This is amazing. Gimme dat Christian side hug (because Jesus never front-hugged):
The Christian side hug, for the unaware, is the Christian version of the standard “full frontal hug,” which is a sinful abonimation and should be avoided until marriage (I am not actually making this up). The side-hug is preferable because it avoids crotch-touching, which Jesus hated. Apparently the standard hug is now mostly for Jews, Muslims, Socialists and probably Unitarians.
Also, did I hear that right? Do they say “You ain’t no Rabbi, you ain’t no Priest, so rise up off me like the [something] with no yeast”? And does that mean that if you were a Rabbi or Priest you could, uh, not rise up off me? I’m uncomfortable and confused.
I also remain unclear on why “Democratic shift in Congress!” is thrown in and why there’s a shout-out to buying babies, but I haven’t read my True Images Bible for Girls in a while so maybe I’m just forgetting that part of the New Testament.
Thanks, Joe, for sending this on.
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