Being both a political sex radical and a fan of erotica/porn, I too find it difficult sometimes to get people to distinguish between the erotic, sexual realm and the more intellectual, more inflective realm of sexual discussion. It is often way to easy for someone who fits the stereotype of an openly sexual woman to not be taken seriously for her intellect when she goes outside of her “role”…just as it’s often just as difficult for someone known for his/her intellect to be upfront and honest about his/her sexuality and the ways in which it affects our culture and politics without the usual sensationalization and commodification.

Plus…being a generally typical man who tends to support and in some cases worship overtly sexual AND intellectual women, I make it my duty as a sex radical to point out that these ladies (and men) are far more than the sum of their lingerie or measurments or sex toys, but are in fact human beings capable of independent thoughts and feelings on issues outside of sexuality. I understand that it sometimes does become difficult sometimes to seperate the person from the fantasy that they sell in their profession…but the only way that we will be able to completely respect and give support to their full right to humanity is to give them that space and that respect to be more than just the sum of our deepest fantasies…regardless of how much pleasure we may get from such.

This isn’t to say that we should do away with spaces where people can safely and consensually ogle, flirt, and even talk dirty and enjoy shared fantasies with each other; it is to say that there MUST be just as many spaces available where we can discuss sexuality free from such distractions, and where there is no pressure to act out or “put out”.

By the same token, however, we cannot avoid the basic fact that there are still reactionary elements of our culture that will interpret even the most muted attempt at destigmatification of erotic shaming to the least common denominator and inflect and impose the worst form of humiliation via the typical channels of vulgar resentiment. As easy it may be to decry the prevalence of overtly sexual imagery and discourse, I’d much rather an oversexed society than one that is sexually restricted, truncated, and fundamentally neutered.

Just my nickel’s worth.

Anthony

[KinkForAll] is the perfect event to go to if you’ve always wanted to check out a sex/kink related conference but are afraid that you’ll be swarmed by naked people who are not aesthetically to your liking. It’s the perfect event to go to if you’ve always wanted to check out a sex/kink event but think you don’t know anything or won’t be part of the in crowd. It’s the perfect event to go to if you are in the [local] area but have no money and are curious about this kind of event. There are lots of reasons I’m going, but the clothes-on, free, open reasons are my main ones.

(Emphasis mine.)

The whole notion that sex and sexuality permeates everyday living is so often hijacked by sensationalism that we forget how fundamental our gender and sex life are to everything that we do. I strongly believe that the only way to bring more sex-positive professionals into the everyday world is to create more spaces where sexuality is not erotic but pragmatic. KinkForAll and the Sex Worker Literati are but two of these—not nearly enough.

Thank you so much for everything that you do, Audacia. You’re one of my heros.

All men are not always wolves, and all women are not always sheep. But it is still the predominant societal view that they are such. Feeling differently is confusing. Being young and filled with desire, and having that desire unfulfilled, is confusing to us all. Some people go looking for someone to blame for having their desire unfulfilled. I went looking for compatriots. Others who felt like me. Having alternative views expressed in public is invaluable.

“2) If you are a client, understand that sex industry organizing is not a forum for finding dates. Also, opposition to client/police/management violence on the part of sex workers rights activists is not a slight against you personally. Please be respectful, humble, and avoid ogling or flirting with the other activists.”

The ogling and flirting part is key, there are many who flock to sex worker organizing events and clearly are not allies or activists and are there with the expectation that they are surrounded by highly-sexed women or women who are ‘easy’ or who will fuck them after the show (maybe even for free!!), being mindful of their presence and challenging it is key to the progress of our movement… and it is certainly difficult to do—– great post!

An alternative explanation is that they know they aren’t literally speaking to the model and object of their lust; rather, they lack language that’s coded to allow them to express lust or sexual attraction in the abstract or appropriately-directed to an audience of fellow viewers and aesthetes. So they fall back on misdirected crudely propositional language, that being all they’ve got.