Ah, Romance.

someecards.com - I'd like to dedicate this boner to you

It’s Valentine’s Day, which means that everyone is either complaining (“it’s such a corporate, Hallmark holiday”) or making a big show out of how happy they are (see 1.5 million Cosmo-style articles across the interwebs and on a magazine rack near you about how much the author, who spends the rest of the year hawking self-loathing and female anxiety, loves herself). The only thing more annoying than the obsession over Valentine’s Day (hate it! love it!) is peoples’ apparent need to project all of their insecurities and issues onto Valentine’s Day. It’s just a day. We’re all going to be fine.

I personally like Valentine’s Day because it means that as soon as all the heart-shaped candy in the drug store is gone, it’ll be replaced by Easter candy, which is far superior and which necessarily includes Cadbury Creme Eggs (and also Cadbury mini eggs). V-Day is a harbinger of good things to come (to Rite Aid). I’m sure that speaks volumes about my own psychoses.

Of course, Valentine’s Day isn’t what it used to be. Those romantic Romans really did shit right, and we don’t seem to have followed suit. So if any of you crazy kids are getting smacked by a dead goat carcass tonight, enjoy it. And send pictures.

And happy Valentine’s Day, really. What are you all doing? (I hope at least one of you is getting laid.)


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About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
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46 Responses to Ah, Romance.

  1. gretel says:

    Valentine’s Day should not overshadow a far more important event today. It’s the 50th anniversary of the synthesis of element 103 on the periodic table, y’all!!!!

    Happy 50th birthday, Lawrencium (Lr)!!!

  2. Kristen J. says:

    FYI Cadbury cream eggs have been out since January. :)

  3. phira says:

    Good news, then! A lot of places (for example, a lot of CVS stores in the Boston area) already have Cadbury Creme Eggs! I’ve already gotten 4 or 5.

    And yes, Easter candy is far superior to Valentine’s Day candy. V-Day candy is usually just, “Oh, look, it’s your favorite candy, just PINK!” or “We know our chocolate is lousy, but now it’s heart-shaped!” I also dislike those sampler boxes, since I don’t know what I’m about to eat until I try it.

    Another reason to dislike Valentine’s Day: I wanted to go out to dinner with my friends tonight, but restaurants always get SO crowded :( I’ve seen restaurants put couples at tables for 4 people on V-Day. But you’ll get paid more if you seat us, you know!

  4. PrettyAmiable says:

    Reese’s eggs? The ones that are flat and egg shaped? Best holiday candy ever.

    Also, Russell Stover is maybe the worst chocolate brand ever.

  5. groggette says:

    Damnit Jill! Why did you make me think about Cadbury mini eggs?
    Happy fucking valentine’s day to you too. grumblegrumble

    (I’m totally gonna go candy hunting at lunch now.)

  6. Lori says:

    I’m a V-day hater, I must admit, because, well, I’m not a romantic by nature and am certainly not moved by the Hallmark-inspired romance I see on Valentine’s Day. But in CVS this morning buying my children cards (because they like the day, I celebrate it), I was overjoyed to see an employee stocking the Easter candy. My thoughts are now about how early I can buy the Reese’s Peanut Butter eggs and how many I can buy, without seeming like a glutton.

  7. Cadbury Minieggs . . . *drools*

  8. XtinaS says:

    No part of Valentine’s Day is for me or about me, so I don’t really pay attention.  And I don’t really like sweets, so that option’s out for me, too.

    But!&#160 Apparently, today is Anna Howard Shaw‘s birthday, so w00t!

  9. XtinaS says:

    Bah, semicolons, how do they work.

  10. I’m kind of a Valentine’s Day ignorer. My spouse and I will spend the evening on the couch, catching up on TV we recorded and never watched. We exchange cards, but I buy flowers on the reg, and we don’t need a bunch of chocolate, and … meh. Our anniversary is a bid deal. VDay, not so much.

  11. Becca Stareyes says:

    Well, our astronomy department is doing a late-night movie night to celebrate Stardust-NExT’s flyby of comet Tempel 1. Basically on 4 July 2005, the Deep Impact spacecraft dropped a metal ball onto the comet to See What Would Happen, and some NASA folks figured out they could send the Stardust spacecraft, which had done its original mission and was just orbiting, to fly by Tempel 1 to look at the hole we made and see what had changed in five and a half years*.

