I think this every single day. :)

My disabilities are invisible, my service dog is not. I knew getting into this that people would want to talk about him, but I should be able to say I’m busy without getting dirty looks.

While I don’t like having the fact that I’m disabled ignored anymore than I enjoy having the fact that I’m black ignored, generally, I don’t want to talk to random strangers about my health.

Do you also think it’s ok for random adults to wander up to gay people on the street and quiz them on their experiences with coming out? To go up to folks in the mall and say “Hey, what’s it like to be black”? To come and sit down at a cafe table with someone they assess to be a visibly poor person, and start picking their brains about managing their money and dealing with classism? To tap a trans woman on the shoulder and ask her how her transition is going? These sorts of interactions can range from intrusive to downright terrifying. They’re all Othering.

This sort of idea is the sort of thing that makes me want to stay the hell _in_. I barely have the energy to cope with everyday interactions (and then only on limited days); having complete strangers invade my space and ask me personal questions about how my body functions would be waaaaaaay past the limit. Kids asking about the scooter? That I can manage. I expect adult strangers to observe appropriate distance unless I’m giving strong signals on inviting them into the conversation; and then, HEY I COULDN’T HELP NOTICING YOU’RE DISABLED shouldn’t be the first thing that happens. Maybe the people who want these interactions could use a sticker or T-shirt inviting them, and busybodies can treat the rest of us like anyone else, or leave us alone? (Actually, the Evol iPod headphones are one of my more useful assistive devices when I’m wanting to be left alone while I go about my business. Works a charm, mostly.)

I think that there is a notion at the heart of this, that people are taught to pity those who are disabled. When you come from that mindset, many people feel they’d hurt the person who is disabled’s feelings by bringing up their disability. I think it’s tough for many people to understand that ignoring a person’s disability in aim to appreciate them as a person, is damaging just like pointing out their disability rudely would be. Both make a person feel like people only care about part of them, and not all of them.

One of the reasons I like Sesame Street and still watch it is because they do such a wonderful job of including children who are disabled, without othering them.

It seems though that nobody wants to recognize adults who are disabled in the way they’re willing to acknowledge disabled children. I find this common in the Autism community as well. It seems people I don’t know if saying they see children with disabilities as a novelty would be the right thing to say, but they’re more willing to see them for who they are than they are with adults. I think it could be that our society accepts that children are dependant, but looks down on adults who are dependant. That if someone isn’t a functioning adult, being out in the world on their own, or whatever then it’s seen as something pityable. I hear in other countries it’s not strange at all for a child to live their entire life around their family, but we’ve decided that something is wrong with that in the USA and I think it’s also the same in the UK.

So I don’t think it’s a simple as a matter of discomfort, as much as our society reinforces the idea that if a person isn’t functioning, that they’re to be pitied or seen as a burden on society. Unfortunately, it’s not much different then how the Nazis viewed the disabled.

Word. I have to live this every second, and the last thing I want is people assuming I want to talk about it in every encounter as well. I get more than enough of this from certain family members. I’m much, much more than my disability.

As a person with a stigmatised disability, I also can’t think of anything worse than random people feeling free to ask me about my body. I’ve had quite enough of being subjected to lectures about how people’s uncle’s friend’s hairdresser had “airquotes” syndrome and were really faking it, or about how people’s kid’s schoolteacher’s neighbour tried A vitamin powder and they can hook me up, or about how real disabled people are B or do C or look like D, or about how terribly dangerous I am on that scooter hur hur hur, or about how pain and fatigue is all in the mind and a positive attitude (or fresh air or exercise or diet or acupuncture or or or) could cure me.

Treat me like a person, not a disability, and keep your nose out of my medical file unless I invite you in.

(Sorry this was an entirely non-substantive comment. But armor chairs sound awesome!)

From your post I can’t tell if you think that’s a bad idea, statistically speaking…? Are you saying that the norm should be one of polite engagement rather than polite avoidance? Or are you just pointing out that there’s collateral harm in both choices?

Or maybe not so much “collateral harm” as a norm of ableism that makes interaction complicated? It’s difficult to constantly explain, and difficult to live with constant ignorance.

I’m seeing a lot of commenters asking what they’re supposed to do, then. I think there’s no single boundary to apply, because different people deal with the two-sided problem in different ways. “Awareness” sounds so mushy and inadequate–but what am I supposed to do, then?but I think it means being aware of this level of complexity, since people living with disabilities can’t really ignore it.

I don’t think I would ever hesitate to compliment someone’s clothing because they were in a wheelchair (or otherwise disabled), though, even if I were too scared to ask about their disability. I do understand how people may go out of their way to avoid looking because they are afraid of making the individual feel self-conscious or stared at. I never considered that not looking can make someone just as uncomfortable.