But thanks for engaging me: I know this discussion is pretty old and I hate raking back through it. I think I have some more thinking to do about the whole thing really.

“can you get me some music cause i’m really past caring. in other words, i heard a long time ago that if you are gonna ‘you know what’ you might as well enjoy it, and since this country is now being raped by the radical, lying, illegitimate left, you might as well enjoy it. you might as well enjoy the rape because they are raping you dry.” intro goofy music.

so… a perfect example that this is taken far too casually, as I have not even heard anyone mention a quotation that floored me when I was listening, and as a regular listener, I am used to his outlandish rhetoric.

And quite besides that, I think until we stop othering it and treating it as something shameful that cannot be referenced, it may not be treated with the seriousness that it deserves.

While I respect your write as a survivor to “reclaim” the word if you choose, I’d argue that treating rape as something shameful that cannot be referenced is wholly different from treating it as something to minimize through metaphor. I personally don’t think that rape will be treated with the seriousness it deserves until people realize it’s a serious act. That’s pretty self-evident, but fleshing it out, I think that the vast majority of people recognize that murder is always serious, even if they would sometimes argue that it’s justified (even when it’s not), whereas people regularly dismiss most rapes as being “not a big deal.”

I don’t think that most people are afraid of using the word rape, at all. I think most people are afraid of using it in context to describe a specific act, to describe what was done to them, what was done to someone else, what they did. And I don’t think that encouraging people to use it outside of the proper context is going to fix that.

You, and any commenter, had the right to respond to Kyle however you saw (and see) fit, within the bounds of maintaining a safe space here. I was just exercising my right to express my disappointment at the seeming determination to compress every experience of sexual violence into a box very clearly labeled “Other”. We’re allowed to “get murdered” on tests, but not “get raped” — without even entering into the queasy discussion of which crime is more serious, I’m simply uncomfortable with the very thick line drawn between them here and on other feminist websites.

As a victim of rape, I feel it is my right to treat it like any other crime. I also feel it’s my duty to respect other survivors, and believe me, I take that pretty seriously. But when it comes to respect for crime victims, why is rape untouchable when other kinds of violence, up to and including murder, are not? Do I fail as a feminist if I use rape in a casual context?

Because I feel like it’s mine to reclaim. And quite besides that, I think until we stop othering it and treating it as something shameful that cannot be referenced, it may not be treated with the seriousness that it deserves.

You find certain posts offensive or irrelevant; fine, but he has just as much right to express his views as you do, even if he isn’t a woman who has experienced assault.

Sure. But we don’t have to provide a forum for it. And we can also respond to it. Or do we not have the right to express our views in opposition? I don’t see why this only goes one way.

I understand that members of this forum have experienced rape, and I deeply respect your willingness to discuss it. However this isn’t a closed club, and no one gets to decide which opinions are unworthy.

Well… actually, when we pay to maintain this space, and when we put in a ton of time to writing on it and moderating it, we do get to decide, to a point, which views are unworthy enough to just delete.

That aside, the commentariat is just responding to Kyle. I don’t see how it’s totally his right to voice his opinion, but it’s not our right to respond and voice ours.

I understand that members of this forum have experienced rape, and I deeply respect your willingness to discuss it. However this isn’t a closed club, and no one gets to decide which opinions are unworthy.

As a rape survivor, I do not see the difference between the casual use of the word “rape” and the casual use of the word “murder”. I think that drawing patriarchal boundaries between those concepts is a way of reinforcing the “otherness” of sexual assault, something which in my experience has been hurtful. When we are constantly lumped together as a group that has suffered unimaginably and are subject to verbal and visual triggers, that hurts me. I want to be able to reclaim rape as something that happened to me, just like being beaten up or mugged, something I can casually compare to any other experience. Something I can laugh about.

And If I have to do that without Feministe’s permission, I will.

Most people have the good sense not to make light of murder in front of murder victims’ loved ones. (The loved ones of murder victims are not shamed into silence, so you know who they are and what not to say in front of them.)

Rape victims and their loved ones and allies, on the other hand, may well see or hear the rape metaphors, and may not want to discuss the trauma with random strangers.

It is just a word much like murder slaughter and torture.