About two years ago I attended a NARAL event at received a t-shirt that read, “I Heart Pro-Choice Boys.”
I’m not one for clothing with a message, but I wear that shirt with pride. Pride not only for the organization, but for the concept the shirt relays: anti-choice boys need not apply.
The other day I wore it in front of my parents for the first time.
“Love it!” my dad exclaimed. “How do I get one that says, ‘I heart pro-choice girls?”
My mother cringed at his suggestion. While she loved my wardrobe choice, the idea of a man wearing a shirt with a similar sentiment was a trigger. It was a reminder of a time in her youth when men saw abortion as a form of birth control and potentially forced their partners to seek this medical procedure.
My family is firmly in the “Men are Feminists too,” camp, but my mother’s reaction got me thinking. How does a man publicly show his support for a woman’s right to choose without triggering less-than-stellar associations of the past?
(Image via NARAL, an organization I truly love)
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Without getting into the politics of the repro justice movement, I can say that my (male) partner often wear a Planned Parenthood t-shirt from one of their events. It’s pink, says Planned Parenthood in huge letters, and the name of the event. It clearly shows his involvement in the movement without making an overt statement like the NARAL shirt.
What about something like “I support women’s choice”? That way, a man will show that he is pro-choice, but will make it clear that it’s the woman’s choice.
I second Astrid’s suggestion. It makes the political statement, while also affirming it’s not the guy’s pressure that leads to abortion.
But, speaking as a pro-choice guy with a number of feminist female friends, those past associations have never really come up. At least, not that I’ve heard (and these aren’t ‘shrinking violets’ I’m friends with). Could it just be that such triggering associations will fade with generational change? For the bulk of the population, if not everyone?
I have that shirt too and I love it!
I wear a shirt with a blatantly Feminist message, and honestly, most women I find are supportive of it, while the weird and sometimes hostile looks I get are almost exclusively from men.
Annoyingly, my comment doesn’t answer your question. I volunteer for NARAL, and we sell pins with the same message. A man came to our booth with the I Heart Pro-Choice Women pins and he turned out to be a volunteer’s husband. I thought it was the most romantic thing I’d seen in a long time. If I saw a guy at a bar (or anywhere I guess) with that pin (or shirt) I would, in no uncertain terms, throw myself at him.
I agree, I would probably throw my uterus if a dude wore the shirt, but I always want to be conscious of the triggers of others. Perhaps Gomi is right and it’s a generational thing.
Perhaps something as simple as writing “Her choice, not mine” on the back of the “I <3 prochoice girls" shirt would convey the message.
with this: http://www.etsy.com/listing/51063517/support-abortion-access-t-shirt-union
As a man who works full-time for an abortion rights group, I avoid wearing shirts/pins like these, although I realize that my situation is rather rare. I don’t even like wearing items that say “this is what a feminist looks like” because I find it off-putting. Ideally, the shirt would say “this is what a feminist can look like” because I dislike the idea of co-opting feminism for my own personal gain.
It’s important for men to be more visible in the movement, but there is a tendency for them (i.e. me) to get over-exposed relative to the work they do. I get asked to sit on too many panels and speak at too many events as it is, solely due to the underepresentation of my sex within the movement. It’s an odd form of affirmative action where I’m taking opportunities away from the very people I want to empower. While we do need more men in the movement, we need more everyone in the movement and I don’t want to recruit on the backs of fewer opportunities for the women who already work extremely hard and get little respect for it.
When I go out to a bar, I don’t wear my job or my feminism on my sleeve. I am a radical feminist, I love what I do, but it’s ok that I don’t get constant affirmation for it. I take enough pleasure in fighting for sex equality.
@Joy, “throw my uterus…” — is AWESOME. Thank you.
@ the commenters who are pointing out that you haven’t had women come up to you to tell you that it’s upsetting – well, no, right? If I get triggered by rape imagery, I hyperventilate and am more concerned with taking care of myself than with telling some stranger that they are triggering me. I imagine it’s similar with women who would be triggered by that message. They have better shit to do than to explain to you why they don’t love the way you presented your message and then offer better ways to express it. So, when you hear that a woman is triggered by this presentation – listen instead of getting defensive. (This sounds hostile – it’s not, and I apologize for that)
And as far as whether it’s generational – maybe. I, for instance, can’t imagine being pressured into getting an abortion against my will, but that doesn’t make my generation’s voice more important than an older generation’s voice.
