Countdown to May 21, 2011

Bad news you guys: We’re all gonna die.

I heard about this a while ago, but it didn’t really sink in until I was on the train Friday and two End Times guys were handing out pamphlets and educating the heathens about the impending rapture. Apparently all the good Christians get to be gathered up and then get to meet Christ in the air? And the rest of us get left on Earth, but, worse news: Earth turns into Hell. So one minute you’re just going about your business on a Saturday afternoon, and the next minute your intestines are hanging from some trees. I’m going to be at a wedding that day, so if this thing goes off according to plan, that’s going to be a real bummer. At least I know I’ll be wearing a nice dress and clean underwear.

Anyone else doing anything to prepare for the end of the world?

About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
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61 Responses to Countdown to May 21, 2011

  1. Erin says:

    That is a most excellent date for a wedding! I’m pretty excited to see what these fools say on May 22nd.

  2. outrageandsprinkles says:

    Well I’m going job hunting today so if the world ends at least I won’t have to worry about buying nice work pants. However I will be pissed if the world ends before I take my math final, since this is the first time I’ve ever done well in a math class. First an A, THEN eternal damnation, please!

  3. John Cain says:

    My brother is getting married on Saturday as well. Oddly, he and his fiancee are not amused when people send them pictures of billboards and subway advertisements proclaiming the end of the world. I for one think it’s hilarious, and that we should just party that much harder at the reception.

  4. Ms. Ederle says:

    As funny and ridiculous as it is, I think I will also spend May 22nd being really angry at Harold Camping for manipulating people’s fear and uncertainty in these terrible economic times. I wonder if Harold Camping will spend May 22nd helping out the people who quit their jobs, spent their savings and made no plans for what they were going to do to live if he was wrong.

    • Jill says:

      As funny and ridiculous as it is, I think I will also spend May 22nd being really angry at Harold Camping for manipulating people’s fear and uncertainty in these terrible economic times. I wonder if Harold Camping will spend May 22nd helping out the people who quit their jobs, spent their savings and made no plans for what they were going to do to live if he was wrong.

      I wonder if there even is some notable number of people who quit their jobs or spent their savings. I mean, even the folks who say they believe this have to take human error into account, right? I mean, we’ve been down the “world is ending” path before…

  5. Arkady says:

    Don’t we get world peace and unity under the Anti-Christ for a while after the Rapture? I thought that was why the UN is evil… ;-)

  6. I’m hanging around McMansions of known fundies so when they vaporize I can get their stuff.

  7. Kristen J. says:

    Sounds like it might be a nice night for a BBQ. Any heathens want to join us?

  8. gretel says:

    Those Rapture people really tried to ruin everyone’s time at the 5th Avenue Fair yesterday. However, they failed, and people kept on purchasing ShamWows and Mozzarepas.

    On Saturday I’m going to be at my niece’s makeup-themed (no joke) birthday party surrounded by 7-year-olds hyped up on sugar. So I actually may be praying that Hell descends on earth.

    But I’ve been wondering: Did they pay for all that billboard space through the end of the month? Or did they just pay through May 21st?

  9. Ms. Ederle says:

    Apparently there’s a least a few people they interviewed on npr that really have quite their jobs and all that. They said that being skeptical about the world actually ending would make you a sinner or something. It’s pretty sad, especially considering that this dude’s been wrong before.

  10. ozymandias says:

    My school is throwing a giant-ass graduation party on the 21st. I’m pretty sure this is so everyone’ll sin at the party and be damned together. My school is big on togetherness. :)

  11. Linnaeus says:

    I’m going to make sure I have the proper plasmids available so that I can fight off the Splicers when they come looking for me.

    Oh, wait, wrong Rapture…

  12. Alison says:

    My dad’s birthday is Friday, so now I’m faced with a dilemma – do we go totally nuts and throw a big giant end-of-the-world blowout bash for him and should I spend all my money on the most awesome birthday gifts ever????? Or should I say “Pfft, eff you Dad, the world is ending so what’s the point?”

    On a serious note, yeah there have been some people who have quit their jobs and blown all of their savings and stuff, and while part of me thinks “OMG YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID” it also makes me sad that people actually *can* be that stupid, to the point that they are ruining their lives over this bullcrap.

