FNTT Season 6: the “Ladies, let me mansplain something to you” edition

Welcome to Round 1 of Feministe’s Next Top Troll. Read the intro post here, and be forewarned that below the fold there are offensive and disgusting troll comments that we are holding up for sport and mockery. If you do not want to read them, do not click “more”! But if you are game, read, laugh, and vote below for the best Mansplainer of the bunch.

Russiya:

The one thing these guys have right is that most guys prefer virgins. This is where the ’slut’ prejudice comes from. Maybe some guys on here will say this is wrong but most of them will be lying.

Jack:

Matt [Taibi]’s problem is like most liberal men, he vastly overrates his intelligence and so thinks crap like this is even funny. Don’t compare him to Rush. At least Rush is somewhat creative in his humor. Jill, you need to start dating conservative guys – we know how to do things right.

Digby:

to the women that complain about Domestic Violence all the time, STOP DATING, its really simple, guys get beat up in the street all the time by gangs

BL1Y:

People don’t compliment you on your body, and when people look at your they think “Oh my god, what a weirdo. Doesn’t she know what her body looks like”…

You just discovered what it feels like to be a typical man.

Mike:

As an old dad of a now-14 year old girl, my wife and I don’t seem to have these problems y’all have.
No TV, no cell phone, classical music on all the time, no trash radio. We do pretty much everything as a family. No soccer-momming, compulsive kid-schlepping or desperate college-resume padding activities.
Frankly, I just don’t understand what you mean by “the values our society is trying to instill in our young girls”. How could Dora or Rainbow Bright have anything near the effect on your daughters. Do you not watch what they read? Do you not keep moral filth out of your home? Do you not set an example by avoiding trashy and degrading literature?
And just so you understand me, I am not your classic (to New Yorkers) raging Christian fundamentalist freak from the backwoods.
I worked around the world for several years, returned to a big ten school and then went to HLS (with Obama) graduating in 1991 and worked on Wall Street for awhile.
In short, I am educated, know several folks in the White House, and have seen Moloch. I just choose not to worship him or sacrifice my children to him.
Ladies, all you have to do is find a good man, accept a lower standard of living and a more cultured and thoughtful life rather than adopt “society’s values”, find a quiet place and raise your children.
You can just say “no”.
Believe me, it is all within your control. “Society” does not knock down your doors, stick a TV in your living room spewing filth at your children, and stick earphones in your daughters’ ears.
Regrettably, parents do that. Kids learn from Mom and Dad (if he is still around) not Rainbow Bright.

VOTE!


Author: has written 5288 posts for this blog.

Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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130 Responses

  1. Ama
    Ama April 16, 2010 at 7:58 am |

    For me, Mike lost too many points for the tl;dr factor. He just comes off as trying too hard.

    BL1Y almost won by using the phrase “typical man,” but ultimately lost to Digby because there’s really no competing with someone comparing domestic violence to gangbanging as though getting into a relationship IS EXACTLY THE SAME as walking through a violent area with a sign that says “I hate [derogatory name for people who live in this neighbourhood]!”

  2. Daphne B.
    Daphne B. April 16, 2010 at 8:01 am |

    Mike tempts me, but he goes on and on and on… I like the succinctness of Digby. His two statements don’t seem to be related, really, and insofar as they are related, they undermine his “argument.” Like, “Don’t want to get assaulted? quit dating! only that won’t actually help since there are gangs in the streets, oops.”

  3. Samantha b.
    Samantha b. April 16, 2010 at 8:02 am |

    Anna, I have to agree. The comedic value in BL1Y’s is off the freaking charts, but it’s hard to hold a candle to Digby’s.

  4. Ruthie G
    Ruthie G April 16, 2010 at 8:12 am |

    Mike for the casual name dropping. As well as basically saying he doesn’t trust his daughter. And “college-resume packing activities”? May I introduce him to some of my friends who are campaigning to save funding for the music department? The orchestra and wind band are very time consuming and will look great on resumes, but they do it because they love it. Is it so hard to believe that people do activities becasue they, I don’t know, enjoy them?

  5. Victoria
    Victoria April 16, 2010 at 8:14 am |

    BL1Y sounds too pathetic to be made fun of. Its like he’s disgusted by his own maleness or has penis dysmorphic disorder or something. Its just sad, but Digby’s idea of roving gangs that only target men? Hilariously stupid.

  6. MomTFH
    MomTFH April 16, 2010 at 8:15 am |

    Hmmm, surprised I’m in a minority with Russiya. Men PREFER virgins. That means they get to have them! Sorry, sluts!

  7. ElleBeMe
    ElleBeMe April 16, 2010 at 8:18 am |

    It was a tough choice….

    While Mike went on and on about who he knows, to where he went to school, to his oppressive fathering techniques thereby raching a point I didn’t get was interresting…like a manly man’s resume in self-proclaimed morality….

    It was Digby who won hands down. Women should suffer domestic abuse because men get beat up in the street by gangs “all the time”. Such disconnect, such arrogance….and his solution? STOP DATING. Brilliant…because only women who date are domestically abused, and they’re abused because of roaming gangs in the street who prey upon men.

    The disconnect was staggering, moral relevance lacking and stupidity blatant….Digby, by far, is the “winner” in this poll!

  8. Olle
    Olle April 16, 2010 at 8:24 am |

    I can’t judge Jack’s comment, as I’m unfamiliar with the people he’s referring to (is Rush Limbaugh the “Rush” he mentions? Living in Sweden Rush is sort of like the Bogeyman, everyone has heard about him, but very few has been subjected to him.) Therefore Jack is out.

    Mike is stating his views in a somewhat disorganized way, and I don’t agree with his opinion, far from it, but I get the impression that he at least tries to live according to his views, narrow, as they seem to be. He could be a contender.

    Russiya falls into the category of people who accept that men have sex, but not women. Quarreling with anti-feminist boys on forums here I’ve run into this view way too often! I find the statement about “most men prefer” interesting, as it would seem that it’s ok for us guys to be experienced, and you do need some kind of experience to know what you “prefer” – right? Strong contender for the title!

    Digby is simply shoving the blame on the victim. Nothing but ignorant stupidity. Troll quality, yes, but the poster lacks originality.

