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Jill has been blogging for Feministe since 2005.
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130 Responses

  1. khw
    khw February 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm |

    the phrase:

    “My daughter, though, you see, is adopted. For all I know, she herself is the product of rape. Her birth mom was known to prostitute herself, and for women in that life, rape is common.”

    defies belief.

  2. Justamblingalong
    Justamblingalong February 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm |

    I can’t decide if it’s more disgusting that someone would do this, or that they would think it was something to brag about. I’m leaning towards the former but shit, I don’t know. Ugh ugh ugh.

  3. Dominique
    Dominique February 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm |

    Even with “limited cognitive abilities”, shouldn’t there be an assessment of her capacity to indicate her wishes? It isn’t clear she can’t decide to take EC, or eventually get an abortion, without parental consent. Is it?

    If, in fact, she can’t consent to EC or anything, then without knowing what the young woman herself thinks and wants, how can we express an opinion? I just don’t think there’s enough information.

    If, however, no one made enough of an effort to speak to the young woman about her options, and get her to understand them, then yes, your observations are spot on.

  4. Bostonian
    Bostonian February 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm |

    Wow, that woman is really horrible. I hope her daughter does not have to go through a pregnancy on top of everything else.

  5. Emolee
    Emolee February 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm |

    This story breaks my heart in so many ways.

  6. igglanova
    igglanova February 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm |

    Some of the details seem a little suspicious to me. Would that nurse really explain the procedures for Plan B to only the mother? Wouldn’t the doctors examining the daughter have been explaining everything to her while they worked? Gloria Steinem conference room? Really?

    The more I re-read it, the more it looks like a fake. All the details seem specifically dreamed up to enhance the sensationalism of the whole thing.

    Also…wouldn’t a case like the one in the post be all over the local news? Maybe I should do some digging.

  7. firelizard19
    firelizard19 February 2, 2012 at 5:15 pm |

    The saddest part here is that, according to actual science, Plan B does not cause abortion. There was no moral victory here for the pro-life woman, just a victory of ignorance.

  8. Verity Khat
    Verity Khat February 2, 2012 at 5:16 pm |

    This is nauseating. The original author shows a staggering lack of compassion and respect for her daughter; I don’t care how developmentally delayed she is, she has a right to a say in what does or does not happen to her body. Sure, you make your eight-year-old daughter get stitches if she accidentally cuts herself, since that’s helping her body heal. But forcing your mentally eight-year-old daughter to carry a (potential) pregnancy to term, especially one that is the result of rape? How is that healing?! HOW?!

    Plus, Plan B is NOT an abortifactant, duh. Get your facts straight before you start making life-altering judgements. >_<

  9. piny
    piny February 2, 2012 at 5:17 pm |

    Also, didn’t that woman just reveal her daughter’s brutal sexual assault to a whole crowd of people acquainted with the family?

    What a horrible, horrible parent.

  10. Annaleigh
    Annaleigh February 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm |

    Some of the details seem a little suspicious to me. Would that nurse really explain the procedures for Plan B to only the mother? Wouldn’t the doctors examining the daughter have been explaining everything to her while they worked? Gloria Steinem conference room? Really?

    The more I re-read it, the more it looks like a fake. All the details seem specifically dreamed up to enhance the sensationalism of the whole thing.

    Also…wouldn’t a case like the one in the post be all over the local news? Maybe I should do some digging.

    Not to drag Hugo into an unrelated thread, but the way this woman’s blog is kind of luridly written, it gives me the creeps in the same way that Hugo’s infamous post did. It’s interesting that Angus also thought that Hugo might have exaggerated or made up details.

  11. Mztress
    Mztress February 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm |

    I really wish I could find that bitch so that I may have the opportunity to punch her in the fucking face. What kind of jesus freak asshole forces their own daughter into the possibility of raising a child conceived by rape?

  12. SecondJen
    SecondJen February 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm |

    You know, it does read kind of like a fake to me, but I can’t decide whether this is because the “woman” would actually write like the anti-choice PR machine that bombards us every day (we are like our marketing) or because it’s actually fake. Either way, I’m sure there are ladies out there who would do this to their daughters if they could.

  13. christy
    christy February 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm |

    Besides all the obviously disturbing things with this story, as a pro-choice adopted person, it really pisses me off when anti-choicers use us as their be all end all ani-choice example. Ugh.

  14. Emolee
    Emolee February 2, 2012 at 5:22 pm |

    Also, didn’t that woman just reveal her daughter’s brutal sexual assault to a whole crowd of people acquainted with the family?

    Yes, because she posted her (the mother’s) name and picture. Just gross and heartless.

  15. auditorydamage
    auditorydamage February 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm |

    Well, this is the most rage-inducing thing I’ve read today.

    This person thinks it’s OK to force her daughter to potentially go through pregnancy and birth??? She won’t even allow her the dignity of a choice because THE BAYBEEEEEZ?????

    Oh my Kosh, ableism and forced-birthism all wrapped up in a neat little bow. My blood pressure just spiked. I’d better not type any more.

  16. SecondJen
    SecondJen February 2, 2012 at 5:24 pm |

    This woman appears to be a real live woman. Boo.

  17. Amanda Marcotte
    Amanda Marcotte February 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm |

    Frankly, if one’s child is unable to make the decision for herself, the smart decision is EC. Any responsible parent who actually had to make the decision—which this woman did not—would not do this. The woman is treating her daughter like a prop to shore up her anti-choice bona fides. What a monster.

    By the way, research shows that Plan B can’t kill fertilized eggs. There’s no mechanism by which that would work. The hormones sort of rapidly induce a post-ovulation state, on the grounds that a woman’s body won’t ovulate after the first ovulation. If you think that a woman’s body is LESS capable of hosting a fertilized egg in the hormonal range found in women directly after ovulation, you are dumber than a sack of rocks, and shouldn’t be allowed to adopt a goldfish, much less a child.

  18. Amanda Marcotte
    Amanda Marcotte February 2, 2012 at 5:31 pm |

    To be clear, I’m only saying this in the cases where the rape victim is, for whatever reason, unable to make the decision for herself. Though god knows that 99.9% of women who aren’t under the influence of anti-choice misinformation would gobble that shit down.

  19. duck-billed placelot
    duck-billed placelot February 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm |

    Ugh. Also, the humblebrag: “I totally THOUGHT about murder, because I care about my child so much that I was willing to risk God’s Wrath!!!!’ Except, um, no, actually, you clearly aren’t willing to risk your god’s wrath, and clearly did not seriously consider providing your child with the choice to make her own decision about her body and life.

    Actually, that kind of humblebrag is pretty popular in Forced Birth Narratives. “When my teenager got pregnant/was ill/etc etc, i nearly went the way of the devil, because I just care SO much.” Ugh ugh the worst.

  20. WitchWolf
    WitchWolf February 2, 2012 at 5:38 pm |

    Wow – really- This women is a monster – Oh let’s allow our 12 year old daughter who just experienced a trauma to give birth so we can brag about our “purity” –

    I feel for the girl to be placed with such monsters. Just because the parents are forced-birthers doesn’t mean that she should be subjected to her parents ass end morality.

    Yes, I agree the girl is being forgotten in all of this. It’s her body – not her parents = Oh that’s right .. she is property until give to her husband.

  21. Emolee
    Emolee February 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm |

    if one’s child is unable to make the decision for herself, the smart decision is EC.

    Agreed. I think it should be the rape victim’s choice whether or not to take EC, and I would not criticize either choice. I don’t think rape victims with developmental or cognitive diabilities should be excluded from being given the choice.

    I know there will be some people whose disabilities are such that they are actually unable to make a choice (I have no idea if that is the case in this story). And in those situations, I think that law/policy should err on the side of administering the EC. I don’t think a guardian should need to consent. (I mean, the nurse administered the antibiotics without asking the mother…) This is not an abortion, it is contraception.

