years. I think their overall tone of respect speaks to my intentions well enough.

By: hexy

hexy — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 02:26:40 +0000

This has been bugging me all night:

It’s really not all that hard to take your cues from the person who lived through the unpleasant ordeal.

That’s a bit of an ableist statement. For many of us who are non-neurotypical, such a thing is not only hard, but sometimes downright impossible.

By: Phenicks

Phenicks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:23:34 +0000

Jill I don’t think its fair to say that men who are personally repelled by women who have abortions can go f*ck themselves. There are women who are repelled by the idea of having one or someone they knwo having one but they stil support her. For a woman NO ONE can abort YOUR child without your consent, they can’t force you to get an abortion, perid. But for men you can date a woman she gets pregnant and has an abortion, no say at all on his part after conception. If he avoids or chooses not to date women who would have or have had abortions that’s his right which has a lot more to do with reproductive rights than anything else because everything short of abstinence fails. Men who were deemed infertile have fathered children , not a common problem but it happens. For those who never want to have a pregnancy that they were apart of aborted, choosing who it is you will be intimate with is one of te ways of taking control over whether or not abortions will occur. Again this method would not be fool proof but certainly helps in retaining the little control men have over their reproductive rights.

By: Phenicks

Phenicks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:18:20 +0000

And PS, the thing about him choosing a different partner is best for him on the surface because even another pro-choice woman who may have defiantly and proudly skipped int the abortion clinic and triumphantly staggered her way out in pain may choose NOT to have an abortion. You can’t predict when or if you’ll want to keep the pregnancy until it actually happens. You may be broke now and then boom hit the lotery the day you find out you’re pregnant. You don’t know, you never really know. His best bet is to use a condom w/spermicide to ensure no egg is fertilized by him. I know its a huge hassel but its muc better than facing the reality of conception when you really didn’t want that to happen.