Your Daily Entertainment

Check out this new GOP website, which allows users to submit ideas for the Future of America. The website doesn’t have any filters, so people have been having some, um, fun with it. A few of the suggested ideas for how to improve the United States:

American Prosperity:

Let’s give Texas back to Mexico. I mean, it was kinda mean for us to steal it from them, just because a bunch of white people moved there illegally and wanted to keep their slaves (slavery was illegal in Mexico).

I remember in college that I used a kit to invent a potato-powered clock. Can we do that like… bigger and to power more stuff?

For far too long has America been plagued by illegal immigrants. They come here without any regard for the native cultures or language. They take whatever they want, whether it’s our jobs, or women, or are lives, and they have been a threat to our humble society, but no more I say. I say we kick these foreigners back to the countries they came from. So go back to England, go back to France, go back to Germany, go back to whatever European hellhole your ancestors came from. This is our country. This is our land. We were here first, and we are sick of sharing it with all you genocidal maniacs.

Give corporations the vote. Since we have established the corporations have free speech rights, why deny them the other benefits of personhood? Perhaps they should have more than one vote, perhaps proportional the number of dollars they contribute to political parties.

Fiscal Accountability:

Bring back the plutonium standard!!!!

We should make all currency illegal except the AMERICAN dollar!

I fear that going to a gold standard isn’t enough. Suppose some future liberal scientist decides to synthesize gold just to undermine the standard again? We should ban that pre-emptively.

I live 123 main st and I’m 16 years old.

American Values:

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future

My neighbor made a Republican website that can’t withstand more than two people posting at once, despite having “NASA technology”. Please arrest him, or at the very least, ridicule his stupid website.

We should have a nation-wide English only law. We should also only allow American food and American beer, except for special holidays.

if all schools don’t teach creationism, we should stop having schools. I mean, what’s the point?

I was going to say that we should stop daylight savings time because every time it comes around I’m confused for MONTHS. But what we should REALLY do is just standardize all American Time, so there aren’t different zones. That way, I could call my brother in Louisiana in the early evening and not worry about him already being asleep because its two hours later there.

We need a new constitutional amendment dictating that “if both individuals were drunk, then it is not considered gay.”

Creating a new line of hot dog marketing where they create packages of buns equal in amount to the number of hot dogs in the package. This imbalance in American Culture has been destroying us at the heart for decades now.

Deport Justin Bieber. He’s teaching young women to date before marriage, and I’m squeamish about that.

It is getting harder and harder to tell what race people belong to. All these light-skinned Mexicans and blacks and Muslims give me a headache, also nowadays some people can be black AND white or mexican AND white. they are flip-floppers! make them pick a race and stick to it. also i believe in racial equality AND YET mexicans are having way more babies than white people. I think Mexicans should pay a fine every time they have more than one baby per family, and white women should get a bonus every time they have more than one baby per family. (BUT NOT IF THE WOMAN IS DIVORCED. THEN SHE SHOULD PAY HER EX-HUSBAND A BONUS FOR EACH TIME HE GRACIOUSLY KNOCKED HER UP.)

My neighbor across the street is upwards of 40 years old and wears skinny jeans. They are way too tight and incredibly offensive. He should be fined and possibly jailed for this crime against his fellow citizens. I’m sure we can prove his offense unconstitutional somehow. My eyes want their freedom back.

Legalize Gay Marijuanna

America is a country of biblical values. I say if you marry a woman and she is barren, you should have the right to a) test her, to make sure she isn’t a witch and hasn’t cursed your sausage, and b) marry another women. It should not count as bigamy because you will only be able to get one of your wives pregnant.

Every terrorist should have to carry a magnet so they show up in airport screenings. This should be THE LAW

NEW LAWS SHOULD BE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE THEIR IMPORTANCE TO THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE AND ANNOUNCE THAT IMPORTANCE IN ALL CAP REPETITION AND RUN-ON SENTENCES TO THE REST OF THE WORLD IN POORLY WORDED ENGLISH

Rename Washington DC to Reaganville.

Protect the sanctity of life by ‘taking care of’ everybody who supports abortion.

