I love Kate Harding, and I love this idea: Create an anti-bucket-list, called a Fuck-It List, full of things that you feel absolutely no need to do before you die. Here are some of mine, at least a few of which I was at some point convinced I should want:
-Be a “serious” runner
-Own a house in the suburbs
-Know how to cook (well)
-Use my oven for something other than storage
-Iron my clothes
-Change a tire (or even own a car)
-Get organized
-Enjoy camping
-Blow-dry my hair and put on make-up before I go to work
-Read (and like) Updike
-Order the salad
-Plant a garden
-Get my weight down to an even 100 pounds
-Watch Buffy
-Go through an irresponsible stage
-Have a one-night stand
-Play video games
-Settle down
-Wear pantyhose
-Make my own coffee
What’s on your list?
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My list:
Have children.
Play golf.
Be “born again.”
Go to the Grand Ole Opry.
Go big game hunting.
Get a bikini wax.
Learn to play poker.
1. Be a stay-at-home parent.
2. Learn how to dance without looking stupid.
3. Enjoy looking at paintings by old dead white guys.
4. Date a bad boy.
But, Jill! Buffy is teh awesome! Seriously…
-buy a new car; used cars are cheaper, don’t devalue any further, and keep mechanics in business
-own a house; houses are holes you pour money into and are too much responsibility
-shave my legs; I’m not a little girl, and I don’t see why I should pretend to be one.
-wear makeup; costly, time consuming
-work out at a gym; wearing a 35# backpack and hiking 7 miles is a much better workout, and is free.
-get married
-be a grandmother
-retire
-be a corporate manager
-own a TV
-buy new clothes; second hand-store clothing is good and cheap and doesn’t support worker exploitation
-read ayn rand
-have children
-get an engagement ring/ have white dress wedding
-exchange valentine’s day presents
-celebrate our wedding anniversary (we haven’t yet)
-watch lost
- give a damn about any pro sports team
- give a damn about any school sports team
- give a damn about NASCAR
(hrm… I’m beginning to see a thread here)
read all of the “classics”
pretend sandwiches without cheese and mayo are as good as those with it
do any beauty rituals that could be considered torture if someone didnt’ consent
- be a morning person
- be a morning exerciser
- give up caffeine
- homeopathics
- make a significant portion of my own clothing
- “have a yoga practice” as distinct from “do yoga when I feel like it”
- any number of diet-related goals: giving up, at various times, sugar, white flour, processed foods, meat, dairy, or “excessive” calories (not a weight thing, more an ascetic thing)
- live in the country
These things all seem like an awful lot of work now.
*Understand what American Football (aka “handegg”) is all about
*Have kids (breed)
*Be any type of runner other than the kind that gets to the bus on time
*Justify wearing make up, a short skirt, and heels
*Read or see Twilight
*Get married
*Have kids
*Lose weight
*Justify making dinner for my man, or any other housewifey things (it’s temporary, but I do kinda like being a housewife… er housegirlfriend)
*”watch [my] language”
*Change my personality so that my mother-in-sin likes me (I respect her, and show it, but I’m not going to be anyone other than myself ever)
*Believe in evil
Finish a boring book
Have children
Babysit other people’s children
Start running (for exercise)
Move to the countryside
Get interested in cars (or any other fast moving vehicle)
Get interested in professional sport
Pretend that sexist, homobigoted, or racist jokes are funny (just to get along)
Enjoy tea instead of coffee
join a gym / “work out” beyond yoga and walking a lot
own a car
get married
valentine’s day
travel by pre-arranged Tour
bikni wax, brazilian or otherwise
wear heels (actually, this is a lie, I own exactly one pair of heels – 1.5 inch, maybe? – which I have yet to wear for more than half an hour at a stretch)
be vegan – another “actually” – I have yet to completely free myself of this one
Also, Feminist Finance: “having a yoga practice” and “doing yoga whenever I get around to it” are the same thing. It’s all in your state of mind. Or your desire to use the fancy yoga lingo, as the case may be.
On that note: do yoga more than once or twice a week. Meditate more than half-assedly. Have a pranayama practice. Do pilates (icccckkkkk!)
(Only two of these are things I’ve ever done. It’s like a game–find mk’s high school self!)
Drink caffeine
Give up bacon
Be a person who runs for exercise
Eat any kind of organ (Okay, three; I’ve had a chicken heart, and don’t feel the need to repeat at all)
Go to law school
Climb a corporate ladder
Shave my legs
Wear high heels
Smoke pot
Have sex with a dude
Shop at Victoria’s Secret
Read or watch twilight, or even tolerate a conversation with anyone who has read or seen twilight
go to church, or even believe in god (sorry mom)
have a fancy traditional wedding
write a fanfiction
write a poem with the words “melancholy,” “desolate,” “despair,” or “sugary happiness.”
wear crocs or flip flops
wear thongs
eat at burger king
teach my children that it’s okay to hate others
get a fake tan (or any tan)
join a sorority (oh wait, i already didn’t do that, so yay!)
watch american idol
enjoy winter
give up beer drinking
accept that exercise is anything but a chore.
censor myself because my soon-to-be inlaws may not approve.
