FNTT Season 8, Round 1: the Godwin’s edition

Background on FNTT here. Click through to read this round’s contenders. The usual reminder: Comments below are abusive, insulting and may be triggering.

1. Johnny Ace

If MRAs are terrorists then feminists are Moammar Qaddaffi, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Adolf Hitler combined. {{-_-}}

2. Bob Knows

Anti-men hate by the agents of Satan in black robes of hell are the reason for massive suicide rates by recently divorced men. Destroying a man’s family is a heinous crime. The man in this story is the victim of violence to him and to his family.

3. Rufus

People, it’s very very simple. It’s about class:
Just as Gaddafi stayed in power by spending much energy and effort to keep the tribes at each others’ throats, so…
The elites in the USA stay in power by spending much energy and effort to keep our tribes at each others’ throats.
And the American tribes are: men vs women, white vs non-white, straight vs gay, drunks vs civilized, secular vs religious nuts, native vs migrants etc etc.
The Establishment feminists play the role of keeping the tribes at each others’ throats, because if they didn’t then we might just realized we are ruled by murderous despot thieves.

4. Ceecee

BTW: Why does your title banner have a picture of a little girl playing with what appears to be a toy automatic or semi-automatic weapon? This on the Feministe banner? What are you trying to say? That the best way to make women equal is to raise our daughters to be as rotten, evil, and murderous as the worst men? Come on guys. Why would you want to give toy guns to children of either gender?

5. Ms Obvious

So let me see if I understand you correctly Jill…
A woman is beaten and raped, but the real crime here is not the beating or the raping, but the gall to ask how it could have been prevented. Because supposedly, the only legitimate question to be asked is how do we make men less stupid, aggressive, or horny. Yeah, let us know when you figure out the answer to that one. (Couldn’t possibly try to ask both questions at once?) The rest of us in the real world who will not be holding our defaultingly evil-patriarchal pro-rape breaths are going to evaluate the specific details of the incident, and attempt to learn something from them to prevent future incidents. GASP! NOT DETAILS!!! OH, THE HORROR!!! THE HUMANITY!!!
Obviously anyone who wants rape to be prevented is a rape apologist who blames the victim… The non-sequiturs in this article are astounding!
I don’t suppose it ever occurred to anyone that public gang-raping of a stranger easily identifiable as a foreigner in the midst of a xenophobic mob celebrating deposing the government they considered to be a puppet of foreign powers in a country where “Eighty-three percent of Egyptian women report being sexually harassed on the street, and 62 percent of men admit engaging in harassment” might indicate a slightly different cultural normative than North America where rape generally occurs in familiar locations by familiar perpetrators?
How DARE anyone suggest treating the two starkly disparate real-world environments any differently than they should be treated in “everyone is treated equal all over the world just because they deserve to be” fantasy land!
Drive safe folks! Try to avoid roads with lots of traffic, blind corners, construction, etc. And because it apparently requires clarification, no, that does NOT mean if you get into an accident anyway it’s automatically your fault. Nor does it make me pro-accident, nor an accident apologist. Oh, and no matter what country you’re in, make sure you’ve got your “coexist” bumper sticker with the cross and star of david on it, because no culture I can think of would EVER treat you differently just because of some superficial prejudice…
Thanks Jill, your little naive egotistical soapbox diatribe about your authoritative “right” to dictate what discourse is PC enough to be acceptable, was a laugh riot for the rest of us on imperfect planet earth. We’ll be chuckling as we move along to address REAL problems (not “what rsmccain wrote today!”) with REAL solutions.
Gosh, if CBS decides to hire larger security details for their female journalists in violently misogynistic countries, that would make them misogynists themselves by your logic. Nah, better to leave the security details the same size. Who was it you said was pro-rape again?

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About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
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40 Responses to FNTT Season 8, Round 1: the Godwin’s edition

  1. Caperton says:

    Okay, first of all, Ceecee, that’s definitely not a toy shotgun. What kind of feminists do you take us for?

  2. Vertigo says:

    I voted for Bob Knows. Ms. Obvious was too long to read.

  3. jrockford says:

    Bob Knows. But it was a tossup. At the end of the day though, it seemed like Johnny Ace was just a bit down the lane and into the mace, as they say.

  4. Anathematised says:

    Obvious has my vote on word-count alone. FNTT: Now featuring an essay contest!

  5. Lance says:

    I had to go with Rufus– the offhand contrasting of “drunk” vs. “civilized” was such a glorious non-sequitir. Nobody tell him about the role of beer in the rise of civilization, okay?

  6. Li says:

    Ms. Obvious was tl;dr, and while Rufus had some well executed manarchism, he left me cold.

    So it really had to go to Bob Knows with the “black robes of hell”. Of HELL, people.

  7. Rob in CT says:

    I like Rufus’ ideas, and want to subscribe to his newsletter.

  8. Ceecee because it’s clearly a pump action, neither automatic nor semiautomatic. (Remington 870 Entry? That’s my guess, though the picture is awfully small for a positive ID on the weapon.)

  9. Jadey says:

    Anyone who complains about the little girl avec heavy weaponry always gets my vote.

  10. Emolee says:

    I had to go with Johnny Ace, simply because he reminded me of the time a few years ago that I was at a holiday party and a woman accused both my sister and me of being “half of Hitler,” presumably making us an entire Hitler together. Why were we Hitler? Because we were “extreme leftists.” Yeah, WTF.

    Although “black robes of hell” and “drunks vs civilized” both made me laugh.

  11. Also, I think the image of the shotgun has been flipped. The ejection port — the long silver thing ahead of the grip at the top — is on the left side of the weapon, while it’s almost always on the right, to eject the shell away from a right-handed shooter’s face when fired from the shoulder. Perhaps someone makes a left-eject receiver, but the girl is clearly right-handed.

