Background on FNTT here. Click through to read this round’s contenders. The usual reminder: Comments below are abusive, insulting and may be triggering. This particular edition is Part 2 of the many, many, many comments left on Feministe after a thoroughly humiliating event that I would be happy to never talk about ever again and wish I could erase from the whole of the internet, but which clearly is going nowhere, and brought out such amazing trolls that it just doesn’t seem fair not to highlight them. The second five are below.
1. Robert
Now he’s going to lose his job for being funny.
He should have just discretely smelled or given a little taste and then quietly put it back.
2. JOHN
NO WONDER YOU HAVE A VIBRATOR, BITCH
3. OH YEAH BABY WORK IT
Nothing spells LOSER like a dumb,liberal skank traveling with a dildo.Memo:get a boyfriend or use your hand
good day
4. Eddy
Jill you hot little minx! I’m throbbing at the thought of you buzzing away at your sweet beaver.
5. Black Rob
So, it is true Jill is a big ol homo along with the guys, since the TSA found your tools for masturbation.
‘K, now we’re talking. This is going to take some thought – creepy over hateful? Sexist over oversharing?
Whoever wins, we lose.
Robert, for the grossout factor, the assumption that it was a man that did it, the assumption that said man was attracted to women or interested in that sort of thing, and the belief that it was funny.
Definitely that last one, you big ol homo
This one was tough, but in the end, I was won over by “good day.” It takes effort to be courteous after calling someone a liberal skank.
John! I can’t believe he has so few votes.
It kind of reminds me of a (sexist, problematic, favorite guilty pleasure) Kevin Hart skit, where he talks about how you can win an argument by yelling something random and then leaving. “Everytime I come in the house you got the microwave on high, FUCK YOU!”
Eddy for almost immediately making me throw up in my mouth a little. You hot little mynx.
Had to go with oh yeah baby work it for “use your hand.” Thanks for the tip.
Although black rob is a close second for “big ol homo.” What?
…”good day.” you can’t beat that!
Robert had me instantly because OH MY GOD, but I had a last second change of heart and gave it to Black Rob. I want to know what guys he is talking about, and I want to know how masturbation = homosexual.
I…. I actually can’t pick a favorite on this one.
Beaver!! Come on now how is that not an insta-win?
Black Rob for the confusing conflation of sex toys with male homosexuality? I’m not even sure.
This is the most difficult one yet.
I erred on the side of Black Rob, if only for the incomprehensible homophobia.
Black Rob, for the many levels of non-sequiturial, baffling nonsense.
Oh, and because I am a big ol homo.
Jill, I’m calling for an editorial wildcard, because Eddy and BR both need to make it to the next round.
Definitely Black Rob, for the confusingly-expressed homophobia and strange attempt to seem like some sort of early modern Celtic warlord. Because c’mon, who doesn’t love internet warlords?
Did Black Rob just out the entire male population? “Along with the guys”? All of you?
Eddy is too horrible even to vote for. Oh, man, I’m so sorry you were subjected to that.
The others are just your normal trolls. Oh Yeah Work It wins for the hysterical disconnect between the username and the message.
Ugh. I HATE it when people refer to vaginas as beavers.
This was tough, but in the end, Black Rob’s total lack of understanding of just about anything in this situation made me laugh, and that’s important in these trying times.
Also, all men are gay? What? Did he mean that Jill having sex with herself=having sex with a woman (which supposedly makes her gay) is parallel men have sex with women=are gay? AND SO JILL AND MEN ARE BOTH GAY FOR WOMEN.
Nah, I lost myself too.
I , too, wondered who “the guys” were in Black Rob’s rant. Along with what guys? I assumed maybe there was some previous story about the TSA finding sex toys in the bags of some gay men?
Also- “tools for masturbation” LOL, not sure why
This was a tough one, but I had to go with Robert, the stupid twit who doesn’t know the difference between “discrete” and “discreet.”
I can’t believe these people are so upset about vibrators. I mean, they are the best things in the world!