Learn to drink coffee. It tastes so bitter, yet drinking it is deemed ‘adult.’ Whatever. At my law firm, I’m well known as “the guy responsible for there being no diet coke in the fridge.”
Aw, right back atcha! And except for 3 things I’ve already done, I am right with you on that entire list, Jill.
This is great! I’m totally doing this. Top of my list: Make my FIL like me. Don’t care, dude! I’m over it!!
This will be fun!
Jill, I loved your list, but I have to stick up for Updike. He wrote a lot of crap, but at his best he was mind-blowingly good. To this day, despite all the praise after his death, his work is still incredibly underrated. It’s fashionable in many circles to hate Updike. He was a white golf-playing Christian man who often wrote about suburban adultery from a masculine perspective — sounds awful, right? And, yes, he could be maddeningly stupid. He was a political reactionary, a Christian, and his views on women were, at best, questionable. Many people hear about his reputation and tune out. Maybe they’ve read David Foster Wallace’s ridiculous (imo) attack on him. Others start with his worst books and decide that he sucks.
At his best, though, he was utterly brilliant, a literary wizard, whose genius could make your head spin. He wasn’t just effortless at description and metaphor, he could also be hilarious, warm, and intelligent in way that would be hard to believe if the only thing you knew about him was his many foolish opinions and apparently poor reasoning skills (at least in certain areas). Aside, from his virtuosity, Updike’s best books are pleasure to read, unlike the many boring pretentious slogs that makes up so much of what passes for great literature today.
If you ever change your mind about Updike, his two best novels are Rabbit is Rich and Rabbit at Rest, the third and fourth installment of his of Rabbit tetralogy, which should only be read after reading the first two.
truly-mine would be
sew well
give up caffeine
be the girl in the room everyone wants to fuck
worry about liking everyone to smell good
learn to appreciate beer/whisky
spend regular amounts of time playing video games
read “smart” books
also adding-being vegetarian, feeling guilty that I have no desire to be vegetarian
Read more books instead of blogs
Do gymnastics every morning
Go to bed earlier
Get up earlier
Cook more
Less caffeine
Less snacking
Letting my hair grow
Customize my clothing
Drink more
Drink less
Exercise regularly.
Learn to cook well.
Read “Ulysses.”
I do what I can, but these three aren’t ever going to happen.
Oh, and go vegan.
Wow, why should I even write a list when y’all have already done it for me? (I think Edie and I must have been separated at birth.)
–lose 50 pounds
–own a Mercedes
–travel to all continents
–live to 99
–see my grandchildren grow to adulthood
–have enough money to do what I want and elave a good chunk to my three daughters
– read _Finnegans Wake_
– wear fashionable shoes
– learn to like dark chocolate
– straighten my teeth
– get an I-phone
– vacuum and dust regularly
– learn another foreign language
Maintain a well-groomed appearance at all times.
Be nice to people when I don’t feel like it.
Be well versed in popular culture
Cease insulting popular culture
Cease mocking people
Brush teeth assiduously
Find religion
Stop mocking the religious
Watch tv
Wear uncomfortable shoes
Be interested in what different kinds of cars there are
Think before speaking
Act as though I am retarded so that boys will like me
Pretend to think that I am unattractive
-wax any body part
-read/watch “classics” just because someone else called them that
-give up meat
-learn to put on eye makeup
-wear a thong
-spend a summer in Europe
-have one night stands, or casual sex
-have a garden
-enjoy yoga (damn, this was one of my new years resolutions…how things change)
-straighten my hair
-dye my hair
-be a foodie. Hell, be less picky and enjoy “normal” things like cheese and mayo on sandwiches
-be religious
-be a good atheist
-enjoy small talk and meeting new people
Aw, come on, everybody should watch Buffy. Can’t that go on a maybe-pile or something?
Stop scaring my mother in law.
Be a good cook.
Become a religious believer.
Stop watching (so many) political shows.
Eat less popcorn. (is my happy food)
Be amused by immature/sexist/racist/transphobic/etc jokes/tv shows/movies/music/comedians/etc.
