I am not a mother (but I want to be a mother one day), and I am a feminist who is also Christian. Given the first disclosure, I am able only to speculate about the practical nuances of feminist parenting (and make known my own optimistic hopes). Given the second disclosure, I feel I must take a moment to describe how I am able to live a life that is both Christian and feminist (since I feel it is a common misconception that Christianity and feminism are incompatible, especially when it comes to parenting).

In my experience, the core principles of feminism are highly compatible with Christianity. By insisting on the primacy of experience and bodily existence, the dignity of individual women as well as men and women everywhere, and naming the systemic nature of hetero/sexism, racism, and bigotry, feminism is a practical way of living a concretely Christian life.

Christianity (as I experience it) is not a check-list of beliefs, but a way of living in the world to bring about justice. Broadly speaking, Christianity is not incompatible with feminism.

Christianity insists on the primacy of experience and bodily existence (otherwise, the Incarnation of God in human form would be worth very little). Christianity insists on the worth of individual human lives (otherwise, why should so many Christians be concerned with eliminating hunger and poverty?). Christianity insists that the nature of what we call “sin” is systemic: like racism, bigotry, and hetero/sexism, it happens at a deeper social level than mere instances of bigoted speech or sexist actions.

Does this mean that Christianity (as it is practiced today… or ever) is perfect? No. Unfortunately, you still have Christians out there who believe that biology informs gender roles, or who believe that God has a [male] gender, or worse, who believe that physical ability is a sign of God’s favor or dis-favor. But these are not all Christians, thank goodness, and I believe it is possible to raise children with feminist principles while still maintaining a robust Christian practice.

But I am still optimistic that we can raise our children to be feminists. I am so glad that many of you find teachable moments where you not only model feminist behavior but also have your children speak for themselves and formulate their own opinions. I am especially hopeful that we can teach our children to name and combat bigotry, wherever it is found. Thank you for setting a really great example. :)

I like your mum’s theory a LOT. Please tell her this for all of us. :) It does, of course, help that your mum was obviously a fantastically decent human being herself.

No kids myself, but several youngsters I see on a semi-regular basis — mainly the kids of friends, so I don’t get that much input. So far so good, with the possible exception of so bloody much pink/blue gendering crap. But I guess it’s pretty hard to get away from. My hats are off to parents running that gauntlet these days. You are braver than I by far.

That’s so lovely miss_ada – think that will stay with me for a long time.

Awful what your math teacher said.

I wish all of you out there who are trying to rise human beings the best luck – you’ve my greatest respect.

As a single parent everything comes down to me, and I really feel the pressure at times, but I think it also gives me the added opportunity to really know my boys better than if I was sharing them. (maybe not, perhaps that is me making lemonade?!?) I do sometimes feel that the responsibility that I as a parent potentially have such power over my boys really really overwhelming. I don’t really remember stuff said in the school yard when I was a kid, but I really remember stuff my mum said – especially the negative stuff.

Basically, my parenting style differs slightly with my two (identical twin) sons as they have different personalities. For me, good parenting depends on firstly unconditional love, and secondly on listening and picking up on all the non-verbal things as well as verbal. I used to be so annoyed at the rubbish they came home with from the school yard, but now see them as great things. My boys know enough (mostly) to know what is odd or different from what we practice at home, so bring these things up and we can discuss them. My perspective on swearing is that I explain what the word means and have built up a dialogue that there is a time and a place for everything. I’m not that bothered at home, but have said it is better to try and use other words in case a swear word slips out as school, or somewhere place where it is inappropriate – like my mother’s house!! But I would never do the washing out of swearing mouth – like my mother did.

Positive parenting is brilliant – especially when I have two children and can praise the child behaving well and (try) to ignore the child behaving badly. I have always used the naughty step as well – it gives a much needed time out – and as I didn’t overuse it then my boys really knew they had overstepped the mark when they were sitting there! Discipline is such a tricky thing to get in balance, and the naughty step has really been out grown and I am looking for different methods now. I’ve tried a few things, but mostly now I award ‘special stars’ for brill behaviour which add up to extra pocket money. Anything you could suggest would be gratefully received!! I suppose I should add here that any kind of smacking is to me a terrible way of parenting. There is no need for physical violence anywhere, to anyone, in any circumstance.

I try not to dictate my beliefs on my children, so this takes time discussing things and letting my boys come to conclusions which are (hopefully) based on an equality mindset. It’s all about taking the myriad opportunities presented every day and promoting fairness – which children are inherently all about anyway.

As for the sex ed – the opportunity came up when mine were six. I couldn’t answer their questions anymore with the basic ‘the man gives the woman a seed’ etc. and I was able to describe things in a way that fitted with their understanding. This has been built on since and is an ongoing thing, as is all types of education.

It struck me from reading some of the posts above that the word beautiful isn’t used, I assume because it can be problematic in feminist terms – especially to girls. But, I tell my boys all the time that they are beautiful – both inside and out – and would do for a girl as well. Self-confidence isn’t something that I have in spades, but I am hoping that my boys have a lot more than me.

And finally (I have written way more than I meant to), I firmly believe that is important to NEVER read any parenting books. One of my sons asked me earlier this week how I learnt to be a mummy – and I had to search for an answer – which was having children taught me how to be a mummy – I learn from my children every day how to be a better person, and I hope they do from me.

NB Books are a great resource. Unfornuately I had a boyfriend with severe mental health problems last year and I got The Sad Book by Michael Rosen, which is one of the best books ever for kids.

We’ve tried to keep 2 goals in mind while raising my son and daughter.

First, the main goal is to raise an independent adult. By this we mean a person who has the basic skill set to pursue a career and to live life as an independent adult without the support of their parents.

Second, is to basically instill a number of ethical principles that we want our children to have as part of their adult life. These include basic principles such as respect and kindness, with a good dose of defending what you believe to be true.

I’ve really come over the years to try to separate out my own ideological positions from some of my goals as a parent. I would rather my children come to such beliefs on their own. I think it is helpful to remember that you are going to disagree with your children on some things as they get older. The goal isn’t indoctrination, as much as it is making sure they have the ability to understand the world in their own manner and on their own timeframe. In some respects, if my children agree with me politically etc., that is just gravy. I’d rather disagree with my children (if we both believe we have good reasons for our disagreement) than to have them agree with me because we pushed them in that direction.

As an aside, we have also been big proponents of “positive discipline”. I believe it has been one of the most important decisions we made early in the process. At times it is difficult, but I think it has paid dividends.