    I get the impression that BL1Y is dressing up in victim-hood. He will not look better because of it. Victims of abuse should get all the support they need, but people screaming “I’m such a victim!” when they are not should complete the outfit with a dunce cap!

    Well, those are my immediate thoughts, and it seems like my choice is Russiya, because the poster represents one concept I’ve been fighting a lot! :-)

  9. Alara Rogers
    Alara Rogers April 16, 2010 at 8:30 am |

    I “like” (if that’s the word to use) Digby for the over-the-top misandry being presented in such a matter of fact way. “Don’t spend time with men, ladies, we are killers! We’ll kill your ass! We kill each other all the time! So if you don’t retreat to Paradise Island to live a violence-free life among the other Amazon womyn, but actually attempt to spend time with men, you had it coming!”

    There’s a poster on one feminist board I visit who frequently advocates the gendercide of men. Funnily enough, I think that Digby’s statement and the opinions of this radical, man-hating feminist of my acquaintance who thinks that all the problems in the world would be solved if women just stopped having male children are actually in perfect congruence with each other. Her solution to male violence is *also* “stop associating with men”, and by extension “men are naturally violent, therefore we should make them extinct.”

    How, exactly, do these men not realize that they are earnestly advocating for their own extinction when they present arguments that boil down to “Men are violent, we can’t be controlled, that’s just the way we are?” I mean, we put down dogs that bite…

    As for BL1Y… I’m not even sure he’s a troll (I’m lacking the context of the rest of his sentence of course.) That pretty much *is* what life is like for a huge number of men; because women are the sex class, men are not allowed to be sexy (and since men are not allowed to empathize with women, men often have a hard time figuring out that women *do* find men to be sexy). I personally would rather have the world pay attention to my personality and intellect than how hot my body is or is not, but I notice that men often express the desire to be objectified. (Probably because for them it rarely or never happens. I’m betting that men who are objectified all the time aren’t quite so thrilled with it.) I mean, he’s overstating the case when he claims that to be a man is to be considered repulsive, but it is true that our society offers very little space for men to be considered attractive, desirable beings.

  10. phira
    phira April 16, 2010 at 8:31 am |

    I was insulted that Mike spelled Rainbow Brite wrong. How rude!

  11. Niki
    Niki April 16, 2010 at 8:44 am |

    Mike seemed like he was earnestly trying to be helpful, and it’s that kind of arrogance that usually gets my vote!

  12. Tracey
    Tracey April 16, 2010 at 8:50 am |

    Well, I kinda like Mike. He is quick to point out he is not a “raging fundamentalist freak from the backwoods”, and then goes on to paint a line between the World and his existance. I guess by “freak” he means those people that live pretty seperately and self-sufficiently and consider the world evil, now I take issue with that b/c I know of some people who chose to live like that as apart of their religious practice and aren’t sexist a-holes (and don’t think the modern world is evil). So, he’s better than everyone in the World who worships Moloch and Rainbow Brite, and he’s better than all those “backwood Christian freaks.”

    So for considering The World evil, being a controlling jerk who doesn’t allow extracurricular activities, and having the typical “I use to be this and this so I know how terrible it all is” story, and being elitist to boot I have to go with Mike. I mean he even works in “lower your standards.”

  13. Marilyn
    Marilyn April 16, 2010 at 9:09 am |

    I was very tempted to vote for Digby but didn’t really understand the connection between dating and men getting beat up on the street, Ultimately, I had to go with Mike. It’s not only the content of his rant and holier-than-thou idea of what right living is for him and his family (make no mistake, Mom isn’t making the decisions, her “GOOD MAN” is), but the fact that his is the longest. He obviously is a woman-interrupter of the first order. His entire being screams troll to me.

  14. DanceDreaming
    DanceDreaming April 16, 2010 at 9:15 am |

    I’m with the vote for Digby. Gah.

    They’re all pretty awful. Except, I do have to take exception to the response to BL1Y and agree with Alara. Why is it ok to mock a guy for crying victim of gender? I mean, granted, his manner of presenting it isn’t the best ‘Bah! you think you have it bad, ha!’, but… Androphobia is pretty clearly a real phenomena (re:schrodinger’s rapist), as is the cultural asexualization of men. Stuff that most men do experience.

    I don’t want to derail with a TPHMT thing here, but a bit of sensitivity seems appropriate, no?

  15. Lisa
    Lisa April 16, 2010 at 9:22 am |

    ANYTHING that compares Rainbow Bright/Brite to parenting skillz should win, but Digby won my vote for pure hilarity.

    and to the guys who get beat up in the streets by gangs, it’s simple:

    STOP WALKING IN THE STREET!

  16. Erin
    Erin April 16, 2010 at 9:23 am |

    I’m going with Mike. He almost seems like someone who’d be willing to engage in a conversation, but then he uses the “Ladies, all you have to do is find a good man” line, and his mansplaining intentions become quite clear.

  17. Cara
    Cara April 16, 2010 at 9:27 am |

    Admittedly, I am always biased in favor of the trolls that comment on my posts, but Mike. All the way, Mike.

  18. FashionablyEvil
    FashionablyEvil April 16, 2010 at 9:34 am |

    In short, I am educated, know several folks in the White House, and have seen Moloch. I just choose not to worship him or sacrifice my children to him.

    Can anyone explain what this means? I am totally at a loss.

  19. Tab
    Tab April 16, 2010 at 9:37 am |

    Digby, definitely Digby, for his belief that the only way to avoid being abused by a partner is to sacrifice all desire for romantic companionship.

    You know, I don’t quite understand this “women shouldn’t ever do anything because all men are uncontrollable monsters” schtick, if only because if straight guys keep pushing that line, how do they ever expect any women to want to date them?

  20. jaded16
    jaded16 April 16, 2010 at 9:42 am |

    My favourite Mansplainer would definitely be Mike. I was tempted to reload the page and vote again but I won’t give Mike that pleasure.

  21. Icewyche
    Icewyche April 16, 2010 at 9:43 am |

    Oh, wow. It was a close race between Digby and Mike, but in the end I had to give the edge to Mike for the “mah moral lyfe, let me show you it” lecture.

