Thursday LOST Roundtable – The Good, Bad & Ugly (So Far)

Spoilers below!

This week on LOST, we got a rerun. But since we Feministers love talking LOST, we still have a roundtable for you featuring the good, the bad, and the ugly of season 6… so far. Discuss with us after the jump and, for heaven’s sake, no spoilers for unaired episodes!

Let’s start with the good – favorite moments this season?

SADY: Two words: ARRRRRRRRRZT. Okay, that is one word. Second word: LESLIIIIEEEEEEE.

CARA: Sayid’s badass ninja fight with Dogen (remember him?)! Desmond beating Widmore with his IV stand! Everything Miles!

SADY: Dr. Ben Linus, Teacher-At-Large, schooling you on how to use the coffee machine. Claire! Oh, how I loved the first episode or two of Serial Killer Claire. And then it got boring. But “Sweet Little Helpless Claire Is Back! And Also, Might Kill You, With An Axe” is a plot development to which I CANNOT SAY NO.

LAUREN: Yes, Dr. Linus. Ben secured a little piece of my heart this season, especially since I am also anal about coffee machine etiquette and have a tendency to get too emotionally invested in the lives of teenagers. There is also narrative satisfaction in the mirroring between this season and the first.

SALLY: I kinda loved Hurley and Libby’s kiss, even if it was followed by “you’re not crazy!” Also, the entire Richard-centric episode. Oh, and Desmond chatting it up with Faraday was pretty darn funny – not in an intentional way but in a “Faraday amuses me, always” way.

In keeping with the good, let’s get to our fave LOST topic – hot boys. Proceed.

CARA: There has not been nearly enough sexytime. If they’re going to torture me by making Sayid evil, they at least need to compensate by making one of the symptoms of the sickness an extreme aversion to any and all clothing.

SADY: This illness has already been identified within the LOST population; it is known as James Ford Syndrome. Recent sufferers include: Jin (YESSSSSSSSSS) who has been afflicted with extended periods of shirtlessness, and also has the I Am A Gleaming God Cut Of Living Marble And Could Slice Cheddar On My Own Perfect Cheekbones Disorder. (But IS IT a disorder? No. No, it is not.) And, like, also every other dude on the show at some point — there are so many naked dudes on this show! — except for Charlie. Which is fine. Because of all the phantoms dancing around in my head, haunting my sexual landscape, I really don’t need Naked Hobbit Charlie among them. But also, Cara, I think it is time! Time for me to share my TERRIBLE SECRET! You know. And Sally knows. But now the INTERNET IS GOING TO KNOW!

CARA: Oh Sady. Do not do this to yourself! And to the blog! THINK OF THE FEMINISTE REPUTATION.

SADY: It is too late, Cara! Too late now! The burden of secrecy is too great upon my soul! I must CONFESS MY SECRET. I…

I think Jack is hot.

LAUREN: What the fuck.

CARA: *cough*Other Feministe bloggers, I think we need to have a Very Official Feministe Meeting About Sady’s Continued Involvement with the Blog*cough*

Ahem. Something stuck in my throat. But I mean, it’s okay, Sady, we all like different types … *cough*

SADY: I… like dudes with tattoos? I like a more brunette variety of gentleman? I… I want Jack to get drunk and cry on my face, Lauren. He would cry all over my face and then he would break something and then we would totally Do It In The Sack. And then he would talk about how did you hear he occasionally had some troubles with his dad sometimes and that is the explanation for all his terrible behavior DON’T JUDGE HIM HE HAS FEELINGS. And then we’d get married. Have you noticed how we don’t know who Jack’s wife is, yet? CAN YOU VERIFY I AM NOT FILMING IN HAWAII?

SALLY: Sady, I have come to terms with this since you revealed it to me and will try not to judge you. Too much. In front of your face. =)

LAUREN: Sady, you’re off my buddy list. MEANWHILE, I have not only developed a thing for Ben, I have also developed a pretty hard crush on Sawyer and his lovelorn, hard-drinkin’, Stooges-listenin’ ways. I would also mention Sayid but Jill has threatened to cut me if I mention his name again.

SALLY: This is already well-known, but I’ll take this moment to reiterate that I am nonmonogamously in love with Sayid and Jin, and my love for Sawyer (who I remained unimpressed with for several seasons) has grown incredibly in the last two seasons. Together, we will allow others into our nonmonog. relationship and perhaps some couplings will make beautiful babies, if they’re so inclined.

CARA: Well no one else seems to want him, so dibs on Beardy Des. I’ll take Richard, too. But Sayid is still my constant.

Now the bad – what are your gripes so far this season?