    See here: http://www.npr.org/2011/05/07/136053462/is-the-end-nigh-well-know-soon-enough?ft=1&f=100

  13. groggette says:

    I have no clue what I’ll be doing that day but I’m sure it will involve sinning of one stripe or another (and another and another).

    But I am wondering if anyone else misread the link as Edible Fellowship? I was thinking I might still be religious if I went to a church like that! and then I saw my mistake :(

  14. JPlum says:

    I’m going to be here:
    http://www.wired.com/techbiz/people/magazine/16-10/ff_walker?currentPage=all, but not until later afternoon. The Rapture better not happen until AFTER my visit!

  15. Courtney says:

    Apparently the earthquakes will be starting at 6pm local time wherever you are (the Lord: SO CONVENIENT) so I figure here in the US we have plenty of time to stake out the best post-rapture squatting places. For my part, I told the boyfriend we should probably fool around that morning JUST IN CASE.

  16. Jesse says:

    I wonder if my wedding vendors will give me money back if the world really does end this upcoming Saturday. I’m gonna be pissed if the term “Acts of God” really does turn out to be real.

  17. I figure I’ll just buy lots of bottled water and put plywood sheeting over the walls and windows. That has protected against rapture a time or two before quite nicely.

  18. PrettyAmiable says:

    I will be an MBA for one full day!

  19. Thom says:

    You silly, Heathen, Jill. You will have at least seven years of cruel suffering under the reign of the Anti-Christ. You won’t die on the 21st. It will be sometime after that.

    Well, unless you are in a plane with pilots who are good churchgoing people. Then, yeah, you’ll die. ;)

  20. Well, fuck. Oh, well, at least I get to have my birthday first.

  21. Randomosity says:

    The next day I will running my D&D campaign. I bet they chose that day in order to keep people from playing Dungeons and Dragons on Sunday.

  22. Trey says:

    Planning a post-rapture party for me and my avowed atheist, sodomite, promiscuous, and otherwise damned but fabulous friends and family.

  23. BruceJ says:

    gretel:
    On Saturday I’m going to be at my niece’s makeup-themed (no joke) birthday party surrounded by 7-year-olds hyped up on sugar. So I actually may be praying that Hell descends on earth.

    Hey, makeup themed is going to be better than Wolves

  24. Rachel says:

    The world isn’t ending on 5/21/11. That is just the rapture when all SAVED Christians fly up to heaven or something. The world ends on 10/21/11. Too bad I don’t know any Christians. It would be fun to watch them float away.

  25. peggyluwho says:

    I have to say that the part that about this that bothers me the most is the disproportionate number of billboards in the economically challenged neighborhoods of Oakland. I’m not surprised, but I think it’s disgusting.

    And on a lighter note, this.

  26. Brennan says:

    A part of me has always suspected that the world would end the day I graduated from college . . . I just never imagined that other people would think so too;D

  27. speedbudget says:

    I hope the wedding has an open bar, seeing as it will be the last party you will ever go to.

  28. queenrandom says:

    That’s the day my PhD is conferred and my graduation ceremony. I’d be super pissed if I get raptured before becoming Dr., after all that work! Good thing I’m a feminist heathen.

  29. PrettyAmiable says:

    speedbudget: I hope the wedding has an open bar, seeing as it will be the last party you will ever go to.

    Ooooh rapture. Better drunk or sober?

  30. Ebonmuse says:

    You silly, Heathen, Jill. You will have at least seven years of cruel suffering under the reign of the Anti-Christ. You won’t die on the 21st. It will be sometime after that.

    Sorry, Thom – you’d have been right for most other apocalypse nuts, but in Camping’s scheme, we only get six months. The Rapture is May 21, then the universe gets blown up on October 21. Apparently he also believes that once the Rapture happens, it’s too late and no one else can be saved. Both of these are, of course, excellent reasons to party that much harder afterwards!

  31. I was thinking of making up signs that say “May 21st, 2011: Your house will be broken into”, but not enough people would get it.