  22. Comrade Kevin
    Comrade Kevin February 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm |

    Where to begin? First, not every child who is adopted is given up because they have disabilities. In the case of my grandfather, who was himself adopted, no records exist because they were destroyed in a fire. Without knowing for sure, I could speculate from here to eternity, but still have no conclusive proof.

    Mostly I’m not comfortable with the way this mother has ranked human life. Sex workers end up being equated with vermin. Not to belabor the point here, but if you want to get technical about it, Jesus sort of deliberately sought company with sex workers. He believed that yes, even sex workers were equally valued in the eyes of God. Many in his day failed to understand this quite crucial point.

  23. Emolee
    Emolee February 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm |

    Also, if she did not consent to intercourse (i.e. was raped), then she also did not consent to impregnation. We need to err on the side of NOT forcing anyone to be pregnant without their consent.

    Yes, someone who is raped can choose after the fact to allow impregnation (i.e. not take EC). However, this needs to be the rape victim’s own, conscious choice. Otherwise, she never consented, and EC really justs maintains the status quo.

  24. You’re Right — It *Was* a “Monstrous Decision” : Lawyers, Guns & Money

    […] world assume that the forced pregnancy lobby has some sort of monopoly on assessing morality, see here.    Forcing your mentally disabled daughter to bear her rapist’s child without her input […]

  25. Sweet Machine
    Sweet Machine February 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm |

    The thing that absolutely guts me about these kinds of stories–besides the awful ableism and lack of compassion this woman has for her own daughter–is that she is bragging about MAKING A CHOICE. CHOICE CHOICE CHOICE CHOICE. She only gets to feel morally superior, violate her daughter’s bodily autonomy, and brag about it on the internet BECAUSE IT IS A CHOICE SHE MADE. How can the anti-choicers not see this?

  26. Odin
    Odin February 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm |

    I hope for the daughter’s sake that she doesn’t become pregnant… and also for the sake of the hypothetical child. No one should have to grow up knowing the only reason they exist is that their mother was raped, and then their mother’s caregiver denied their mother standard medical care so she could score some brownie points on the internet.

  27. pillowinhell
    pillowinhell February 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm |

    That post made me so angry that my bra spontaneously combusted…

    Her daughter, should at least be asked what she wants. Although, even if pregnancy were carefully explained its debatable as to how much a woman with the mental capabilities of an eight year old would understand. Is this “mother” prepared to raise her grandchild? I don’t even want to think of the heartbreak her daughter will go through, if her mother puts the baby up for adoption, after all the trauma.

  28. ZeBearcat
    ZeBearcat February 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm |

    I dared to suggest that perhaps the mother’s “duty to god” does not outweigh the daughter’s right to bodily autonomy (and said, y’know, that bipolar people can make decisions too). Promptly, banned and deleted.
    As a brit, this level of non-dialogue really is mind-blowing.

  29. DAS
    DAS February 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm |

    Re, Christie @ 13: as a pro-choice adoptive parent I feel the same way.

    Re, Firelizard19 @ 7: I and many others would argue that a victory for ignorance is a victory for the so-called pro-life crowd.

    *

    I cannot imagine making a decision such as this for my daughter, without at least discussing it with her. First, while someone who functions at the level of an 8-10 year old is hardly capable of fully giving informed consent to medical procedures (or, for that matter to sexual interactions), someone who functions at that level certainly is capable of understanding the ramifications of pregnancy, of the use of birth control, of abortion, etc.

    And she can and should be allowed a sense of bodily autonomy: speaking as a parent, one of the most important lessons I want my daughter to learn, if only for her own safety and mental health in dealing with others, is that her body is her body and nobody else’s. While we certainly can forbid her from, for example, having candy or demand that she brush her teeth and drink plenty of water, at some level, even at 6.5, she has to be responsible for her own body and have control over it. For example, if she doesn’t want to give Auntie So-and-so a hug, well, that’s her choice and Auntie So-and-so will have to live with it. It’s all part of teaching my daughter to be comfortable saying “no”.

    Someone with bipolar disorder who already has situations where she feels out of control and who now has been victimized by having her bodily autonomy taken away from her absolutely needs to feel as in control over what happens to her body next. While someone functioning at the level of an 8-10 year old might not be mature enough to give informed consent to medical procedures (or informed refusal of such procedures) — so it becomes the responsibility of the parent to consent or refuse such procedures on his/her kid’s behalf — someone that age is perfectly capable of understanding at some level the ramifications of pregnancy, of birth control and even of abortion and thus can and should be allowed to be part of any decision about what happens to her body in this regard.

    Sorry if I am mansplaining here (e.g., from the privileged position of someone who has never had to worry about being pregnant by rape), but it does seem to me that the last thing someone victimized by rape needs is to have a loss of bodily autonomy in yet another way. I may have certain religiously based beliefs, with which I am raising my daughter, that may impact the decision of whether to have an abortion or even use Plan B, but ultimately if, God forbid, something should happen to my daughter, the last thing I would want to do to her would be to further victimize her by taking away her choices and autonomy to make those choices to the extent that she is capable of doing so.

    Pocketing the Plan B? I guess I can’t judge what the mother here is going through as I have never been in her shoes (and hopefully never will) and hence maybe I shouldn’t judge her actions, but from my position, what she’s done (assuming this story is for real) is unconscionable.

  30. Andie
    Andie February 2, 2012 at 6:09 pm |

    I know many, many people – some who call me friend – will think this is a monstrous decision.

    Well she’s right about one thing. Fucking disgusting. So many fails here it makes my teeth itch.

  31. rox
    rox February 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm |

    Well I’m adopted and my adoptive mother is a “pro-lifer” and believes that when I got pregnant as a result of sexual abuse it was my duty to carry the child for another couple. Because adoption made her life so happy!

    For my own personal reason, I have found I have not been comfortable with abortion for myself despite being pro-choice. But if I’m going to carry a pregnancy to term, I want to parent.

    If you want more women to carry their fetus to term then be prepared to support them with parenting if that is what they want to do, don’t assume they need to carry a pregnancy when they have cognitive disabilities and someone else is going to come take the baby.

    In my experience this resulted in
    -forced manipulated sex happening to my body
    -forced pregnancy happening to my body
    -pressured helpless feeling adoption that felt like parenting was not an option for me and people walking away with my baby

    This means that my body was pretty used by everyone around me for their benefit to my own horrific devestation and I have had horrible PTSD from the whole ordeal.

    While I personally was not ok with abortion because I was already attached to the pregnancy and to the the little blob as a person (which I respect women’s rights to feel or not feel about their own pregnancies)– for any woman who does not have that sentiment I really would want to protect any woman from having her body be used in this way to carry a fetus for other people when there is no real assistance to help her parent with her cognitive/emotional/finanincal or other obstacles.

    A choice that feels like the only choice… is not much of a choice. I am raising a son who was concieved in rape and I am happy he exists. I wish there were more resources for both of us. I would never have wanted to carry him to term and deliver him up for adoption (which is likely what will happen to this girl if she sustains a pregnancy from this)

    As far as I’m concerned, if any more children come out of my body I will raise them to the best of my ability and if you want to come and take them from me you will have to use the force of the law and proof that you have that right and I will fight against it every step of the way.

    No one, no where, is convincing me they deserve to take any of my children ever again. I believe in increasing resources for parents with disabilities, for teen parents, for mothers who have concieved and birthed a child in rape and want to parent—

    And what’s more access, birth control, and abortion for any woman or girl comfortable with that option. Women with disabilities face a huge amount of powerlessness around their reproduction and parenting and part of reproductive justice to me, is expanding possible choice and providing better targeted and empowering resources so that all options are accessible to women and they can make the most empowered choice possible.

    And having “cognitive disabilities” is a very vague statement and in and of itself should not be enough to remove agency to such a degree that there is not even any consultation about decision making or input.

  32. Elena
    Elena February 2, 2012 at 6:45 pm |

    She thinks of herself as brave for potentially making her daughter suffer horribly. If she forced the poor girl to give her baby away, she’ll still feel holy, at no cost to herself. “Pro life” is a movement that makes hateful assholes feel smugly righteous for forcing others to suffer. It is truly an evil philosophy.

