The image above is via a website and project called Operation Beautiful. The mission is simple — to post anonymous, encouraging notes in public places.
The website shows images of notes that have been left in a huge number of places — on public bathroom mirrors, in gym locker rooms, in clothes store fitting rooms, on magazine covers and weight loss products in stores, on scales, on the windshield of a stranger’s car*, inside a book, and more. Most of them say some variation of the message “you are beautiful” but others have different messages, such as “you are enough” or “you are stronger than you know.” I’ll admit that I got extremely teary-eyed watching the video when those two came up.
It sounds like an absolutely amazing — and yes, feminist-minded — project to me. So I’m going to start carrying a pad of post-it notes and a sharpie in my purse. How about you?
*Chava points out in comments why this one isn’t such a good idea. I think she makes an excellent point.
Please don’t go leaving notes like that on stranger’s cars or other personal property. Some of us have some pretty serious issues with being survivors of stranger rape/stalking/etc or just plain (not unreasonable) phobias of men stalking us.
I get that it’s a sweet thing to do, but I know if I found a note like that on my car I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night without all the lights on and my bedroom door locked.
Well I certainly wasn’t personally planning on it, but fair enough, Chava.
(Also, I updated the post to note as much.)
In my neighborhood people are starting to do things like this with stencil graffiti on the ground — things like “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL,” “I LOVE YOU” and “TELL ‘EM YOU LOVE ‘EM.” I think it’s neat, and it avoids the (very real) problems Chava mentions.
When I read this post I got the shivers. :) I think it’s a lovely idea and fully intend on doing that very same thing (minus notes on strangers’ cars of course).
I’m sure it will brighten the days of many women after finding them.
I do that sort of thing on my own, but find that it disturbs people.
I could use that note every time I step into a dressing room. It never occurred to me that so many other people need it, too.
Someone wrote this in the setting concrete of a sidewalk slab not far from my place. I’ll try to get a photo of it.
I discovered it one day while walking down the street, staring down, feeling sad and especially not beautiful. It might seem like a silly thing, but that stranger’s kindness made me feel a lot better about myself that day.
Re: chava’s comment, I totally agree. It would probably freak me out and worry me finding it on something that was mine vs. very generally in a public place. Also, you know, people can be jerks (especially about their cars), and might look for conflict if they come across you while you’re placing it on the vehicle.
I did this in high school because I found it on acts of kindness. people really appreciated it and talked about it all day, and i felt awesome. but i left them randomly all over the place and in public places where everyone could see lots of people got them, and i didn’t hear any concerns.
I think this is a great idea as long as it doesn’t have the potential to harm anyone. I think it would be wonderful to see a note like this in a public restroom, but I would definitely be a bit alarmed if I saw it on my car or apartment door!
I agree with Chava that singling out *individuals* for the message goes somewhere between stalking and random strangers telling you to “smile, honey.” But otherwise it’s a really great idea as a *general* message.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the expectations we set for ourselves and each other. Given contemporary messaging “you are enough,” “you’re stronger than you know,” and “you’re beautiful” are pretty subversive. So in principle… at least until it gets turned into gift-shop refrigerator-magnets cliches and maybe even after… this is a very cool idea.
figleaf
Rock. On. :) So need to do this, even though I do the best I can face to face with my (female, often bridal) clients. I have the strange impulse to take my sticky notes to the library and tuck them in the weight loss/self help books….
Agreed with the not putting it on stranger’s cars. That ranks right up there with the advertising gimmick that was going on a few years ago. You’d get an advert in the mail (or stuck under the windshield wiper on your car), most often for a weight loss program/product, and a *handwritten* sticky note that said “(your name here), try this! It works!” I know of at least one young woman who was *devastated* by that note until her friend told ME about it, and I told them it was a big gimmick. SHE thought it had been sent by someone she knew, and was embarrassed and hurt by it. >:(
So no cars, then. Public restrooms are fair game, though, and changing rooms in clothing stores. :)
I’d leave encouraging messages in changing rooms in clothes shops.
I agree with Chava. If someone did this to me, I’d probably have a panic attack. BAD IDEA.
Carol: are you referring only to a case where the note was left on something that personally belonged to you — which I think we’ve pretty much all agreed is a bad idea — or just leaving them anywhere? (Just seeking clarification; though if the answer is the latter, I’d definitely be interested in hearing why, if you’d be open to sharing.)
Even finding them in a public place, like a rest room or changing room as has been suggested. It would still set off ‘freaky stalker rapists’ alarms in my mind, not just someone being cutesy and trying to brighten people’s day. Really thinking about what I’d do in that situation…I’d be seriously upset and report it to the location management, and suggest calling the police.
To clarify a bit more: a You Are Beautiful post-it on a mirror in a public bathroom would only tell me that someone’s watching the women going in and out of this restroom, and noticing them, physically. And I have no way of knowing their intent.
I, personally, think it’s really sweet. When I was in Junior High I had a councilor who would give me little notes to put up around my house so that I’d see them and think about it. I still have one up in my mirror.
