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Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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49 Responses

  1. Irene M.
    Irene M. March 27, 2009 at 9:37 am |

    No! I’m actually torn. I’ll come back to this later.

  2. SnowdropExplodes
    SnowdropExplodes March 27, 2009 at 9:37 am |

    I’m voting for Johnny boy there, because I would love to know what a “Stalist” is: I guess it’s something to do with bread that’s gone hard!

  3. SarahMC
    SarahMC March 27, 2009 at 9:44 am |

    Why do the vast majority of male trolls have “J” names?

    “full born infants before they are born”

    What the WHAT?

  4. llencelyn
    llencelyn March 27, 2009 at 9:47 am |

    xyan has such a nice variety of tropes!

  5. Sarah TX
    Sarah TX March 27, 2009 at 9:49 am |

    This is the hardest one so far!

  6. evil_fizz
    evil_fizz March 27, 2009 at 9:50 am |

    Ted Kennedy’s car killed more people than my gun.

    I always appreciate a great non sequiter from a troll. If, after a few minutes, I am still trying to figure out how abortion regulations get you to the 2nd amendment and a Senator, then that troll gets me vote.

  7. Lillet
    Lillet March 27, 2009 at 9:54 am |

    Finally, a March Madness I can get really excited about! Excellent!

  8. Ashley
    Ashley March 27, 2009 at 9:55 am |

    Are you kidding? Anyone who manages to bring up Ted Kennedy’s car accident during a conversation about abortion WINS.

    I do love a good lecture about “free speech” from a right-winger though.

  9. Kristen J.
    Kristen J. March 27, 2009 at 9:58 am |

    The SO pointed something out last night and I think he may have a point. These trolls are clearly substandard. Sure the spelling is bad, the punctuation leaves something to be desire and the logic is flimsy – but where’s the rage…the foaming at the mouth…the clear psychosis. I mean we haven’t been called a baby-killing, ugly, castrating, hairy-legged, smelly, ungrateful, manhating, lesbian, slut/whores yet.

    Even this mention of “Stal” has been rather tame. Where’s the Cuttin’ up Hookers, the Gayboy Gangsta? I want to see some more effort from the assholes out there. O’Reilly has you beat…and he’s prohibited from exhibiting the full flavor of is assholishness by the FCC.

    Feminism has clearly become too mainstream if we can’t incite the kind of rage from trolls that makes you double check your locks at night.

  10. preying mantis
    preying mantis March 27, 2009 at 10:00 am |

    Chappaquiiiiiiiiiddick!

  11. Personal Failure
    Personal Failure March 27, 2009 at 10:01 am |

    xylan for the Kennedy non sequitur and for misunderstanding the simple term “full born”.

  12. William
    William March 27, 2009 at 10:11 am |

    Mr. Anderson took an early lead with his inexplicable misspelling of the word “scratch” followed by the use of the word “Stalist,” which I can only assume means having some kind of prejudice against day-old bakery goods. Sadly, he couldn’t stand up to Xyan’s cutsey/cool spelling of Zion (or perhaps “Christian?”).

  13. YumaMamaLama
    YumaMamaLama March 27, 2009 at 10:19 am |

    What I find totally scarey is that these guys raise children and vote.

  14. Roving Thundercloud
    Roving Thundercloud March 27, 2009 at 10:20 am |

    My mom and I admire xyan for touching all the bases before sliding into home with the Chappaquiddick reference.

    Stupidity: check (full born before they are born?)
    Sluts: check
    Accusation of drug abuse: check
    Use of disability as an insult: check

  15. Diana
    Diana March 27, 2009 at 10:22 am |

    This was a tough one, but I voted for Xylan because he has a greater diversity of tropes.

    Including, of course, CHAPPAQUIDICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  16. Diana
    Diana March 27, 2009 at 10:23 am |

    * xyan

  17. victoria
    victoria March 27, 2009 at 10:24 am |

    Xyan.

  18. charlottienne
    charlottienne March 27, 2009 at 10:36 am |

    Xyan, because that whole post is retarded.

  19. Natalia
    Natalia March 27, 2009 at 10:38 am |

    Xyan! He’s so old-school!

  20. KathyMarie
    KathyMarie March 27, 2009 at 10:44 am |

    My money’s on xyan to take the championship. Well-rounded, snarly, and disorganized. Perfect troll form.

  21. Amanda Marcotte
    Amanda Marcotte March 27, 2009 at 10:47 am |

    Poor John. He could have won if xyan hadn’t stuck that really awesome zinger at the end.

  22. Amanda Marcotte
    Amanda Marcotte March 27, 2009 at 10:50 am |

    Everyone hear thinks that “Stalists” hate stale bread, but in fact, he’s referencing people who hate stale right wing tropes. What he fails to understand is that we love stale right wing tropes, because that lack of imagination could be why we’ll win in the end.

  23. Turbopixie
    Turbopixie March 27, 2009 at 11:10 am |

    Another one for xyan here, for eliciting “The wha?” from myself and the SO. The Chappaquiddick reference was lost on us Brits, but the nuttiness and misogyny more than made up for it.

  24. Icewyche
    Icewyche March 27, 2009 at 11:17 am |

    It was so very close, but I eventually had to go with Xyan for the sheer incoherence of it all. Both had good technical scores and low artistic marks, but Xyan eventually won on the “Buh-wha?” mark.