  33. Emolee
    Emolee February 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm |

    If you want more women to carry their fetus to term then be prepared to support them with parenting if that is what they want to do

    Agreed. But this does not happen. Forced-birthers just want to force us to give birth. Then, they have zero interest in us or our babies.

    don’t assume they need to carry a pregnancy when they have cognitive disabilities and someone else is going to come take the baby.

    Yes, this seems especially cruel.

  34. Anjasa
    Anjasa February 2, 2012 at 6:57 pm |

    This makes me so incredibly sad.

    I, as well, wondered what the young woman’s thoughts were and if she had even been given any choice or information.

    My heart goes out to her.

  35. roro80
    roro80 February 2, 2012 at 7:02 pm |

    So I’ve never had to take Plan B in this context, but everything I’ve ever heard about Plan B is that you take it as soon as humanly possible, because it gets less and less effective as more time passes. This story seems BS to me, because the nurse told the mother to wait 24 hours. Why would she wait 24 hours? Can anyone who knows more than me on this tell me whether or not that passes the sniff test?

  36. C
    C February 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm |

    This woman is real, and apparently works as Media Logistics Coordinator at a right-wing think tank called the Acton Institute? I refuse to believe that she’s not completely making this story up though. But maybe that’s because I just don’t want to believe someone could be so horrible.

  37. Emolee
    Emolee February 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm |

    @roro80- she told her to take it *within* 24 hours, not to wait 24 hours

    I am somewhat curious about the nurse’s motivations of giving the plan b to the mom, but administering the other drugs before the mom arrived.

  38. TeaBQ
    TeaBQ February 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm |

    You know, you’d think someone whose daughter was raped would be a tiny bit more concerned about that than about the pro-life bonus points she just scored. This woman is making her daughter’s assault all about her (the woman) on mind-boggling levels. One wonders what she would’ve done if her daughter was hit by a car.

  39. Jadey
    Jadey February 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm |

    I am somewhat curious about the nurse’s motivations of giving the plan b to the mom, but administering the other drugs before the mom arrived.

    PR and ass-covering. Medical staff, regardless of their personal views, are aware of how controversial such a medication is, compared to the others. The hospital may even have an in-house policy (either official or unofficial) on how to handling administering the drug in this circumstance, and it almost certainly errs on the side of “let the parent decide” because that’s how fucked up things are. Doesn’t surprise me at all that the nurse would wait for the mother and not give the daughter the choice on her own. Appalls, but does not surprise.

  40. Athenia
    Athenia February 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm |

    My daughter, though, you see, is adopted. For all I know, she herself is the product of rape. Her birth mom was known to prostitute herself, and for women in that life, rape is common.

    Holy fuck.

  41. igglanova
    igglanova February 2, 2012 at 8:25 pm |

    I’m still not convinced that this really happened, even though, yes, I googled around and it seems the author is a real person. But it is still an unbelievably contrived story. Sometimes liars make shit up under their real names. Without further proof, though, I guess it’s just speculation.

    I really, really hope that this story was made up for the Noble Christian Suffering points. People like Hilton don’t deserve to be parents. Their children deserve so much better.

  42. 1ceuponathyme
    1ceuponathyme February 2, 2012 at 8:30 pm |

    She’d been taken to the local women’s shelter, where (at least in our area) they do the exams in such cases.

    I work for a rape crisis center, and we certainly do not do the exams at the shelter. Exams are done at a hospital or Student Health. I can’t imagine any rape crisis shelter having the funds, equipment, or staff to perform rape kits. By law, a doctor or SANE nurse must perform the exam.

    The mother’s statement just seems like utter bullshit to me. Does anyone else work at a crisis center which performs exams?

  43. Andie
    Andie February 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm |

    By law, a doctor or SANE nurse must perform the exam.

    Is that an acronym? I hope so.

  44. C
    C February 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm |

    I did some more googling and am really convinced this is made up. Now I’m going to give a long and confusing explanation because I don’t want to use real names on the off chance that this is real and it would further damage the girl’s privacy.

    The mother/blogger in question has a facebook, which has nothing helpful. Her husband lists all of his family (3 kids, not 5, one of whom isn’t on fb but I guess perhaps the other two aren’t on fb either but he just left them out of the family tree?). The many sisters and sisters-in-law aren’t so careful with their fb privacy settings and appeared to all mostly be playing games during the event (you’d think if your niece was missing, brutally assaulted, etc you might take greater notice). One wrote to another that “(Mom) and (Dad)’s daughter (named) is missing and they want us to share the info.” The dutiful sister-in-law then posted on her page “please pray for my family. my niece is missing. we want her safe return. i have post info on my page. if u have seen her plz contact ur local police. she is missed and loved by her family, that is very worried about her. (missing girl), i pray for ur safe return.” Two days later: “thank all of u for ur prayers, my niece was found and she’s alright.”

    Meanwhile, a helpful cousin posted a “please help” kind of message with a photo of the missing girl, who incidentally looks nothing like the girl pictured in photos in the “family” album on the page of the girl herself (that is, the girl with the same name as the missing girl and listed as the couple’s daughter on their fb pages…).

    Ok, this comment is really convoluted and probably makes no sense and I shouldn’t even post it, but trust me- this is fake. Dig into facebook with the name of the mom (Elise Graveline Hilton) and the dad (Ed Hilton) and you’ll see what I mean! (I have no qualms about using the parents’ names since they’re already out there…).

  45. Nahida
    Nahida February 2, 2012 at 9:20 pm |

    I have a feeling she GAVE HER DAUGHTER THE PILL.

    And is now pretending she didn’t. She can join the list of people who are anti-choice but have had abortions.

  46. Officer A
    Officer A February 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm |

    Some google digging found she lives in Sparta, MI. Her daughter was a high-school senior as of November 2011.

    Her blog: http://www.kissingtheleper.com/

    I have some issues with her whole story because she posted on Jan 24, 2012 that her daughter was missing. She posted some more blog posts then said her daughter was home on the 26th.

    I was unable to find any news stories about a missing woman at all. Though not conclusive, it’s weird. Rape is hugely under-reported but a missing person? We get those all the time and press releases are common in case the public can help locate the person.

    Again, not remotely conclusive but just seems odd.

    (Rage inducing side note: she posted “I must be doing something right…” today as the lead in about how people have a problem with her actions. If my loved one was abducted and sexually assaulted, the last fucking thing on earth I’d be doing is making smug blog posts. Something isn’t right here.)

  47. Kira
    Kira February 2, 2012 at 9:23 pm |

    She’s proven repeatedly she doesn’t care a whit about her “precious daughter”. First she put her chosen religious beliefs above her daughter’s well-being. Now she’s violating her daughter all over again, sharing the lurid details of a heinous crime, to promote her own alleged moral superiority. Sick, sick, sick.

  48. Officer A
    Officer A February 2, 2012 at 9:23 pm |

    Looks like C and I were doing the same thing.

  49. igglanova
    igglanova February 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm |

    I tried looking through all the facebook pages but I caved under the weight of the sheer inanity of the postings. Ugggghhhhhh

  50. Jadey
    Jadey February 2, 2012 at 9:31 pm |

    Is that an acronym? I hope so.

    Google says “Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner”.

    Still unfortunate.

  51. igglanova
    igglanova February 2, 2012 at 9:33 pm |

    (Rage inducing side note: she posted “I must be doing something right…” today as the lead in about how people have a problem with her actions. If my loved one was abducted and sexually assaulted, the last fucking thing on earth I’d be doing is making smug blog posts. Something isn’t right here.)

    This mindset of ‘attention = SUCCESS!!!’ fits nicely with the idea that she’d make this shit up for, well, attention. This kind of rampant, desperate attention whoring is almost enough to make me seriously hate the internet age, until I remember that people have always been that pathetic.