  32. Ali says:

    I’ll be trying to find Jesus on May 21, 2011. Or writing a song. Or most likely, drowning my sorrows in drink that the person with whom I’d most like to have sex will be otherwise occupied, committing to a lifetime of monogamy. (An act that many people do and yet I still don’t comprehend.)

  33. Andrea says:

    my friend is having a party on the 21st, and I’m thinking this means that a theme is in order.

    It’s my daughter’s 10th birthday on the 22nd. Here’s hoping I’ve corrupted her enough during the span of her short life with ideas of critical thinking (and violent cartoons, of course) that her and her sister will be sticking around for a while to keep their heathen mother company.

    With any luck, if any religion is right about this, it’ll be one of the ones that says unbaptised babies don’t get into heaven. I like my kids. I like having them around.

  34. Gretel says:

    BruceJ: Hey, makeup themed is going to be better than Wolves

    When I saw wolves I immediately thought of Twilight. Maybe I do need the world to end.

  35. Since Camping’s silly announcement, a number of secular orgs have been toying with taking advantage of the non-event for something useful; our solution in the Puget Sound is Rapture Relief. In short, if something happens, we’re raising funds for that. If nothing happens (as it always has =), we’re going to use the funds to bring Camp Quest, a secular and science-based kids camp, to the area. We’re already doing really well, and we look forward to training these youngsters to survive in the post-tribulation (which is from May 21 to October 21). You can find out more at http://www.rapture-relief.org.

  36. Opheelia says:

    Reading that website was like that movie “Number 23.”

    Also, this part made me lol:

    “On May 21st, 1988, God finished using the churches and congregations of the world. The Spirit of God left all churches and Satan, the man of sin, entered into the churches to rule at that point in time.”

    It’s nice to see a religious person acknowledge that a good portion of what churches have done over the last 23 years has been evil.

  37. Doodie says:

    From “88 reasons why the world will end in 1988″ to the Jehovah Witness’s numerous failed prophecies, to all of Hal Lindsay’s “Late Great Planet Earth” mush……………Not to mention the hundreds of incorrect ‘end is near’ prophecies since 30AD. This Saturday May 21st will likely add it’s name to the ranks of a long list of incorrect End times prophecies. (Which are mostly based on OT scripture meant for another time and place, but that’s just my opinion)

    Might as well get a “Rapture Vet” shirt….hahaha

    http://www.zazzle.com/rapture_vet_may_21st_2011_tshirt-235362460521842213?group=mens&lifestyle=classic&rf=238388911673689288

  38. Caity says:

    I’m going to make sure I have the proper plasmids available so that I can fight off the Splicers when they come looking for me.

    Oh, wait, wrong Rapture…

    Linnaeus, you rock. I actually LOL’d at that one.

  39. Sonia says:

    Ms. Ederle:
    As funny and ridiculous as it is,I think I will also spend May 22nd being really angry at Harold Camping for manipulating people’s fear and uncertainty in these terrible economic times. I wonder if Harold Camping will spend May 22nd helping out the people who quit their jobs, spent their savings and made no plans for what they were going to do to live if he was wrong.

    If anyone is that gullible, they probably need to be taken on a few rides. :)

  40. LJ says:

    Yo, I’m in Australia and this is the first I’ve heard of any end of the world. Since we’ll get there a good 12 hours before you do, I’ll let y’all know how it pans out. This is the awesome thing about living in the future: when it’s time for the world to end, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

    Also, isn’t the rapture what happens after the sex and before the canoodling?

  41. Carrie says:

    I can hardly prepare for the end of the day, let alone the end of the world.

    Shannon Drury:
    I’m hanging around McMansions of known fundies so when they vaporize I can get their stuff.

    Good idea!!

    Come May 22nd, there will be a (lame) reason no one was raputured and a new date will be set.

  42. SWGM says:

    I’m also going to a wedding on the 21st! My boyfriend’s mother is getting remarried – gasp! shock! horror! – and we’re catering the event. Hopefully the hellfire and brimstone and what have you will hold off until the evening.

  43. gretel: Those Rapture people really tried to ruin everyone’s time at the 5th Avenue Fair yesterday.

    Because you know, if I thought the world was going to end in six days, I wouldn’t spend my remaining time on the planet playing with my kids, or catching up with my family, or looking up lost friends to tell them I loved them.