    Ladies, all you have to do is find a good man, accept a lower standard of living and a more cultured and thoughtful life rather than adopt “society’s values”, find a quiet place and raise your children.

    Translation: Shut up, stay ignorant, marry the first asshole that’ll have you because it’s all you deserve, get your asses back in the kitchen, and concentrate on having babies, you whiny, demanding bitches.

  22. Alan Lamb
    Alan Lamb April 16, 2010 at 9:44 am |

    I was undecided at first, but then I noticed the “Dad (if he is still around)” at the end of Mike’s post.

    Mike wins. Hands down.

  23. Tracey
    Tracey April 16, 2010 at 9:54 am |

    @FashionablyEvil
    Moloch was a god worshiped in the North Africa/Middle East area that is believed to have required sacrifice by fire. Apparently, the term is now used as a way to describe anything that requires great sacrifices (though I’ve never seen it used that way, but then again I’ve never heard Moloch referenced outside of a religious context at all).
    Also, I believe Moloch is specifically the god in the Old Testament that was said to demand the sacrifice of children.
    So I’m guessing he means that through his education and connections he saw Moloch (the world), but refuses to sacrifice his kids to wider society (by controlling their intake of knowledge to the point after school activities aren’t allowed).

  24. facultades
    facultades April 16, 2010 at 9:56 am |

    I had to vote for Russiya just because of his generalization about most guys. And maybe he is right that most guy prefer virgins, but most men I have met prefer sex with people that know a thing or two.

  25. Miss Minx
    Miss Minx April 16, 2010 at 9:59 am |

    They’re all equally amusingly appalling, but I went with Mike, mostly for the sheer length of his comment and that he uses being the father of a daughter to establish his mansplaining “cred.”

    He reminds me of the Lord Douchington I was inflicted with in one of my grad seminars – he was all, like “I have two teenage stepdaughters, let me tell you that I know what they think and feel at all times, and that THEY ARE WHORES.” To a roomful of seven women, five of whom were working on body and gender studies. FAIL.

    (So really, I am using Mike to vote for Lord Douchington.)

  26. ACG
    ACG April 16, 2010 at 10:05 am |

    I hate FNTT! The decisions are so hard to make. In the end I had to go with Mike – he seemed to start by simply laying out his household’s approach to childrearing, which was reasonable, and then veered into “and everyone who doesn’t do it that way is contributing to the downfall of society and is why I won’t let my daughter leave the house without headphones and a blindfold” before charging all the way to “ladies, it’s your rejection of woman’s appointed homemaking role in life that’s turning your children into monsters, so get back in the kitchen.”

    Plus, I think I read about him in the Onion.

  27. Skateaway [formerly PJ]
    Skateaway [formerly PJ] April 16, 2010 at 10:06 am |

    [Note to admins: Not a sock puppet! I just noticed another commenter also uses the name “PJ”, and I’d rather avoid confusion.]

    Hmm…we do have some quality trolls here.

    Russiya: Points for encapsulating the “virgin/whore” dichotomy so succinctly, as well as naming himself Official Speaker for Most Men (the others are lying, right?). I love how he implies that there is an unlimited supply of fresh virgins waiting for manly connoisseurs like him, leaving the rest of us sullied sluts (even one time = slut? REALLY???) to weep at home for missing out on being with an awesome d00d like him.

    Jack: Ah, Jill…you know what you need to fix up your life and your silly, muddled lady-views? A GOOD MAN. That’ll fix you and your opinions right up, missy!

    BL1Y: I do believe this guy’s insecurities are sincere, and men as well as women are victims of body-shaming. But, yeah…”men are body-shamed, too!” is not really helpful, denies the existence of sexism, and is also an awesome silencing technique. (“What are you talking about? Everyone deals with this. Grow up!”)

    So, the top two:

    Mike: Seriously? ARGH! Let’s see…condescending tone; listing of his AMAZING credentials; and the fantastic parenting advice of “raise your child in a cave!” Ok, ok…I agree that choosing appropriate entertainment for your kids and discussing it with them is great (because feminists NEVER do that!) But a total culture bubble to protect your daughter from sexism? When? Until death? I also love the implication that sexism would go away if people just weren’t so darned lazy about filtering out cultural influences…because that’ll make the patriarchy disappear right quick!

    Digby: So, victims of violence deserve it. FOR DARING TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE. What a scary, scary person.

    So, while Mike is truly the mansplainiest of the mansplainers, I’m going to have to vote for Digby for pure hatred and victim-blaming. (Also so I don’t have to read Mike’s post again in the next round.)

  28. Slug
    Slug April 16, 2010 at 10:09 am |

    I couldn’t decide until I read this comment, which blew some clouds of confusion out of my eyes: “Russiya falls into the category of people who accept that men have sex, but not women.”

  29. Kate
    Kate April 16, 2010 at 10:31 am |

    Last one. Definitely. Poor girl.

  30. frau sally benz
    frau sally benz April 16, 2010 at 10:33 am | *

    This was really hard, but I had to go with Digby. It was a close race there, but I was just so dumbfounded by the “stop dating” thing…

  31. Cha-Cha
    Cha-Cha April 16, 2010 at 10:38 am |

    Mike, all the way. For the “moral filth” comment, which made me laugh so hard I spit out my tea. I think I AM the “moral filth” he and so many of my parents former friends were trying to keep out of their home… and it’s been hella fun.

  32. MissaA
    MissaA April 16, 2010 at 10:41 am |

    My vote was for Mike. He name-dropped Obama! And all you have to do is find a good man! And not allow your children to participate in social activities! All you have to do is follow his example and live just like him!

    And, I too have seen Moloch… he was a monster in season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

  33. PrettyAmiable
    PrettyAmiable April 16, 2010 at 10:46 am |

    I vote Mike too, because while it was a long post, there was a gem in nearly every line.

    I mean, he’s seen Moloch. And he knows Obama! (No relation – but did you know Obama lets his kids watch TV?!?! The horror).

  34. Madeleine
    Madeleine April 16, 2010 at 11:05 am |

    I think I have to go with Jack, for his helpful advice and sincere concern about Jill’s personal life. Also, clearly he has a good sense of humor, because this comment must be a joke.

