Feministe’s Next Top Troll, March Madness Edition: The [INSERT EVERY POSSIBLE RIGHT-WING TROPE HERE] Bracket

It’s March Madness, Feministe-style: We’re doing a troll run-off to highlight some of our all-time favorite comments and pick the winner of Feministe’s Next Top Troll, Season 4. This is Bracket Five, the [INSERT EVERY POSSIBLE RIGHT-WING TROPE HERE] Bracket.

Potentially triggering troll comments below the image. Vote for your favorite of the [INSERT EVERY POSSIBLE RIGHT-WING TROPE HERE] Bracket at the bottom.

John Anderson:

Why did you remove my posts, you leftists do not believe in freedom of speech or the press. If you could counter my arguements you would but you can’t – so you release your inner Stalin. Stratch any leftist and you will find a Stalist yearning to breath free.

VERSUS

xyan:

How the fuck is there a correlation between an act that that bans the murdering of full born infants before they are born then sucking them out in pieces and women’s rights. I guess it is a shame that a bunch of drugged up sluts aren’t happy that they are now responsible for their actions. This whole post is retarded. Ted Kennedy’s car killed more people than my gun.



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About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
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49 Responses to Feministe’s Next Top Troll, March Madness Edition: The [INSERT EVERY POSSIBLE RIGHT-WING TROPE HERE] Bracket

  1. Irene M. says:

    No! I’m actually torn. I’ll come back to this later.

  2. I’m voting for Johnny boy there, because I would love to know what a “Stalist” is: I guess it’s something to do with bread that’s gone hard!

  3. SarahMC says:

    Why do the vast majority of male trolls have “J” names?

    “full born infants before they are born”

    What the WHAT?

  4. llencelyn says:

    xyan has such a nice variety of tropes!

  5. Sarah TX says:

    This is the hardest one so far!

  6. evil_fizz says:

    Ted Kennedy’s car killed more people than my gun.

    I always appreciate a great non sequiter from a troll. If, after a few minutes, I am still trying to figure out how abortion regulations get you to the 2nd amendment and a Senator, then that troll gets me vote.

  7. Lillet says:

    Finally, a March Madness I can get really excited about! Excellent!

  8. Ashley says:

    Are you kidding? Anyone who manages to bring up Ted Kennedy’s car accident during a conversation about abortion WINS.

    I do love a good lecture about “free speech” from a right-winger though.

  9. Kristen J. says:

    The SO pointed something out last night and I think he may have a point. These trolls are clearly substandard. Sure the spelling is bad, the punctuation leaves something to be desire and the logic is flimsy – but where’s the rage…the foaming at the mouth…the clear psychosis. I mean we haven’t been called a baby-killing, ugly, castrating, hairy-legged, smelly, ungrateful, manhating, lesbian, slut/whores yet.

    Even this mention of “Stal” has been rather tame. Where’s the Cuttin’ up Hookers, the Gayboy Gangsta? I want to see some more effort from the assholes out there. O’Reilly has you beat…and he’s prohibited from exhibiting the full flavor of is assholishness by the FCC.

    Feminism has clearly become too mainstream if we can’t incite the kind of rage from trolls that makes you double check your locks at night.

  10. preying mantis says:

    Chappaquiiiiiiiiiddick!

  11. xylan for the Kennedy non sequitur and for misunderstanding the simple term “full born”.

  12. William says:

    Mr. Anderson took an early lead with his inexplicable misspelling of the word “scratch” followed by the use of the word “Stalist,” which I can only assume means having some kind of prejudice against day-old bakery goods. Sadly, he couldn’t stand up to Xyan’s cutsey/cool spelling of Zion (or perhaps “Christian?”).

  13. YumaMamaLama says:

    What I find totally scarey is that these guys raise children and vote.

  14. Roving Thundercloud says:

    My mom and I admire xyan for touching all the bases before sliding into home with the Chappaquiddick reference.

    Stupidity: check (full born before they are born?)
    Sluts: check
    Accusation of drug abuse: check
    Use of disability as an insult: check

  15. Diana says:

    This was a tough one, but I voted for Xylan because he has a greater diversity of tropes.

    Including, of course, CHAPPAQUIDICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  16. Diana says:

    * xyan

  17. Xyan, because that whole post is retarded.

  18. Natalia says:

    Xyan! He’s so old-school!

  19. KathyMarie says:

    My money’s on xyan to take the championship. Well-rounded, snarly, and disorganized. Perfect troll form.

  20. Poor John. He could have won if xyan hadn’t stuck that really awesome zinger at the end.

  21. Everyone hear thinks that “Stalists” hate stale bread, but in fact, he’s referencing people who hate stale right wing tropes. What he fails to understand is that we love stale right wing tropes, because that lack of imagination could be why we’ll win in the end.

