Comments on: My Sluthood, Myself. http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/ In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 06:12:24 +0000 hourly 1 By: Paula http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-324170 Paula Tue, 24 Aug 2010 19:54:38 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-324170 I was destined to find this today. And it was destined to be written right after my own slutty McSlut incident that rocked my world....at a conference, when we met, talked and established in less than 10 minutes that we would end up in his hotel room. And stay there for the next 12 hours, barely stopping to sleep and breathe. I've had several slutty experiences before, and now after....and all of them have helped me realize: 1. as a fat girl formerly in a sexless marriage, I have been healing myself through my sexual expression. My self-esteem is higher than ever, not lower because I sleep with men with whom I do not want relationships. 2. I do want a relationship. I want one just like what I had at that conference, which is not destined to be for a number of reasons. But I'm not compartmentalizing -- his non-sexual qualities were as essential as his sexual qualities, and if I hadn't slept with him, I wouldn't have ever known that. 3. I don't want to end up with someone with whom I'm not sexually compatible, which happened with my marriage when I fell in love before having very much sex. 4. Hooking up in the beginning doesn't mean that it's not capable of becoming a serious relationship, as a recently-released study released today indicates. 5. It is up to women to stand up for each other and stop judging one another if this is to change. Some guys still buy into the "there are girls you sleep with and there are girls you marry" dichotomy, but their views seem to be changing more rapidly than those of women, most who seem to be secretly resentful they're not getting more action and so love to reinforce the judgmental stereotypes. I was destined to find this today. And it was destined to be written right after my own slutty McSlut incident that rocked my world….at a conference, when we met, talked and established in less than 10 minutes that we would end up in his hotel room. And stay there for the next 12 hours, barely stopping to sleep and breathe. I’ve had several slutty experiences before, and now after….and all of them have helped me realize:

1. as a fat girl formerly in a sexless marriage, I have been healing myself through my sexual expression. My self-esteem is higher than ever, not lower because I sleep with men with whom I do not want relationships.

2. I do want a relationship. I want one just like what I had at that conference, which is not destined to be for a number of reasons. But I’m not compartmentalizing — his non-sexual qualities were as essential as his sexual qualities, and if I hadn’t slept with him, I wouldn’t have ever known that.

3. I don’t want to end up with someone with whom I’m not sexually compatible, which happened with my marriage when I fell in love before having very much sex.

4. Hooking up in the beginning doesn’t mean that it’s not capable of becoming a serious relationship, as a recently-released study released today indicates.

5. It is up to women to stand up for each other and stop judging one another if this is to change. Some guys still buy into the “there are girls you sleep with and there are girls you marry” dichotomy, but their views seem to be changing more rapidly than those of women, most who seem to be secretly resentful they’re not getting more action and so love to reinforce the judgmental stereotypes.

]]> By: Ellen http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-324031 Ellen Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:54:59 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-324031 Brava! You're a helluva writer and bring a lot of clarity to the subject. I'm 50+ and thoroughly enjoyed my sluthood in the halcyon days before sex was associated with life-threatening disease. Recently, I've been celibate for about 5 years, and that's OK too. I don't know what the future will bring, and while I too hope for a meaningful relationship, I won't rule out more slutty sex if it's right for me. Brava! You’re a helluva writer and bring a lot of clarity to the subject. I’m 50+ and thoroughly enjoyed my sluthood in the halcyon days before sex was associated with life-threatening disease. Recently, I’ve been celibate for about 5 years, and that’s OK too. I don’t know what the future will bring, and while I too hope for a meaningful relationship, I won’t rule out more slutty sex if it’s right for me.

]]> By: Suniverse http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-323885 Suniverse Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:58:06 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-323885 Bravo. I've been out of the casual pool for almost 20 years, but I look back fondly [sometimes VERY fondly] on the large number of one night stands and casual sexual relationships I had. I like the idea that there are women [and men] who realize that sometimes, a good fuck is all that's wanted, and that doesn't negate the woman's sense of self/personhood. Don't judge. There's no time for that. Bravo.

