Dear Rep. Franklin: I submit my used tampon as evidence.

There’s a new bill in Georgia sponsored by Rep. Bobby Franklin that would require women to file police reports when they miscarry, since fetuses are Georgia citizens and their deaths are potential crimes. I’m going to write more about the bill later — it’s actually really horrific and scary and basically turns all women into potential criminals — but in the meantime, I think we should help Georgia out. Since life begins at conception, and a fertilized egg is a human being with all of the rights of any other citizen of the great state of Georgia, we need to make sure that all egg-deaths are properly accounted for, and that all zygote-Americans receive a proper burial and an investigation into whether their deaths were caused by foul play.

Devery Doleman, an Actual Woman, writes a letter to Rep. Franklin requesting that he investigate the potential murders going on in her pants. I think she’s on to something. I support Devery’s idea of sending Rep. Franklin the evidence of the potential murders committed in our uteri. Now, we can’t actually send used tampons through the mail — sending bio-hazardous material to an elected official can get you in BAD TROUBLE, so don’t do it — but we can certainly send photos. So! Next time you’re on the rag, photo-document the results. Why? Because somewhere around 50% of fertilized eggs naturally don’t implant, and are flushed out of the body. It’s an act of God, sure, but still — that’s a 50% prenatal death rate for Georgia’s smallest citizens. Your womb, basically, is a serial killer. And Rep. Franklin is very, very interested in using the Georgia state police to investigate any possible death of a Georgia citizen.

So! I recommend you photograph your period paraphernalia, and attach it to a letter thanking Rep. Franklin for his good work in standing up for human life. Here’s a form letter you are welcome to use:

Dear Rep. Franklin,

I applaud your efforts to support the rights of zygote citizens of Georgia by criminalizing miscarriages and investigating every instance of fetal death as a potential crime. The Georgia State Assembly knows that life begins at the moment of conception, and a fertilized egg death is a human death — a death that we should all grieve, and of course investigate to the fullest extent until we find the responsible party and bring them to justice (the death penalty, which your bill prescribes as the punishment for killing a pre-born Georgia citizen, is definitely appropriate here). I couldn’t agree more, and I would like to help.

As I’m sure you know, more than 50% of fertilized eggs –Georgia citizens! — naturally don’t implant, and are flushed out of the body during menstruation. I am personally concerned that my own murdering woman-body may have flushed out some human beings, and I may have flushed them down the toilet without knowing that I was disposing of Georgia citizens in such an undignified way. This must be remedied. I would like to be sure that I am not killing any more Georgia citizens — and that if I am, they are able to receive a proper funeral and not a burial at sea, and that our state police can dedicate valuable time and resources to investigating their deaths.

To that end, I attach a picture of my latest used tampon. I am preserving this tampon, as well as all of my other tampons, pads, feminine hygiene products and soiled panties from my current menstrual cycle, so that the Georgia State Police can come collect them as evidence. I would also be happy to drop the specimens off at your office, should you want to examine them yourself.

Please let me know if I can make an appointment to give you these items. Or, since I appreciate that you are a very busy man, please let me know when the police will be by my home to collect them, as my next cycle is rapidly approaching and they are starting to smell. I cannot keep them in my refrigerator for much longer.

Thanks for all the work you do to further the pro-life cause.

Sincerely,
Jill Filipovic

Yes, this is totally serious. Send Rep. Franklin evidence of the potential crimes happening in your uterus, which if my calculations are correct should begin in approximately 4 days (we’re all on the same cycle, right?). You can contact Rep. Franklin at:

Rep. Bobby Franklin
401 Coverdell Legislative Office Building
Atlanta, Georgia 30334

Phone: 404.656.0152
Fax: 404.656.5562

bobby.franklin@house.ga.gov

All systems go. (And if you’re spreading the word on this — and I hope you do! — please be sure to credit Devery, who came up with this idea in the first place).


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About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
This entry was posted in Feminism, Gender, Health, Law, Politics, Pregnancy, Reproductive Rights and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

75 Responses to Dear Rep. Franklin: I submit my used tampon as evidence.

  1. Clarissa says:

    Great idea!! I will be reposting your letter on my blog.

    Great job!