  35. Dawn.
    Dawn. April 16, 2010 at 11:13 am |

    This is a close race. Every troll is just so cute and crazy! I was going to go with Digby because OMFG most ridiculous scary victim-blaming ever, but I’m going with Mike. I mean, wow Mike. You name-dropped OBAMA and you are clearly a Master of Mansplaining and WOW I feel so bad for your daughter. You win.

  36. chrissy
    chrissy April 16, 2010 at 11:18 am |

    BL1Y for thinking he had a Booyah! moment.

    People are horrified by my appearence! Booyah!

    And for arguing that everybody is disgusted when they look at guys. I know I am. Where are the boobs??? It makes no sense!!!

  37. latinist
    latinist April 16, 2010 at 11:22 am |

    Digby probably ought to win, but I didn’t vote for him because, frankly, thinking about that comment freaks me out a little. And though Mike had some excellent quality trollery in there, you had to cut through a lot of fat to get to it. Russiya, by contrast, was on to something really promising (“everybody secretly agrees with me, in their hearts”), but it needed a little more development to fulfill its potential. Similarly with BL1Y; I would have loved to see him elaborate how tough it is being a man, with feminists constantly lurking around the corner waiting to castrate you not compliment your looks. But I vote for Jack. I don’t think you can go wrong (or rather, right) with the anti-feminist move of “Oh, you’d understand these issues if you dated someone like me — I’d explain everything to you.” Also, though it may just be a coincidence, I’m giving him credit for possibly choosing a name (Jack) to emphasize how good a date he’d be for Jill.

  38. FashionablyEvil
    FashionablyEvil April 16, 2010 at 11:25 am |

    Thanks, Tracy! (My quick read of Wikipedia’s entry on Moloch was not particularly illuminating.)

  39. Linoleum Blownaparte
    Linoleum Blownaparte April 16, 2010 at 11:26 am |

    Wow.

    I’m tempted to vote Digby because I’ve never been beaten up by “gangs.”

    But Mike…

    In addition to mansplaining the shit out of things, I’d bet just about anything that he has no idea what goes on in his daughter’s life.

    So yeah, Mike.

  40. Dawn.
    Dawn. April 16, 2010 at 11:29 am |

    But I vote for Jack. I don’t think you can go wrong (or rather, right) with the anti-feminist move of “Oh, you’d understand these issues if you dated someone like me — I’d explain everything to you.” Also, though it may just be a coincidence, I’m giving him credit for possibly choosing a name (Jack) to emphasize how good a date he’d be for Jill.

    latinist, I loved Jack too even though I ended up voting for Mike. And I totally didn’t notice the Jack/Jill connection, haha I really hope he just chose that.

  41. Lurkin Merkin
    Lurkin Merkin April 16, 2010 at 11:32 am |

    Although I was tempted to vote for Russiya (who should still get the Having Your Cake and Eating it Too Award), Digby won this round. I wish there was a way to combine the two, because if all straight women completely avoided men, then not only would domestic violence never happen, but all those women would be virgins which is what “most guys” prefer. Obviously everyone would be happy, then. Makes perfect sense!

  42. timberwraith
    timberwraith April 16, 2010 at 11:35 am |

    I voted for Mike because of the sheer level of cluelessness in believing that you can completely sequester your child inside of a hermetically sealed social environment, safe from all the nasty influences of the world. Does you daughter have friends? Go to school? Read books? Watch TV at a friend’s house? Unless you are living on a remote island, good luck with that.

    I also have a soft spot in my heart for tl;dr posts, since I’m guilty of long-winded posts, too. ;)

    As for Digby, I just have to say it: you are right, if women want to avoid violence, then women should stop dating men. Using the same logic, if guys want to avoid violence, they should avoid being male. They have medical procedures for that now, you know. Besides, that will solve both problems! Guys will simply stop being guys and hence, there will no longer be men available for women to date!

    Pure genius!

  43. April
    April April 16, 2010 at 11:44 am |

    I can’t decide between Digby and Mike. Digby was just so unbelieveably, non-sensically wrong, that I don’t even know what to say.

    Mike, on the other hand, is one of those mansplainers I almost pity. “Ladies, just accept your lower lot in life, accept Jesus into your heart, and get over it.” Clueless. Utterly clueless.

    The other ones were pretty tame…

  44. EM
    EM April 16, 2010 at 11:49 am |

    Mike. Mike closes his eyes, nods slowly and e-d-u-c-a-t-e-s us. Mike selectively redacts and reads the Times aloud to his wife and daughter. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mike flogs himself. Mike may too much enjoy going to junior varsity girls basketball games. For all of this, he wins.

  45. Gayle Force
    Gayle Force April 16, 2010 at 11:49 am |

    If I were Mike’s daughter, I would have certainly discovered recreational drugs by now. Because: they would be a necessity, I think.

    Digby still got my vote, though, because he strikes me as a dude who listens to Insane Clown Posse and finds them spiritual.

  46. lizvelrene
    lizvelrene April 16, 2010 at 11:50 am |

    I had to give it to Mike, for choosing not to sacrifice his children to Moloch.

    Just say no. To Moloch.

  47. Theresa
    Theresa April 16, 2010 at 12:04 pm |

    Oh no, I am SURE I have read MUCH better dickweeds here!

  48. ACG
    ACG April 16, 2010 at 12:05 pm |

    In addition to mansplaining the shit out of things, I’d bet just about anything that he has no idea what goes on in his daughter’s life.

    I suspect Mike dictates everything about everything that goes on in his daughter’s life. I’m certain he knows nothing about what goes on in his daughter’s head.

  49. iiii
    iiii April 16, 2010 at 12:15 pm |

    Had to go with Mike. He has seen Moloch.

  50. The Chemist
    The Chemist April 16, 2010 at 12:18 pm |

    I went for Mike because the other comments were thoughtless. Mike’s shows that he thinks a great deal… and never gets anywhere.

  51. Sarah
    Sarah April 16, 2010 at 12:36 pm |

    Digby. No question about it.

