Oh, my goodness! You guys! Look at this exciting SCIENCE FACT I just learned recently!
Wha-wha-WHAAAAAAAAT? Oh, man! This is just like the time that I learned you could have an abortion without crying over it and posting blogs on anti-choice websites about the Lessons You’ve Learned every day! Or that time someone figured out that menstrual cramps weren’t actually entirely made up by my wacky incompetent girl-brain! EVERYTHING I KNOW IS WRONG. Whatever shall I do now? Oh, right, quote the study at you:
In the study, University of Minnesota researchers analyzed the responses of 737 females and 574 males, mean age 20.5, who were asked about their sexual behaviors and emotional well-being. Among those who were sexually active, 55 percent said their last sexual partner was an exclusive dating partner. An additional 25 percent said they were engaged to, or a spouse or life partner of their last sexual partner. Another 12 percent said it was a close but not exclusive partner, and 8 percent said it was a casual acquaintance… In this study to determine if sexual activity outside a committed relationship causes emotional damage to young people, the researchers found no differences in the mental well-being of participants who had a casual partner or a committed partner.
Holy cow! So, not only are the college kids NOT all “hooking up” for their “casual sex” “orgies” of “degradation” – only eight percent of them appear to be doing this, in fact – the ones who are hooking up seem to be totally fine. Even the girl ones! They’re not all sobbing into the arms of their besties about the loss of their womanly virtue or anything! Granted, they may be planning to put flaming bags of dog poop on the doorstep of whichever University of Minnesota douchebro has been assigned to write an article for their college newspaper which calls them sluts and warns them not to totally want dudes to be their boyfriends. (Because you always totally want whichever dude you have most recently slept with to be your boyfriend, am I right, ladies? LADIES? Ouch, ladies, stop throwing things at my face!) But that, my friends, is evidence of excellent mental well-being, and a certain admirable resourcefulness and willingness to take matters into one’s own hands.
Now, if you are me, you have one very important question about the potential negative effects of this study. That question being: but what of the entire publishing industry set up to provide books about how all the kids today totally are hooking up and thereby ruining the entire lives of the young ladies involved? Easy. They will keep publishing that stuff anyway. Possibly talking about how the ladies responding to surveys such as these are liars and will never realize the damage they have done to their dainty, fragile female hearts until it is too late. Why let “facts” or “truth” get in the way of your reactionary behavior?
As for the rest of us: go forth, and engage in whatever behavior you feel good about, probably without multiplying, my friends. Science has, for once, done you good.