The discrete smell/ little taste killed me, with laughter. Way to go.
I can’t believe that none of them seem to know the difference between a vibrator and a dildo.
I’m actually deeply disappointed not to have to opportunity for vote for Dana or FrankD. Those were some truly classic troll times.
Having said that, Robert for his suggestion of a more appropriate action by the TSA agent.
Have to vote for BR. For equating Jill and vibrators and homos; and for equating homos (sic) with big and ol (sic). I’m not sure how TSA fits in there, but I guess, if one obsesses about big, ol (sic) homos (sic), one finds a way.
Thanks for sharing, Jill. Hope you’re having a good laugh as well.
Black Rob. Only homos masturbate.
SIGN ME UP FOR TEAM LESBIAN
“sweet beaver” lol
Antyhing to shake the presumption of universal heterosexuality.
Aargh – anything.
I voted for Eddy because of his horrible concept of boundaries, but there were a lot of great contenders this round.
Robert had me with the having a little taste and then quietly putting it back. The description is disturbingly evocative.
this. And other reasons too, like:
LOSER IN ALL CAPS= this be serious!
Jill, you liberal skank! Hmmm. How is she a skank exactly when she is using a vibrator?? I mean, skank, get a boyfriend!
OH YEAH, nothing spells doesn’t fully understand like “just use your hand”!!!! Who’s the loser, now, bucko?? Loser for the win!!
Interesting, isn’t it, that some menfolk are threatened by a woman with a vibrator?
Hmm … OH Yeah Baby etc. because a nice exit goes over so well after a little misogyny.
It was hard to choose between Eddy and the WORK IT guy, but I finally decided Eddy.
Black Rob, for his lack of understanding that big ol’ homo ladies do not, in fact, go “along with the guys”.
Had to go with Eddy. I just cant pass up the word minx. Totally inexplicable, I know.
Hmmm…almost went with Black Rob, but in the end Robert wins on gross-out factor alone. Again with the smelling (and tasting *gack*). Not enough heebie-jeebie dances in the world. Not nearly enough.
Work It, because he is so compelled to convince you that only skanks use vibrators. This is right in line with the PUA practice of insulting the target to determine if she’s insecure enough to fall for the close.
Torn between Oh Yeah, whose attempt at superiority is kind of ruined by hir not knowing the difference between a dildo and a vibrator, and Black Rob, who makes no sense.
It obviously makes no sense that “skanks” would only be “loose” with HERSELF, vibrators make you a ho nowadays??! I thought it was like practicing abstinence?! We shoudn’t be giving these scum of the Earth, lowly conservatives the time of day– I bet they’re jacking off thinking about all the attention we’re giving to them…. ooops I forgot, masturbation is the WORST thing a person can possibly do, right? Or is that rule just for women? Surprise, surprise, Republicans being illogical & hypocritical? Who would’ve thunkit?! ;)
I went with JOHN. I really feel like he best captured and EMPHASIZED the general troll zeitgeist.
Wow, this was very difficult. Robert is the strangest, though, because he’s the creepiest (taste it? urgh!) and also the most lucid sounding–not foaming at the mouth like the rest of them. Which makes him even weirder
I had to vote for Rob simply because it didn’t make sense and he thought it was so obvious he didn’t bother trying to explain.
WORK IT, because it’s so obvious that the original post threw him into an incomprehensible,foaming-at-the-mouth rant. Those liberal skanks and their liberal ways! Rarrrrgh!!
Good day to you, Mr. Oh. I said GOOD DAY.
Clearly Robert. The way he talks is as if smelling and/or tasting a vibrator one finds in somebody else’s suitcase is an everyday occurrence…which is at once incredibly disconcerting and hilarious.
By the way, Jill–the vibrator story was referenced in the international copy of USA Today today in an article about the indignities of air travel. (The note was quoted in ALL CAPS, but you were not mentioned by name).
Wow, obviously in the minority, I voted for John because of the purity of his message. And, it made me laugh more than the others.