Comments on: You don’t get to out me

By: Linksplosion: Cleaning out the reader edition « Zero at the Bone

Linksplosion: Cleaning out the reader edition « Zero at the Bone — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 08:20:53 +0000

[...] of good stuff in Queen Emily’s You don’t get to out me, a guest post at Feministe: When I out myself, or am outed, I never know what the reaction will be. [...]

By: A Hopefully Final Note on the Trolling/Harassment/Sockpuppeting at Questioning Transphobia

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:58:35 +0000

[...] history of trolling The F Word. I have also spoken with Genderbitch and Jill from Feministe (link, link) and have been able to link the trolling comments on QT and BoP to Butterflywings’ comment [...]

By: Bailey

Bailey — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 00:59:14 +0000

Reading this article, as a trans male who is entering college this year, makes me sad and scared at the same time.

Sad, because this type of behaviour in anyone is destructive, but in the younger ranks of society is simply disheartening.

The students described follow suit with many of my own peers and their reactions after I came out. While the LGB community is taking steps forward and becoming more accepted overall, the trans community is still being ignored when it comes to basic rights and persecuted against when it comes to asking for those rights.

This makes me scared simply because it reminds me of what I face everyday anyway: discrimination. It’s always out there, no matter where you go.

But in the end, this article was very helpful in articulating things about outing trans people I’ve had trouble communicating to others, and this is definitely going to help me in being able to explain more accurately why outing me would hurt more than help better than my usual “Ummm… well, see… it’s very sticky… I don’t know how to describe it…” and mumblings from that point.

Thank you for writing this, and I hope cis allies, part of the LGB community or not, will be able to benefit from this article as much as I did.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 06:46:39 +0000

I’m an out transman and this article (and its comments) reminded me of the need for discretion. I’m used to being very open (though I would be angry if someone outed me–let me do my own outing, thank you). I’m still learning that the level of openness I was used to as a woman can get me injured or killed as a man. Especially since, for the next ten weeks or so, I live in town of <15K I know people will know, because I'll be visiting family here, but I want to be MUCH further in my transition before it starts getting around.

By: New York Times Says Trans People are Ethically Required to Out Themselves on Dates « Questioning Transphobia

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 05:43:28 +0000

[...] it by saying “No handbills, and don’t ask him to announce it from the pulpit,” but as many of us have experienced, once someone outs you, the word can spread like wildfire. Cis people seem to think that learning [...]

By: Open letter to The Ethicist « Birthday Bread Horse

Open letter to The Ethicist « Birthday Bread Horse — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 16:59:11 +0000

[...] identity (a transphobic assumption, obviously, that other women will be as unnerved as she was). A recent post on the blog Feministe discusses an aspect of outing trans people that you did not mention: it can be extremely dangerous [...]

By: anon

anon — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 10:44:01 +0000

Another thought on LGB outing versus trans outing- I always found it very exhausting to live in an environment where LGB people are ok but not trans people. People often assume that trans rights are evolutionally the same as LGB rights, but they are not. That discrepancy causes a lot of misunderstanding and conflict and should be adressed more often.

“Essentially, I am in the closet because for many people – even the vast majority of people – to know my identity is to invalidate it.”

I’m still trying to figure out if it’s essentially different for trans people, compared to LGB people. Because obvioulsy, some 30 or 40 years ago, to know that someone was LGB would have invalidated them as well. So people stayed in the closet until they were ready to come out in larger groups, and only under very strong pressure of violence or in connection with the AIDS crisis.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 11:22:58 +0000

Thanks for the helpful article. This week a person I have met twice through a queer group I facilitate in my small home town put my name and e-mail address down as a referee for a job with the police. There was no advance warning or request to use my name. I only knew about it because the police sent me a form to complete. I find it creepy knowing that I am now officially on record as being queer too. Visibility is one thing. Choosing who has my information, and knowing who “knows” is another.

Each year I read about the Transgender Day of Remembrance Commemorations for people killed because others identified them as trans. When outing someone can result in their death, should those doing the outing become accessories to murder?

By: Bagelsan

Bagelsan — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 09:26:59 +0000

Re. the boyfriend thing from a ways upthread, I’m glad to get people’s opinions on that. Yeah, my very first reaction was that I hate the idea of a guy telling his girlfriend what she’s “allowed” to discuss with her friends and family — totally got my cis feminist back up. But my second reaction is that, no, it’s not being a jerk or a control freak to want potentially very sensitive information kept under wraps. Safety first.

And, re. finding something new out about a date/significant other, it seems like a good thing to talk to a therapist about if you are irrationally focusing on or troubled by something inconsequential about a person you like or love. Might be more confidential than chatting with your family and more helpful, too, if you’re trying to work out your own hangups and not put them on your partner. (I haven’t been in the situation so I can’t say. But I’m a big fan of therapy as a general rule. :D)

And in general, thanks awfully for this post. It’s simple but surprisingly… non-obvious to me (coughprivilegecough.) I’m a very much “my business is your business, I have nothing to hide!” kind of person but I’ve been trying to practice being less of an open book/less foot-in-my-mouth the last few weeks so this syncs really well with that goal. And now I’m kinda freaking out about what a shitty thing I could’ve possibly ignorantly done in the future, so I’m glad I read this post so that can be at least one thing I won’t blithely screw up.

Queen Emily, you just educated a clueless cis girl! You can consider your day complete now. ;p

By: second_banana

second_banana — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:52:46 +0000

This is a huge issue for me right now. I’m dating a great trans guy who began his physical transition recently. We’ve talked about how and when to use what pronouns, but it’s a little tricky as he currently only passes from a distance if you squint a little. (His words.)

So handling folks who have heard be talk about my boyfriend and then meet him or see us on the street is kinda a big problem. They either assume I’m a lying lesbian (cheating? making up boyfriends to begin with?) or that he is a relative or something. My family knows, he comes to family get togethers, but it’s really really tricky finding the balance of keeping myself honest and keeping us (but mostly him) safe.