  12. Miku says:

    I voted for Ms. Obvious because of how confused her post made me, and the ironic contrast that presents with her name.

  13. Sera says:

    I had to go with the ‘black robes of hell’, mainly b/c I remember (Sheelzebub? maybe?) one of the commentariat’s longing for her very own robe… which of course inspired me to scour the interwebs for a sewing ‘HELL ROBE’ pattern.

  14. Alberthe says:

    ‘agents of Satan in black robes of hell’ Hell, yeah:D:D:D:D

  15. Katie says:

    What’s wrong with the toy gun comment? It seems perfectly innocent to me. Unless there’s some history to this I’m not aware of…

  16. blondie says:

    I couldn’t pick. These were all too trollicious!

  17. annajcook says:

    Gosh … a hard bracket!

    Johnny Ace scored points for the use of a weird smiley: {{-_-}}

    And Ms Obvious for having to use so many words to explain the obvious…

    …but in the end, I just had to vote for the lyric poetry of the phrase “agents of Satan in black robes of hell.” Bob knows!

  18. Mandolin says:

    Rufus because he almost, sort of, if you squint, has the glimmer of a point.

  19. konkonsn says:

    Is Bob Knows talking about one of the many incidents in which the divorced man killed his family and then himself? And he’s saying the man is the victim?

    I mean, I’ve heard this argument before, but it just boggles my mind every damn time.

  20. SecondJen says:

    “Agents of Satan in black robes of hell” indeed. Plus I love the “factoid” about massive suicide rates among divorced men. He should really be on a University campus with a sandwich board, because the end is nigh.

  21. LC says:

    Rufus, for much the same reason as Mandolin.

  22. Shawn says:

    Bob Knows, ’cause it all goes back to being some woman’s fault, somehow, somewhere along the way. The menfolks are so victimized, y’all.

  23. Iam138 says:

    Bob knows, since he went to hell and back. Very nicely done. Ms Obvious was tl;dr. And, to be honest, I sort of agree with most of Rufus’s note: the Establishment, whoever it is, makes hay by keeping all of the lower classes arguing with each other. But his concern sounded more like the “OMG, how can you write about this when children are starving in Africa!” than anything else.

  24. Sara says:

    Ceecee, for taking the logo seriously.

  25. Tim says:

    Ms. Obvious because of the general rantiness and how she almost seemed to be channeling Alan Keyes, whose rants I always kind of enjoyed.

  26. Past my expiration date says:

    Bob Knows, for writing in dactyls.

  27. suspect class says:

    Bob Knows Satan. Bob Knows Hell Robes.

  28. BBBShrewHarpy says:

    Rufus, because he took such care with what he wrote, down to the correct placement of apostrophes, but then blew it all by putting “drunks” in contrasting apposition with “civilized”. And then blaming “Establishment” feminists (WTF are they?) for the ensuing bedlam?

  29. Anon21 says:

    This is a really strong bracket. Classic concern trolling from Ceecee; Rufus apparently just stepped out of Manarchist Ryan Gosling; and Johnny Ace’s little emoticon was a charming palette cleanser after the Hitler reference. I went with Bob Knows, though. I can somehow just picture the slightly unfocused quality of his eyes as he pounds away at his keyboard, exposing the malevolent Satan agents with his courageous comments.

  30. Argenti Aertheri says:

    Rufus, because he had nearly had a point, but wow, those categories! I initially read “native vs migrants” as Native Americans, and then did a double take that no, he’d lumped all native Americans // citizens by birth as Native Americans. None of the rest actually managed to surprise me any, and I like my trolls surprising.

    Also, hello! long time lurker coming out to comment, eek!

  31. broken says:


    I mean what kind of troll can’t clearly identify a pump action shotgun?

  32. Ledasmom says:

    I had to go with Johnny Ace, simply because he reminded me of the time a few years ago that I was at a holiday party and a woman accused both my sister and me of being “half of Hitler,” presumably making us an entire Hitler together. Why were we Hitler? Because we were “extreme leftists.”

    Wouldn’t that make you two left sides of Hitler? Which is a somewhat disturbing image, come to think of it.
    Rufus almost took it, for his brilliant last-second veer into WTFitude, but I believe I have to give it to Bob Knows. I would, however, like to know where one orders black robes of hell.

  33. Angie unduplicated says:

    Ms. Obvious gets my vote for stereotype trollery, and as an affirmative action gesture, something she really can hate on. Black robes of Satan”, though, has its claws sunk into my funny bone and just won’t let go.

  34. lorobird says:


    i am in a fit of laughter thanks to her.

  35. schnei says:

    I would have voted for the utterly confused Ms. Obvious, but the concern-trolling from Ceecee about the website’s logo is a perfect, off-topic derail.

  36. Anecdotal says:

    Even though I voted for Ms Obvious (so much energy wasted being incensed by a blog and all that ridiculous logic), I’m deeply offended by Rufus’ implication that a person cannot be both a drunk and civilized. That really hits a personal chord with me.

  37. astronautgo says:

    I choose to believe that Johnny Ace’s emoticon represents the head of a character from Katamari Damacy, which I think would fit with his gently whimsical tone.

    I voted for Bob Knows, though, because his comment is so metal.

  38. Ms. Obvious was tl;dr. I voted for Johnny Ace to reward his competent spelling of foreign names.

  39. DragonBreath says:

    Ms obvious because she is anything but obvious. One answer to your ? Ceecee; maybe to shoot trolls? How about we get to rank the trolls in order of how bad they are? That way we can vote on all of them since they tend to all be disgusting.

  40. Jackie says:

    I remember someone else making an arguement like CeeCees, still as laughably absurd now as it it was then.

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