This is the final entry in Round 1 of Feministe’s Next Top Troll. Vote for your favorite below the fold.
Mark, from Because Regular Chocolate Bars Are Way Too Masculine
meanwhile Pakistan is accelerating it nuke program while the state itelf is teetering. Glad you’ve got your priorities straight, whinging about candy bars.
Man you girls are dozy bints : )
Terrell, from Target Women: Skin Care
She is haaawt. Btw, I have a neutrogena wave…
Feels amazing on my nuts.
AND it makes them shine like those plastic easter eggs.
{ 35 comments }
for telling me everything i didn’t want to know about his testicles. (oh, and frankly, i’m not turned on by plastic easter egg balls. i’d just be weirded out.)
Oooh, yeah, cause you know the ladies love shiny easter egg balls…
Terrell, because I can’t stop laughing about Easter egg balls…
It was a close call, because I feel beaucoup troll points are due for playing the “lighten up”/”you’re ignoring the important stuff” card. But yeah, easter egg balls . . . whothewhatnow?
Mark gets my vote. As always, I can’t resist the little smilie tacked on at the end of a douchebag trollpost.
Voted for Mark, just because he called us ‘girls.’ I am a sucker for that.
Terrell wins this round on sheer WTF-ery. Dude, if they’re shining like plastic eggs, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
Voted for Mark for the asshole smiley right after he calls us “dozy bints,” and for not being able to spell. (Also, for missing the large banner at the top of every page on this website that says, “FEMINISTE.”)
So difficult!
Right now, it’s “Let’s Be Anxious About Pakistan!” time all the time at my house. We’re concerned about our extended family. The chocolate bar post was actually relaxing to read and the FDA glitter made me giggle…
On the other hand, how can I vote against Easter egg balls? (And really, what are testicles but a man’s attempt to produce something as cool as an egg?)
How does Mark walk and breathe at the same time? I know I’m capable of caring about more than two things at a time.
i must admit that the image of easter eggs as testicles gives me the giggles. i mean, seriously??
Easter-egg testicles is the worst holiday-related sex news I’ve heard since it was revealed that Mrs. Santa has never had any children because Santa has hollow glass balls.
“Dozy bints”? Are those some kind of Easter candy?
Also Mark because “whinging” sounds so much like “whining.” Honest mistake.
Mark for fantasizing about having pastel testes. Next stop: consuming fallacies!
Terrel for actually making me lol for some time. Hilarious, absolutely hilarious. i almost choked, seriously. Wow, just wow. And we might have the same taste in women because Sarah Haskins defiantly sets off my hot-dar. This is a break for me because I usually go for the classics and Mark’s : Stop complaining there are more important things going on in the world is pretty classic, easter egg testicles wins out. I’m curious as to what gave him the idea though.
Silly Terrell, if he was a real man he’d buff those boys with a belt sander.
Dozy bints :) for the win!
Terrell, because I think a good simile is an underrated art form.
Mark, for the notion that insults are somehow defused by adding a colon and a close-parenthesis.
Terrell, because there’s nothing “haaawter” than a man who describes his goods on the Internet.
Jill, are you sure you didn’t make up this stuff? I mean, you didn’t pay somebody to log on with an alias and post this stuff? Cause this is hard to believe.
“I have a neutrogena wave… Feels amazing on my nuts.”
I write fiction, spend hours trying to fashion unique and memorable lines of dialogue, but there is no way…
“AND it makes them shine like those plastic easter eggs.”
Good Gawd…
Terrell, because he unfortunately had to bring his genitals into his inane comment. Who knows…that might not have been a person after all…sounds more like the production of a human dada machine.
Me, I stopped eating bathing and sleeping altogether so I can devote one hundred percent of my time and attention to reading articles on the Internet about those horrid Pakistani Muslimaniacs.
But then I am a Man’s Man, not a silly girl. Besides, we Men’s Men don’t advertise our balls, we let our balls advertise themselves.
Terrell…
cuz I don’t think I know what dozy bints are.
What the fuck is a “neutrogena wave”? Anyone?
@cartoon coyote: the neutrogena wave is a face vibrator. And Terrell basically agrees with Sarah that it looks more like a sex toy than like a beauty product. Plus, I do find Sarah Haskins hot (I’m a hetero leaning woman, but I’m mostly turned on by the combination big brain/sexy mouth).
So yes, the balls was maybe TMI but it might have been irony. I like classics and I’m voting for Mark.
Not to be a spoilsport or anything, but Jill – um, you do realise these umpteen “Feministe’s Next Top Troll” posts keep pushing posts like Cara’s on disabled access to polling stations and and transphobic hate crimes right down the page, don’t you?
Not to defend the trolls in the dungeon, but
Also Mark because “whinging” sounds so much like “whining.” Honest mistake.
‘Whinging’ is a real word in British English.
What? I had a Neutrogena Wave for a bit. Nice on your face, would make a useless vibrator but ahahahahahaha, maybe it would make a good nut massager. I wonder if there’s an untapped niche market for Neutrogena there? Oh god, I can’t stop laughing. First ever Top Troll to be funny on purpose.
It was close, but Terrell wins for TMI overdose.
Rebecca, I set the Top Troll Posts to go up every few hours, so by the time they’re posted I have no idea what it is they’ll be pushing down. If I had seen that Cara had just posted the disability access and trans posts, I would have re-set the times for the Top Troll posts so that they didn’t interfere, but that isn’t the case here. If you look at the dates, the Top Troll posts are all that were posted yesterday — I didn’t have time to write anything substantial, and apparently the other bloggers didn’t either. Cara’s posts were from Saturday and Monday; the Top Troll posts didn’t go up until Tuesday afternoon. I think waiting a day to put up a silly post after an important one is a fair timeframe.
I also trust that people have the ability to scroll down the page.
Oh no! I love Hello Kitty, and now every time I see this picture, I’m gonna think of Terrell’s Easter egg testicles. Barf.
Terrell’s shiny Easter egg balls FTW!
estraven: Thanks! I thought it was a hair-styling product or something. In retrospect, I should have Googled.
NOTHING beats easter nuts!!
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