So, the bad news is that we’re all going to die. The good news is that we know when we’re going to die, so we can blow our life savings this week to do all the things we’ve always wanted to do.
Unfortunately, my life savings is somewhere in the low four figures (and my debts hover in the six figures), so, no trips to Antarctica for me. But! There are free and relatively (relative to my impending death) cheap things that I have never done, but which can be done in the next few days before the world ends. My top seven apocalypse-is-nigh to-do list:
2. Buy a one-way ticket to Paris and survive only on wine and unpasteurized cheese.
3. Shave my head. Shave my cat to match. Wear a giant blonde wig.
4. Purchase a small pony. Use it as my primary means of transportation.
5. Tasteful Playboy spread. (Haha, just kidding. Filthy Hustler spread. Related: Epic orgy).
6. Face tattoo of something totally creepy, like another person’s face.
7. Adopt 15 puppies and sleep with them all in a big heap.
And if I really get bored in the next three days, maybe I’ll get pregnant just to see what that’s like.