On a related note, check out this FANTASTIC piece by guest blogger Phaedra Starling on the same site.

Given my experience, I have a lot of difficulty agreeing. I’ve been harassed in places such as rural Va. and in places such as Manhattan. On the street, at parties, even while shopping for fucking groceries. There doesn’t seem to be any obvious pattern…

I think attractiveness is a red herring. And I am (told that I am) extremely attractive. I am 20-something, 5’8, blond, toned hourglass shape, great skin, pretty smile, etc. I have been talent-spotted by modelling agencies more than once.

But the three instances of more serious harassment I listed in my first post (still in mod) all occurred BEFORE I was attractive. I was NOT an attractive teenager, and I don’t mean I THOUGHT I was unattractive, I mean objectively. I was short and awkward, with bad skin, no figure to speak off, braces (and braces, and more braces), and I hadn’t ‘grown into’ my features, as it were. I was not popular or cool or sexy.

Then suddenly at 18 it all changed. And since then I have not been ‘harassed’. I get comments but never anything disrespectful. Usually it’s, “You’re beautiful”, “Have a nice day”, “Good morning, ma’am”, etc.

I’m not just so gorgeous that men dare not meddle with me. I’m not so friendly that I lap it up and never reject anyone (I’m married so I have to!). I don’t dress to hide my looks. I read feminist literature but I don’t wear an ‘harass me and I’ll rip your balls off because I’m a man-hating feminist’ T-shirt. And while I grew up on a farm (as I mentioned previous post; I’m home visiting hence the possibly confusing tenses in there) in a more genteel culture, now I live in New York where there are lots of men who could harass under a protective veneer of anonymity. So by your implied logic, I should get harassed constantly.

My husband and I speculate that it might not happen for several reasons:
1. My work is populated mostly by women, married men, or gay men, and we all make fun of each other and are great friends so harassment isn’t an issue.
2. I have a British accent so people say they assume I am very smart, which scares the crap out of the sort of man who might harass a woman. Or, they assume I live abroad so there is no point pursuing me.
3. I wear a wedding ring (this last year only).
4. I was raised to say things unambiguously, eg to a man I know who tries it on, “You are very nice but there is zero chance I will ever sleep with you” which leaves no scope for him to fool himself that persisting is worthwhile; sometimes women are trained to say, “You’re very nice but I have a boyfriend/am on the rebound/want to focus on me for a while” all of which can be read as, “You’re so nice and if x factor changes I’ll sleep with you, so persist”. And for a man I don’t know, “Sir, you are very kind, but I do not pick up gentlemen I meet in the street.” The formal idiom works in my accent; they seem to rise to the occasion by being similarly gracious in return (or, they think I’m an antediluvian freak and flee at once).
5. Maybe instead of doing it as primarily a power thing, as they might to a woman they thought was ugly, men are more likely to be trying to sleep with me, so act gracious to preserve their chances at another shot.
6. Perhaps most likely: men are more resigned to being rejected by a pretty woman, since in their view she was a long shot anyway, hence they didn’t invest much in the encounter and are less likely to wax all bitchy when rejected. It’s not embarrassing to be turned down by a woman who, you can console yourself, could get anyone. It’s mortifying to be turned down by Plain Jane who ought to be grateful you even looked at her. Of course I am sure the vast majority of men, not being dickheads, don’t think this way, but we’re talking about a certain segment of men – the minority who harass – and my brother and husband agree this is probably a fair assessment of the kind of self-entitled, nasty, insecure man who’s capable of pestering past a no.

I could come up with another thousand but it is all comparatively unimportant. I have plainer friends who get harassed all the time and gorgeous ones who hardly ever do, and vice versa. I also have spoken to women who wear hijab (headscarf) and get harassed, and know that in Egypt, women in full niqab are slightly MORE likely to be harrassed, while in LA they think you’re a freak if your skirt reaches below your knees. But in other cultures wearing less might be seen as inviting trouble. I had a beautiful blond classmate who never got harassed happen living in Dubai with an uncovered head, a beautiful friend who had the same pleasant experience in India, and yet another who was hissed and clicked at constantly in Morocco.

The upshot being, the correlation of looks and level of harassment is very weak, as is that between clothing and harassment. (The latter is important only because it affects how people respond when you complain, eg ‘you wore a short skirt so asked for it’). The big factors are a culture that says it is a male right or no big deal, a society and law that provide no penalty social or legal, and THE MEN WHO CHOOSE TO DO IT. These are the only things on which it can ultimately be blamed.

That said, and this is why I’m posting despite it having happened in an urban setting, I have never had it happen in a rural or village setting, in any country. This is true of other women I know. I think this is because country people know all our neighbors so there is strong social pressure on local men to be genteel, to local and to visiting women. I also think rural families tend to be very close-knit and strong, so the local boys are frankly just raised with better manners and a bit more – if this isn’t an unwelcome word on a feminist website – chivalry. (Obviously rural communities can be TOO traditional, but mine isn’t, the women mostly have paid work and hold a majority of positions of authority in the village hall, and there’s gays and blacks and Jews mixed in with a majority of white Anglicans, and we’re all an equal part of each other’s lives). Also if a strange man were impertinent, any other local who happened by would get involved, so I think that country people can give off an untouchable close-knit vibe. Then again in my home village it may be because I nearly always go around with my huge bristling dog…

Never had guys be boundary pushing. I mean, I’ve had homeless people try to talk to me while I was clearly ignoring them but that’s about it. If I say go away they go away.

And though this shouldn’t matter in the slightest, in light of some of the above comments, I’ve never had a problem finding boyfriends.

I’m 24, have lived in nyc for the past three years and the bay area before then.