    Anyway, the fly-by is at 11:30 PM EST and the first pictures will probably be released early in the morning tomorrow. So we put together a ‘stay up and watch sci-fi’ between those times… except I have a doctor’s appointment early in the morning, so can’t stay up. But I might see if NASA TV has coverage of the fly-by before I go to bed tonight.

    * About one orbit of the comet.

  12. Lucas and I will be staying in tonight. We are making sirloin, homemade mashed potatoes, and asparagus for dinner, along with cheap Moscato wine (it tastes like apple juice!). We’ll be popping in the movie The Producers with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, and eating cheap drug-store chocolates (better than Godiva anyday).

    I personally dislike Valentine’s Day because I work in retail. If I have to sell one more heart-shaped potholder, I will freak. Last year we went out to a nice restaurant, but since it was in the city and space was limited, we ended up getting squashed in between these two couples, both of whom included a bleach-blonded sorority type and a bro-y dude who kept checking their Blackberry for sports updates. The most vapid conversations imaginable. Lucas and I, with our casual clothes and pseudo-political discourse, did not fit in.

    Happy Crapentine’s Day! I agree with Jill: Easter candy is infinitely better.

  13. andrea says:

    Happy Day Before Canadian Flag Day! Everyone enjoy your VD MUHAAHAHHAAHAH

  14. Bitter Scribe says:

    Hey Jill…

    This is tangential and probably stupid, but I have a professional interest in this matter, so…

    Cadbury (now Kraft) has made a lot of progress in reducing the packaging for Creme Eggs. As a fan, was this anything you noticed or cared about?

  15. Getting laid while in the context of a long-term relationship takes on a very different meaning. :-) In some ways, I feel like I’ve already been married, and for a very long time.

    I think now that I’m in a partnered relationship, Valentine’s Day is not a very high priority in my thoughts. My partner doesn’t go for flowers and candy much, but we will be returning to the same place we had our first date tonight. I should probably mention that our anniversary is Valentine’s Day, quite by coincidence.

    Hard to believe that she wanted to go to a very academic talk on the history of syphilis on Valentine’s Day two years ago.

  16. UnFit says:

    Not getting laid – the person in charge of that is on the other side of the planet.
    On this side, we don’t even do Valentine’s (well okay, commercialization has slowly started to establish it, along with Halloween).
    He did send me an ecard, from someecards as well – the one that says “nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life”.
    It gave me a smile, and it’s about as much Valentine’s as I’m ready to get into.

  17. UnFit says:

    And by the way, syphilis talk on Valentine’s = awesome.

  18. Kristen J. says:

    Bitter,

    I noticed and thought it was cool, but only for a passing instant before I cracked that sucker open. :)

  19. PrettyAmiable says:

    UnFit: “nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life”.

    Ahhh my bffl sent me this!

    Best kind of love = bffl love.

  20. LoriA says:

    I’m having a thoroughly weird V-Day, as seems to be my tradition. I just had an interview with a porn company, and now I’m going to class. I’m also doing the normal dinner-with-a-boy thing, followed by the less-normal bondage thing.

    Overall, not a bad day. Sending out virtual hearts to those who *are* having a shitty V-day: <3 <3 <3

  21. You would have to mention Easter candy. Now I want some.

    DH and I don’t do much. He found some really big chunks of some kind of crystalline rock yesterday and was talking about getting more of it, so I told him he could give it to me and brag to his coworkers about giving me a really big rock for Valentine’s Day. I think he got me some candy when he got some for the kids, and I’ll probably pull out the good plates for dinner – have to use them sometime!

  22. stonebiscuit says:

    I’m going to sew. I might get laid, but I’m not feeling too great, and sewing is hell on my back, so I’ll probably just sew, do some yoga, run for a bit, and make fun of the biskitties with mr. biscuit. Our anniversary is Sunday.

  23. Bitter Scribe says:

    Kristen–Thanks. Generally speaking, consumers only notice packaging when it pisses them off (too hard to open, cuts them, etc.). Getting a positive thought, however brief, is unusual–especially from someone distracted by the imminent prospect of wolfing down a Creme Egg!

  24. Jim says:

    Jessica Isabel: I have to sell one more heart-shaped potholder, I will freak.

    You’re really not joking about that, are you? A heart-shaped potholder is about as cruel as I can imagine.

    We did our V-day business last night. The partner fried a jar of oysters, that’s our celebration food. We lit candles. I made him a card – Hallmark is almost too saccharine anyway.