  52. vanessa
    vanessa February 2, 2012 at 9:42 pm |

    Although I agree that of course the daughter should have input, I am firmly on the side of “err on the side of giving her EC.” If it were my kid, she’d get the EC. If it were my kid who was a child, especially–or cognitively a child–they’d get EC no matter what they wanted, honestly. If my 12 year old was raped? She’d get EC. Period, end of story.
    In other news, this woman is completely fucking disgusting.

  53. Sandy
    Sandy February 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm |

    Actually, that kind of humblebrag is pretty popular in Forced Birth Narratives. “When my teenager got pregnant/was ill/etc etc, i nearly went the way of the devil, because I just care SO much.” Ugh ugh the worst.

    She thinks of herself as brave for potentially making her daughter suffer horribly. If she forced the poor girl to give her baby away, she’ll still feel holy, at no cost to herself. “Pro life” is a movement that makes hateful assholes feel smugly righteous for forcing others to suffer. It is truly an evil philosophy.

    Yes to these.

    That excerpt did bad things to my blood pressure. So much rage.

    rox – I am so, so sorry.

  54. santossangre
    santossangre February 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm |

    I have to agree with igglanova and everyone else who thinks this may be a fake. It just reads too much like pro-life propaganda to me. However,if it’s real,yike!

  55. colleen
    colleen February 2, 2012 at 9:58 pm |

    My daughter, though, you see, is adopted. For all I know, she herself is the product of rape. Her birth mom was known to prostitute herself, and for women in that life, rape is common.

    This woman literally makes my skin crawl.

    The thing that really pisses me off about women like this is that they (and their clergy) present themselves as role models to the young and morally superior to everyone who disagrees with them.

  56. MH
    MH February 2, 2012 at 10:01 pm |

    You know, pro-lifers believe all kinds of things that I disagree with; many of them equate any kind of birth control with abortion as in the Monty Python sketch, so I think painting this as an expression of pro-life philosophy is kind of beside the point.

    I think it’s more important to note that this woman, who claims to be acting morally and in the interest of life, whatever that means, has cruelly divulged private and deeply personal information about her daughter, who won’t be able to avoid the association because the author, her mother, signed her name to the piece. Seriously?

    I pray this girl isn’t pregnant, or that she figures things out and steals the pills from Mom’s purse, but mostly this letter makes me want this girl to get away from this awful woman. She’s using a public forum to tell the world her DAUGHTER is a crazy, broken product of a prostitute and a rapist (what kind of monster makes that kind of conjecture?) I hope the state steps in and investigates to make sure this is a fit home for this young lady.

  57. archie
    archie February 2, 2012 at 10:02 pm |

    Horrible story. To me, an adoptive parent still in regular contact with the birth families of my children, this woman’s casual slander of her daughter’s birth mother seems especially cruel. But then there are so many cruel aspects to this story that it seems (as many have pointed out) to be wholly contrived, a litany of pathological cruelties, each designed to terrorize. My heart goes out to this poor young woman, to have such a hard-hearted mother.

  58. freshwatermermaid
    freshwatermermaid February 2, 2012 at 10:03 pm |

    “Taking an innocent life is wrong – I know it, and every genuinely honest person on the face of the earth knows it.”

    Okay. Way to universalize. This woman has a belief in what it means to take a life (which doesn’t seem to include quality of life. uh oh.) and she has the nerve claim that everyone on this planet agrees with her? Not only that, implied in that claim is agreement with her views on violence, parenting, autonomy and any number of fairly important issues. Since that’s the case, let me state from churning waters, my voice is not for her and she can’t presume to speak for me or anyone else. Period.

  59. outrageandsprinkles
    outrageandsprinkles February 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm |

    That woman is a fucking monster.

  60. Tim
    Tim February 2, 2012 at 10:50 pm |

    This does seem kind of fake. The woman says her daughter was taken to a “women’s shelter where it “came to light” that she had been sexually assaulted. There is not one word in this whole post about the police, either that they were notified of the disappearance in the first place or the sexual assault. Does anybody know, does a women’s shelter, in Michigan, have Plan B lying around ready, and would they just offer it like that, without being asked? Would they even be allowed to? The whole thing just seems too cute by half, where cute=revolting. This is the kind of bullshit samizdat the nutters love, with all of them reposting it until it goes viral. Even thought I hope it’s a fake so that it didn’t happen to this young woman, it’s almost as disgusting to think that someone would make up sick shit like this.

  61. rox
    rox February 2, 2012 at 10:56 pm |

    She says her daughter “didn’t want to kill a baby”

    Ok. I really really do think that respecting choice as much as is possible would be ideal even within complicated confines of age and mental health status.

    But if you offered her a choice to KILL A BABY and she said no, you did not ask her if she wanted plan B which is not the same thing as killing a baby for crying out loud. I’ll be honest I don’t even know if I could take plan B.

    But I was raised catholic and despite being agnostic now it’s exactly these kind of scare tactics that affect how much I think a little speck might be a person! That can feel! And no matter how ridiculous I can see that to be— ten years of catholic school and the preciousness of life lectures hit your psyche hard.

    No, asking her if she is interested in “killing a baby” or not, is not even remotely getting her input on plan B. And phrasing this in such a false way will echo in her head and if she ever needed plan B in the future she will be afraid to use it. Grrr.

    Grrr.

  62. PrettyAmiable
    PrettyAmiable February 2, 2012 at 11:03 pm |

    Tim, why does the lack of police presence indicate that this narrative is fake? I never contacted police about any of my sexual assaults, and I believe a person has to be missing for 48 hours in most cases for police to get involved.

    I’m not saying this is the truest account of true things that has ever been trued, but the police thing is not an indicator in this story.

    Anyway, it’s cool this woman is prioritizing attention-grabbing over mothering. No big deal.

  63. William
    William February 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm |

    Would that nurse really explain the procedures for Plan B to only the mother?

    If its been made known that the daughter has a cognitive/developmental delay and bipolar…very likely. The rules are different for mad folks, they don’t get the same rights as human beings. Thats doubly true if they’re children or perceived as children.

    I agree that parts of the story don’t seem to add up, but I think a lot of that comes down to me just not wanting to believe it.

  64. BabyRaptor
    BabyRaptor February 3, 2012 at 12:12 am |

    I was raped as a teenager, and my pro-fetus grandparents simply did not care. They informed me that I was “serving my purpose in being a sexual outlet” for the two men, and that taking any action against them would be a sin.

    Thankfully the doctor that saw me when I was brought in didn’t wait on them to offer me Plan B, because I know from their reactions that they would *not* have allowed me to take it.

    I sincerely hope that this lady is just a sick freak needing an ego stroke. If she’s not, and this story is true…I’m ashamed to live on the same planet as her.

  65. Yan
    Yan February 3, 2012 at 12:15 am |

    I’m glad my adoptive mother thinks of me as a real and whole person, not as a possession she could control.

    If this story does turn out to be fake, it doesn’t make it less horrifying. Someone made up this “parable of virtue,” then, which is sick on a different level than if it is true. Either way, it’s “Girls, don’t go get yourself raped, or you’ll have to suffer the consequences.”

  66. A
    A February 3, 2012 at 1:48 am |

    I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting this woman.

  67. suspect class
    suspect class February 3, 2012 at 2:10 am |

    Tim, why does the lack of police presence indicate that this narrative is fake? I never contacted police about any of my sexual assaults, and I believe a person has to be missing for 48 hours in most cases for police to get involved.

    I think that’s not true–certainly all the info I’ve seen from missing persons departments urges families & friends not to wait to report a missing person.

    A lot of people don’t report their own assaults, but i would think that most parents would call the police if their daughter didn’t come home from school.

  68. A
    A February 3, 2012 at 2:12 am |

    The police were contacted. While I can’t verify the account inside the women’s shelter the rest of the story is true.

  69. C
    C February 3, 2012 at 6:23 am |

    Officer A- Yeah, I just smell too much of a rat on this one and couldn’t let it go.

    igglanova- Understandable!

    I’m satisfied that this woman made this up. Too much stuff just doesn’t add up (Gloria Steinem conference room? Going to get her first ‘AWESOME’ pedicure a few days after her daughter is violently assaulted? Please), plus if you dig around fb you’ll see- it just doesn’t fit. At all.