  2. andrea says:

    Wow. That. Is. Awesome.

  3. gretel says:

    But I have absolutely nothing to wear to a zygote funeral!

  4. wunderkit(ten) says:

    “Real America” has lost its fucking mind. Yesterday I read about the Tennessee law basically making Muslims illegal, and now this.

  5. PrettyAmiable says:

    @wunderkit(ten), google-able details please. Humanity hasn’t made me sad enough today.

  6. This whole concept makes me laugh. But I get these visuals, Jill! I wonder if everyone finds this as gross as I do, in spite of the fact that I try to be The Man With a Good Attitude Towards Menstruation.

  7. Zoe says:

    Should this only be limited to people who live in Georgia or should everyone participate?

  8. Florence says:

    gretel: But I have absolutely nothing to wear to a zygote funeral!  

    I highly recommend a panty liner.

  9. groggette says:

    My womb is totally inhospitable to zygotes. In fact my womb is strictly segregated, with eggs on one side of my fallopian tubes, and any wayward sperm partying solo in the uterus, with an asshole of a bouncer in between. I was always happy with this before, but now I fear my lady bits will lose their federal funding due to discrimination.

  10. He’s getting a long, annotated email from me.

    “And this is the first tampon I used, o.b. ultra because the flow of potential zygote nutrient mixture is heavy those first few days.

    This is the second tampon I used, approximately 4 hours later.

    Now this is the tampon and pad I used overnight, as well as a picture of what leaked onto my panties (Victoria’s Secret boy cut). I’m not sure if there is any citizen there, but surely the lab can figure that out . . .

  11. andrea says:

    Comrade Kevin: This whole concept makes me laugh.But I get these visuals, Jill!I wonder if everyone finds this as gross as I do, in spite of the fact that I try to be The Man With a Good Attitude Towards Menstruation.  

    Everyone should try to be Dave Foley.

  12. Kim says:

    Don’t forget another important part of the bill (at line 143) — it eliminates the exception to Georgia’s feticide law, section 16-5-80(f)(1), meaning it will now be feticide to provide an abortion with the woman’s consent. See the law as it currently reads here: http://law.justia.com/codes/georgia/2006/16/16-5-80.html

  13. Alexandra says:

    Personal Failure: He’s getting a long, annotated email from me.“And this is the first tampon I used, o.b. ultra because the flow of potential zygote nutrient mixture is heavy those first few days.This is the second tampon I used, approximately 4 hours later.Now this is the tampon and pad I used overnight, as well as a picture of what leaked onto my panties (Victoria’s Secret boy cut). I’m not sure if there is any citizen there, but surely the lab can figure that out . . .  

    I LOVE THIS! lol…I have never done anything like this (no reasons to, so far) But I will DO IT! Crazy people in America…

  14. Maggie says:

    Dear Rep. Franlkin,

    Your new bill requiring Georgian women to report any instance of potential zygote-American murder makes me feel seriously guilty. You see, as a Gay Lady, I don’t even allow potential zygote-Americans to come to glorious, beautiful, tear-fucking-jerking fruition inside that hateful, useless thing which I have made my uterus by being a Gay Lady. I am very concerned about this, and I’m sure you would tell me that by not even passingly attempting to procreate I am not doing my best to protect the possible zygote-Americans that I could make. All of my eggs are just lying there useless! Ultimately some leave my body each month without ever having the chance to become true zygote-Americans. I’m depriving them of their hypothetical future! I am very concerned about this. Perhaps your next piece of legislation can require all Georgian Gay Ladies to report every instance of sex wherein is is biologically impossible to produce a zygote-American so that they can be investigated for the murder of potential zygote-Americans. Because they are clearly being murdered, these hypothetical zygote-Americans!

    Best Regards,
    Gay Lady

  15. JPlum says:

    Does this apply retroactively? And does it apply only to Georgia citizens, or anyone who happens to miscarry or menstruate in Georgia? I ask because me family used to drive through Georgia every year on our way to Florida, and it’s entirely possible I was menstruating during one of those times. Now, this would have been before I started to have sex, but since I’m sure Rep. Franklin is a religious man, he has to account for the possibility of immaculate conception, right?