  25. Salome
    Salome March 27, 2009 at 11:29 am |

    I voted for the first one, because it reminds me of arguing with self-righteous, entitled right-wing boys in high school, and all the Stalin comparisons I got for everything from pointing out that capitalism has flaws to, yes, deleting their hateful comments on my profile pages. God, if I had a dime for every time I’ve been called Stalin/Hitler/etc. in a “rational debate”…

  26. Aaron
    Aaron March 27, 2009 at 11:33 am |

    That was really hard. I was deeply, deeply amused by John’s final thought, but I had to go with xyan…

  27. Raechel
    Raechel March 27, 2009 at 11:35 am |

    Oh wow, definitely xyan. I love how “abortion has nothing to do with women, you sluts“.

  28. preying mantis
    preying mantis March 27, 2009 at 11:36 am |

    “Poor John. He could have won if xyan hadn’t stuck that really awesome zinger at the end.”

    I find it difficult to pity him too much. If you’re not willing to bring your Vince Foster, you really should just stay home.

  29. Magis
    Magis March 27, 2009 at 12:22 pm |

    I was torn until the slut thing. KaChingggg!

  30. Bitter Scribe
    Bitter Scribe March 27, 2009 at 12:38 pm |

    For me, it was a tie until Xyan got to the part about his gun. I wouldn’t have made a big deal out of this if he hadn’t started his post decrying a lack of “correlation.” (Actually, I probably would have even if he hadn’t.)

  31. Rachel S.
    Rachel S. March 27, 2009 at 12:53 pm |

    I went for John just to keep things t-rolling.

    But while we’re talking about how many people have been killed by a public figure’s car, Laura Bush’s car has killed more people than my gun.

  32. Roxie
    Roxie March 27, 2009 at 1:32 pm |

    I don’t know. I like that idea that every time I scratch I’m freeing the Stalist within me…However, full born infants before they are born along with guns AND Senator Kennedy is a super strong combo

  33. Anna.liscious
    Anna.liscious March 27, 2009 at 1:50 pm |

    I went for the first one because I like the image of Stalin’s face popping out of my chest whenever I stretch too far during morning yoga.

  34. SunlessNick
    SunlessNick March 27, 2009 at 2:07 pm |

    Xyan.

  35. Kitty
    Kitty March 27, 2009 at 2:25 pm |

    Xyan for reminding me I have to vacuum my living room when I get home.

  36. Katlyn
    Katlyn March 27, 2009 at 3:34 pm |

    xyan!

    because of “drugged up sluts” and Ted Kennedy’s car.

    My goodness, I love Next Top Troll!

  37. UnFit
    UnFit March 27, 2009 at 4:38 pm |

    What the hell does stratching someone mean?

  38. Marked Hoosier
    Marked Hoosier March 27, 2009 at 4:53 pm |

    This has to be the most competitive bracket so far… I wanted to vote for John but xyan pulled it out at the buzzer.

  39. div
    div March 27, 2009 at 6:29 pm |

    I vote Xyan because he covers such a broad range of topics in a seemingly small paragraph with undoubtedly expert skill.

  40. Jha
    Jha March 27, 2009 at 8:27 pm |

    SarahMC’s post convinced me that xyan is definitely the winner here. I actually kind of missed that because the Kennedy thing caught my eye first.

  41. e
    e March 27, 2009 at 9:07 pm |

    Just another attempt to gain some votes for John Anderson.

    Stratch any leftist and you will find a Stalist yearning to breath free.

    need I say more?

  42. ThickRedGlasses
    ThickRedGlasses March 27, 2009 at 9:37 pm |

    Damn, Jill. We wanted the contests to be a little less one-sided, not totally even! I have to find my center . . . .

    Ok. I like John Anderson, because he uses his full name. He also said “Stalist,” and when you say that like Blanche Devereau, it sounds like “stylist.” As a leftist who is a closet stylist yearning to breathe free, I feel that John really speaks to me.

    But xyan uses the phrases “fully born infants” and “before they are born” right next to each other in the same sentence referring to the same thing. Anyone who can type out something so illogical must be a true talent.

    I think I’m going with xyan.

  43. stlthy
    stlthy March 28, 2009 at 3:51 am |

    I really want to go with John Anderson for the misspelled Stalinist bit. But I think I’m going for xyan just for the ‘wtf?!’ factor. It was the ‘drugged up sluts’ part that pushed it over the edge for me.

  44. Morningstar
    Morningstar March 28, 2009 at 11:40 am |

    really tough call.

    but in the end, xyan inched out with the ted kennedy line.

  45. 10G
    10G March 29, 2009 at 10:45 am |

    My vote: Xyan. And I LIKE being a drugged-up slut. :P

  46. Ishtar
    Ishtar March 30, 2009 at 5:58 am |

    This was a tough choice but I went with John because of his creative approach to spelling.

    However, I thought “drugged up slut” was inspired. And I am now inexplicably inspired to become one.

  47. Sandy D.
    Sandy D. March 30, 2009 at 5:55 pm |

    I had to go with John Anderson. Stratching Stalists Untie!

  48. Jenn
    Jenn March 30, 2009 at 6:54 pm |

    John, because it’s ironic to have a troll freaking out about first amendment rights when his comment now is in the running for *breathless Tyra Banks voice* Feministe’s. Next. Top. Troll.

  49. MomTFH
    MomTFH March 31, 2009 at 4:04 pm |

    “full born infants before they are born”

    You can’t make this shit up better.

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