  70. Elsa
    Elsa February 3, 2012 at 6:45 am |

    I agree with 1ceuponathyme, her claiming that the exam was done at a crisis center is suspicious. I worked a rape crisis center and we definitely did not have the resources to do in house exams and I don’t know any other crisis center who did either. Victims were always taken to the hospital and examined by a SANE (sexual assault nurse examiner), who received special training to do rape kits and work with victims.

  71. Elena
    Elena February 3, 2012 at 7:43 am |

    There is something really off about the story. Whether it is a hoax, partial hoax or true, this woman has actually done us pro choicers a huge favor by telling the story. She has shown how ignorant and cruel so called pro lifers are. We’ve known this all along, but not everyone believes us. Well, the commenters on her sight think not dispensing Plan B to a rape victim and then simply giving the baby away are brave, moral choices to make, at no cost to themselves. Their absolute disregard for the victim is like selective sociopathy. Let the world see.

  72. Angie unduplicated
    Angie unduplicated February 3, 2012 at 8:40 am |

    I so hope that this godbot is lying. If this appalling story is true, Family and Children’s services needs to be called stat. One of my friends has high-functioning Down’s and understands reproduction and consent better than many able males.
    Putting this story on FB for rapists and bullies to celebrate and further humiliate the young lady, is crude, crass, and further endangers the vic.

  73. Sylvia D. Lucas
    Sylvia D. Lucas February 3, 2012 at 8:45 am |

    Elena wrote,

    Whether it is a hoax, partial hoax or true, this woman has actually done us pro choicers a huge favor by telling the story.

    Exactly.

    Unfortunately, whether the facts of this story are all true doesn’t really matter–as is clear from this thread, for someone, somewhere, it IS true. And this idiotic woman, as Elena said, has done anti-lifers a huge favor. She probably didn’t drag anyone to the other side of the pro-life/pro-choice fence, but she certainly did her part to support the behavior of those who would force a woman who was forcibly impregnated to carry the pregnancy to term and give birth to the fetus she didn’t willingly participate in creating.

    And that’s just lovely.

  74. Sylvia D. Lucas
    Sylvia D. Lucas February 3, 2012 at 8:47 am |

    Whoops! Sorry, Elena – I read that the woman had done pro-LIFERS a huge favor (probably because that’s what was in my head), and then I rushed to comment without reading the rest of your post Sloppy on my part.

    You wrote:

    She has shown how ignorant and cruel so called pro lifers are.

    Yes, but we’ve known this for some time. I doubt her letter will change anything. Those who agree with her see themselves as just/ified, period, and those who don’t have always known this kind of mentality prevails in the anti-choice camp.

  75. Religion as Team Fandom « Tiny Cat Pants

    […] been thinking about that since I read this story of a woman who refused to give her raped daughter Plan B. You know, I actually have great sympathy for the person caught at the intersection of […]

  76. Norma
    Norma February 3, 2012 at 9:32 am |

    Question for other folks interested in human rights law: If rape victims–including minors and people with disabilities– must be able to access legal abortions (see, for example, VDA v Argentina), do hospitals violate this duty if they just hand over EC to a parent without consulting the patient/guardian?

  77. Rob in CT
    Rob in CT February 3, 2012 at 9:47 am |

    My gut reaction is “BS.” I really hope my gut is right.

    Regarding the public reaction, whether it’s true or not this is a gift to the pro-choice side. If it’s true, she did an unimaginably horrible thing. If it’s false, she’s an effing liar whose lie was an unimaginably horrible thing.

    Note: this is actually the consistent application of “pro-life” thinking. The really confused people are the “pro-life” folks who make exceptions for rape (once you allow exceptions, you’ve admitted that it’s not really about the fetus – which didn’t rape anyone). So this – THIS – is the perfect encapsulation of the real pro-life position, in all of its… glory. So to speak.

  78. Aunt B.
    Aunt B. February 3, 2012 at 9:47 am |

    I hope Family Services is looking into this, too, because something about this story just does not sit right. This woman’s daughter “went missing”? I don’t want to get sucked down the rabbit hole of putting too much weight on two words, but she didn’t “go missing,” really. Either someone took her or she ran off.

    So, here’s what gives me pause. If you just take what’s verifiable from this story–there’s a girl who was absent from her home for two days and who appeared at a women’s shelter in such a state that it caused them to come to believe that she’d been sexually assaulted–there’s only two ways that can play. Either she was sexually assaulted before she left home or after.

    Her mother’s strange rush to tell the whole internet that her daughter was raped while she was away from home without concern for her daughter’s privacy gives me pause.

    And I do hope that there’s someone looking out for the daughter’s best interests who can verify that it went down how the mother says.

  79. Rob in CT
    Rob in CT February 3, 2012 at 9:48 am |

    Ugh… just read Aunt B’s post. I hadn’t considered that this could be BS and yet still involve the rape of this poor girl (perhaps by a family member). Good point.

  80. Heynonny
    Heynonny February 3, 2012 at 9:57 am |

    Pregnancy has another complication for people with mental illness if they’re on medication treatment for it. Some meds aren’t recommended during pregnancy at all, while others are considered low-risk, but since there haven’t been enough studies about mental health meds and pregnancy to prove any of them totally safe, some people choose to discontinue even the low-risk meds while pregnant or trying to become pregnant. Others choose to continue their meds because they don’t feel safe discontinuing them (by which I mean that the reasoning is that it’s better for your fetus if you don’t try to kill yourself).

    I’m on a medication from the low-risk list. Even though I don’t actually plan on having kids, I’ve still thought about what I would do if I did want to get pregnant, and it’s a really hard choice to make. The meds are very important to my quality of life, but basically anything involving pregnancy is scrutinized by society to the point of guilt-tripping the shit out of pregnant people for doing just about anything, and what kind of terrible, selfish person would put an innocent fetus at risk?!?!?! Am I right?

    If the woman in the story were to become pregnant, assuming she takes medication, I’d be concerned that this would be yet another choice she would be denied. I’d also be concerned that her mother, who probably controls her access to the medication, is so concerned with the well-being of the fetus that she would choose to take her daughter off of the medications even if the meds are low-risk and her mood disorder is severe, without even bothering to try to find out her daughter’s wishes.

  81. Athenia
    Athenia February 3, 2012 at 9:57 am |

    “My daughter, though, you see, is adopted. For all I know, she herself is the product of rape. Her birth mom was known to prostitute herself, and for women in that life, rape is common.”

    Translation: Because her mother was probably sinful dirty whore, I’m going to make her carry this kid–perhaps risk her life–so that we can redeem her mother’s sins which I don’t know even happened. But it strokes my moral ego, so we’re going with that.

  82. William
    William February 3, 2012 at 10:20 am |

    Either she was sexually assaulted before she left home or after.

    The immediate invocation of cognitive impairment and bipolar disorder made me wonder too. I cannot tell you how many patients I’ve seen whose families use their diagnoses as get-out-of-jail-free cards. It could be that particular brand of sinister at work here.

    It could also be the mother insulating herself in advance from criticism for taking away her daughter’s agency. “Well, she’s crazy and not too bright and doesn’t understand the implications, you know…” is another common brand of sinister you see all the time when you work with these populations.

  83. shay
    shay February 3, 2012 at 10:23 am |

    She’s very Palinesque.
    I most puzzled that she starts the post by saying “my dark-haired daughter.” What in the world does her daughter’s hair color have to do with the price of tea in China? That’s what makes it sound a little fictionalized to me (like she’s writing a short story in a way).

  84. Esti
    Esti February 3, 2012 at 11:17 am |

    This story, and particularly the way the mother has told it, is appalling. I just can’t even.

    More generally, though, this has raised a question for me: if a woman is raped (or engages in non-assaultive sex) and is not mentally competent to make a decision/express an opinion about the use of EC, should the default be to administer EC?