    I’d spend it flyering.

  44. Moopaw says:

    A number of comments wondered what will these people say when the world doesn’t end.
    ……….well since this will be my sixth “end of the world” event in my life-time allow me to predict…….

    With arms raised, “Your prayers have been answered!! Now please give generously as we pass the collection plate”

  45. Courtney says:

    I am praying that nothing will happen … I want more time with my kids … I am really scared about it but then again think back to when it was suppose to happen in 1999 and never did or 6-6-06 and never did … What are they even saying is suppose to happen?

  46. evie says:

    What will be interesting is watching them cope with the cognitive dissonance when it doesn’t all kick off. Usually what they do is subject the date calculations to intense scrutiny (the like of which would have been sinful before it failed) and pronounce why the ‘when’ was wrong (but still uphold that it’s sinful to scrutinise the basis for the ‘what’).

  47. Skye says:

    Blasting REM’s “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (I Feel Fine)”.

  48. catbot says:

    hey, that’s my birthday! seems like as good a day as any to go out blazing

  49. elizabeth says:

    Anyone have the proper timezone for the beginning of the festivities? I wanna be as prepared as possible.

  50. 2020 says:

    I don’t care nothing is going to stop me from playing LA Noire. DO YOU HERE ME NOTHING!!!

  51. April says:

    Courtney:
    I am praying that nothing will happen … I want more time with my kids … I am really scared about it but then again think back to when it was suppose to happen in 1999 and never did or 6-6-06 and never did … What are they even saying is suppose to happen?

    I spent the better part of my childhood being terrified of the end of the world, which was supposed to happen May 5, 2000. It wound up being my junior prom, which was very fun. I deeply resent the assholes and the religious tripe that literally made me believe I was going to die at age 16, for the majority of my childhood.

    It’s made up. Seriously. You will not be raptured, nor will you be left on a mythical hell on earth while other people are raptured. Seriously. If I could hug you about it right now (if you’re being serious), I would. Do not ruin your life being terrified of made-up garbage. Please.

    Jill: I wonder if there even is some notable number of people who quit their jobs or spent their savings. I mean, even the folks who say they believe this have to take human error into account, right? I mean, we’ve been down the “world is ending” path before…

    This is actually happening. I’m torn between laughing at this whole thing, and being deeply depressed by it all.

  52. Alison says:

    Linnaeus:
    I’m going to make sure I have the proper plasmids available so that I can fight off the Splicers when they come looking for me.

    Oh, wait, wrong Rapture…

    I’m so late to this post, but YAY BIOSHOCK.

    “Death to Ryan!”

  53. Thom says:

    Ebonmuse: Sorry, Thom – you’d have been right for most other apocalypse nuts, but in Camping’s scheme, we only get six months. The Rapture is May 21, then the universe gets blown up on October 21. Apparently he also believes that once the Rapture happens, it’s too late and no one else can be saved. Both of these are, of course, excellent reasons to party that much harder afterwards!

    Damn. Sorry, Jill, I guess you’ll only have a few months to live it up. ;)

  54. Opheelia:
    Reading that website was like that movie “Number 23.”

    Also, this part made me lol:

    “On May 21st, 1988, God finished using the churches and congregations of the world. The Spirit of God left all churches and Satan, the man of sin, entered into the churches to rule at that point in time.”

    It’s nice to see a religious person acknowledge that a good portion of what churches have done over the last 23 years has been evil.

    That was my thought too. Wonder how much it applies to his church.

  55. A friend of mine just scored me some awesome secondhand furniture, so I’m having a “come sit on my new furniture and drink until the Rapture comes” party Saturday. :)

  56. Aoun says:

    Liars liars liars only GOD can decide when the world is going to end!

  57. Pagan Girl says:

    I thought Hell was on earth already and had been since it began???? Did I miss something???

  58. Andrew says:

    Erin:
    That is a most excellent date for a wedding!I’m pretty excited to see what these fools say on May 22nd.

    I know right. There gonna be like ” Eh, I thought the world was ending yesterday I guess what I belilved wasnt true, At least we dont die :)

  59. Tom says:

    Harold Camping predicted the rapture would happen in 1994…

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