I’ve been out of the casual pool for almost 20 years, but I look back fondly [sometimes VERY fondly] on the large number of one night stands and casual sexual relationships I had.

I like the idea that there are women [and men] who realize that sometimes, a good fuck is all that’s wanted, and that doesn’t negate the woman’s sense of self/personhood.

Don’t judge. There’s no time for that.

]]> By: Andygirl http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-323729 Andygirl Sat, 21 Aug 2010 21:12:00 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-323729 Thank you for that! I found this via Stumble and I'm so glad I did!! With a few exceptions, it's like you told my own story. I applaud your candor and feel moved to tell my own sluthood story on my blog. So thanks! Andy Thank you for that! I found this via Stumble and I’m so glad I did!! With a few exceptions, it’s like you told my own story. I applaud your candor and feel moved to tell my own sluthood story on my blog. So thanks!

Andy

]]> By: Me http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-323657 Me Sat, 21 Aug 2010 07:54:02 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-323657 Absolutely spectacular post... I'm too, tired of bad relationships in my early start of dating in this life.. I'm prone to attachment because of comfort, and the want of love. Whether love from another or to just have someone to love.. Even though at times I'm treated badly, even as a man currently in that kind of relationship.. Your post is an "eyeopener". Thank you.. And bravo.. Absolutely spectacular post… I’m too, tired of bad relationships in my early start of dating in this life.. I’m prone to attachment because of comfort, and the want of love. Whether love from another or to just have someone to love.. Even though at times I’m treated badly, even as a man currently in that kind of relationship.. Your post is an “eyeopener”. Thank you.. And bravo..

]]> By: Hyper Heart http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-323577 Hyper Heart Fri, 20 Aug 2010 19:55:33 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-323577 This article is amazing. I am going through this right now. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because I was unhappy, and right after we broke up I had sex with a bunch of guys. I am having problems with dealing with casual sex emotionally. I do want and love sex, with all kinds of guys. But I can only get aroused by guys that I feel respect me and see me more than a piece of meat. There are a lot of asshole guys in my town. I have a problem with not being seen as significant. I want to have one night stands, but I don't want to be a 'thing'. I want to be a sexual woman who has needs that matter. Problem being, I often feel like some guys see most girls as things to fuck. That might come with living in california two hours from los angeles. There aren't a lot of decent guys. I am not sure. But out of the 10 or so guys I've slept with since becoming single 5 months ago, (I'm 21 mind you) only two of those hook ups were good or even worth the risk of stds and pregnancy. Those two were guys that respected me and yes wanted to fuck me, but didn't see me as a fuck toy. These experiences have made me put my guard up when it comes to casual dating and my sluthood. And now I hardly fuck any guys because they are not good enough for me. I'm not sure if these issues I'm having are because I have low self esteem, or because I have high self esteem, or because I think too much, or because I genuinely have only met two decent guys that I wanted to fuck. Who knows. But this article has made me examine it all. Thank you. This article is amazing. I am going through this right now. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because I was unhappy, and right after we broke up I had sex with a bunch of guys.

I am having problems with dealing with casual sex emotionally. I do want and love sex, with all kinds of guys. But I can only get aroused by guys that I feel respect me and see me more than a piece of meat. There are a lot of asshole guys in my town. I have a problem with not being seen as significant. I want to have one night stands, but I don’t want to be a ‘thing’. I want to be a sexual woman who has needs that matter. Problem being, I often feel like some guys see most girls as things to fuck.

That might come with living in california two hours from los angeles. There aren’t a lot of decent guys. I am not sure. But out of the 10 or so guys I’ve slept with since becoming single 5 months ago, (I’m 21 mind you) only two of those hook ups were good or even worth the risk of stds and pregnancy. Those two were guys that respected me and yes wanted to fuck me, but didn’t see me as a fuck toy.
These experiences have made me put my guard up when it comes to casual dating and my sluthood. And now I hardly fuck any guys because they are not good enough for me.

