FNTT Season 8, Round 1: the JNF Fan Club edition

Background on FNTT here. Click through to read this round’s contenders. The usual reminder: Comments below are abusive, insulting and may be triggering.

1. Mitsy

Jill: Please never have children. You’re a monster and a reptile with no feelings.

2. marko

Well, the guy fucked up and also panicked, so sure, feel free to mock him. But if you have health problems and psycholigical problems to boot, you might want to give some thought to the benefits of not being an annoying judgmental and know-it-all cunt. Man o man, I have to replace the bottle of champagne I drank when E Edwards kicked the bucket, can I put your name on the new bottle? Are you dying, or just rying to weazel out of your workload?

3. oh my god

Jill, your more annoying then my goddamned plagued family with their constant whining. You realize no one gives a shit about this dudes dumb Facebook joke he made with his friends? Stick to covering OWS. Oh, and show me your tits.

4. Larry C

I’d never heard of this Filipovic person till now.
I’m glad to see that Ms Vibrator nicely fits the profile I’d always assumed described such feminist fighters for abortion and infanticide: A repressed and unfeminine lump, vulgar and shallow to the core (if I may speak in paradox).

5. Jim

I want to see what happens when Jill leaves a picture of herself using the vibrator in the luggage? I think a phone number will be scrawled in addendum to said freaky statement.

51 comments for “FNTT Season 8, Round 1: the JNF Fan Club edition

  1. January 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Marko, because GOD, Jill, have you ever even considered being less of a cunt? I mean sheesh.

  2. Emolee
    January 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    marko is straight-up MEAN. I couldn’t even laugh.

    I have to vote for Larry C for the following: “this Filipovic person”; “repressed and unfeminine lump”; and “if I may speak in paradox” Huh?

  3. Alberthe
    January 31, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    I don’t know how to choose between these trolls. 1) reptile with no feelings; 2) er, incomprehensible ranting; 3) tits; 4) for the reasons Emolee pointed out, or 5) ok, 5 is forgettable. I sort of feel that Larry is in a league of his own here, but I’m loath to inflate his ego even more:S Decisions, decisions…

  4. Sera
    January 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I had to vote for poor unpopular Mitsy… I mean reptile? C’mon! That shows class *and* creativity. Also, I like a troll who keeps their comments to the 140 character limit to which my brain is attuned.

  5. Jane
    January 31, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Mitsy. If we’re going for insults, let’s be straightforward.

  6. JPlum
    January 31, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I had to go with Mitsy. Not the most creative or unhinged, but she actually used ‘you’re’ correctly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a troll do that.

    Of course, some might argue that you can’t be a troll, and know when to use ‘you’re’.

  7. January 31, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    oh my god won for the inability to proof-read.

  8. January 31, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    and also for not realizing that when someone annoys you, it’s always possible to stop reading and navigate away from said page of the internets.

  9. trees
    January 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    I’m with Emolee, it’s all so mean spirited and cruel, I couldn’t even chuckle. And I too had to go with the Larry C ’cause: “if I may speak in paradox”, and also the reference to “infanticide”.

  10. January 31, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Larry C, because he is “glad” that he does not have to put effort into challenging the stereotype he has in his cute little head.

  11. January 31, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Also Ms. Vibrator? That’s creative. I can just feel the pwnage.

  12. January 31, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    All these trolls suck. oh my god insulted his own family trying to insult Jill. Come on, even I can troll better than this.

  13. January 31, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    REPTILES HAVE FEELINGS TOO. I will not stand for the slander of our ectothermic brethren and sistren.

  14. konkonsn
    January 31, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Larry because I re-read that post, like, five times trying to find the paradox.

  15. LC
    January 31, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Oh my god for just dropping back to “show us your tits”

  16. SecondJen
    January 31, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Larry C. for thinking that “speaking in paradox” is a thing. And thinking that “shallow to the core” is a real paradox. Idiot.

  17. Altarego
    January 31, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    But… But… How is she supposed to meet have children without access to the abortions she clearly has every couple of months?

    So I guess it’s between Mitsy and Larry.

  18. Altarego
    January 31, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    *never have children, not “meet” have children. Damn autocorrect.

  19. Iam138
    January 31, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    This bunch didn’t seem quite as good as some of the others, but I had to give it to Larry by a nose over OMG because of the especially confounding use of the word “paradox.” As for OMG, I usually give extra points to the entries that make be guffaw, and OMG certainly did that; it was just that the rest of his note wasn’t as strong. Marko, I liked, too.

  20. JetGirl
    January 31, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Mitsy’s comment won my heart. My cold, green, reptilian heart.

  21. January 31, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    “repressed and unfeminine lump” – all I needed to hear.

  22. igglanova
    January 31, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    I vote Mitsy for holding no pretense, and for understanding that brevity is the soul of wit.

  23. Rae
    January 31, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Mitsy, because I think she just asked Monster!Reptile!Jill not to lay any eggs.