I really like Astrid’s suggestion, and would love to know what your mom thinks of it, Joy.
I’m not sure if it’s strictly a generational thing. If I saw a guy wearing that shirt in a serious, supportive-of-choice way I think that would be awesome, but I can certainly picture guys who would wear it in a I-want-to-fuck-girls-who-won’t-object-to-getting-an-abortion sort of way, thinking that it’s just soooooo witty and hilarious. I’ve certainly met guys who in this day and age, and of my generation (I’m 22) who pressure their SOs/sexual partners into lots of things, reproductive decisions included.
What about “I heart reproductive choice/justice”? Would either of those be any better?
I recall years ago some feminist, it may have been Robin Morgan, being sniffish about the Playboy Foundation’s support for abortion rights on those very grounds. Morgan (or whoever it was) wrote that abortion was just a way for the “playboy” to avoid the consequences of no-strings sex.
Granted, an organization like Playboy doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt in these matters. My concern is that questioning men’s motives in these cases plays into the right-wing trope that women are weak-willed little vessels who are passively led to seek abortion by rapacious men.
Or, “Trust women.” That would make a nice t-shirt.
And sure you can wear the “opposite” shirt like two people in the photo, but I really don’t like the compulsory heterosexuality of this. The whole idea of “I heart x (insert “boys” or “girls” here)” also exclusionary to a lot people, in addition to the requirement of displaying your sexual orientation in order to show your support for reproductive rights. It gets a LOT more political, unfortunately, to wear this shirt if you’re not a man with “I <3 girls" or a woman with "I <3 boys."
This is kind of a stumper for me and I’m glad you brought it up. But I think that framing the phenomenon of men coercing their partners to abort as something “in the past” is problematic. Both coerced abortion and coerced pregnancy are problems women still face today.
That said, the shirt does say, “I <3 Pro-Choice Girls.” The word “choice” is an important one.
A good alternative might just be a label for the person wearing it: “Pro-Choice Guy.”
That’s great that your parents are feminists, mine are the opposite (almost). I love the shirt!
If “Mark” is in DC, I think most repro justice people know who he is. He is a special case and while I love hearing his opinion, I think it may be unique. When you’re that well-respected, of course you can take radical stances. For other men, I personally love seeing pro-choice messages and think that others should be encouraged. There is nothing wrong with being pro-woman.
Not to be the irritating bearer of reminders but the bulk of comments ignore trans people. I’m more than a little tired of cissexual people’s assumptions. Could people stop excluding trans people along the ftm / male spectrum when discussing birth control and abortion? Because constantly reading that reproductive choice access (in this case, abortion) is solely a woman’s issue is really, really irritating, particularly since I’ve had to consider the spectre of pregnancy in the past. I’d rather wear a ‘support abortion access’ shirt than one proclaiming gender markers, of all things.
Vero: Thanks for the link to the etsy shirt. My husband is getting one. (I would love to buy one of their ‘this is what a feminist looks like’ shirts for someone else, but their sizing only goes up to XL… it’s really sad that feminists, apparently, don’t look too fat.)
[This is actually K's husband - 2 comments in a week - I may have to get my own username.]
I have one of these that a clinic I volunteered (protester crowd control) for gave me. I wear it from time to time, but I don’t think it quite makes the point outside of the clinic context. My quibble with the NARAL shirt is that it feeds into the trope that its okay for women to do something because its acceptable or sexually appealing to men. I get what they were trying to do and I don’t mean to criticize men who wear them, I just wouldn’t for that reason.
Hmmmm. What if someone is bi/pansexual? Is there a “I love pro-choice people” shirt?
It might not have anything to do with fat and everything to do with where/how they get their shirts printed. I recently had to get a run of shirt screen printed and sizing is one of the problems I ran into. Almost everyone charges the same prices to screen print a shirts S-XL. Past XL some printers just don’t carry shirts in extended sizes, other charge significantly more (at least an extra $1.50 per shirt, definitely more if you’re past XXXL), and I simply couldn’t find anyone who would print a shirt bigger than 4XL. Beyond that there is a technical problem with larger shirts. The way screen printing works means that the image you’re printing will always be the same size, which means that past a certain point either the image is no longer balanced with the size of the shirt or you need new screens. That means new set-up costs and a whole new run of shirts on top of the up charge for an extended size.