    With most of the others I could find something to forgive them for: Jack for mostly attacking liberals rather than women, BL1Y for being a sad, sad loser, and Mike for bringing up the valid point that parents have more influence on kids than pop culture, although if he really believed that he’d have to completely change the way he treats his own kid(s). And Russiya, while not presenting any possible redeeming value, at least doesn’t blame women for getting beat up. (PS: My experience is that most guys don’t give a damn whether or not you’re a virgin; if they think you look sexy, they’ll want you! Not rocket science, people.)

    That leaves: Digby, Mr. “how DARE women date?” Who gets beat up by roving gangs every time he walks down the street–a beating which, in my opinion, he richly deserves.

  52. roses
    roses April 16, 2010 at 12:40 pm |

    Mike seemed like he was earnestly trying to be helpful, and it’s that kind of arrogance that usually gets my vote!

    Yeah, that’s why I voted for him too. He seemed to genuinely believe we could all benefit from his glorious male wisdom, and that makes him the mansplainiest to me.

  53. cathy
    cathy April 16, 2010 at 12:41 pm |

    Mike won, because of the reasons stated by others above and because, despite advocating few amenities and lower standards of living, he makes huge efforts to distinguish himself from the real rural poor, you know, us nasty ignorant backwooders.

  54. Olle
    Olle April 16, 2010 at 12:50 pm |

    After reading the comments so far I’ve come to appreciate nuances in the different contenders I didn’t see at first! If I were to recast my vote I think I would give it to Mike. And just for the fun of it – try reading his text adding a little drama to it using a sort of whiskey-enhanced growl – try it! :-)

  55. hypatia
    hypatia April 16, 2010 at 1:00 pm |

    Definitely between Digby and Mike for for me but Mike took it as he was definitely the “mansplainiest”. You could just really feel he thought he was being very informative.

    Digby… very wtf… and scary… but not quite what I picture in a good “mansplain”.

  56. preying mantis
    preying mantis April 16, 2010 at 1:01 pm |

    “I voted for Mike because of the sheer level of cluelessness in believing that you can completely sequester your child inside of a hermetically sealed social environment, safe from all the nasty influences of the world.”

    You kind of can, but whoa mama are you setting them up for some much bigger, much more difficult-to-undo problems down the road.

  57. BL1Y
    BL1Y April 16, 2010 at 1:07 pm |

    Alara and DanceDreaming got what I was after, that while women are over-sexualized, men are under-sexualized. And, I don’t think recognizing one gender’s problems at all diminishes the reality of the other gender’s problems.

    Also, Sarah’s remark was spot on. I am a sad, sad loser.

    I would comment on Victoria’s suggestion that maybe I have penis dysmorphic disorder, but I’m not entirely sure what that is, and don’t want to venture into the part of the internet that would tell me. However, I will say my penis is an even sadder sad loser than I am. My penis actually makes me look like a pretty cool guy by comparison.

  58. Lurking Historian
    Lurking Historian April 16, 2010 at 1:08 pm |

    I had to vote for Mike for all the reasons other commenters have listed–but also because, as a mother of a daughter I am sick to death of hearing that any problem I have with the way our culture portrays and treats girls would just go away if I got off my lazy butt and became the Perfect Mother.

    But I am disappointed that my favorite man ‘splaining troll did not make the cut–the one who a few weeks ago concluded his remarks with “That’s not patriarchy. That’s math.” I’ve been laughing about that one ever since. Perhaps he will be nominated under another category…? Please..?

  59. jen
    jen April 16, 2010 at 1:34 pm |

    i think i have to cast my vote for mike. i have a thing for ridiculously rambling mansplaining, i guess :). and particularly for those mainsplainers who casually drop their buddy-connections in the white house. because, duh, that adds credibility beyond belief.

  60. evil fizz
    evil fizz April 16, 2010 at 1:40 pm |

    Kids learn from Mom and Dad (if he is still around) not Rainbow Bright.

    Mike wins it for this line, but “moral filth” and the arbitrary acronym for Harvard Law School cement it. The mixing of smart, moral, and breathtakingly reactionary embodies the best sentiments of NTT.

  61. chrissy
    chrissy April 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm |

    Having had the time to read the other comments, especially DanceDreaming, I want to take back what I said in the second part of my comment. I wasn’t aware of the problems that DanceDreaming brings up, and that shows ignorance on my part and I’m ashamed of it. Too caught up in the funniness.

  62. LC
    LC April 16, 2010 at 1:53 pm |

    While I think Digby may be the trolliest, he had the misfortune to be in the “Mansplaining” edition, and I’ve got to give Mike the nod for “most Mansplaniest”.

    Tough call, though.

  63. Gembird
    Gembird April 16, 2010 at 2:00 pm |

    I voted for Mike. I think he should be rewarded for all that effort he put into telling us we should all get back in the kitchen and shut up about it. That kind of dedication has got to count for something.

  64. groggette
    groggette April 16, 2010 at 2:01 pm |

    Aw come on now, the only thing Jack was trolling for was a date with Jill!

    Did he leave his phone number in the email box? ;)

  65. Aishwarya
    Aishwarya April 16, 2010 at 2:02 pm |

    I was torn between Digby and Mike for a while, but Mike just about edges it for sheer quantity.

  66. Doctress Julia
    Doctress Julia April 16, 2010 at 2:05 pm |

    I think by ‘seeing Moloch’, he has perhaps visited the Bohemian Grove?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_Grove

    Which makes him seem even SCARIER. Brr.

  67. Roving Thundercloud
    Roving Thundercloud April 16, 2010 at 2:12 pm |

    It’s Mike FTW: he’s the only one who even addressed us as “ladies”! And, while the others concisely gave us simple facts (guys like virgins better than the rest of you sluts, Rush is creative and funny, etc.), Mike cheerfully gave us opinion, advice, strategies, a new role model, and a little cheerleading to boot (“Believe me, it is all within your control.”) Better Living Through Mike.

    Also, I find that the hallmark of genuine mansplaining is that it goes on and on, first ostensibly about the issue at hand but inevitably about the mansplainer himself: he knows not only Obama, but *several* people in the White House. AND he has seen Moloch [shrugs, decides not to sacrifice his children to him]. If only we ladies could be that cool and self-possessed!

  68. Allison
    Allison April 16, 2010 at 2:23 pm |

    Digby! Although Mike nearly got me with the Moloch thing, tl;dr factor gives to to Digby. I like ‘em to keep it punchy.