Papers please for anyone online who uses an Umlaut on AND ENGLISH SPEAKING WEBSITE IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY> This is AMREICA!!!

We should require alternative theories to evoluation be taught in school. I like Norse Mythology and the Hopi story. Their is no more proof to these then to Darwins tale of molucules to man. Also, the Christians have a good theory, and snappy displays at the Creation Museum. I like to ride the dinosour (or Dragon, or Faith Lizard).

Holy God’s creation is perfect, and our representatives should be fighting for our values. Natural law does not inclued athiest isaac newtons “Laws” of thermodynamics. Socalled “Entropy” is a trick invented by the forces of darkness who are currently bringing this country to its knees. We need our leaders to fight for us, or else we will fight our leaders

Republicans caught engaging in embarrassing homoerotic scandals ought to be reclassified as Democrats and be forced to wear leather bottomless chaps in public. Keep our values strong!

i don’t understand why we have to have child labor laws. if every child over the age of 5 went to work (like they did in the OLD TIME TRADITIONAL AMERICA) we wouldn’t need to import stuff from China. MAKE THE CHILDREN PULL THEIR SHARE.

PEDOPHILES ARE AN EVER GROWING TO OUR CHILDREN, SO I WAS THINKING THAT WE SHOULD CAPTURE ALL PEDOPHILES AND PUT THEM IN CAMPS WITH FREE-ROAMING BEARS. PEDO-BEARS IF YOU WILL. IT WOULD SEND A STRONG MESSAGE TO PEOPLE: DON’T BE A PEDOPHILE.

National Security:

As shown by Timothy McVeigh and the Times Square bomber, fertilizer is dangerous. We should require a background check and a 48 hr waiting period for all purchases of fertilizer.

I hate sand. It’s rough and course and it gets everywhere.

National Security and Job Creation solution in one punch: Use remaining stimulus money and DHS budget and maybe some pentagon money to build a wall around the contiguous U.S. border. The wall should not be a fence, but a Great Wall that rivals China’s, seen from space, armed with heavy fire machine guns and border patrol to check each and every passport, permanent resident card, VISA, State Driver’s licence, Birth Certificate, etc. Contract the construction of this WALL out to great companies like Halliburton or Kellog Root and Brown and the huge contract dollars will eventually trickle down into low wage construction jobs. People will be employed and the U.S.A. will be hunkered down safe and secure. We would even have a great monument to boast about, like China!

If they stop letting the foreiners buy all of our convenience stores and gas stations and let AMERICANS run those businesses again. If you can’t say Marlboro, you can’t own it! Now their trying to take over the Dunkin Donuts! We must protect our American pastries!

So good. Go add your ideas, and vote for your favorites!


Similar Posts (automatically generated):

51 comments for “Your Daily Entertainment

  1. Holy!
    May 26, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    I’m sure Mexico would gladly take back Texas; the state has the second highest SDP in the country.

  2. Politicalguineapig
    May 26, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    I’m not a fan of the ‘bottomless chaps” proposal. Larry Craig and the rest ain’t exactly aesthetically appealing.

  3. libdevil
    May 26, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    There’s one up now suggesting that we have a limited amnesty program for ‘illegal immigrants.’ Amnesty only for those who are here “looking for weapons of mass destruction.” Classic.

  4. norbizness
    May 26, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    “Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.”

  5. Jen
    May 26, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    “Dolphins are not good role models because they live in groups, just like communists.”

  6. May 26, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    If they have a bottom, they aren’t chaps.

    Me and my chaps are feeling like the butt of the joke here.

    Seriously, I’m not so keen on the “let’s make the queer leatherfolks a punchline” bit.

  7. NancyP
    May 26, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    I think that some of your quotes are spoofs because the quotes have correct spelling and punctuation.

  8. K__
    May 26, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    “Legalize gay marijuana?” I was not aware that weed had a sexual orientation. How would one enforce this on a federal level?

  9. May 26, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    For some reason, “pedo-bears” made me laugh and now I can’t stop.

  10. May 26, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    “Legalize Gay Marijuanna” = Genius. The misspelling is a nice touch. I love attention to detail.