I may or may not be unique, but I still bristle at the idea of individuals (especially men) wearing their politics on their sleeve like this, so to speak. Even putting aside all the very real concerns about male control over women’s reproductive autonomy and the odd message these shirts send (so long as your choices conform to my desires I will respect them?) there is a global problem not limited to repro justice.
Nobody ever “freed Tibet” by wearing a “Free Tibet” button/shirt in college – but it did get a few people laid. The personal is political, but when inverted, using political values for personal expression often leads to hollow statements and inaction. Which may be why it’s no surprise that these shirts are products of NARAL national.
I like what we’re having on Virginia’s new pro-choice license plates (the funding supports Planned Parenthood)
“Trust Women, Respect Choice”
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-systems/trust-women-respect-choice-plates-va-31162.htm
You know what? Ignore me – Fine. Feel free to continue with using ‘women’ alone instead of adding others when talking pro-choice. But if anyone decides to attempt a lecture in my direction in ‘real life’ because I’m wearing/have something denoting pro-choice they’re going to get one hell of a lecture because of what they’re assuming is in my pants, let alone assuming my total motivation for having something pro-choice visible in the first place. As I generally date men it sure as shit isn’t the reasons some people were putting out there on why they don’t like to see men (or appearing male, I’m betting) wearing those shirts (as if they would never need the services themselves) and why they dislike it – on principal -. Which I find …irritating at best. Your principal has nothing on my reproductive system, such as it is, or the things I might need for it. Trans people also need reproductive options in this sector and posts centering cis people in this arena is ….yeah. I’m – not – a woman, and possibly needing abortion (or every – other – healthcare service) does not – make – me one.
I also dislike the words ‘girls’ and ‘boys’ used in reference to adults on those shirts. American bsession with youth, I suppose.
@lemonDemon Apologies, you’re right: When we talk about reproduction — and anything really — we must include everyone.
I know I need to be more conscience of gender-specific terms. Thanks for bringing it up.
William: I hear that, but at the same time, it centers thin people, and complicates the problems fat people already have getting clothes. So while I get that an individual small-time set up may have specific problems even if trying to be fat-positive, and while I sympathize with them, I’m not cool with “but it works that way” as an excuse for the systemic effect.
I don’t know, I’m torn on this. I love the shirts and would immediately be sympathetic to someone wearing that shirt, but it makes me wonder how I’d react to someone wearing a “I <3 Pro-Life boys/girls/etc". It would be the same shirt with the same principle of freedom of speech behind it, but a statement that I'm against. I might even get *angry* that someone was wearing a "I <3 Pro-Life People" shirt, even though I'd celebrate someone wearing the opposite statement.
Stuff like this always makes me look at my own hypocrisies. Uncomfortable, but I guess good….
(btw, I LOVE the "Trust Women, Respect Choice" idea. That covers both sides, the trust for a woman to either abort or keep her baby. Much more inclusive and respectful to women on ALL sides of the discussion.)
@LemonDemon -thanks so much for bringing trans issues to the forefront in this discussion, and I’m sorry everyone (except Joy) completely bypassed your comment(s). Also, word on the boys/girls vs men/women distinction.
I’m very late to this discussion due to the massive amount of posts I have to read on google reader, BUT I appreciated what a lot of you had to say -especially about the heteronormativity and cis-sexism present in the discussion/the shirts in general. I think it is simple to instead create a shirt that is gender-neutral and doesn’t have the implications that “I <3 Pro-Choice Boys" does -like the etsy shirt vero linked to (although one could also argue that it is problematic/cis-sexist because it is a woman depicted on the front -which gives the message that only women get pregnant/need abortions -but that could be solved fairly easily)
@Mark – your comments helped me verbalize my feelings around a former male friend who is "co-opting feminism for [his] own personal gain" and I would love to discuss it with you-I know its weird to say that to a random stranger on the internet but I'll take the risk of being awkward/forward :-)
Also, I definitely agree that "Nobody ever “freed Tibet” by wearing a “Free Tibet” button/shirt in college – but it did get a few people laid" -that resonated with my experiences a lot. On the other hand, having messages on shirts can help facilitate discussions with folks that may not be aware of the issue/not necessarily agree with it.