  69. Anna
    Anna April 16, 2010 at 2:41 pm |

    Lurkin Merkin said:

    I wish there was a way to combine the two, because if all straight women completely avoided men, then not only would domestic violence never happen, but all those women would be virgins which is what “most guys” prefer. Obviously everyone would be happy, then. Makes perfect sense!

    I love this point, because it reminded me about the fact that the only way virgins can stay virgins is if people interact with them non-sexually. Otherwise, we’d just run out of virgins, right, Russiya?

    So what Russiya is really saying is that he prefers talking to virgins, kissing virgins, and maybe playing a board game with virgins.

    That’s not so bad. Poor Russiya is misunderstood – he’s just trying to tell us that he’s a virgin who likes hanging out with other virgins, because he’s afraid of human sexuality and anybody who has one.

    Regardless, I voted Mike for effort.

  70. Liz
    Liz April 16, 2010 at 2:50 pm |

    I can’t decide between Digby and Mike, Digby is undoubtedly the most offesive and clueless TROLL; but Mike is possibly the more dangerous TROLL who really believes that mansplaining drivel! Hmmm…! Love the competition though guys!

  71. annajcook
    annajcook April 16, 2010 at 2:52 pm |

    I had to go with Digby for brevity, and for the fact that the solution to domestic violence is apparently THE END OF HETEROSEX!!!

  72. Ledasmom
    Ledasmom April 16, 2010 at 2:53 pm |

    Mike. He’s seen Moloch (I envision this as having happened while he, the wife and the daughter were on a particularly long road trip: “Look, giant ball of string – magnetic hill – Moloch”).

  73. anon
    anon April 16, 2010 at 3:01 pm |

    I voted for Mike too! Digby was the most offensive and appalling to me, but Mike was the mansplainingest. There was something virtuoso in his level of condescending contempt for us ladies. Plus it made me laugh.

  74. Sara
    Sara April 16, 2010 at 3:10 pm |

    guys get beat up in the street all the time by gangs
    Huh? Where does this guy live, I wonder.

  75. Niki
    Niki April 16, 2010 at 3:10 pm |

    Would it be at all possible for future rounds of this contest to include a link to the original article the trolls were trolling in? It helps highlight their absurdity sometimes.

  76. Thessa Mercury
    Thessa Mercury April 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm |

    “Mike” and “mansplainer” begin with the same letter for a reason!

  77. Melissa
    Melissa April 16, 2010 at 3:33 pm |

    They’re all so good, it’s hard to choose!

  78. BL2Y (no relation)
    BL2Y (no relation) April 16, 2010 at 3:42 pm |

    I have to say that the people who put this contest together are not the sharpest crayons in the box. Mind you this has nothing to do with gender. The sexes are equally capable of being morons. Simply put, you’re taking a comment out of context, just because you WANT to be offended. Intelligence FAIL.

  79. jen
    jen April 16, 2010 at 4:06 pm |

    Yay, finally: CAPS!!! They make crappy arguments so much more CONVINCING!!! :)

  80. Gembird
    Gembird April 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm |

    I think this BL2Y person (who is DEFINITELY no relation to BL1Y, just so you all know) is offended that we might be offended.

    Which is pretty redundant, I mean, I don’t know about you guys but I’m having a lot of fun.

  81. Sheelzebub
    Sheelzebub April 16, 2010 at 4:11 pm |

    (I let the previous comment through because trolling on a Top Troll thread is just amazing).

    Especially when it’s from a butthurt troll. SAUCE.

  82. Lynnsey
    Lynnsey April 16, 2010 at 4:26 pm |

    Tough choice, but I went with Mike. In keeping with the category, I felt it was definitely the best/worst. The others were certainly fantastic trolls, but not quite so condescending to us women-folk.

    I would like to also give a big round of applause to the commenter who use the word “mansplainiest.” That is my new favorite word.

  83. Erin
    Erin April 16, 2010 at 4:35 pm |

    What does “tl;dr factor” mean?

  84. BL1Y
    BL1Y April 16, 2010 at 4:40 pm |

    Jill, I think you should write to NYU and ask for a partial refund based on the decreased value your JD has after they gave me the same one.

  85. Sheelzebub
    Sheelzebub April 16, 2010 at 4:47 pm |

    OMG. Jill, this isn’t trolling, it’s performance art. AWESOME.

    Dance for us, boys!

  86. Yaz
    Yaz April 16, 2010 at 4:48 pm |

    I’m thinking BL2Y (Who is definitely nothing at all like BL1Y, of course.) is just upset that ze isn’t one of the top contenders.

    I went with Digby. I mean, honestly? The solution to stopping DV is to avoid men? That’s all kinds of WTF.

  87. BL1Y
    BL1Y April 16, 2010 at 6:01 pm |

    I’m definitely sad I’m not winning. I could really use the extra line on my CV; a degree from a top ranked diploma mill just doesn’t get you as far as it used to.

    But, I am glad to see so many of your readers can distinguish between trolling and simply not toeing the party line.

  88. PrettyAmiable
    PrettyAmiable April 16, 2010 at 6:17 pm |

    Blah, blah. Bored now.

    Jill, will there be a meta round of voting where we can vote for our favorite act of trolling on a post about trolling?

  89. Another Laurie
    Another Laurie April 16, 2010 at 6:30 pm |

    I didn’t look at the results or the comments before voting — but it looks like I am with the crowd on this one. Mike is clearly the top troll of this round, with Digby a distant second.

    Actually, I think Mike has the potential to win the whole thing. I like how he slowly but steadily works up to a crescendo of mansplaining, culminating in a classic bit of “Ladies, I know what’s best for your own good” line of reasoning.

    BL1Y, I am sorry you are losing. I wasn’t sure how to take the particular comment featured here, but based on some of your comments on this thread and your site, you seem to have potential as a troll. Your comment didn’t have quite enough condescension mixed in with the cluelessness; that’s really the mix you want to go with in order to reach the highest echelons of trolling. Better luck next time!

  90. Valerie2
    Valerie2 April 16, 2010 at 7:09 pm |

    OMG, Mike Mike Mike. All the way baby. All the way.
    “Ladies, all you have to do is x, y and z and ….”
    If someone had just told me about Mike years ago. Geez!