  25. sabrina says:

    I’m 1200 miles from my sweetie, so no sex for me boo :( but we will skype and have phone sex cause that’s what we do to get through the months when we are apart. I sent him cologne and chocolate for valentine’s day and he sent me flowers, which I’m currently waiting around to receive. Also, I like chocolate and my favorite fair trade chocolate company does yummy custom boxes so that I can get the flavors that I like and none of the ones that I don’t :)

  26. Kaz says:

    I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day by going to my first meeting of my uni’s LGBTsoc.

    IN YOUR FACE, HETERONORMATIVITY.

  27. Kristen J. says:

    Bitter Scribe: Kristen–Thanks. Generally speaking, consumers only notice packaging when it pisses them off (too hard to open, cuts them, etc.). Getting a positive thought, however brief, is unusual–especially from someone distracted by the imminent prospect of wolfing down a Creme Egg! Bitter Scribe

    It was the first one of the year! One must take a moment to appreciate the tradition! When I was a little girl my dad used to bring them home as soon as they came out and my mom and I would split one. One of my fondest memories (and when I really knew my parents approved of M) was when my Dad told M it was his responsibility to pick up the Creme Eggs from now on.

  28. Gembird says:

    Valentine’s Day doesn’t suck completely. Tomorrow there will be half-price chocolate. I can live with the heart-shaped boxes if it’s cheap.

    Cadbury mini eggs are the best though. They’ve been on sale where I am since the post-Christmas clearance sweets were gone, giving us almost five whole months to enjoy their deliciousness.

  29. Marksman2010 says:

    I hope the buyout of Cadbury by Kraft Foods won’t affect their candy.

  30. Nahida says:

    I love Ferrero Rocher choclates.

  31. libdevil says:

    I will be slaying pixelated dragons online. I am a geek. Of course, I’d still be a geek even if I weren’t single.

    What bothers me most about V-Day is really the way certain people rub it in your face if you’re not becoupled on a random day in February. As if there weren’t enough social pressure to be coupled up on the other 364 days of the year, on this day it’s a whole different level of affront to humanity. And they’re just _so_ _happy_ and it must be _so_ _sad_ for you to be “alone.”

    To which I say (or wish I could say, but professionalism and the need to maintain tranquility in my relationships forbids), in the words of Lily Allen, “Fuck you. Fuck you very very much.”

    But yes. Easter candy. Not creme eggs though. Jelly beans. Love jelly beans.

  32. tinfoil hattie says:

    Phira. Please! Sampler boxes have maps, and therefore are teh awesome.

  33. tinfoil hattie says:

    both of whom included a bleach-blonded sorority type

    Mean.

  34. disappearingphysicist says:

    tinfoil hattie: both of whom included a bleach-blonded sorority typeMean.  

    Agreed, honestly. I am a “bleach-blonded sorority type” woman, but I am also a physics student and capable of holding intelligent conversations. I understand what you’re trying to say, but please don’t sell your fellow women short by categorizing them based on appearance like that. :)

  35. Kyra says:

    Valentine’s day is meh. The real holiday is tomorrow: Half-Price Chocolate Day. :)

    As for me, I’m fighting off the effects of an unpleasant, stressful day and an angsty, triggery, distressing assault from my headspace; I’m now destressing in the comfort of my own home with friends over IM and a bottle of my favorite splurge-drink, Izze sparkling grapefruit juice. Tomorrow I’m going to buy some of the afore-mentioned half-price chocolates and a box of the big long-stemmed strawberries that they sell in early February.

  36. disappearingphysicist says:

    Oh, I just realized how narrow-mindedly I phrased my last comment. My apologies for assuming you identify as a woman, if you do not– I assumed from your display name but I really don’t want to jump to conclusions because that’s really none of my business. I’m still learning to watch my views, my privilege, and my language when it comes to discourse.

  37. Djinna says:

    Yes, love the Cadbury eggs, and the mini-eggs are the most wonderful thing ever, since the full sized ones are too much for most people to eat at one time, and they don’t keep for later, and still enjoy it and not go into too-much-sugar-land. But, I must say that I’m confused by the idea of less packaging – how can they get any less packaging than just a foil wrapper? That sounds kinda scary, as I’ve had too many over the years that weren’t completely covered in foil in the bins, and sorry, packaging reduction is important to me, but not as important as not having every person whose been to the bin at the CVS touching the chocolate I’m putting in my mouth.

    I must say, though, that I have a terrible weakness for the completely flavorless, hard candy hearts. Not the tart ones, blech, no, the ones that taste like crunchy cardboard. Can’t wait until they’re on sale tomorrow!