  11. Lisa
    May 26, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    If you want people to speak English shouldn’t you write your comments about it in proper English? Maybe I’m asking for to much…

  12. Rkel
    May 26, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Wow, looks like /b/ has been busy… what a surprise.

  13. Esme
    May 26, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    Global Warming is a threat to our nation and its people. We must, therefore, ban it. Bye bye hair driers, microwaves, ovens, and the sun.

  14. eilish
    May 26, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    “if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans.”

    One of my favourites.

  15. Zoe
    May 26, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Some of these make me laugh and some just make me sick. I can only hope that everyone here is kidding.

  16. Sheelzebub
    May 26, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Zoe, yeah, they’re trolling. The pedobear thing tipped me of that at least some of them are channers–trolls from the /b/ boards at 4 chan and other chans.

    (Pedobear is a big /b/ in joke.)

  17. Other
    May 26, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    This is the most awesome site in the world.

  18. May 26, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    Under “National Security”, I asked:

    Can you tell your mom to stop calling my house and coming over and asking the neighbors when I’m coming home?

  19. Tracey
    May 26, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    I’m sorry but this is pathetic. Was the Republican party not paying attention when McCain did something similar and ended up having his site overloaded with comments from Ron Paul supporters? Why…why? Are we absolutely sure the Republican party isn’t one big joke? Am I being life trolled by them? Add this to the “suburban urban hip hop” makeover and… well, I’m lost. I’m going to go watch Insane Clown Posse videos until things make sense again.

  20. Pidgey
    May 26, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    YOU CANNOT CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!

  21. May 26, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Oh god, that’s good! Really, what were they thinking? And talk about slow… Jeez, I could have written my comment in crayon and sent it via pigeon faster than they upload. Republicans FTW!

  22. Ms. Annie C
    May 27, 2010 at 12:58 am

    excuse me, I’m a terrorist and I was wondering where I can get my magnet plz?

    …not a terrorist, btw. Figured I should throw that out there, you know, in case someone was wondering.

  23. May 27, 2010 at 1:38 am

    The American Values section has been rickrolled!

    The government should never give you up, Never let you down, Never run around and desert you. Never make you cry, Never say goodbye, Never tell a lie and hurt you.

  24. May 27, 2010 at 1:48 am

    NEW LAWS SHOULD BE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE THEIR IMPORTANCE TO THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE AND ANNOUNCE THAT IMPORTANCE IN ALL CAP REPETITION AND RUN-ON SENTENCES TO THE REST OF THE WORLD IN POORLY WORDED ENGLISH

    For some reason, this one struck my “hilarious!!” bone.

  25. Ruthie G
    May 27, 2010 at 4:11 am

    Banning the teaching of “EVILution”, which I can only assume is the study of how Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side. Actually I quite want to take that course now…

  26. May 27, 2010 at 5:16 am

    Legalize Gay Marijuanna

    I think I just found my new motto.

    Thanks Jill!

  27. Anna
    May 27, 2010 at 6:06 am

    I love this.

  28. May 27, 2010 at 6:33 am

    they should build four walls around them, then put a top on the wall and then rename themselves the district of walmart.

  29. Ingrid
    May 27, 2010 at 7:24 am

    Comedy gold!

  30. May 27, 2010 at 8:14 am

    “Legalize gay marijuana?” I was not aware that weed had a sexual orientation”

    Maybe it’s actually marijuana that makes you gay after you smoke it? If so, I definitely support legalizing it and I want to know where I can get some. Right now.

  31. Sean Murphy
    May 27, 2010 at 8:39 am

    I think the Simpsons quote (“Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.”) is my favorite.

  32. May 27, 2010 at 9:22 am

    Quarters are made through a process that very much resembles the way ribbon candy is produced. Pennies, on the other hand, magically appear in a tin bucket underneath the statue in the Lincoln Memorial.

  33. May 27, 2010 at 9:25 am

    if the site ever loads again, this is going in National Security:

    During his tenure as president, George H.W. Bush’s prehensile nipples were kept a closely guarded state secret. It is time for that knowledge to be made public so that he can use his powers for good.