    When a woman is competent to make her own medical decisions, we (referring to the mainstream pro-choice movement) don’t tell her she must or should choose abortion, even if she was raped or has no money or she has medical issues that make it likely her pregnancy will kill her. But when a woman can’t make a choice or even express an opinion on the issue, is our default to either prevent (through EC) or end (through abortion) pregnancy? I think there’s a very good argument for that as the default where a pregnancy carries higher-than-normal health risks (physical or mental) for the woman in question, but what if it doesn’t?

    When people aren’t competent to make medical decisions for themselves (and if the person can express an opinion on the medical procedure, I definitely, definitely think that should be respected wherever possible, but sometimes the person may not be able to understand the situation or express a preference), we ask their parent or other legal representative to make it for them. In the most extreme case, next of kin are sometimes called upon to decide when to turn off life support or cease extraordinary efforts to save a person, and they don’t always know what the person they’re deciding for believed or would have wanted. Those people are asked to make decisions based on the best interest of the person who can’t decide for themselves, but we leave it to the decision-maker to figure out what that means in a particular case — when certain risks are worthwhile, how competing values should be weighed, etc. I don’t love the idea of someone making medical decisions on my behalf saying “well, I think abortion is murder, so you’ll just have to stay pregnant”, but I’m sure people who are pro-life are equally horrified by the idea of someone making decisions on their behalf saying “I don’t believe that clump of cells is a person, and I can’t imagine you’d want to stay pregnant in these circumstances.” These are, at their root, value judgments — which is why we entrust them to a parent or guardian rather than setting general rules as the state.

    This story also brought to mind some cases we read way back in my Family Law class about adult women with cognitive impairments whose caretakers wished to either abort their existing pregnancy or to preemptively sterilize them (where they had a history of either wandering away from group programs or of engaging in sexual contact with other people in those programs). There was a *lot* of pushback on those issues from people who felt it was similar to the historical sterilization of women with (all types of) mental illnesses, and that caretakers should not be foreclosing reproduction for these women.

    There were some cases where I thought it was pretty clearly the right choice to allow a caretaker to either administer EC/choose an abortion/consent to sterilization — where the woman functioned at the level of a six year old, whose doctor testified that she could not understand pregnancy and was likely to be extremely traumatized by those changes to her body, who was on medications that would have to be stopped, and who had health conditions that would make pregnancy particularly dangerous, etc. But where all of those things aren’t true, it does give me pause to say that cognitively impaired women should as a general rule be medically prevented from procreating.

    Maybe my question is about a situation that doesn’t exist — a woman who can’t understand/express opinions about whether to take EC or abort a pregnancy, but who would not suffer higher-than-normal health risks from pregnancy — but if it does, I’m not comfortable with the idea that rejecting EC or ending a pregnancy is always the right decision.

  85. Emolee
    Emolee February 3, 2012 at 11:42 am |

    Most likely the story is partially true and partially fiction. Most liars take the truth and then exaggerate or manipulate it.

    I do hope that this never happened to this woman’s daughter, but the bottom line is, I have no doubt that this type of thing (rape victims who are underage or disabled or both being denied plan b because of forced birther parents or guardians) does happen. So whether this account is true or not, the discussion is still pertinient.

    I can see how exposing this woman as a liar would be a good thing though, since she has used this tragedy to boast and play the martyr.

  86. Tim
    Tim February 3, 2012 at 11:47 am |

    PrettyAmiable, first, I am very sorry that you have suffered sexual assault, not once but multiple times. That should never happen to anyone. I know that victims are not required and should not be forced to report if they don’t want to for any reason. But a disappearance of a minor (presumably; this doesn’t give the victim’s age) child with severe cognitive issues? [in fact, another comment between your question to me and this indicates that they were called] It’s probably true that at one time, reports of missing teenagers elicited a lackadaisical “let’s wait 24 hours” attitude. Some tragic consequences finally pushed them to change all that. Nowadays, the authorities take reports of missing minors (that’s what Amber Alerts are all about) more seriously, and even for adults, and if a teen that doesn’t show up at home there will probably be a story on the evening news alerting people to look out for hir.

    I shouldn’t go on so long, but I certainly wasn’t trying to say, “she didn’t call the cops, therefore she’s lying.” I apologize for poor wording if it came out that way, and again, I’m sorry for what has been done to you. I hope you are doing OK>

  87. Emolee
    Emolee February 3, 2012 at 11:50 am |

    if a woman is raped (or engages in non-assaultive sex) and is not mentally competent to make a decision/express an opinion about the use of EC, should the default be to administer EC?

    I think yes in the case of rape. Because she did not consent to semen getting anywhere near her eggs, we should err on the side of assuming she does not intend to become pregnant. Administering plan b just keeps her chances of becoming pregnant as close as possible to the chances were she not raped. I think abortion of an existing embryo/fetus is a different/harder question.

  88. Politicalguineapig
    Politicalguineapig February 3, 2012 at 12:02 pm |

    Ugh. This woman reminds me of my friend’s mother. Due to a nerve disorder, said friend was disabled, housebound and severely depressed. Her mom stole her anti-depressants. (my friend’s doing much better now; moving out of the house helped so much.) But, yeah, in certain circles- especially among Christians, the parents-always-know- best meme is rampant. And in this case, it runs straight into the rampant incest in fundamentalist households. I hope something nasty happens to this woman.

  89. Who Wants to Control Women’s Bodies? « Clarissa's Blog

    […] Here is a completely shocking story about a horrible vile monster of a woman who refuses her raped daughter a Plan B pill in order to brag abo…. […]

  90. Shannon
    Shannon February 3, 2012 at 1:18 pm |

    Reading this honestly got me to start crying. This is just horrible. You don’t do that to your child, you just don’t, no matter their mental capacity. You at least talk to them and let them make the decision if at all capable. And if they’re unable to understand the concept, that’s a huge clue that they shouldn’t be forced to deal with the risk.

  91. Astrid
    Astrid February 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm |

    I agree with Emolee @ 86 that whether this exact story is true or not, the situation likely happens somewhere, and so the issues should be discussed. I hope that this story is not true because it is just sooo horrible for a mother to make her daugther’s rape about herself by bragging about its consequences on the internet. In that sense, I agree with TeaBQ @ 39. When you are raped, you should not have to carry the additional burden of having the choice whether to carry or not taken away, and the burden of having your story out on t he Internet at that.

  92. David Gendron
    David Gendron February 3, 2012 at 1:35 pm |

    “I’m not suggesting that taking EC is the only right decision after being sexually assaulted.”

    EC is the only decision, even if there’s no sexual assault.

  93. DonnaDiva
    DonnaDiva February 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm |

    @christy #13 – Yeah, I’m an adoptee too and real sick of anti-choicers ASSuming I can’t be pro-choice because of it and exploiting adoptees and bio-mothers to advance their freakish little cause. I also was born in 1968 so anyone who piously simpers “I’m so glad your mother chose life” can stick a sock in it.

  94. eb53
    eb53 February 3, 2012 at 1:56 pm |

    For a long time I eschewed the word “evil”, because I’m a liberal-minded relativist and because of the word’s rather pungent theological associations. But I do think it applies to the action taken by this “pro-life” woman. What she did was evil, plain and simple.

  95. rhian
    rhian February 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm |

    This story is totally disgusting.

    Just wanted to add, because it hasn’t yet been mentioned, that many medications for bipolar disorder have severe risks to the fetus. Stopping them obviously can have severe risks to the mother. So for many pregnant women with bipolar, there’s a very difficult balance to strike between maternal and fetal health. Since her daughter is either unable or is prevented from making health decisions, presumably this woman would be making the decision in that situation as well.

  96. Southern Beale
    Southern Beale February 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm |

    Y’all I really hate to say this but I’ve spent enough time around church folks for this story to set off my bullshit meter, big-time.

    This story just reeks of fiction to me. It just screams Bible tract with its tidy moralizing. I wouldn’t at all be surprised to find out a version of it was found in a Campus Crusade for Christ book or some other right-wing propaganda that was churned out in advance of the OTC fight.