    Jelly beans are great, but the problem with easter jelly beans is there’s too many “spiced” ones, and those are not for me, I like the plain kind. So, um, I’m all over the flavorless holiday candy, I guess.

  38. Melissa says:

    Nahida: I love Ferrero Rocher choclates.  

    Yes. I don’t like the weird commercials but their chocolate is awesome.

  39. PrettyAmiable says:

    Nahida: I love Ferrero Rocher choclates.  

    Also, Lindt. Orgasm.

  40. RD says:

    Well I’m a sap who actually does like valentine’s day, but the only romantic part of my day was talking to my sweetie on the phone. We are temporarily long-distance unfortunately. Other than that, I spent this evening watching battlestar galactica (I’m a latecomer). I have done the “single” party thing…one time when I was single and a friend was single, we got drunk and watched a weird forgettable arty movie, and then…no joke…walked around the cemetary and smoked cloves (his idea not mine!). It was fun.

  41. April says:

    I am drinking what should be really expensive wine, but is not at all because my hubby works in a wine shop. We’re blogging next to each other on the bed. Not much different than a usual night, only we usually drink cheaper wine ;)

  42. Nyx says:

    I celebrate Half-Price Candy Day on the 15th instead, since the chocolate is the only part I care about. (Though I do make a cursory yearly gripe about the color scheme- red and pink together bother me, I wish people would pick one and go with it– but that usually happens well in advance of the day itself, once the stores sprout their annual plethora of hearts).

  43. Roxie says:

    In my family we celebrate Valentine’s by giving gifts to each other. This year my mother gave my sister & I some lotion and candy. We surprised my mother with balloons and my father bought my mother roses & her favorite cookies. I’ve grown up thinking (and continue to think) that Valentine’s is about love for everyone. I love it. I love all the pink, the hearts. I love that there’s a day to celebrate love–all kinds. I am a mushy, sentimental, sweet-tooth who really wants to host an over the top Valentine’s Day party

  44. Azalea says:

    Me and the spouse went to Cheesecake Factory, he bought me a Carvel icecream cake (that was all I asked for I had been dying for one but had been on icecream hiatus for a while :( ) roses, a teddy bear and chocolates, we did some shopping (more like I did he didnt want anything but he picked up the tab even for a pair of shoes that he jokingly said nobody who loved their feet would think about wearing them lol) picked up the boys (our offspring) talked about other people’s obsession with the holiday went grocery shopping and had a big steak and seafood feast of a dinner. I normally do NOT cook but I must say my Valentine’s Steak was awesome!

    Downer: The day began with a Dr.’s appt I really wish I didn’t need any day of the year and my phone was dead all day and I was busy i forgot to call my first Valentine (my Dad) and setup our traditional exchange.

    My dad always gave me Godiva chocolates on Valetine’s Day, an entire pound of it and that was the one day out of the yea I was allowed to have a pound of candy and eat it at my leisure as a kid so it was one of my favorite holidays for THAT reason. As I grew up it just became a day that I exchanged sweets and little love notes with family friends and a date or SO if I had went. But a date or SO was an afterthough on Valentine’s Day because the way I started celebrating it as a little girl. Its more about showing love than being romantic for me, I appreciate the romance shown on any day but I dont expect just because its Feb 14.

  45. Bitter Scribe says:

    @Djinna: But, I must say that I’m confused by the idea of less packaging – how can they get any less packaging than just a foil wrapper?

    I was comparing it to a few years ago, when they had the foil-wrapped egg inside a paperboard carton, often with a rigid plastic windowpane. Great presentation but wasteful.

  46. Djinna says:

    Ah, ok, thanks Bitter Scribe, I was seriously confused, as I don’t remember ever seeing them in any over-packaging, other than the multi-packs. Wasn’t allowed to have them as a kid, due to the pagan-overtones of Easter (yeah, was raised in one of THOSE families) so the simple foil wrapper is all I’ve known for the single eggs. Multi-packs, sure, but I’m used to bare-minimum packaging on the singles. I vaguely remember that there was more complicated packaging back in the day when no one cared about over-packaging, but the simple foil wrap has been standard for so long now, I really didn’t think it was new. May be a US thing, though, as all the “we’ve reduced our packaging, and it’s so awesome in so many ways for everyone!” stuff I found on Google is UK-centric, and I know that Cadbury is much bigger in the non-US English-speaking world than it is here. Here, Cadbury = creme eggs, very, very little is available otherwise. Damn, it’s been almost 20 years since I’ve had a Caramello bar, that’s just sad. We need Cadbury nom-iness year-round!

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