We haven’t done Feministe Feedback for a while, but a reader writes in with an interesting question for the peanut gallery. As a reminder, if you have a question that you want the Feministe community’s input on, email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “Feministe Feedback.”
Now, the letter:
I met this guy online a while back and we were internet buddies for good amount of time. He only lived a few towns over, but we never met, even though we exchanged numbers and texted each other pretty regularly. It wasn’t a romantic relationship at all, he was just a person I liked chatting with. When we talked, our sex lives would sometimes come up and once, when talking about a girl he was hoping to date, he asked, “is it bad that I hope she’s a virgin?” to which I responded yes, that’s kind of creepy. He got defensive and asked me to explain why I felt that way, but I found I couldn’t really explain myself other than to say it just felt predatory and wrong.
I don’t feel like it was abnormal of me to have this reaction, but I was surprised at how unable I was to articulate the “why” of it. Why does that idea feel so wrong to me? I don’t really expect an absolute answer to this issue, I would just like to hear other opinions on it from people I’m sure have better knowledge of feminism and women’s studies than me.
Needless to say, I’m no longer friends with this person. Dude had serious issues with women and trust and I did not need anymore negativity and baggage in my life.
I hope this wasn’t too indulgent and I’d love to hear your thoughts if you have the time. Thanks!
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