  24. Past my expiration date
    January 31, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    I considered Mitsy, for making me think about whether reptiles have feelings, but I voted for Larry C, for the pedantry of saying “Brava” instead of “Bravo”. Plus, also, how is it possible to be shallow to the core?

  25. Emolee
    January 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    how is it possible to be shallow to the core?

    He is speaking in paradox!

  26. Pidgey
    January 31, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    I give Larry C 2nd place for his befuddling combination of “shallow, vulgar, AND repressed.” But I must give Mitsy 1st place. Now whenever our parents and relatives pressure us about not having kids yet we can responds with “I shouldn’t have kids. I am a monster and a reptile with no feelings.”

  27. AnotherTracey
    January 31, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Ooh, Mitsy is back for another year!

    Still, Larry C wins for the “Miss Vibrator” pageant image.

  28. LotusBen
    January 31, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Mitsy. . .for reminding me of David Icke and everyone else who’s been astute enough to notice the reptilians among us. I mean look at Jill’s eyes. . .they do look a bit yellow, don’t they? Jill, please get a hysterectomy (or stop laying eggs, whatever) and return Alpha Draconis system.

  29. gogobooty
    January 31, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Jiii-iiim pluuu-uus Jiiiiii-iiillllllllll!

    Ooooooooh, he LIKES her!

  30. DoublyLinkedLists
    January 31, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Lump sat alone in a buggy marsh! Totally motionless except for her vibrator!

  31. suspect class
    January 31, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Marko, because who celebrates someone dying of cancer?

  32. Melissa
    January 31, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    marko and Jim: gross.
    oh my god: boring
    Larry C: Actually made me giggle with the “shallow to the core” comment, and then I felt gross
    so Mitsy it is!

  33. January 31, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    I can’t vote for these jerks even as a joke. What nasty, vile creeps these commenters are, seriously.

  34. January 31, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Jill, if you’d prefer not to say, I totally understand, but now I’m dying to know what your middle name is :) I’m a dork, what can I say…

    Also, I guess Mitsy is calling you Godzilla basically. Although he seemed to have feelings, just poorly expressed ones…

  35. Ismone
    January 31, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Oh no! There goes Tokyo! Go-go Jillzilla!

  36. Katherine
    January 31, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    oh my god, because they just seem so world-weary. It cracks me up. Also, they are apparently too world-weary for proof-reading.

  37. Anon21
    January 31, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    Mitsy, because: she called Jill a reptile. I really like it when a troll can surprise me with a creative, absurd new slur.

  38. Tim
    January 31, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Mitsy, for being so concise but still fitting in both monster AND reptile.

  39. Stacy
    February 1, 2012 at 12:09 am

    Mitsy, because she is so terse and urgent. It’s almost like a wartime telegram.

  40. Argenti Aertheri
    February 1, 2012 at 12:37 am

    Voted for Larry C. for asking permission to use paradox while insulting Jill — getting permission for a literary tactic mid-insult is a different, and impressive, way to troll.

    But now I’m thinking maybe Marko should get points for the spelling, and “But if you have health problems and psycholigical problems …. Are you dying, or just rying to weazel out of your workload? [sic]” — I’m curious if he only considers psychology problems real when co-existing with (terminal) (physical) health issues. Oh I wish I could vote twice on this one!

  41. amandaw
    February 1, 2012 at 6:21 am

    I promise you that this “Mitsy” is NOT my 5-year-old cat. She doesn’t even know what a reptile is.

  42. Angie unduplicated
    February 1, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Difficult choices here, y’all, but I’m going with Marko. His bully-boss attitude about illness, the gratuitous champagne, the tea-party spelling were the tie-breakers. Man o man, this could be the next GOP presidential candidate.

  43. February 1, 2012 at 8:11 am

    The picture of Jill as a reptile in my head is. . . awesome!

  44. lorobird
    February 1, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Misty is totally speciesist :(

  45. February 1, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Ha. Alison, my middle name is Nicole.

  46. February 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    And now I know! :)

    (Like I said, I’m a dork. A super-curious dork :P)

  47. February 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    I had to give it to “oh my god” for the amazing transition from “my goddamned plagued family with their constant whining” to “show me your tits”.

  48. The Dormouse
    February 2, 2012 at 3:53 am

    oh my god for randomly dropping “show me your tits” into the mix.

  49. Hannah
    February 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Mitsy because what kind of insult is “reptile”??

  50. Clutch Cargo
    February 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Um.. Had to vote for Jim. But only because when I read the news article about the luggage incident, I had the exact same thought. Reptile my ass. Jill is hot!

  51. February 8, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Larry C., because no other troll could match his level of pseudo-intellectual pretension.

    And also because he’s a depressing, inhuman, and the very opposite of a lady lump, not to mention mindless in the brain (if I may speak in paradox).

Comments are closed.