Comments on: Eve and Her Two Mothers

By: Sara Pulis

Sara Pulis — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:15:49 +0000

I’d say that the person whom gets to decide which person is their “mother” and which is their “(adjective) mother” is the adopted themself. I’ll drive pencils into my eyeballs before I refer to my birth mother as my (adjective not added) mother. Moreover, someone can have more than one mom.

By: MomTFH

MomTFH — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:21:13 +0000

I have to say I am having a lot harder time sympathizing with the adopter in these circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I thought the original post was written with the acknowledgment of privilege and the pain of the birth mother.

The adoptive parents have the together life, the privilege and the real, living, breathing child. The tiny act of putting their birth child’s picture on a website is such a small act compared to the incredible loss of relinquishing a child for adoption.

The birth mother IS the mother. Adoptive mothers can be mothers in their own way, too, but it should not be at the expense of the truth to the child or the respect for the biological mother for her very important role in the child’s birth.

By: Kimberley

Kimberley — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 03:04:54 +0000

I am so glad my friend posted a link so I could read this today. I am having a very difficult time with a similar situation. I adopted my biological nephew. The difference is that my sister & I do not have a healthy relationship. I tried but she has issues with living a healthy life. Plus, our son knows he is adopted but does not know who his bio family is. Anyhow, I am always struggling & upset that I found out she was posting his pictures on her myspace & facebook & calling him her son. My struggly was that I really needed to let it go because he is her son too. I hope one day for Justice’s sake we can be where you & your daughter’s bio mom is. Thank you for sharing your story. I believe it will help me move forward.

By: Peach

Peach — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:52:01 +0000

If you think it is awkward for you, you should try being the adopted person (in adulthood) trying to shuffle and navigate and explain your Facebook when in reunion, and everyone lives in the same town. It has taken me 20 years to get to the point of being ME and REAL and not beating myself up with loyalty issues and confusion.

By: Betsy

Betsy — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 18:33:35 +0000

Props to you for your courage and emotional generosity. That sort of thing is not easy.

By: brozzzz

brozzzz — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 03:15:55 +0000

it’s interesting that you chose to post this here. what if she sees it? other worries of internet etiquette

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 02:13:53 +0000

My daughter’s birth mom and I are also facebook friends but we have a fully open adoption so she’s also friends with my mom, sister, brother and son. We both post pics of Madison. But I do remember the first myspace pics on her profile and on her mom’s (Madisons grandmother) profile. It was surprising somehow.

I write a lot about our open adoption at my blog.

By: Sara Pulis

Sara Pulis — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:03:30 +0000

As an adult adopted in infancy who could contact her birth mother if she were on speaking terms with her (I’m not.), I would be horrified that such a thing was posted without my permission, but only because it’s so tacky. A regular pic of me? Probably wouldn’t mind.

By: Shelley

Shelley — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 13:23:16 +0000

I have a number of my birthson’s pics on my FB profile. He and his older brother that I parent are often my profile pic. Love your “non-reaction” as I am not sure how my son’s mom would react.

By: Jay

Jay — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:33:24 +0000

Laurie, I haven’t decided if I’ll share it with Eve. I wrestled with that and realized I didn’t have to make up my mind right away. It’s not like stuff on Facebook ever goes away.

So far, Eve has not wanted to speak with Laura directly. We’re working on setting up a meeting, and when we have a time planned, I’ll want to show her some current pictures – maybe then.

aag, I just keep telling myself that there can never be too many people to love a child. If I can manage my own feelings without making that Eve’s responsibility, she can have the benefit of an extra loving relationship, and how can that be bad?