2011 – World’s First Condom Action Film – Episode Bravo (1080p)

This is a guest post by Echo Zen. Echo is a feminist filmmaker, blogger, speaker and sexual health advocate, currently deployed in the States to counter the influence of Tea Party moppets. When ze’s not doing ad consulting for birth control, ze tries to blog semi-regularly for Feministe (partly to set a good example for zir sister).

As we’re uploading this video on Oct 20th, 2011, the anti-choicers in the U.S. are once again trying to push “personhood” for fertilised eggs on the American people – this time in Mississippi! Help our allies by donating to Mississippians for Healthy Families, as their coalition of doctors, parents and women’s health advocates fight to stop Initiative 26 from criminalising birth control, miscarriage and emergency contraception for rape victims: http://www.votenoon26.org/

So in this short film, the year is 2020. Extremist politicians have taken over America and banned condoms (along with facts and common sense). Underground networks have arisen to help smuggle condoms to desperate communities. In response, government operatives are authorised to terminate condom smugglers on sight. The result is an explosion of condoms, satire and brutal hand-to-hand action between trained assassins and smugglers.

Transcript below the fold.

(Assassin #2 gets a phone call from his Handler.)

ASSASSIN #2: What is it?

HANDLER (V.O.): Our operative failed to terminate her.

(Cue flashback of a fight between Smuggler and Assassin #1, ending in defeat and humiliation for Assassin #1.)

ASSASSIN #2: So now you want me to take her out.

HANDLER (V.O.): Of course! This isn’t 2008, this is the year 2020! We’ve already taken back America from the radicals, the subversives who think sexually active people have a right to protection. Right now that condom smuggler is transporting her contraband to some safe house somewhere, where she’s no doubt stockpiling even more health devices that can be used to prevent HIV and protect community health. We’ve given you the location of the smuggler’s suspected safe house. Show this criminal what happens when you promote safer sex.

(Assassin #2 tracks Smuggler to her safe house. They fight. Their fight turns into a showdown between a purple vibe and a rolled-up copy of “Ms. Magazine.” Smuggler ultimately defeats Assassin #2 with condoms.)

ASSASSIN #2: Ah! Condoms! No! Uh!

SMUGGLER: That’s right, condoms. They’re at least 85 percent effective against HIV, even if you don’t believe in them.

ASSASSIN #2: Well? Aren’t you going to kill me now?

SMUGGLER: No. Unlike you, my job is to protect everyone’s health and safety.

(Cue credits, accompanied by behind-the-scenes footage of ASSASSIN #2 and CREW MEMBER.)

ASSASSIN #2: So, Mr. Director, I don’t get it. My character’s against condoms, but HIV kills millions of people a year!

CREW MEMBER: Well, there are lots of people like your character who put politics over people’s safety all the time. Phyllis Schlafly, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann…

ASSASSIN #2: Michele Bachmann? Who’s…?

CREW MEMBER: Oh, she’s a comedian who, you know, says silly things.

ASSASSIN #2: Hmm. So we shouldn’t think of this so much as a political issue as we should think of it as a health issue.

CREW MEMBER: And that’s why we made this video. :-)

Author: has written 215 posts for this blog.

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8 Responses

  1. NVchoices
    NVchoices October 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm |

    Brilliant! Esp. the use of a vibrator as a weapon. New form of mixed martial arts?

  2. Rich
    Rich October 25, 2011 at 5:47 pm |

    Great film! Sadly, this could become our reality if we don’t fight the pro-lifers. I liked the rolled up copy of the magazine as a weapon as well, so Bourne-like!

  3. Peanutcat
    Peanutcat October 25, 2011 at 5:56 pm |

    What about part one?

  4. Peanutcat
    Peanutcat October 25, 2011 at 6:03 pm |

    Peanutcat: What about part one?

    Oh! Okay! This is an expanded update!

  5. Echo Zen
    Echo Zen October 25, 2011 at 9:20 pm |

    Yeah, I remember people on Feministe commented that the sound in the first episode wasn’t great… so I used the second episode as a chance to do a proper sound mix. :-)

    And it’s no fluke that one character uses a vibe as a handheld weapon. I teach women’s self-defence using mixed martial arts, with Filipino systems — the same ones used in “Bourne Supremacy” and “Bourne Ultimatum” — forming the base of what I teach. The ability to use any household object as a weapon is fundamental to that base — even fighting with a wallet or mobile phone is preferable to empty hands. Somehow I reckon that vibe might make a cameo in a future episode. ;-)

  6. smash
    smash October 26, 2011 at 12:37 pm |

    Thanks for spreading the news that contraception is important.

    However, we shouldn’t assume that all sex involves penetration. Lots of sex can be done outside the body (ie outercourse), and doesn’t require the use of condoms.

    This is not to take away from the jocular video in this post; it is merely an addendum.

  7. Echo Zen
    Echo Zen October 26, 2011 at 10:12 pm |

    True — if we do future episodes, we’ll certainly start expanding beyond our main theme of condoms and contraception. In the I’d like to do an episode on disability and ableism (using martial arts with canes or wheelchairs), since folks with disabilities are often stereotyped as both helpless and asexual. But if you can you think of a way to link outercourse with kung fu, let me know. :-)

    (Oh, brother… I just noticed anti-choicers are starting to leave rude comments under the video. Evidently I’m “celebrating” the murder of children — I guess in their minds, using condoms means you’re murdering children. But hey, these are the same geniuses who think fertilised eggs are people!)

  8. Echo Zen
    Echo Zen October 26, 2011 at 10:16 pm |

    Whoops, that first paragraph should read, “In the near future, I’d like to…” :-)

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