    Roving thundercloud, that was great.
    Better Living Through Mike!

    I almost wet my little girl panties!

  91. roses
    roses April 16, 2010 at 7:10 pm |

    Erin, tl;dr = Too long; didn’t read.

  92. Jamie
    Jamie April 16, 2010 at 8:07 pm |

    Digby wins, for me. Mike’s would have been better, but there was definite tl;dr going on, and I just don’t even know what BL1Y was trying to say.

  93. Femnist
    Femnist April 16, 2010 at 8:58 pm |

    I voted for Mike, for all the reasons that the others gave. I have a request to make – can you include links to the original posts in which the comments appeared? It will help us put things in perspective.

  94. Moloch
    Moloch April 16, 2010 at 9:22 pm |

    Mike. He even gave me my screen name.

    If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard a lecture (or seen one on the Internet) that included the words “accept a lower standard of living”, I wouldn’t have to.

  95. Atheistchick
    Atheistchick April 16, 2010 at 9:33 pm |

    Mike. This sentence: “Ladies, all you have to do is find a good man, accept a lower standard of living.” He has it all figured out.

  96. BL1Y
    BL1Y April 16, 2010 at 10:21 pm |

    [Mod note: warning for trans readers re: misgendering]

    Imagine an M->F transgendered person made the complaint that as a man he feels he can’t experience the kind of sexiness that might be available to him as a female.

    Still trolling?

  97. evil fizz
    evil fizz April 16, 2010 at 10:31 pm |

    Still trolling?

    Well, your inability to get your pronouns correct is a good sign, yes.

  98. BL1Y
    BL1Y April 16, 2010 at 11:11 pm |

    Sorry, but where are the messed up pronouns?

  99. Andrea
    Andrea April 16, 2010 at 11:29 pm |

    Oh Mike has my vote because he tells us that we can save our daughters from the sexism of popular culture if we take off our shoes, get back in the kitchen and define ourselves only through motherhood. Love. It.

  100. Li
    Li April 16, 2010 at 11:41 pm |

    Mike. “lower standard of living” just wins it for me.

  101. Melissa
    Melissa April 17, 2010 at 12:49 am |

    Mike. Oh, Mike. You’re just too much.

    Really, ladies, this guy has found all the answers to our problems. And, look, he’s even willing to share them with us! Of course we would be happier if we just accepted our lot as women and went back to the kitchen! How silly of us!

    Seriously, Mike, you’re killing me.

  102. PharaohKatt
    PharaohKatt April 17, 2010 at 1:09 am |

    Definitely a tough call. Eventually I went with Digby, because even though Mike is probably the mansplainiest, Digby’s comment terrifies me.

    Question: how will the winner be determined, first past the post or true majority?

  103. evil fizz
    evil fizz April 17, 2010 at 2:03 am |

    Sorry, but where are the messed up pronouns?

    Dude, the pronouns are the least of it, but transwomen (i.e., M to F) are referred to using female pronouns. Also, I’m picking on your grammar because your example of available sexiness quotient as a reason to transition is sufficiently ignorant to warrant another FNTT nomination. Inability to navigate 101 level stuff without throwing out ill-informed, offensive, and nonsensical counterexamples is per se trolling.

  104. Erin
    Erin April 17, 2010 at 3:17 am |

    I don’t know, I don’t see B1LY as a troll. There doesn’t seem to be any hostility, and that is definitely a trait I require in all my trolls. I do not think he has done enough to earn his 6%!

  105. Mish Glitter Pony
    Mish Glitter Pony April 17, 2010 at 3:42 am |

    Well I went with Mike – there’s nothing like an overly long post full of self-justification and self-congratulations.

    However, after reading the comments I feel B1LY should win. There’s nothing like a troll who pulls out some transphobic, sexist and cissexist shit when they are trying to argue they aren’t a troll. Classic.

    On the other hand, I had a quick look at B1LY’s blog and HE WANTS TO WIN. I don’t like the idea of giving a troll what they want – at all. Unless it’s my rage.

  106. Chally
    Chally April 17, 2010 at 3:45 am |

    Sheelzebub, would you mind not using “butthurt” here? Thanks.

    Jill, will there be a meta round of voting where we can vote for our favorite act of trolling on a post about trolling?

    Plz Jill??

    BL1Y, I don’t know how your comment got through, but I’m going to make extra sure you’re on permanent moderation and put a warning on your comment @97 until Jill sees it and decides what to do with you. For… all the reasons evil fizz said (though I’ll note that there’s a space between “trans” and “woman” as “trans” is a modifier). Please do some trans 101. I apologise to all the trans people who saw this before I got to it.

  107. Pidgey
    Pidgey April 17, 2010 at 6:53 am |

    There are so many great trolls to choose from. I think I have to avoid BL1Y because he was a little too close to a cogent thought when he tried to derail the conversation and draw the attention to him. Digby soars into the stratosphere of ignorance and victim blaming, but the troll element is too obvious. Mike has the layers and layers of ignorant trolling that you can’t fully “appreciate” until you reread his post several times. I mean, Gosh! Don’t y’all feminists know your problems are self-created and will all be solved once you find a man? *shudders*

  108. Jadey
    Jadey April 17, 2010 at 8:05 am |

    I had to go with Mike. It was such a nice, gentle roll all the way down the hill.

  109. gogobooty
    gogobooty April 17, 2010 at 8:54 am |

    I voted for Mike, cause like, he wrote an ESSAY, to like, SUM IT ALL UP for the ladies. Gotta appreciate all the helpful dedication. I agree with the commenter who said a link to the original posts & context would be a helpful addition.

    Also, I think Moloch went to HLS too!

  110. Atalanta
    Atalanta April 17, 2010 at 9:43 am |

    C’mon Mike! Go the distance!

    Like a couple of others, BL1Y reads as clueless but not really all that troll-y to me. Russiya and Jack aren’t bad, but they’re just not condescending enough. Digby — the wtf factor is a little high for my tastes; he swings from advice to I don’t even know what.