  97. Z
    Z February 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm |

    So – she loves the possible embryo, but not her daughter.

  98. pikaomega
    pikaomega February 3, 2012 at 3:35 pm |

    Good god. That’s just, so, I dunno.

    Reading things like this makes me love my Mom all the more. My Mom who always answered any questions I had in an age appropriate manner. My Mom who, though not totally pleased with my decision, discussed birth control with me when I became sexually active at 16. My Mom who made my appointment at Planned Parenthood, who drove me to the clinic. My Mom who was my biggest supporter when I tried desperately at 25 to get a medically necessary tubal. My Mom who hugged me and sighed relief with me when I was lucky enough to find a doctor who would perform the operation. My Mom who told me that while she mourned for my loss of never knowing the love of a mother, she could not be prouder of my decision, as it was what was truly best for me. My Mom. Who loves me, who would die for me, who would never let her discomfort stand in the way of my best interests. My Mom.

    If only I could share her with the world, starting with this young woman. Heartbreaking.

  99. DonnaDiva
    DonnaDiva February 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm |

    Y’all I really hate to say this but I’ve spent enough time around church folks for this story to set off my bullshit meter, big-time.

    This story just reeks of fiction to me. It just screams Bible tract with its tidy moralizing. I wouldn’t at all be surprised to find out a version of it was found in a Campus Crusade for Christ book or some other right-wing propaganda that was churned out in advance of the OTC fight.

    Yeah, the Gloria Steinem conference room was a bit over-the-top.

  100. Snoopy
    Snoopy February 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm |

    I did some digging. it was quite easy to find out who the family is.
    The young woman in question has a facebook page. on the page she complains that her “boyfriend is in jail”. which gives a whole new angle to the story, doesn’t it? this may have been the “older boyfriend” variety of statutory (romeo/juliet) rape and parents are just punishing her , while making a great case for their pro-life virtue.
    You’ll note on the mother’s blog that she complains incessantly about how hard this child is to deal with, how glad she is when the child is away at juvie, how much she dreads her coming home.
    I think she’d be quite happy for social services to permanently take her on. and it would be so much easier to make that case if daughter is pregnant.

  101. An Update on the “Why I Rejected Plan B….” Woman | Adopto-Snark

    […] work and speculation in the comments here. Like this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

  102. futureshock
    futureshock February 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm |

    Plan B Causes Less Embryo Loss than not Using it

    [E]ven if in some cases ECPs work by inhibiting subsequent implantation of a fertilized egg, these probably would be outnumbered by other cases in which fertilization of an egg that would not have subsequently implanted naturally is prevented because ECPs inhibited ovulation. Therefore, on balance, ECPs probably reduce the incidence of fertilized eggs that do not subsequently implant.
    http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/ec-review.pdf
    http://wingnutwatch.typepad.com/wingnutwatch/page/4/

  103. Rev. R. Bleymaier, MH
    Rev. R. Bleymaier, MH February 4, 2012 at 10:41 pm |

    This was not the mother’s choice to make. She is sick and needs an intervention.
    I am an adoptee working for adoptee rights and I *HATE* it when people like this use adoption as an excuse to further their anti-choice agenda. Shame on this mother. She had no right. I feel sorry for her daughter, who should be taken into custody. This just shows some of the problems with adoption and people who are allowed to adopt.

  104. Concerned Citizen
    Concerned Citizen February 5, 2012 at 2:59 am |

    Well, just in case this story IS real…. I’m concerned that this mother is A.) has railroaded her daughter’s rights and B.) bragged about it. Some of you investigated and found out they are real people. If if the story is part bullshit, shouldn’t we report the woman to family services?
    Another thought I had was to contact a local disability rights attorney and ask if he/she can go to court and get power of attorney for this poor girl. Even if you are making up stories about child abuse, I still the fact you are is a cause for deep concern about how you are treating your child.

  105. Ben Reeder
    Ben Reeder February 5, 2012 at 8:43 am |

    Okay, three things that really burn my butt here.

    First: Regardless of my views on abortion, this woman’s worst act was to go blabbing about her daughter’s trauma, and then focus more on HER difficult decision in whether or not to give the girl Plan B. Way to revictimize your daughter, there. I can see where your priorities lie here and unfortunately, they are not with your daughter. They are with your own pious bragging about how YOU made “the right choice” for your daughter. Not a word about how your daughter felt, about the trauma she had suffereed. NO, we’re forced to listen to you leverage your daughter’s pain into a lecture about your own issues.

    Secondly, the issue of using adopting your child as leverage for your platform. Come on, here. I’m adopted, and I’m pro-choice. I always HOPE that choice will be life, and I will be forever grateful to my birth-mother for making that choice for me, but that is not my choce to make (lacking a uterus, I feel distinctly unqualified to offer an opinion on how it should be used or not used). Even worse, this woman seems to have no shame in exposing her adopted daughter’s family background and assuming that because her mother was known to prostitute herself, sexual assault was more likely, and thus, excuses her own choice by saying “See how WE raised a child of rape? See how holy *I* am for raising this for disabled girl? Look at how pious MY decisions are! I am a good mother because I take in this poor, disable child! Look at her disabilities! Look at her past! Praise ME for it! Because of my past decisions, all of my choices are right!” The LAST thing any caring parent does is parade their child’s problems for everyone to see…unless they just want the praise and attention for it, and aren’t really interested in caring for such a child because said child deserves to be loved. And believe me, I’ve seen mothers who took in disabled children because they were truly called to do so. Finding out those kinds of details was like pulling teeth, even for us as caregivers because the mom wanted us to know the child first, before we knew his past.

    Third, I am a recovering Southern Baptist (not that there is an inherent wrongness with being Baptist, but my soul is NOT, so it was a little rough), and I know that one thing Jesus dressed down the Pharisees for was their overweening pride in their public piety. Do NOT expect me to be impressed with your public display of religious conviction here. Especially since you clearly have no concept of treating others as you would be treated. Do NOT come to me claiming you made a hard decision, or that you really thought hard about this difficult choice and forget to tell me once that you prayed to God about it. And especially, DO NOT EVEN DREAM of saying “God help me” out loud time after time…without telling me you actually did ask God to help you. I am a Wiccan, but I was raised Christian, and I still dig the way Jesus lived his life and walked his walk. And this person does not hold a candle to the two finest Christians I’ve had the privilige of knowing, my own mother and grandfather.

    This mother’s pious words have been so overwhelmed by her selfish actions that I can not hear her message of her tongue over the truth of her hands.

  106. Weekly Feminist Reader
    Weekly Feminist Reader February 5, 2012 at 1:17 pm |

    […] A woman brags about how she refused to give her disabled daughter EC after she was raped. […]

  107. dispatchoma
    dispatchoma February 5, 2012 at 2:41 pm |

    That woman is a total [ableist slur redacted]. It is not even a baby and even if it was. Her daughter was raped. Does she want her to forever remember that every time she looks at that child? I am a Christian and I would always have supported my daughters if they needed an abortion. I don’t believe in an abortion for myself but I am pro-choice. We women should have the choice as to what happens to our bodies.

  108. Jennifer
    Jennifer February 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm |

    And this way she may get the daughter that she actually wanted in the first place.

    I will never believe that did not play into her decision.

  109. jane campbell
    jane campbell February 5, 2012 at 3:08 pm |

    The next logical step for people who believe that plan b is anti-life will be to say that it is the pro-life man’s obligation to rape women, because not to denies that possible life.

  110. Cassandra
    Cassandra February 5, 2012 at 3:22 pm |

    Ummm her daughter was BRUTALLY RAPED and her take away from this is to blog about how she deserves a cookie for not giving her EC? Mother of the Year.

  111. Sadie
    Sadie February 5, 2012 at 9:02 pm |

    @Dominique

    There is ample information for us to be able to form an opinion.

    It’s not necessarily about the daughter’s ability to make a decision for herself, for a lot of us, but about the way her mother used her child’s victimization to make a self-righteous decision and then to broadcast it to the world.

