The Worst Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Ever

I hope to hell they are. I’d love to say more, but so far all I’ve been able to manage is, “What the… seriously… the fuck… oh, you gotta be kidding…”

27 comments for “The Worst Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Ever

  1. February 4, 2010 at 10:53 am

    I’m pretty sure half of those were from a chain email that my mom once sent me. Way to go, Valdosta State Police.

  2. Marle
    February 4, 2010 at 10:55 am

    That’s gross. It’s bad enough to give useless advice that would have you living life afraid of your own shadow, but to include commentary like “If you don’t have a cell phone, shame on you” and (after suggesting to poke him in the eyes) “This sounds gross, but the alternative is your fault if you do not act.”

    The person/people who wrote this are just horrible.

  3. February 4, 2010 at 10:59 am

    The “shame on you” thing was particularly mind-boggling.

  4. Emily WK
    February 4, 2010 at 11:25 am

    The thing that blows my mind is that you’re supposed to be able to count on the criminal being so stressed that if he tries to shoot you he will miss, but you are supposed to be calm enough to be able to attack someone who may be larger than you are in the closed space of a car and not get killed in the process. And if you aren’t able to do that, you should accept that getting raped is your fault.

  5. Tori
    February 4, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Once I stop spluttering and find words, my feelings will be channeled into some very articulate Mega Rage. Not only because a lot of the tips are illogical or not feasible, but also because… fuck, with their attitude, no way in hell I’d go there for help after an assault, you know?

  6. February 4, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    WOW… Question: I do have a cell phone, but there’s little to no coverage in certain areas. So, is it still my fault if I get attacked? Or can I sue the cell company?

    I have to say that some of the places they highlight are indeed creepy – have you ever climbed the stairs in an empty huge building? Doesn’t matter if it’s 8am or 1pm… In the building where I work, the staircase is always empty and secluded. There are no windows, only 4 concrete walls, a closed door on each floor and stairs. But the solution is not avoid and fear such places. We need to address the fact that such public spaces are empty and designed to be empty.

  7. February 4, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    This is outrageous.

    After I read it, I went and looked up my uni’s sexual assault prevention tips, and prepared to cringe a little. Instead, I found that they actual have a section *telling men not to assault women* and telling them that neither dress, previous sexual activity, drunkenness or consent to other forms of intimacy count as consent to sex. I was really pleasantly surprised, and heartened that not only are not all uni security departments as bad as Valdosta State’s when it comes to sexual assault prevention, but some are actually good.

  8. P.T. Smith
    February 4, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    What the hell? These read like the Zombie Survival Guide. Can they be a parody of terrible sexual assualt prevention tips? I know they’re not, but if we all decide they are…

  9. Bakka
    February 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    How am I supposed to get a cell phone if I cannot go into any businesses?

  10. ACG
    February 4, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    I don’t know what people are getting so upset about. This seems like perfectly reasonable advice for keeping ladies safe. Everything they list is accurate, and it really is our responsibility to get ourselves out of situations like that–or better yet, not get into them.

    That is a list of ways to survive a slasher flick, right?

  11. February 4, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    If only I’d known ring around the rosy has SAVED LIVES…if only I’d known…

  12. P.T. Smith
    February 4, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    ACG:

    Seriously, if I saw the list removed from context, I really would think that’s what it was.

  13. PrettyAmiable
    February 4, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Also, the cell phone thing? A little classist.

    SHAME ON YOU, POOR PEOPLE. Saving money for groceries, and shit.

  14. RD
    February 4, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Mhm not to mention the “bad neighborhood” crap.

  15. Jadey
    February 4, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    For a brain cleanser, I offer a blast from the recent past! From the archives: Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!”

    Now, who feels like hacking the Valdosta State website and implementing a cunning substitution?

  16. Evrybdy44
    February 4, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    We are, as women, definitely responsible for ourselves. But nothing we do can EVER give the permission to assault us. Nothing I wear, so, or do can ok that. EVER!
    ACG. I’m hoping that was sarcasm. Please!

  17. preying mantis
    February 4, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    “The thing that blows my mind is that you’re supposed to be able to count on the criminal being so stressed that if he tries to shoot you he will miss,”

    The “don’t let the gun scare you into going with them to a secondary location” thing is good advice. Their way of putting it is sheer jackassery.

    Basically, it’s very difficult for even a well-trained, fairly-competent shooter (though citing police as the go-to example is kind of funny) using a pistol to hit a target moving away from them in the heat of the moment. And even if you do get shot, it’s highly unlikely that the shot will be fatal. The thing of it is, this isn’t ‘rape prevention advice,’ it’s ‘murder prevention advice.’ In the unlikely event of an armed abductor, the likely endgame is murder or attempted murder, so risking a non-fatal gunshot wound is a good gamble. Once you’re putting forth the idea that women who are unwilling to risk getting shot to death to avoid rape kind of have it coming, you’re in RCC territory.

  18. preying mantis
    February 4, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Oh, and upon a second reading, they appear to have left out the most important part of that whole thing–the secondary location part. If it’s just a “predator with a gun,” rather than “armed abductor,” you’re dealing with very different risks of death or severe injury.

  19. stonebiscui
    February 4, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    On the other hand, they are half-decent tips for surviving in a town full of vampires.

  20. Bagelsan
    February 4, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    In the unlikely event of an armed abductor, the likely endgame is murder or attempted murder, so risking a non-fatal gunshot wound is a good gamble.

    Yeah, the premise didn’t seem terrible — ideally I would scream my head off and sprint in the opposite direction rather than take my chances that random armed dude is telling the truth about not shooting/raping/whatever once I get in his van. But if that plan doesn’t work out? I would prefer not to be told by the cops that I’m a dumb bitch. :p

  21. Bagelsan
    February 4, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Okay, full disclosure: ideally I would light my fist on fire, raise one eyebrow in a cocky manner, and put said flaming fist through his spine while saying something witty. But I’d settle for not dying as a close second.

    • February 5, 2010 at 7:55 am

      Okay, full disclosure: ideally I would light my fist on fire, raise one eyebrow in a cocky manner, and put said flaming fist through his spine while saying something witty.

      And this had me laughing to myself like a fool on the bus this morning. Light my fist on fire… hehhehhehheh…

  22. February 5, 2010 at 2:16 am

    Well,that was extremely classist, in addition to everything else.

  23. February 5, 2010 at 9:00 am

    Those annoying poor women are really getting to me, guys. Living in poor neighbourhoods, not affording cellphones. Next thing you know, they’ll be making excuses for, say, working night shifts too. Everyone knows what you deserve to happen to you when you work a night shift in a poor neighbourhood. Jesus.

  24. February 5, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Interestingly, the link to the tips no longer seems to be working.

  25. preying mantis
    February 5, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    GoogleCache sees all, knows all. It’d be nice if they replaced the removed page with an apology to the students they’re supposed to be protecting and serving.

  26. Kristen
    February 7, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    I cannot believe this was posted somewhere without someone realizing how stupid they were making themselves look. Having been law enforcement for many years, I have seen many stupid cop’s who actually think like this, but those were usually the ones who had been there way to long. The best advise to avoid being attacked that I give my daughters is to be aware of who is around them (no music blasting on their headset so they cannot hear a car honk behind them), always walk/run with confidence (rapists wont usually pick a strong person, but want someone who “looks” timid or weak so they can overpower them) and to always carry something that can be used as a weapon, a knife is good, but keys between you fingers when you punch as hard as you can work in a bind). And to remember that two balls in your hand will get a man’s complete attention (give those babies the hardest squeez possible), as well as bring a guy to his knees. Then kick him in the face.

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