See the following relevant article, which suggest to me that this sort of activity might have the opposite of its intended effect.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8132857.stm
i downloaded one of the photos from the site that says “smile! you look great!” and put it as the top window so it’s what i see first thing. it gives me a smile and a boost at the beginning of each day.
i do appreciate hearing from chava and carol about the ways this could feel threatening if i extended it outside my own home and notes for myself. i agree that the emphasis on beauty and looking great and physical appearance makes it more uncomfortable for me. i feel i would respond best to something saying “smile! you’re a great person!” or a more general compliment not focused on my appearance. but while that feels different for me, i’m not sure that still wouldn’t feel targeted and creepy and potentially triggering for another. if anyone is interested in discussing, i’d love to hear responses, but please don’t feel like you’re responsible for exploring the boundaries of splitting hairs on this.
it has inspired me to send a few texts to friends at unexpected times saying “you kick ass!” or such.
I found a sticker on a bus shelter ad for makeup once, it said “You are beautiful already”. I admit I peeled it off and kept it.
Ever since, I’ve wanted to take to every beauty ad I see with a Jiffy Marker, sticker, and that slogan. Maybe I should now.
Well, I think that for many women finding on personal property would be disturbing. Beyond that it’s just my personal neurosis–but I know when I was living alone, if I saw a few of those in the same handwriting around my daily stomping grounds, if I was having a bad day with said neurosis….yeah, it could go badly.
This made me think of exactly the same BBC news item that Jason linked to. An NHS blog post gives more of the details of the study reported by the BBC, but the gist of it is that
“Although positive self-statements are widely believed to boost mood and self-esteem, they have not been widely studied, and their effectiveness has not been demonstrated. This experimental study sought to investigate the contradictory theory that these statements can be harmful.
The researchers had a theory that when a person feels deficient in some way, making positive self-statements to improve that aspect of their life may highlight the discrepancy between their perceived deficiency and the standard they would like to achieve. The researchers carried out three studies in which they manipulated positive self-statements and examined their effects on mood and self-esteem. [...]
The researchers say the results of their first study [...] showed that people with low self-esteem who repeated positive self-statements, or tried to focus on times when the statement was true for them, felt worse than those who did not repeat the statement or think about whether it was true or false. However, for those with high self-esteem, repeating a positive self-statement or thinking about when it was true did make them feel better.
The researchers conclude that repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people with high self-esteem but ‘backfire’ for those with low-self esteem, who may have the greatest need for these positive statements.”
“I found a sticker on a bus shelter ad for makeup once, it said “You are beautiful already”. I admit I peeled it off and kept it.
Ever since, I’ve wanted to take to every beauty ad I see with a Jiffy Marker, sticker, and that slogan. Maybe I should now.”
It is nice to see that someone else has pushed back against a negative corporate message with a positive one.
“The researchers conclude that repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people with high self-esteem but ‘backfire’ for those with low-self esteem, who may have the greatest need for these positive statements.””
This is kind of apples and oranges, though. Most of what’s so important about this is the fact that it’s coming from outside sources. We’re aware of the negative effects of existing in an environment saturated with denigrating and corrosive messages. Someone peppering the same environment with positive messages for the benefit of strangers is engaging in a social act rather than an inwardly-directed one.
Something in sort of a similar vein: http://youareremarkable.wordpress.com/
“Most of what’s so important about this is the fact that it’s coming from outside sources.”
Yes, but for some people this kind of message may well do more harm than good. I mean, if I was walking along, not particularly thinking about the issues that cause me to feel bad about myself, and then I saw a note, written by a total stranger, that assured me that I had no need to feel bad about myself, what this would actually cause me to do would be
1. think about the issue when I hadn’t been thinking about it before
2. assess whether the note-writer was correct in my case and whether they’d still be saying that to me if they knew me
3. decide that the note-writer would not have said that to me if they knew me personally
and then I’d feel worse about myself than if I’d been allowed to carry on without being interrupted by the supposedly supportive and uplifting note.
Aside from the stalker issue, I also feel this is missing the point a bit. The truth is that not everyone is beautiful (unless you use such a wide definition as to be meaningless) – but that is OK. I’m not particularly beautiful, and I’m fine with this – in many ways being average-looking makes your life simpler, I think! I would feel a little annoyed by the implication that I ought to be all worried about my beauty or lack of it, and that my self esteem needs to be bolstered by the reassurance that yes! I can be a pretty girl too! In my own special way!
Would you feel the same need to reassure all men of their beautiful-ness? Or would you accept that a man’s worth as a person has nothing to do with how pretty he happens to be? Why not see women the same way?
@ Sarah
I think that’s why I prefer the “you are remarkable” site. Because it (to me, at least) removes body image from the picture (unless you want it to be there)
ugh I don’t like this. There was an art project awhile back called the compliment machine, where a machine would dole out compliments to anyone who walked by (“you have lovely eyes” “you are a kind person” etc). It was supposed to be ridiculous because compliments are meaningless when they aren’t addressed to someone personally. I think critisizing negative body image messages is a MUCH better idea in terms of effectiveness.
@Sarah:
I don’t know you and can’t know if you’re beautiful or not.
But it seems somewhat limiting to say “this is Beautiful” whether or not you then go on to say “and I am not it.” I’m not talking about broadening The Definition, but about recognizing the validity of a plethora of different definitions. I can’t imagine that there is anyone who doesn’t fall under some definition of beautiful.
That said, you (and Oriniwen) are, of course, correct that “beautiful” is just one of many, many possible desireable qualities, and not even (ideally) the most important one.
I think that’s a great idea. I’m so sick of men or media defining for us and imposing upon us what they think beauty is or should be. Beauty comes in all different shapes, sizes and forms and I’m sorry – overemphasized knee, pelvic, and ankle bones, as seen in most models, is not sexy or healthy. But again, who am I to judge? If you like it, I love it.