    Does the length of stay have anything to do with whether fertilized eggs are Georgia citizens? Mostly we just drove through to Valdosta, and stayed overnight at a campground. But there was that one time where we took a detour to St. Augustine, and stayed for a few days.

    Also, even if I didn’t actually menstruate in Georgia, it’s possible that I immaculately conceived while driving through, and expelled the fertilized egg after leaving the state. Would that count as the murder of a Georgia citizen?

    Seriously, ladies, if this law passes, then not only will the women of Georgia have to deal with the consequences, but so will those women who happen to be in Georgia while menstruating or miscarrying, and so will the women who conceive in Georgia, and later menstruate or miscarry in another state, or even country!

  16. Tori says:

    I use a menstrual cup. Can I just store all the blood in a single vat, or will I need to separate out by cycle?

  17. Pingback: I am a zygote-American muderer « maggiecapwell

  18. attie says:

    if my calculations are correct should begin in approximately 4 days (we’re all on the same cycle, right?)

    LOL, we are!

  19. Pingback: I am a hypothetical zygote-American muderer « maggiecapwell

  20. de Pizan says:

    PrettyAmiable: @wunderkit(ten), google-able details please. Humanity hasn’t made me sad enough today.  

    It’s Tennessee bill SB1028. http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-02-23-tennessee-law-shariah_N.htm. The big kicker is this section: it “labels any adherence to Shariah law — which includes religious practices such as feet washing and prayers — as treasonous” and would result in imprisonment for 15 years.

  21. SweeneyQuad says:

    I’m very concerned about the possibility of illegal immigrants and their anchor zygotes.

  22. Andrea says:

    Alternatively, the pictures could just be date-stamped and posted to the internet. I’m thinking that a Santorum-styled “google problem” would be appropriate here…imagine googling Rep. Franklin and seeing page after page of links to “period paraphernalia.”

  23. Laura says:

    groggette: My womb is totally inhospitable to zygotes. In fact my womb is strictly segregated, with eggs on one side of my fallopian tubes, and any wayward sperm partying solo in the uterus, with an asshole of a bouncer in between. I was always happy with this before, but now I fear my lady bits will lose their federal funding due to discrimination.  

    I think your lady bits will lose all federal funding anyway under the proposed budget. Perhaps it is a result of this discrimination. Bad lady bits, bad bad bad.

  24. eL says:

    Yes! Someone needs to start a blog/meme of this. Hundreds of pictures of menstruation labeled with “Bobby Franklin” and the names of other Georgia reps might just do the trick.

    Andrea: Alternatively, the pictures could just be date-stamped and posted to the internet. I’m thinking that a Santorum-styled “google problem” would be appropriate here…imagine googling Rep. Franklin and seeing page after page of links to “period paraphernalia.”  

  25. Grant says:

    Some additional jewels from the mind of Bobby Franklin in this year’s Georgia General Assembly:

    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/02/05/georgia-republicans-bill-would-reclassify-rape-victims-as-accusers/

    http://thinkprogress.org/2010/12/29/georgia-gold/

    The guy is a whackjob, but continues to get re-elected (mainly due to the lack of a challenger).

  26. MARGARET NOLAN says:

    I ask once more: where are the demonstrations? where is the picketing? Unless these people are inconvenienced and publicly shamed, we are wasting time simply talking to one another.
    Any links to state-by-state public demonstrations and/or picketing?

    • Jill says:

      Well, Margaret, if you look at the post above this one, there are repro rights rallies all over the country tomorrow. So.

      Also, picketing is not the only way to get things done. Coordinated campaigns — LIKE THIS ONE — also work.

  27. Anna says:

    I’m crying I’m laughing so hard.

    Tori: I use a menstrual cup. Can I just store all the blood in a single vat, or will I need to separate out by cycle?  

  28. ACG says:

    gretel: But I have absolutely nothing to wear to a zygote funeral!  

    This is fantastic. I now know how to observe my every period: dress in my loveliest black comfy pants and throw a monthly wake for my lost blastocyst, complete with lots of wine, ice cream, and other sympathetic mourners.

  29. gretel says:

    OMG! Did you just figure out the root cause of the O.B. Ultra shortage?! I think you did! Bobby Franklin is responsible! The O.B. Ultras were preventing proper zygote funerals, ergo no more O.B. Ultras!

