Background on FNTT here. Click through to read this round’s contenders. The usual reminder: Comments below are abusive, insulting and may be triggering.
1. Mitsy
Jill: Please never have children. You’re a monster and a reptile with no feelings.
2. marko
Well, the guy fucked up and also panicked, so sure, feel free to mock him. But if you have health problems and psycholigical problems to boot, you might want to give some thought to the benefits of not being an annoying judgmental and know-it-all cunt. Man o man, I have to replace the bottle of champagne I drank when E Edwards kicked the bucket, can I put your name on the new bottle? Are you dying, or just rying to weazel out of your workload?
3. oh my god
Jill, your more annoying then my goddamned plagued family with their constant whining. You realize no one gives a shit about this dudes dumb Facebook joke he made with his friends? Stick to covering OWS. Oh, and show me your tits.
4. Larry C
I’d never heard of this Filipovic person till now.
I’m glad to see that Ms Vibrator nicely fits the profile I’d always assumed described such feminist fighters for abortion and infanticide: A repressed and unfeminine lump, vulgar and shallow to the core (if I may speak in paradox).
Brava!
5. Jim
I want to see what happens when Jill leaves a picture of herself using the vibrator in the luggage? I think a phone number will be scrawled in addendum to said freaky statement.
Marko, because GOD, Jill, have you ever even considered being less of a cunt? I mean sheesh.
marko is straight-up MEAN. I couldn’t even laugh.
I have to vote for Larry C for the following: “this Filipovic person”; “repressed and unfeminine lump”; and “if I may speak in paradox” Huh?
I don’t know how to choose between these trolls. 1) reptile with no feelings; 2) er, incomprehensible ranting; 3) tits; 4) for the reasons Emolee pointed out, or 5) ok, 5 is forgettable. I sort of feel that Larry is in a league of his own here, but I’m loath to inflate his ego even more:S Decisions, decisions…
I had to vote for poor unpopular Mitsy… I mean reptile? C’mon! That shows class *and* creativity. Also, I like a troll who keeps their comments to the 140 character limit to which my brain is attuned.
Mitsy. If we’re going for insults, let’s be straightforward.
I had to go with Mitsy. Not the most creative or unhinged, but she actually used ‘you’re’ correctly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a troll do that.
Of course, some might argue that you can’t be a troll, and know when to use ‘you’re’.
oh my god won for the inability to proof-read.
and also for not realizing that when someone annoys you, it’s always possible to stop reading and navigate away from said page of the internets.
I’m with Emolee, it’s all so mean spirited and cruel, I couldn’t even chuckle. And I too had to go with the Larry C ’cause: “if I may speak in paradox”, and also the reference to “infanticide”.
Larry C, because he is “glad” that he does not have to put effort into challenging the stereotype he has in his cute little head.
Also Ms. Vibrator? That’s creative. I can just feel the pwnage.
All these trolls suck. oh my god insulted his own family trying to insult Jill. Come on, even I can troll better than this.
REPTILES HAVE FEELINGS TOO. I will not stand for the slander of our ectothermic brethren and sistren.
Larry because I re-read that post, like, five times trying to find the paradox.
Oh my god for just dropping back to “show us your tits”
Larry C. for thinking that “speaking in paradox” is a thing. And thinking that “shallow to the core” is a real paradox. Idiot.
But… But… How is she supposed to meet have children without access to the abortions she clearly has every couple of months?
So I guess it’s between Mitsy and Larry.
*never have children, not “meet” have children. Damn autocorrect.
This bunch didn’t seem quite as good as some of the others, but I had to give it to Larry by a nose over OMG because of the especially confounding use of the word “paradox.” As for OMG, I usually give extra points to the entries that make be guffaw, and OMG certainly did that; it was just that the rest of his note wasn’t as strong. Marko, I liked, too.
Mitsy’s comment won my heart. My cold, green, reptilian heart.