-tan my pale body, fake or otherwise
-run a marathon
-stop shaving my legs
-start shaving my armpits
-cover up my birthmark (facial)
-eat canned vegetables
-read books I don’t find interesting in the first few pages
-watch horror/sci fi/fantasy movies
-read horror/sci fi/fantasy books
-give up wine, cheese or butter
-eat tofu
For all the Buffy fans: I’ve tried, I really have. I put in a good effort. I admire the feminist overtones; I get the love. I just HATE, and have always hated, anything fantasy or sci fi. I never got into the vampire-love stuff (although I attempted lots of Ann Rice in 6th grade). I can’t get through a single BSG episode. I’m not hating on Buffy, I just always feel like the WORST feminist for not liking it, because it’s such a Cool Feminist Thing. That’s why it’s on my list. I’ve finally decided to stop feeling like a bad or inept feminist for just not getting into it.
And Updike… I’ll admit I’ve only tried a few times, but honestly, after the two New Yorker Updike masturbation-fests immediately following his death, I have to rebel. My favorite magazine was ruined for two weeks because of him, and they STILL won’t let it go. I’m bitter.
(Of course, all of that said, I am a book junkie and so I will secretly read something from the Rabbit series and just never admit it).
Cut my hair short.
Carry a purse.
Call Triple-A roadside assistance over a flat tire.
Pay someone else to change my oil.
Use a cart to carry driveway sealer, softener salt, cement, or any similarly heavy item.
Have a big house.
Be monogamous.
Give birth.
Be President.
Climb Mount Everest.
Be a vegetarian.
Wear high heels.
Get breast implants.
Drink diet soda.
Drink coffee.
Run a marathon.
“Confront” my social anxiety by raising a fuss over something I think unimportant, at someone else’s behest. *helpless seething rage mixed with terror and humiliation, here*
Finish every book I start.
Hide bruises.
Consult a mechanic before a how-to guide for auto repair.
Buy “the most house I can afford.”
Plan chess games more than one move ahead.
Date anyone who has a problem (stated or sneak-attack) with me driving at least half the time (including their car).
Clean up after anyone but myself.
Jill,
Predictably,I like Buffy and Updike.Updike’s range was unsurpassed. He wrote on of the best sport shorts ,novels , poetry, you name it.And a Buffy episode everyone likes is the musical,”Once More with Feeling”.
And I’ll probably give up running one more 400 meter in under 60 secs.I’m getting too old.
I love Buffy, but you can definitely find other feminist characters produced by dudes on tv (er, dvd). Like C.J. Cregg on West Wing. ::Sigh::
Apologize for my egalitarian tendencies
Invest in the stock market
Learn to like coffee
Keep my reproductive system “fertile” “just in case”
Apologize for dating people outside of my identified sexuality
Live alone
Buy a gigantic television
Have animal products just to “try it once more”
Become seriously involved in a competitive sport
Move back home
Go backpacking across Europe
Visit certain types of museums
“Network”
Take myself more seriously
-get married
-buy a house
-wear makeup
-dress my gender
-give a shit about what society thinks
-believe in god
-quit smoking (i haven’t in two weeks, it hasn’t been that hard, but i know it wont last so whatever)
-drive a mini van
-have kids
Oh, you’ve already watched some Buffy and just didn’t like it, never mind then. I thought people had told you that you should see it, but you never got around to it.
Act as though I am retarded so that boys will like me
An admirable sentiment, but surely it can be expressed without using ableist language.
my (abbreviated) list:
-understand the writing of Ezra Pound & other high modernists
-learn to write a really good essay
-have kids
-own a car
-get married
-care about my grades
-read boring books for “fun”
-settle down
-understand economics
-know loads about European history
-give up coffee (heh, I love that some people put this & others put “drink coffee.” so nice that we can put our coffee differences aside and drink a caffeinated-or-non toast to saying FUCK IT)
-live in the suburbs ever, ever, again
-wear make-up
And a Buffy episode everyone likes is the musical,”Once More with Feeling”.
WARNING: do not ever try to initiate a Buffy “muggle” with the musical episode. It will not work. They will think you’re just that much crazier for being into Buffy. Even if they are a musical theatre geek.
I was anti-Buffy for years until I finally got lured in by a roommate who just decided, on his own, to sit down and watch the whole series. After a week of seeing a scene here and there, I was hooked.
wow, this is an AWESOME idea, and I’ve got a few myself:
- Become a police officer at my dad’s suggestion, just to have financial security.
- Wear a banana hammock.
- Listen to country music (Johnny Cash does not qualify because he’s actually good).
- Be aware of and interested in ‘popular’ music.
- Give a damn about celebrities by watching Entertainment Tonight.
- Go skydiving.
- Watch Canadian Idol.
- Be actively religious or atheist.
- Get a wife so I won’t be alone (I want to be with someone because I love them).
- Give up cartoons.
- Give up good comics.
- Quit pointing out how racist, sexist, and misogynistic sci-fi, fantasy, and superhero comic books can be.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned this:
#1. Lighten up.
Where did so many people get the idea they ought to run to run marathons? And why do I still feel like I ought to run a marathon?