    I’m glad my menstrual cup is safe . . . for now.

    Personal Failure: “And this is the first tampon I used, o.b. ultra because the flow of potential zygote nutrient mixture is heavy those first few days.

  30. Aine says:

    Oh how wonderful! This news came just in time as I have two days worth of heavily soaked lovlies to send to Rep. Franklin. And because they’re coming from sunny California, they get to age wonderfully into a full-bodied and ripe debut. *Squee!* Just like fine wine.

  31. Laura says:

    Is anyone else afraid he might be too stupid to pick up on the sarcasm?

  32. Ben says:

    I’m not a zygote murderer, but as a sexually active man, I am certainly an accessory to zygote murder.

    My fiancée has a slow-release hormone implant that prevents pregnancy; the Implanon manufacturers are also mass murderers!

  33. K__ says:

    What a coincidence, I happen to be menstruating today. So this is the one time where it’s totally okay for me to be all like, “LOOK AT WHAT I MADE” and show a gov’t person my pad… I don’t think I can pass that opportunity up.

  34. Elizabeth Z. says:

    Best idea ever! Let this man see a visual of his stupidity!

  35. Ravynne says:

    Y’know, I don’t know what the guy is getting all spun up about. The Zygote-Americans are 18yrs and 0-9 months away from being qualified to vote and pay taxes.

  36. Kristen J. says:

    Alas, I haven’t menstruated in three years (mirena is the greatest thing ever), so I can’t participate.

    But more seriously, this would be just fucking evil for people who are trying to have a child and miscarry. A friend of mine miscarried a few months ago after trying for years. She was devastated. How much worse would it be if she had to fill out a police report?

  37. SunlessNick says:

    Now, we can’t actually send used tampons through the mail — sending bio-hazardous material to an elected official can get you in BAD TROUBLE, so don’t do it — but we can certainly send photos

    Is that a federal law? Because he’s already claimed that Georgia isn’t bound by federal laws he doesn’t like, so if he has the courage of his convictions, he should set about drafting an exception in the case of used tampons right away. Perhaps he hasn’t thought of it – he is a busy man after all – and you should include the suggestion in your letter.

  38. ARachel says:

    I have never been so thrilled to be on my period. I can’t wait until it’s tampon changing time. This is amazing.

  39. Ben says:

    Wouldn’t he suddenly fall in love with that particular law though?

  40. ytak says:

    This is beyond disturbing to me, but not terribly surprising. Bobby Franklin is also known for wanting to get rid of the driver’s license and wanting taxpayers to make payments in silver or gold. I grew up in the district that he currently represents, and I’m much happier now that I live nearly 6,000 miles away from the insanity of the Deep South.

  41. lupinella says:

    Love this campaign! My ONLY question to this is: would it be legal, or would it be considered sending ‘biohazardous materials’?

  42. Cara says:

    lupinella: Love this campaign! My ONLY question to this is: would it be legal, or would it be considered sending ‘biohazardous materials’?  

    Aine: Oh how wonderful!This news came just in time as I have two days worth of heavily soaked lovlies to send to Rep. Franklin.And because they’re coming from sunny California, they get to age wonderfully into a full-bodied and ripe debut.*Squee!*Just like fine wine.  

    I’m not 100% sure, but better safe than sorry, I think the same reminder applies to both of these comments:

    SEND *PHOTOS* OF USED MENSTRUAL PRODUCTS ONLY

    PHOTOS ONLY

  43. groggette says:

    ytak: insanity of the Deep South

    I don’t think I’ve seen your comments before ytak, at least not recently so you may have missed it, but this has been discussed again and again in recent threads. People doing stupid things, or dangerous things, or just assholish things doesn’t make them insane. It makes them stupid or dangerous or assholes or all of the above. It’s insulting and sometimes harmful to people with mental disabilities or illnesses to see an aspect of their life used as an excuse for these douche canoes.

    Also, there’s plenty of these stupid dangerous assholes in places other than the Deep South as well.

  44. Pingback: Menstruate for Justice  | Atlanta Hollaback!

  45. florence says:

    Just finished reading the handmaids tale in which zygote funerals took place
    is this real life?

