I’m feeling lousy, y’all, but watching this video perked me right up! BRONTE SISTER ACTION DOLLS, WHAT?! I’ll work on a transcript after I finish my spring cleaning which, admittedly, won’t be for at least several hours, but if somebody else has one or wants to make one, send it on over.
Short explanation: a commercial for Brontë sisters action figures – they wear mustaches and publish as men, throw books, and transform into Brontësaurus.
Shorter explanation: awesomeness.
Announcer voice (think monster truck rally voice): New from scud, it’s “Super X-treme Mega History Heroes”!
…It’s the Brontë sisters, super-powered English authors from the 19th Century! There’s Charlotte, Emily and Anne!
All forced to fight evil publishers to get their books into print!
Top Hat (Evil) Publisher doll: Girls can’t write books! Ha ha ha!
Announcer: That’s why the Brontës pretend to be men with their “Super Disguise Mustaches!”
Charlotte doll: We’re boys.
Top Hat (Evil) Publisher Doll: Guys, your books have revolutionized the Gothic romance novel. They’re awesome!
Charlotte doll: Well the joke’s on you, narrow-minded cur! We’re women!!
Top Hat (Evil) Publisher doll: What?! No one wants to read books by girls. Get outta here!
Announcer: Oh yeah? The Brontë sisters come with “Boomerang Book-Throwing Action!”
Charlotte doll: Take this, you sexist pig! I wrote Jane Eyre!
Emily doll: I wrote Wuthering Heights and Anne wrote Agnes Grey.
Anne doll: GRRRRRR.
All three: Book on (Book ‘em?) Brontës!
(Explosion sound as “boomerang books” fly at Top Hat [Evil]Publisher doll)
Child, aghast: Look! There’s more of them!
(More top hat dolls at “Literary Clubhouse” with a sign that says “No Girls Allowed”)
New Top Hat Doll: You’ll never get into this club, Brontës!
Three girls: Brontë sisters, power up!
Announcer: Together, the Brontë sisters wrote books about confident, independent women. Now they join forces again to become the all powerful “Brontësaurus!”
Brontësaurus comes with barrier breaking feminist vision.
Top hats: You win. Ahh! Run away! Ahh!
“Brontë sisters” come with everything you see here (subtitle: pudding not included).
Announcer: So remember kids, use your brain and “You’ll Make History”!