  22. Turbopixie says:

    Another one for xyan here, for eliciting “The wha?” from myself and the SO. The Chappaquiddick reference was lost on us Brits, but the nuttiness and misogyny more than made up for it.

  23. Icewyche says:

    It was so very close, but I eventually had to go with Xyan for the sheer incoherence of it all. Both had good technical scores and low artistic marks, but Xyan eventually won on the “Buh-wha?” mark.

  24. Salome says:

    I voted for the first one, because it reminds me of arguing with self-righteous, entitled right-wing boys in high school, and all the Stalin comparisons I got for everything from pointing out that capitalism has flaws to, yes, deleting their hateful comments on my profile pages. God, if I had a dime for every time I’ve been called Stalin/Hitler/etc. in a “rational debate”…

  25. Aaron says:

    That was really hard. I was deeply, deeply amused by John’s final thought, but I had to go with xyan…

  26. Raechel says:

    Oh wow, definitely xyan. I love how “abortion has nothing to do with women, you sluts“.

  27. preying mantis says:

    “Poor John. He could have won if xyan hadn’t stuck that really awesome zinger at the end.”

    I find it difficult to pity him too much. If you’re not willing to bring your Vince Foster, you really should just stay home.

  28. Magis says:

    I was torn until the slut thing. KaChingggg!

  29. Bitter Scribe says:

    For me, it was a tie until Xyan got to the part about his gun. I wouldn’t have made a big deal out of this if he hadn’t started his post decrying a lack of “correlation.” (Actually, I probably would have even if he hadn’t.)

  30. Rachel S. says:

    I went for John just to keep things t-rolling.

    But while we’re talking about how many people have been killed by a public figure’s car, Laura Bush’s car has killed more people than my gun.

  31. Roxie says:

    I don’t know. I like that idea that every time I scratch I’m freeing the Stalist within me…However, full born infants before they are born along with guns AND Senator Kennedy is a super strong combo

  32. Anna.liscious says:

    I went for the first one because I like the image of Stalin’s face popping out of my chest whenever I stretch too far during morning yoga.

  33. SunlessNick says:

    Xyan.

  34. Kitty says:

    Xyan for reminding me I have to vacuum my living room when I get home.

  35. Katlyn says:

    xyan!

    because of “drugged up sluts” and Ted Kennedy’s car.

    My goodness, I love Next Top Troll!

  36. UnFit says:

    What the hell does stratching someone mean?

  37. Marked Hoosier says:

    This has to be the most competitive bracket so far… I wanted to vote for John but xyan pulled it out at the buzzer.

  38. div says:

    I vote Xyan because he covers such a broad range of topics in a seemingly small paragraph with undoubtedly expert skill.

  39. Jha says:

    SarahMC’s post convinced me that xyan is definitely the winner here. I actually kind of missed that because the Kennedy thing caught my eye first.

  40. e says:

    Just another attempt to gain some votes for John Anderson.

    Stratch any leftist and you will find a Stalist yearning to breath free.

    need I say more?

  41. Damn, Jill. We wanted the contests to be a little less one-sided, not totally even! I have to find my center . . . .

    Ok. I like John Anderson, because he uses his full name. He also said “Stalist,” and when you say that like Blanche Devereau, it sounds like “stylist.” As a leftist who is a closet stylist yearning to breathe free, I feel that John really speaks to me.

    But xyan uses the phrases “fully born infants” and “before they are born” right next to each other in the same sentence referring to the same thing. Anyone who can type out something so illogical must be a true talent.

    I think I’m going with xyan.

  42. stlthy says:

    I really want to go with John Anderson for the misspelled Stalinist bit. But I think I’m going for xyan just for the ‘wtf?!’ factor. It was the ‘drugged up sluts’ part that pushed it over the edge for me.

  43. Morningstar says:

    really tough call.

    but in the end, xyan inched out with the ted kennedy line.

  44. 10G says:

    My vote: Xyan. And I LIKE being a drugged-up slut. :P

  45. Ishtar says:

    This was a tough choice but I went with John because of his creative approach to spelling.

    However, I thought “drugged up slut” was inspired. And I am now inexplicably inspired to become one.

  46. Sandy D. says:

    I had to go with John Anderson. Stratching Stalists Untie!

  47. Jenn says:

    John, because it’s ironic to have a troll freaking out about first amendment rights when his comment now is in the running for *breathless Tyra Banks voice* Feministe’s. Next. Top. Troll.

  48. MomTFH says:

    “full born infants before they are born”

    You can’t make this shit up better.

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