  46. groggette says:

    florence,
    When I first read the Handmaids Tale a few years back, I kept on screaming at the book in my head, “You’re supposed to be fiction! FICTION!!!”

  47. Pingback: Tampons, Eggs, Your Period, A Camera: Editors’ Picks, 2/20-2/26 : Ms Magazine Blog

  48. thiskissbelongstome says:

    Rep. Franklin should appreciate my contribution. I’ve been having period weirdness lately so have ten days worth at a time of eight or nine tampons and four pads per day to display for him.

    Asshole.

  49. Mike says:

    Whatever ladies. Men massacre 250 million potential future citizens every time they orgasm. This is proof of a malevolent God.

  50. Faith says:

    Kristen J.: Alas, I haven’t menstruated in three years (mirena is the greatest thing ever), so I can’t participate.But more seriously, this would be just fucking evil for people who are trying to have a child and miscarry.A friend of mine miscarried a few months ago after trying for years.She was devastated.How much worse would it be if she had to fill out a police report?  

    OMG! You are drugging and holding potential zygote Americans hostage!

    Having recently had a miscarriage, I can’t participate this month. I wonder if because my husband is in GA right now that I might be investigated. I sincerely hope that the Army doesn’t move us all there :(

  51. sabrina says:

    I start in two weeks. I don’t have a printer though so if the email feature is not working I can’t actually participate :/

  52. Ledasmom says:

    In line with what Andrea said, I suggest referring to one’s used period paraphenalia as “Bobby Franklins”, as in: “Did you hear that the plumbing at the pub blew up from too many flushed Bobby Franklins?” or “Back in a moment, gotta go change my Bobby Franklin”.

  53. Ben says:

    Mike: Whatever ladies. Men massacre 250 million potential future citizens every time they orgasm. This is proof of a malevolent God.

    I think you’ll find that men are completely innocent and that it is women’s fault. During coitus, those 250 million potential zygote-Americans are killed by and absorbed into the woman’s body. As for other instances of male orgasm — the only type that actually exists — if women weren’t so voluptuous and spurning, then maybe I wouldn’t need to handle things on my own!

    And we all know that men only become homosexual because women spurn them.

    </sarcasm>

  54. Michele says:

    I would like to say I love you. You are fucking BRILLIANT!!!

  55. Porcupine says:

    This is a great idea! I had a similar one, but it goes a step further. I want to start a campaign where women start mailing their used feminine hygiene products to Speaker Bo(eh)ner with a note that says something like:

    “Since the conservative members of Congress are so concerned with the contents of my uterus, I took the liberty of sharing mine with you.”

    I’ve looked into it, and from what I can tell, it’s not illegal as long as the ‘offending’ material is on absorbent material, dry, and sealed in a waterproof plastic bag.

    I want women all over the country to overwhelm Speaker Bo(eh)ner’s office with used feminine hygiene products (though I suppose at a certain point, they’d start refusing the packages). It’s time to resort to more direct activism, and make sure that they cannot ignore us!

    Another idea is for women all over the country to start applying to Canada (or other developed nations) for asylum. If the numbers were big enough, it would get international attention.

    Any thoughts on how to get these movements going?

  56. Angela says:

    This guy is seriously ridiculous. It’s pretty rare that his bills and resolutions pass because they include things like making it a felony for law enforcement to execute a search warrant if the occupant does not agree to let the police in, making driving a “right” and eliminating the license exams, as well as proposing to get rid the Georgia public school system because private school and home schooling are better options for Georgia. He wants to get rid of income taxes and make gold and silver the legal tender of Georgia. He wants to abolish the department of Human Services but allow guns in places of worship and school zones.

    Please, see for yourselves. This guy may not be certifiably insane, but there’s definitely something wrong with his mind.
    http://www.legis.ga.gov/Legislation/en-US/Search.aspx

  57. Ben says:

    Michele: I would like to say I love you.You are fucking BRILLIANT!!!  

    I know I am. :P

  58. Nancy Green says:

    If he’s a Bible believing man he’s going to have to train a corps of policewomen to do these investigations, because it’s a serious crime for a man to come near a woman in her state of menstrual uncleanliness.

