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Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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7 Responses

  1. Jessica Isabel
    Jessica Isabel December 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm |

    I have a question for Jaclyn:

    What would your advice be for someone trying to undo the damage done to them by media messages which tell women they shouldn’t be prudes, should be accessible sexually and otherwise to men, etc.? For a person like me who always had such a hard time saying no that I just always said yes – and convinced myself that I wanted to. Short of psychotherapy, which has its place and I don’t knock it, how does one go through the process of becoming a person who feels no shame or guilt in saying no?

    Also, I haven’t yet read her book (it’s on the “In College and Broke so Buy Me This if You Love Me Wish List”) so if this question could be answered by reading it, maybe a few practical real-life tips?

  2. Alison
    Alison December 7, 2011 at 4:43 pm |

    I’m curious to hear Jaclyn’s ideas on how to approach a conversation with a teen girl who may be engaging in sexual activity that she doesn’t truly wish to, in order to gain acceptance and approval from guys. I don’t want her to think I’m shaming her for being sexual or trying to get her to ignore or turn off her sexuality, but I want to be sure she’s only doing what she wants to do and is happy and comfortable with, and that she understands there’s no shame in being sexual but also no shame in NOT being sexual if she’s not ready. I’m just not sure of the best way to frame it so as to not push her away or make her feel shamed or embarrassed.

    (This is my niece, so I’m also on the fence about how much of a role I can play. As a relative, I feel it can be a big one, especially since her mother is largely absent and neglectful and the absolute last person who should or could raise a daughter with a heathly sexuality, sadly. But I don’t want to step over the line either, since she isn’t my child.)

  3. Nahida
    Nahida December 7, 2011 at 8:07 pm |

    I LOVE YOU JACLYN FRIEDMAN!

    That is all.

  4. Elena
    Elena December 8, 2011 at 4:33 am |

    I am wondering what J. Friedman thinks of the success of the SATC series – a show supposedly premised on women’s friendships, relationships and sexuality but ultimately seemed to encourage the most pathetic Carrie behavior in grown women in my personal environment and a constant desire to talk about it within the group of friends instead of with their partners.
    Sometimes it bores or bothers me so much! Do you have any suggestions how I can rid myself of these negative feelings in otherwise wonderful women friendships.

  5. sabrina
    sabrina December 9, 2011 at 11:17 am |

    sorry I didn’t send in the questions because you were going to have her here while I was at work. My question would be how would you bring up the sort of things that you learn about in the book with your partner be they male or female, and do you think that even though the book is female centered that reading the book as a hetero couple would be an appropriate way to approach that kind of dialogue.

  6. F
    F December 10, 2011 at 8:22 am |

    How do you sort through feelings about polyamory (including alternative relational structures not always counted within the poly umbrella, i.e. friends with benefits) and sort out your social conditioning from what actually makes you happy? I’m finding many of my friends are “on board” with it and while I’m not intellectually opposed, it’s emotionally too much for me to handle at this point, which is impeding my ability to find and stay happy with partners. Is there a good way to sort socially-conditioned feelings, the expectations of others, and your own instincts that can result in greater personal flexibility or at least clearer boundaries? If this is in the book, feel free to disregard; I can’t read it til I get back home in another month.

  7. Bach-us
    Bach-us December 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm |

    My question is how do you handle emotional boundaries in casual sex? Is it possible to set up a friends with benefits without being friends first?

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