“repressed and unfeminine lump” – all I needed to hear.
I vote Mitsy for holding no pretense, and for understanding that brevity is the soul of wit.
Mitsy, because I think she just asked Monster!Reptile!Jill not to lay any eggs.
I considered Mitsy, for making me think about whether reptiles have feelings, but I voted for Larry C, for the pedantry of saying “Brava” instead of “Bravo”. Plus, also, how is it possible to be shallow to the core?
He is speaking in paradox!
I give Larry C 2nd place for his befuddling combination of “shallow, vulgar, AND repressed.” But I must give Mitsy 1st place. Now whenever our parents and relatives pressure us about not having kids yet we can responds with “I shouldn’t have kids. I am a monster and a reptile with no feelings.”
Ooh, Mitsy is back for another year!
Still, Larry C wins for the “Miss Vibrator” pageant image.
Mitsy. . .for reminding me of David Icke and everyone else who’s been astute enough to notice the reptilians among us. I mean look at Jill’s eyes. . .they do look a bit yellow, don’t they? Jill, please get a hysterectomy (or stop laying eggs, whatever) and return Alpha Draconis system.
Jiii-iiim pluuu-uus Jiiiiii-iiillllllllll!
Ooooooooh, he LIKES her!
Lump sat alone in a buggy marsh! Totally motionless except for her vibrator!
Marko, because who celebrates someone dying of cancer?
marko and Jim: gross.
oh my god: boring
Larry C: Actually made me giggle with the “shallow to the core” comment, and then I felt gross
so Mitsy it is!
I can’t vote for these jerks even as a joke. What nasty, vile creeps these commenters are, seriously.
Jill, if you’d prefer not to say, I totally understand, but now I’m dying to know what your middle name is :) I’m a dork, what can I say…
Also, I guess Mitsy is calling you Godzilla basically. Although he seemed to have feelings, just poorly expressed ones…
Oh no! There goes Tokyo! Go-go Jillzilla!
oh my god, because they just seem so world-weary. It cracks me up. Also, they are apparently too world-weary for proof-reading.
Mitsy, because: she called Jill a reptile. I really like it when a troll can surprise me with a creative, absurd new slur.
Mitsy, for being so concise but still fitting in both monster AND reptile.
Mitsy, because she is so terse and urgent. It’s almost like a wartime telegram.
Voted for Larry C. for asking permission to use paradox while insulting Jill — getting permission for a literary tactic mid-insult is a different, and impressive, way to troll.
But now I’m thinking maybe Marko should get points for the spelling, and “But if you have health problems and psycholigical problems …. Are you dying, or just rying to weazel out of your workload? [sic]” — I’m curious if he only considers psychology problems real when co-existing with (terminal) (physical) health issues. Oh I wish I could vote twice on this one!
I promise you that this “Mitsy” is NOT my 5-year-old cat. She doesn’t even know what a reptile is.
Difficult choices here, y’all, but I’m going with Marko. His bully-boss attitude about illness, the gratuitous champagne, the tea-party spelling were the tie-breakers. Man o man, this could be the next GOP presidential candidate.
The picture of Jill as a reptile in my head is. . . awesome!
Misty is totally speciesist :(
Ha. Alison, my middle name is Nicole.
And now I know! :)
(Like I said, I’m a dork. A super-curious dork :P)
I had to give it to “oh my god” for the amazing transition from “my goddamned plagued family with their constant whining” to “show me your tits”.
oh my god for randomly dropping “show me your tits” into the mix.
Mitsy because what kind of insult is “reptile”??
Um.. Had to vote for Jim. But only because when I read the news article about the luggage incident, I had the exact same thought. Reptile my ass. Jill is hot!
Larry C., because no other troll could match his level of pseudo-intellectual pretension.
And also because he’s a depressing, inhuman, and the very opposite of a lady lump, not to mention mindless in the brain (if I may speak in paradox).