    Mike, though, Mike gives it his all, 110%. Namedrops Obama, thinks he can control every aspect of his daughter’s life, says that if your daughters have problems it’s because you weren’t focused inwards enough, condenses an immensely difficult, nuanced problem into simple terms, writes as though he’s talking to dim children… he’s got it all.

    (Also, doesn’t Moloch have connotations of capitalism and money in the current usage? Either way, I’m imagining him as the dude from Metropolis and that makes it that much funnier.)

  111. April
    April April 17, 2010 at 12:05 pm |

    Meh, point BL1Y to a 101 of some kind and leave him alone. He seems harmless. He just doesn’t “get it.” He’s clearly not trying to piss anyone off or hurt people’s feelings.

  112. evil fizz
    evil fizz April 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm |

    You don’t have to intend ill will to cause harm. BL1Y’s showing up in a space that endeavors to be (at the very least) respectful on such topics. By blasting all around with no sense of even a basic 101, he has the potential to do real harm. Why should members of our community be subject to that bullshit?

    So yeah, trolling.

    Thanks, Chally, for the correction. I hate it when typos obscure a point.

  113. Cimmer
    Cimmer April 17, 2010 at 4:00 pm |

    I voted for Mike this morning (I found his comment not only sexist, but incredibly classist, condescending all around!) and have really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments throughout the day…I honestly thought I wasn’t going to be able to read FNTT (to avoid becoming too enraged to function), but it’s actually kind of been a release to look at the troll-y *ridiculousness* …mansplaining…ohhhh, mansplaining…

  114. Turbopixie
    Turbopixie April 17, 2010 at 6:18 pm |

    I vote Mike, for both the long-windedness and the prescription for us ladies to avoid the “moral filth” of society.

  115. gwen
    gwen April 17, 2010 at 7:34 pm |

    I’m a sucker for condescending liars. I have to go with Mike. He had me at this sentence:

    “I am educated, know several folks in the White House, and have seen Moloch. I just choose not to worship him or sacrifice my children to him.”

  116. Rain
    Rain April 18, 2010 at 12:45 am |

    Mike.
    I’ve just seen too many guys take credit for work their spouses do to not recognize it when I see it. You know, “we homeschool”, “we churn our own butter and preserve surplus fruits and vegetables from our garden”, “we decided to give up our washer and clean our clothes down by the creek”.
    In Mike’s case, that level of monitoring of his daughter pretty much demands a stay-at-home parent. So let’s see. A 14-year-old would have been born in 1996. Mike graduated in 1991 from Harvard and worked on Wall Street “for a while”. Does Wall Street, or wherever he worked later that he was able to cultivate relationships with folks in the White House, have such generous work/family life balance policies that he was able to raise his daughter properly? Fat chance. It was wifey who was responsible for keeping the moral filth out of the house.

    Speaking of moral filth, where is Mike posting from? If they do everything pretty much as a family, do they spend time on the Internet together as well? They don’t allow TV or cell phones, but they have Internet access? Or is he doing his surfing at work, with the restrictions on outside influences only applicable to his wife and child?

  117. tigtog
    tigtog April 18, 2010 at 1:52 am | *

    I agree. For sheer mansplainin’ stamina and comprehensiveness, I just can’t go past Mike.

  118. Nia T.
    Nia T. April 18, 2010 at 5:17 am |

    I voted Digby. Not Mike, because I zoned out less than halfway through that pile of tl;dr.

  119. Natalia
    Natalia April 18, 2010 at 7:04 am |

    Goddamit. How come Russiya is losing? Go Russiya!

    There’s nothing I love more than people who adopt the Official Speaker for My Entire Gender mantle with such humility and grace.

  120. bellacoker
    bellacoker April 18, 2010 at 3:21 pm |

    I voted for Mike because he seems to think us “ladies” can possess his values or “society’s values” without even beginning to consider that we probably have our own f-ing values, thank you very much, sir. For me, that is the height of mansplanation.

  121. eilish
    eilish April 18, 2010 at 8:35 pm |

    I had to go with Digby. He is so exasperated with all our pathetic complaining, you can feel it. Mike’s “get back to the kitchen” is old, whereas we haven’t heard “Hie thee to a nunnery” for ever so long. Mike meanders, and I’m still not sure what subject he thought he was discussing. He successfully communicates his condescension, and that’s a winning characteristic, but too vulnerable to a simple “er, you’re OT” missile. Digby is straight to the point, and leaves one in a state of stunned silence. That gets him over the line first, with me.

  122. Morningstar
    Morningstar April 18, 2010 at 10:13 pm |

    Digby, FTW!

  123. Amanda
    Amanda April 19, 2010 at 3:06 am |

    Mike almost got it for sheer asshattery, but Digby just made me go “huh?” Thus, he wins.

  124. Sheelzebub
    Sheelzebub April 19, 2010 at 8:20 am |

    BL1Y really wants it–he started with some run-of -the-mill pissiness, and has ventured into derailing. So nice to see initiative!

  125. Sheelzebub
    Sheelzebub April 19, 2010 at 8:46 am |

    Also, doesn’t Moloch have connotations of capitalism and money in the current usage?

    I believe that’s Mammon. Though it’s a common error, I’d ask that everyone make the distinction between Moloch and Mammon, as they whine about it incessantly during our weekly infernal poker games.

  126. Christina
    Christina April 19, 2010 at 10:12 am |

    Digby – because apologists for domestic violence “win” every time.

  127. John
    John April 19, 2010 at 10:25 pm |

    From Wikipedia,

    In modern English usage, “Moloch” can refer derivatively to any person or thing which demands or requires costly sacrifices.

    Mike gets my vote because that was some artisanal mansplaining. Care and personal attention was put into crafting that condescension; words choices and descriptive evocations were pondered over to demonstrate his sophistication–thus dominance and !rightness!–relative to his audience. This was not something he just dashed off between locking his daughter in her bedroom for the night and checking his wife’s receipts to see how she spent her weekly allowance. He took at least an hour out of his Private Man Time (which I suspect occurs in his study, while the ladies of the house dothe after-dinner washing-up) to anoint us with his wisdom.

  128. Katie
    Katie April 25, 2010 at 12:06 pm |

    I’m voting for Mike, mostly because I feel great empathy for his 14 year old daughter who has to live with him. I can only hope she grows up to be a hard core feminist.

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