  34. May 27, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Cell Phone use can be prosecuted as witchcraft in some southern states. We should be able to do this in all states!

  35. Brian
    May 27, 2010 at 10:41 am

    I tried to submit ideas under every topic, and none of them would post because the idea was flagged by the software as “inappropriate”. I didn’t swear or say anything nasty, i am just really, really liberal. How does the website know? I think this means they have some sort of filter that kicks you out if you type in “quality of life in foreign nations”, “respect for other cultures” or “corporate overreach”.

    So my question is this – can we reverse engineer software that does the opposite of this, and get some hacker to install it on the fox news website? That would be awesome.

  36. Flowers
    May 27, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it a million times: Texas had and has indigenous peoples! It was not “stolen” from Mexico any more than Mexico “stole” it from Spain who “stole” it from France who “stole” it from Spain (yes, weird history) who actually stole it from the Native Americans! Spain, Mexico, and France all practiced genocide against the native tribes of Texas (not to mention the tribes of Mexico).

    I really do hate Northerners most of the time because of ignorant and racist comments that obliterate the native populations of Texas.

  37. Holy!
    May 27, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Flowers,

    Thanks for pointing out how complicated things really are. For example: How many people point out that Mexico treats their own immigrant population horribly, while they complain about American immigration policy? There’s enough hypocrisy to go around.

  38. libdevil
    May 27, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    The Bush/Cheney campaign did something similar. You could make your own ‘official’ Bush/Cheney sign or poster. Things like, “Bush/Cheney. Arbeit macht frei.” or “Bush/Cheney. Ein volk. Ein reich. Ein fuhrer.”

  39. Bitter Scribe
    May 27, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    I was not aware that weed had a sexual orientation.

    Well, marijuana plants are female and male, right? And IIRC, it’s the females that develop the smokable buds, so astute growers cull the male plants after fertilization.

    There’s probably a matriarchy joke in there somewhere, but I don’t feel like looking for it.

  40. Sapphragette
    May 27, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    I think instead of asking for their so called “immigration papers” (which they could be faking – their tricky you know) we should ask all immigrants something like “What magazines do you subscribe to?”

    Oh…wait….never mind…

  41. May 27, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    So, to be truly accurate, it’s lesbian marijuana.

  42. Alison
    May 27, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    So, to be truly accurate, it’s lesbian marijuana.

    Band name!

  43. Cretoxyrhina
    May 27, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Bring back the Western Interior Seaway!

  44. NBarnes
    May 27, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    What happens if a guy smokes lesbian marijuana?

  45. May 28, 2010 at 9:53 am

    “What happens if a guy smokes lesbian marijuana?”

    He turns into a feminist.

  46. Ms Kate
    May 28, 2010 at 11:11 am

    NBarnes, he gets manboobs … AND he likes to play with them!

  47. May 28, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Marlene, I’m not “into” leather, but I do ride horses (and therefore have owned full chaps in my life), and the “assless chaps” things makes me crazy, too. If they have an ass, they are PANTS, not chaps! Chaps exist to protect your LEGS from saddle rubs (well, I guess more often used by motorcycle folks for whatever purpose now).

    /horse nerdery

  48. May 28, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    Also… Republicans CLEARLY know nothing about the internet if they thought this was a good idea.

  49. May 29, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Serious comment: I love how the address for the “National Security” section is “…terrorism-abroad.” Because we know it’s not a national security concern if it’s white Christians shooting up doctors or flying planes into the IRS!

  50. lizvelrene
    June 1, 2010 at 10:55 am

    My place of work has apparently banned this America Speaking Out website as a malware risk. Not sure what to make of that. Risk of republican trojan horses, or risk of stupidity-induced brain damage?

  51. thepenguingirl
    June 1, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    I love yall’s responses to this stuff (I believe I fell in love with this site during my next top troll obsession) I have never laughed so hard at work :)

    I root for the guy who wants a second wife if his first is barren- but as long as it goes both ways, eh? ;) Republican sex just got that much more interesting…

Comments are closed.