I’m not sure if these issues I’m having are because I have low self esteem, or because I have high self esteem, or because I think too much, or because I genuinely have only met two decent guys that I wanted to fuck. Who knows. But this article has made me examine it all. Thank you.

]]> By: Shay http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-322714 Shay Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:12:27 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-322714 I found this an interesting read. I know this is not meant "for me". It's meant for those of us that have had to suppress their inner natures and natural human sexual desires for fear of reprimand. It's sucks when those around you feel comfortable with telling you who and how you should be. I must say this blog is a refreshing touch of "be you". I wouldn't call it slut hood. Perhaps it's because it's giving a negative touch to a very natural and healthy way of thinking and being. I find it very hard to see how someone, anyone, can find room to judge on this blog, topic, state of mind. Personally, I found this path years ago. As a teen. Now, years later, a married, mother of 3 my friends are now hopping on this train. My husband and I found this to be a wonderful read. It's about time someone put it out there that what you do with your body, as long as you're safe and considerate to and with others, is what you do with YOU'RE body. It's strange how we believe it's perfectly acceptable to judge what happens in the bedrooms of others. I found this an interesting read. I know this is not meant “for me”. It’s meant for those of us that have had to suppress their inner natures and natural human sexual desires for fear of reprimand. It’s sucks when those around you feel comfortable with telling you who and how you should be. I must say this blog is a refreshing touch of “be you”. I wouldn’t call it slut hood. Perhaps it’s because it’s giving a negative touch to a very natural and healthy way of thinking and being.
I find it very hard to see how someone, anyone, can find room to judge on this blog, topic, state of mind. Personally, I found this path years ago. As a teen. Now, years later, a married, mother of 3 my friends are now hopping on this train. My husband and I found this to be a wonderful read.
It’s about time someone put it out there that what you do with your body, as long as you’re safe and considerate to and with others, is what you do with YOU’RE body. It’s strange how we believe it’s perfectly acceptable to judge what happens in the bedrooms of others.

]]> By: Sina http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-322694 Sina Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:22:17 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-322694 I'm a bit late with commenting, but still wantet to say how much I appreciate this post! It's terrible how much women get judged just by what they do with their bodies. You can be the most compassionate, caring, kind person- as soon as you act on your sexual feelings as any man would, you're a "bad" in many peoples eyes, deserving of the most cruel treatment. Bah! I’m a bit late with commenting, but still wantet to say how much I appreciate this post! It’s terrible how much women get judged just by what they do with their bodies. You can be the most compassionate, caring, kind person- as soon as you act on your sexual feelings as any man would, you’re a “bad” in many peoples eyes, deserving of the most cruel treatment. Bah!

]]> By: Janeknows2 http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-322610 Janeknows2 Sun, 15 Aug 2010 22:00:33 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-322610 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

]]> By: Vanessa http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/07/26/my-sluthood-myself/#comment-322582 Vanessa Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:35:10 +0000 http://www.feministe.us/blog/?p=18179#comment-322582 Bravo! You have some big balls Jaclyn! I applaud you for writing this as I'm sure it wasn't easy to post this for the world to see. I do hope you do not regret writing any of it as you can tell by mine and other posts, many people can relate, and are even moved by this story. This was an excellent read, exactly what I think I needed today! Never stop being you, and don't lose your balls =) Thanks for making my day a little brighter. Bravo!
You have some big balls Jaclyn!
I applaud you for writing this as I’m sure it wasn’t easy to post
this for the world to see. I do hope you do not regret writing any of it as you can tell by mine and other posts, many people can relate, and are even moved by this story. This was an excellent read, exactly what I think I needed today! Never stop being you, and don’t lose your balls =) Thanks for making my day a little brighter.

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