CARA: They haven’t been as forthcoming with answers as I would like them to be, and I think that’s most people’s major complaint. I don’t find just the lack of answers frustrating so much as I find the combination of the lack of answers and numerous episodes that move kind of slowly or seem somewhat pointless, especially in light of this being the final season and there being so many unanswered questions out there.

SADY: Well, they ARE giving answers! But they are, in the words of Sally, Answers To Questions You Weren’t Asking. I actually think it’s a more straight-ahead show than it ever was, and also, it’s got a TON of exposition now which I find a bit annoying because I always liked the questions and creepiness better than the answers anyway. But I think the show’s writers actually value different questions than we do.

LAUREN: There is. No. Momentum. Whatsoever. The show is moseying along to the END OF THE WORLD without any sense of urgency. I saw some fans online suggesting that the season would be better if some of the episodes were rearranged to preserve the narrative momentum, like putting “Ab Aeterno” earlier in the season and positioning earlier episodes later. Don’t know if I buy it but it’s an interesting premise.

SALLY: My biggest gripe is that Cara has gotten to recap my two favorite episodes this season… also known as the only two episodes I’ve liked. I’m convinced Cara has some great LOST karma that was owed to her or something, because I have done nothing to deserve this!!

Aside from that, there’s the no answers thing. And the no momentum thing. And the killing off more women thing. And the where the hell is Ana Lucia?! thing. No, seriously, I would like to see her again, even if it’s actually just a clip from a previous season. Like, hey, remember this bad-ass woman? Back when women on this show were still capable of being bad-ass?

Also bad, the series is almost over and Jack’s still alive. How do we want him to die?

CARA: They’re never killing Jack. I give up. I just wish that they would stop cruelly teasing us by making us think that they might kill him (the dynamite, the explosion, etc.). Ideally I’d like to see him go out brutally and hilariously — I totally want them to Nikki and Paulo him. But if they ever did take him out (and again, I don’t think they will), they’ll totally do it tragic hero style. And he won’t be Nikki, Paulo, Artz, or Frogurt, he’ll be the new Charlie.

SADY: Oh, God. I think if they ever do kill Jack, they are just going to LITERALLY CRUCIFY HIM. It’s so obvious that they think of him as the hero, even though he is THE WORST. And I think I can confidently assert that most of us here would maybe want Sun to be the winning Candidate? Because she’s the only girl, and also, remember when she used to be awesome? I would also accept Hurley as the answer, because he’s like the best and most decent human being on the show; if I had to get someone to stand between me and the Powers of Darkness, it would be Hurley, because I know he’d be totally nice to the Powers of Darkness and we’d all end up going bowling together. But it’s going to be JACK, so he’s NOT GOING TO DIE, except at the end of the show when he makes The Ultimate Sacrifice and I’m supposed to cry about it. Whereas, actually, I would just like to sacrifice HIS FACE.

His beautiful, perfect face.

OH GOD! THE SHAME. THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAME.

LAUREN: They can’t kill Jack and deprive Sady of her ILLICIT BOYFRIEND. HER BOYFRIEND THAT WILL HAVE HER KICKED OFF THE INTERNET.

SADY: I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIM, LAUREN! I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIS PAIN! Did you hear that his dad was mean sometimes? WELL HE WAS! I UNDERSTAND THAT!

CARA: You know, I had never really thought about his decisions to stalk his ex-wife, and then emotionally abuse and stalk his ex-girlfriend, and then stalk his current vacation lover to her job, throw her up against a wall, and force her to betray her deeply held cultural traditions in that light before! His dad was mean, sometimes! Poor Jack! And can I just say: LOST writers! What nuance you have!

SALLY: I can almost hear the music that would play if Jack were ever killed off – it’d be typical dramatic LOST death music meets something like a James Cameron film score, in slow-mo, of course, because such is the LOST way!

And the ugly, or frustrating, or whatever. LOST hates women. Discuss.

SADY: The ladies! WTF with all the dead/boring ladies on this show? I remember at the beginning of this season I posted something about the girls on this show, on my own blog, and used the line, “the boys are all saving the world, and the girls are all saving their marriages.” And then? This season? Sun LITERALLY SAYS, “I am not here to save the world, I am here to save my husband.” In Korean, because they TOOK AWAY HER ABILITY TO CONVERSE WITH OTHER CHARACTERS, so that she could magically regain her English-speaking powers in front of her Korean husband who like her is from Korea and speaks primarily Korean and could largely only say the words “fish” and “gun” in English the last time they met so mostly the two of them conversed in Korean, although learning that he could speak fluent fucking English would appear to have no power to surprise her whatsoever, THE HELL. And, like, Sun used to be the best female character on this show. She used to be the one who was like, “fuck this noise, I’m taking over my dad’s corporation and tracking a supervillain to his lunch meeting so I can threaten him publicly, WHAT SUN WANTS SUN GETS, and what she wants is REVENNNNNNGE.” But now she basically only ever talks about her husband. IF SHE TALKS. She’s been in so many scenes just as background decoration. And this is only the beginning of the “stick her in the back, make the answer to her problems a baby/dude/dudebaby (if she’s dating Jack), she’s just a girl, who caaaaaaaares” plotting on this show.

