Relationship Advice – Marriage 101

Okay…all the single women gather ’round and I will share with you the vast bounty of my relationship knowledge. I know the key to getting married! And since obviously every female person is desirous of a state sanctioned relationship with a single dude, I am providing this information to you.

I know each of you must have been waiting with bated breath to discover how I caught Mr Kristen and manage to keep him from escaping through the nearest hatch (I’ve determined that relationships have “hatches” rather than doors…sort of like submarines). Well, wait no more!

Step One: Go to your local coffeehouse.
Step Two: Read an interesting book.
Step Three: ????
Step Four: MARRIAGE!!!!

Yup. Now I’ll just wait for the book deal to come rolling in. I think the hatch concept really sells it.

H/T to my mom for sending me yet another surrendered spouse book and reminding me how absurd relationship advice usually is.

P.S. Racialicious is sponsoring some fascinating conversations about interracial relationships that kicked off today. Go read it!


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9 comments for “Relationship Advice – Marriage 101

  1. August 18, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Underpants gnome planning strategy for the win!

  2. August 18, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    You could call it ‘Batten the Hatches’. It’ll be a best seller.

  3. August 18, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    aah-OOOO-GAH! aah-OOO-GAH! Dive! Dive!

  4. Kristen J
    August 19, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Rachel:
    You could call it ‘Batten the Hatches’. It’ll be a best seller.

    GENIUS! But now it needs a suitable subtitle. Something about a “story” or “journey”. Perhaps with “redemption”, “fullfillment”, or “giving”.

  5. Computer Soldier Porygon
    August 19, 2011 at 10:09 am

    a story of a redemptive journey to giving and fulfillment in your state-sanctioned relationship

  6. Kristen J
    August 19, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Excellent!

    Batten Down the Hatches: A heartwarming* story of a redemptive journey to giving and fulfillment in a state sanctioned relationship

    We have a title, a theory, a catchy hook…So where’s HarperCollins?

    *Heartwarming is also key. It signals that nothing in here will challenge your kyriarchal notions of value.

  7. Daisy
    August 19, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Do I have to put down my interesting book? Because that could be a deal-breaker here.

  8. Kristen J
    August 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Daisy:

    Do I have to put down my interesting book? Because that could be a deal-breaker here.

    Hmm…I believe that’s outside of the scope of the book. Its in the ???? phase. Sort of like how no relationship books cover the part where you’re dating someone who gets a really, really bad haircut. Or how after 10 years of a state sanctioned relationship you really, really want to go to a deli and order a fruit salad without your partner making a face.

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