He used almost exactly the same explanation for how he found himself cheating on his wife.

“I didn’t even have a life jacket because I had given it to one of the passengers. I was trying to get people to get into the boats in an orderly fashion. Suddenly, since the ship was at a 60-70° angle, I tripped and I ended up in one of the boats. That’s how I found myself in the lifeboat.” –Francesco Schettino, captain of the Costa Concordia cruise liner, which struck rocks off the coast of Tuscany last week.

12 comments for “He used almost exactly the same explanation for how he found himself cheating on his wife.

  1. schism
    January 20, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Sunspots were also involved. The Illuminati detonated a gamma wave emitter under the surface of the sun just as I was heading back to rescue all the passengers and the emissions caused a space-time distortion that moved the lifeboat directly underneath me and catapulted it towards the coastline. It’s kind of a miracle that I survived, honestly.

  2. schnei
    January 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    I… don’t get it?

  3. Kea
    January 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    The person in charge of organising people in a rescue situation, ie. the captain, is not supposed to (i) give up their lifejacket (rule 1 in rescue theory = make sure the rescuers are fairly safe) (ii) shrug their shoulders and stay in the boat when they could climb out. So even if he’s telling the truth, he’s an ignorant dweeb.

  4. Kathleen
    January 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    see also: how I tripped and my hand landed in this cookie jar and these cookie crumbs got on my face.

  5. benvolio
    January 20, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I’m still giggling over the headline on the NY Post (a paper I generally ignore, but their headline writers are often great) on this guy: Chicken of the Sea.

  6. Donna L
    January 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    shrug their shoulders and stay in the [life]boat when they could climb out.

    Look. As he explained very clearly to the Coast Guard, it was dark out. How could he have found his way back onto the ship? Besides, as he also clearly explained, he was coordinating rescue efforts from inside the lifeboat. I don’t know what more he could have done.

  7. Kea
    January 20, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    How could he have found his way back onto the ship?

    Well, of course I can’t say. But if this is all true, why can he not explain himself better?

  8. Donna L
    January 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    ^

    Kea, I sincerely hope you realize that my entire comment was intended sarcastically, based upon the captain’s own excuses, and don’t think I was actually saying what I believe. (OK, maybe I do that kind of thing too much, and overestimate people’s ability to read tone on the Internet.)

  9. Marksman2010
    January 20, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    This is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to the guy. He’ll have his own reality show soon.

  10. Manju
    January 20, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    He punched my fist with his face.

  11. j.
    January 21, 2012 at 8:58 am

    “I was coming out of the bathtub, and I tripped and fell on this giant dildo that some scoundrel had placed on the bathroom floor, embedding it in my anus. No, really, doctor.”

  12. speedbudget
    January 21, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.

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