LAUREN: “Alien,” have you guys seen this movie? Because it’s amazing. “Alien” is one of my favorite movies ever. The movie starts off with an ensemble cast, with the executive captain assuming the natural leader role both narratively and in the group. The brilliant part? Captain is the first to go, and one of only two female characters in the crew, Ripley, emerges as the moral and physical leader of the WHOLE FRANCHISE. Why am I so obsessed with comparing “Alien” and LOST? It’s the first thing I thought of when I watched the series premiere, partially because Jack was so squarely set up as the primary lead, and narrative leader, in the cast. It’s like we were meant to be tricked by this. So, a little wishful thinking, maybe? And maybe because in season five, Sun was positioned to be a COMPLETE BADASS? And because Kate was calling shots instead of following some dude around a jungle? And because Juliet may have staved off the nuclear bomb with her eyebrows alone? And because Our Fearless Leader was off crying somewhere to someone about something and killing people with his poor decision-making skills?

So yeah, the ladies have been my biggest disappointment so far this season because they’ve essentially disappeared unless they’re ruining their children’s lives or martyring themselves for their men. It’s pretty clear the entire writing staff of the show is made up of white dude nerds without a lot of experience or ingenuity when it comes to imagining the lives of people unlike themselves.

CARA: The women on the show were disappointing me for a long time, but Juliet’s death was kind of the final nail in that coffin. Of course, it didn’t help that Sun was no longer the woman who was willing to take an oar to a man’s head to find her husband, but a woman who would follow around dudes with a dazed expression on her face just kind of hoping they might take her to him, rather than doing anything to proactively find him herself. Kate has been a big disappointment for seasons now. Claire was never a particularly compelling character to me. And I knew that they were going to kill off Ilana from the moment she was introduced, so I never got invested in her. Which wasn’t exactly hard, since they never gave her any real character development.

LOST also hates answers. What questions do you still want answered?

LAUREN: I had about eight questions and when I pared them down they all amounted to, “What is the meaning of life?” I mean, “What is the meaning of LOST?” and then I realized that we already got those answers. The meaning is love. *cue Beatles tune* Aaaaand sibling rivalry between warring semi-gods. *cue metal tune* In which case I want to know what the hell all the electromagnetism is about.

CARA: I also want to know what the hell the electromagnetism is all about! I’m hoping that they’ll delve into that more with Desmond and his super special importance.

One thing that’s been really bothering me is that MIB doesn’t have a friggen name. But if they’ve gotten this far without naming him, I’ve pretty much given up on him ever getting one. Or if he does, there’s going to be a flashback scene with Jacob, and as he approaches MIB he says “sup …. GREG???”" *DUN DUN DUN*

A few big questions (for me) that they haven’t addressed: how/why the island moves, why pregnant women die on the island, and who Adam and Eve were. I’m not really sure how they’re going to get to the last two, in particular, and I’m rapidly losing hope. But if they do address them, it’ll be interesting to see how they do.

SADY: I myself will not rest until it is revealed that Police Detective Miles is dating Ana-Lucia. BECAUSE THEY TOTALLY ARE! Oh, my God, it is going to be amazing. Not least because it is impossible to imagine either one of them ever cracking a smile. Can you imagine their wedding pictures? Smashing cake into each others’ faces, and scowling. Having their first dance together, while scowling. Scowling meaningfully into each others’ faces, at the altar, and then kissing, while also scowling. SO! MUCH! SCOWLING! I need it to happen!

Also, how did Rose get the job at the temp agency? Did she have an easy time filling out the application? Was she entertaining other offers? Inquiring minds NEED TO KNOW this important mystery!

SALLY: I’m down with Cara’s questions, though I have lost interest in how the island moves. I’d also like them to tie in the statue to the pregnant women dying thing because I just think that’d be cool. I’d also like to know whatever happened to Walt and if he got to live happily ever after. Like, even if it’s just said in passing.

I venture to guess that the questions we’ll actually get answered will be more like, “why is there a jungle on this island? because trees grow from the ground and there are animals that protect the ecosystem!” Though, wouldn’t it be hilarious if the answers to LOST were all not only related to love, but also to the Earth?! Like, hey, we made you think this entire series had something vaguely to do with sci-fi but in reality it is love and the environment! FOOLED YA!