  59. David says:

    In interest of representing, I’m going to send representative Franklin some viscous white fluid every day – my dead unborn children.

  60. Aine says:

    @Cara, yes definitely. Only photos. I got so excited that I was carried away with my sarcasm, which unfortunately doesn’t translate very well over the internet. :-/

  61. Jasmine says:

    Every sperm is sacred David, LOL

  62. Natalia says:

    LOL!!!

    Also, if I miscarried at this point, the last thing I would need is to have to file a freaking police report because of some STUPID ASSHOLE and possibly wind up INVESTIGATED while I’m, you know, grieving for the loss of my pregnancy and shit. My sister-in-law lost a wanted pregnancy a few months ago – I bet she sure would have needed some creep nosing around and trying to determine if she’s “zomg a murderer” on top of everything else she went through.

    Miscarriages aren’t rare or anything – besides all of the horrific murders that happen in our pants every time we menstruate, of course – and even some of the world’s most conservative politicians (I’m thinking of some Arab countries now) know enough to realize that it’s a private fucking issue. Those scary Muslims members of Franklin’s party love to hate? Way more with it when it comes to a situation like this.

  63. Jennifer P. says:

    Hilarious letter, and I love the idea of the entire feminist blogosphere/commentariat being on the same menstrual cycle. Hilarious.

  64. Mary says:

    I am just devastated over this. I had a hysterectomy, so I must assume that makes me a serial killer. Please don’t turn me in!

  65. Sara says:

    de Pizan: It’s Tennessee bill SB1028. http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-02-23-tennessee-law-shariah_N.htm. The big kicker is this section: it “labels any adherence to Shariah law — which includes religious practices such as feet washing and prayers — as treasonous” and would result in imprisonment for 15 years.  (Quote this comment?)

    I must immediately report our minister, who routinely washes someone’s feet every single Palm Sunday, and then has the temerity to pray about it later. Like, every Sunday.

    Now, to the original subject: Will undergoing menopause make me a mass murderer? If so, I’m just going to go electrocute myself and save the Great State of Georgia the inconvenience.

  66. Julie says:

    What if the fetus is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans-gendered? Can we kill it then? Or, like most of the rabid right, would you prefer that we kill those babies when they have gestated and grown up? What about when they are beloved sons, daughters, parents, and would-be wives and husbands? Should we give birth to them, raise them, and then let bullying drive them to suicide? How is a fetus precious and a GLBT teenager or adult an abomination? You can’t have it both ways, Rep. Franklin, and your kind always wants it both ways.
    Start with treating ALL of your fellow human beings as sacred LIFE before you crawl up our skirts.

  67. Roxie says:

    I think he’s jealous of the attention Arizona’s been getting.

    Grant: Some additional jewels from the mind of Bobby Franklin in this year’s Georgia General Assembly:http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/02/05/georgia-republicans-bill-would-reclassify-rape-victims-as-accusers/http://thinkprogress.org/2010/12/29/georgia-gold/The guy is a whackjob, but continues to get re-elected (mainly due to the lack of a challenger).  

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  69. Porcupine says:

    Actually, from the research I have done, sending used menstrual products through the mail is legal because menstrual blood is not generally considered a biohazard. Just think. . . if it were, every woman’s restroom in the country would have to have a biohazard disposal container, and the proprietors would have to arrange for proper biohazard disposal. I would go ahead and guess that even restrooms on Capital Hill are not equipped with such containers.
    From what I understand, if the menstrual blood is dry, and on some kind of absorbent material, and in a waterproof bag, it’s safe. It’s not going to transmit any kind of illnesses.
    But I wouldn’t want to be wrong about this. More research is needed, obviously.

  70. Chanda says:

    Quite right too. Rep. Franklin doesn’t go far enough. He should introduce a bill making masturbation a crime. Killin all those babies.

  71. Kitty says:

    Chanda, you’re on to something…and why not stop there? Wet dreams! Who knows if we men were lusting right before we sleep and therefore committed premeditated murder? I guess we men will have to do the same every time we have a wet dream…But sending photos of the deed sounds icky, don’t you think? Ahhh, but I’m sure Franklin won’t mind…

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