The Opoponax, yeah, getting over wanting “a yoga practice” was mostly about approaching it in a different way. I am just never going to be able to be that serious about it, I don’t think.
the only thing i plan to NEVER EVER do is i will NEVER EVER EVAR! stop reading and learning.
Jill: if you do not like Buffy, i think you will not like Dollhouse. the feminist theory IS there – the show gives very blatant misogyny, then shows how its bad – but there is a lot of sci-fi feel, and a lot of Whedon humor.
my Fuck-it List
give up platform boots and chunky heels
give up on anime
‘grow up’
go to church
have a baby
give up coke
stop playing video games
read the entire bible cover to cover
stop hating entertainment news gossip
Play GTA
do something stupid for the sake of being ‘edgy’
UH–I MISREAD the Fuck-it list for the Bucket List–so reverse my first entr
1. Use slickum on my hair;
2. Use cologne;
3. Tolerate evangelizing from religious right wackjob wingnuts;
4. Watch Mary Grace;
5. Tolerate even a few seconds of Rush Limbaugh on any radio I own;
6. Read the local or state bar associations’ publications on anything but updates on the law; the rest of it is an exercise in narcissistic personality disorder;
7. Vote Republican under any but the most unusual circumstances;
8. Read People, Us, or any other wrapper dedicated to the cult of celebrity;
9. Know anything about Britney Spears, Brangelina, celebrity serial pregnancies, or related topics;
10. Get married again;
11. Practice family law;
12. Give up the fight against insurance companies;
13. Buy a car from an American automaker;
14. Live downwind from a nuclear or coal-fired power plant (lotsa luck, hunh?);
15. Use pesticides or herbicides or fungicides;
16. Eat pork in any form;
17. Read any banner ad that appears on any website;
18. Play bridge;
19. Consume acai berry;
20. Patronize any health-food store;
21. Talk to an insurance salesman other than at my own initiative;
22. Recommend that anyone send his/her child to a school within the Houston Independent School District;
23. Believe that mankind enjoys a divinely- (or otherwise-) conferred dominion over the Earth and its life;
24. Read Rupert Murdoch’s Wall St. Journal;
25. Read the Houston Chronicle;
26. Ever disagree with the maxim that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but Atlanta came close;
27. Shop in a Border’s Bookstore;
28. Propagate invasive, exotic plants in any space I control or influence;
29. Love a real-estate developer, particularly in Texas.
30. Etc., growl/snarl.
No Buffy OR video games? Harsh.
OMG does this mean you’re not coming over to play video games now?
I know you’re heartbroken, Holls…
Honestly, the video game thing is an offshoot of my deprived childhood. We weren’t allowed to have Nintendo, and when I went to friends’ houses we were always more into playing outside, so I just never learned how to play video games. By the time I actually touched a controller, I was so far behind everyone else I felt dumb and just gave up. Now I’m 25 and I’ve never even played Mario (I have played Duck Hunt, but that’s it).
Maybe some day some patient person will teach me and I’ll love it. Crazier things have happened.
It depends on the video game I think…. I love the Lego Star Wars games and I suck at most video games. As far as my list:
-Get down to a size ______ (insert size far smaller than my current 18).
-Be a vegan. I’m trying to go vegetarian but vegan will not ever happen.
-Have a spotlessly clean home.
-Learn to love NASCAR just because the spouse is obsessed with it.
-Let my children watch Teletubbies
-Spend less time on the internet.
-Spend time doing exercise that I hate.
-Give up soda
-Have a one night stand
-Make my own clothes
-Wax anything but my eyebrows
-Worry about who likes me
- Yoga, in any and all forms
- A desire to drink coffee, tea, or anything hot
- Trying not to be so judgmental
- Appreciating the great outdoors in ways that involve hiking long distances, camping, or “mountaineering”
- Trying slow food
I understand nobody wants to feel like they “should” read anything in particular, but I feel like there’s a nasty backlash against a lot of good literature… What’s up with that?
Also, Buffy and Grand Ole Opry make me super happy. And videogames, specifically Katamari Damacy which is colorful good fun for everyone (and Zelda *ahem*).
My fuck-it list:
* Assume I’ll know what I will and won’t want for the rest of my life.
Harumph – I tried to read that sympathetically and assume they meant Big Important Canonical Literature that they personally might not be interested in. And I get that. Sure, there are a lot of writers out there who are just brilliant, hands down, and considered canonical for a reason.
But there’s always the question of taste, too, and what you’re looking for in a reading experience. Right now I’m very slooowwwwwwlllllyyyy plodding through Light In August, because it’s just not subway reading, and I rarely have time to read in bed without just nodding off to sleep within 5 minutes. And Faulkner is light reading compared to Dostoevsky or Joyce. I could see just admitting to myself that I probably won’t ever get to some of the heavy hitting stuff because I just never find myself in a situation where I could possibly get anything out of it but guilt at failing to read a “good book”.
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