    Assuming the story itself is even true, I have no problem believing a biological adult could require a guardian to make decisions on her behalf. That’s not what this is about, for me at least. It’s that the dipshit mother chose to put her religious morals ahead of the health and well-being–mental and physical–ahead of her daughter’s, and turned it into a public broadcast to boot.

  112. Jackie
    Jackie February 6, 2012 at 6:11 am |

    First I was like, “That’s awful!” Then I read she was disabled, my jaw hit the floor. For $%$#%’s sake! Disabled people are targeted for this kind of abuse like there’s no tomorrow, I think the mom should be arrested for child abuse, neglect, something!

  113. Lori
    Lori February 6, 2012 at 6:12 am |

    I resent people like this one. Another clear example of how being “pro-life” is unacceptable in this day and age. It is about “pro-birth,” and not being “pro-care”. Also another example of how controlling the baby-obsessed (but certainly not pro-imperfect mind and imperfect body-obsessed) patriarchy continues to be, even if it is through women who feel that their only self-worth is being controlled by men, no matter how abusive they are to them. This woman’s daughter is screwed-up enough and guess who will be paying for her endless horrendously expensive doctor bills and even more unaffordable therapies as a result? US, the TAXPAYERS. Not God, as a typical pro-life opinion person feels (The saying “God will provide” is a misnomer) Most disturbing, is that this woman is probably against paying taxes on anything that does not agree with her narrow, gullible, self-centered, narcissistic, mindset. Such a vicious never-ending cycle …

  114. Kat
    Kat February 6, 2012 at 8:02 am |

    This is why religious fundamentalists shouldn’t be allowed to adopt children.

  115. Aiden Riot
    Aiden Riot February 6, 2012 at 11:33 am |

    Where was that little girl’s choice…The mom should have explained to her what was going on? Did the mom not think of the mental and emotional implications of a pregnancy ?

  116. Sarah
    Sarah February 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm |

    It’s sad how this woman is blathering on about not believing in abortion and yet she didn’t even bother to understand the facts about Plan B and its function. Plan B prevents pregnancy, it does not terminate one. A pregnant person cannot abort a pregnancy with Plan B. It takes days after intercourse for a woman to become pregnant. Plan B works much in the same way regular birth control pills work in that it merely prevents a pregnancy from occurring. This woman is a great example of the ignorance among so many anti-choice crazies. Nice job, mom.

  117. Maren
    Maren February 6, 2012 at 7:34 pm |

    @Snoopy (comment #101): I read back in the mom’s blog pages, as you did, and was also struck by the mom’s complaints about this daughter over the past 2 years.

    I’m horrified that the mother would have made ANY of this public: daughter “stole” and totaled family care; daughter arrested for assault of mom and sister, sent to juvie, released on probation, sent to residential treatment center for bipolar disorder; treatment center says, after 6-8 months, daughter is well enough to go home; mom says NO NO NO, we can’t handle her, she’s already been kicked out of most of the available schools, why won’t the social worker listen to parents?, mom dreads this daughter coming home, now she’s home and the last three weeks have been horrible — culminating in “my daughter has been raped.”

    But mom did. Made it public by blogging about it, that is. And from the sound of it, the idea that the daughter has “cognitive disabilities leaving her functioning at the level of and 8-10 year old” sounds quite exaggerated — I’m guessing the truth is more along the lines of daughter having learning disabilities that cause her to test at grade-school level, complicated by mood disorder(s).

    FWIW, I googled “Gloria Steinem Conference Room” in quotes, with a minus plan b (“- plan b”) — and found a reference to a Grand Rapids magazine article in 1993 about the opening of the West Grand Rapids (Michigan) YWCA, which does indeed have a Gloria Steinem Conference Room, as well as a rape crisis center with Nurse Evaluators who collect rape kits. So those details could be true — but of course, it could be that Mom is familiar with this facility and added the details to shore up a fake story.

    I really hope the daughter wasn’t raped. If she was, I really hope she doesn’t get pregnant. I am just sick about Elise Hilton betraying her children’s privacy in her blog — it’s really scary.

  118. Maren
    Maren February 6, 2012 at 7:40 pm |

    Oops, meant “stole and totaled family CAR” (above).

  119. Argenti Aertheri
    Argenti Aertheri February 7, 2012 at 8:15 am |

    I’m horrified that the mother would have made ANY of this public: daughter “stole” and totaled family care; daughter arrested for assault of mom and sister, sent to juvie, released on probation, sent to residential treatment center for bipolar disorder; treatment center says, after 6-8 months, daughter is well enough to go home; mom says NO NO NO, we can’t handle her, she’s already been kicked out of most of the available schools, why won’t the social worker listen to parents?, mom dreads this daughter coming home, now she’s home and the last three weeks have been horrible — culminating in “my daughter has been raped.”

    That is a terrifying back story in light of this possibility:

    Either she was sexually assaulted before she left home or after.

    The immediate invocation of cognitive impairment and bipolar disorder made me wonder too. I cannot tell you how many patients I’ve seen whose families use their diagnoses as get-out-of-jail-free cards. It could be that particular brand of sinister at work here.

    (for reference, that’s William @ 83 quoting Aunt B. @ 79)

    Now I’m questioning things like the “assaulted her mother and sister” part — how many times have we seen mentally ill people defending themselves be accused of assault because the mentally ill are oh so dangerous? I think William might be right the mother’s trying for a get-out-of-jail-free card, and that back story implies it’s not the first time. *shudder* Makes me wonder if “went missing” means ran away…

    That might be me jumping to worst-case scenario, but I’d welcome a social services investigation to prove it wrong.

    As a mentally ill uterus-haver, this whole thing is just majorly creepy, and that back story nicely explains the wrongness I couldn’t put my finger on — she’s not a caring or loving mother, she’s a controlling or even abusive fuckwad. Thank you for clearing that up? argh.

  120. Derrick
    Derrick February 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm |

    “I believe a person has to be missing for 48 hours in most cases for police to get involved”

    Just an aside, this is absolutely falsehood in North Carolina. While the 24/48 hr waiting period is widely believed to be true, there is absolutely no time period someone must be missing to be considered missing for police investigative purposes. I believe that is the same for all states.

  121. If you can’t beat the shit out of your own child who can you beat the shit out of? « The Words on What…

    […] Although working to outlaw spanking is the correct move, one shouldn’t focus so much on corporal punishment that one neglects to target other forms of child abuse. There are destructive things that parents can do to their kids that don’t involve any hitting. For example, Clarissa has mentioned force–feeding. Another example is arbitrarily denying healthcare. […]

  122. koikuri
    koikuri February 8, 2012 at 10:56 am |

    Re: shay @ 84:

    I most puzzled that she starts the post by saying “my dark-haired daughter.” What in the world does her daughter’s hair color have to do with the price of tea in China?

    Obviously, if her daughter was a blonde, she would be a “slut” and thus would have “deserved it”. Didn’t you know brunettes are morally superior? (This blonde has heard it un/subtly implied her whole life.)

  123. Elena
    Elena February 8, 2012 at 6:17 pm |

    Actually, when it comes to missing and assaulted persons, dark-haired children and adults receive less media attention and public compassion than blondes/whites.

  124. 10G
    10G February 9, 2012 at 12:52 am |

    God, I hope this story is fake and/or just pro-life propaganda. If not….UGH. And Jill, ftr, First Amendment and all in response to Mzstress’ comment. Believe me, what I would have planned for that mom would be MUCH WORSE. That wench of a “mother” needs a good *** kicking, and I hope life provides it too her VERY soon. Smug, self-righteous religious troll-tard.

  125. PrettyAmiable
    PrettyAmiable February 9, 2012 at 8:19 am |

    Obviously, if her daughter was a blonde, she would be a “slut” and thus would have “deserved it”. Didn’t you know brunettes are morally superior? (This blonde has heard it un/subtly implied her whole life.)

    This is the narrative around every rape victim, not just blondes.

  126. Politicalguineapig
    Politicalguineapig February 9, 2012 at 9:59 am |

    Elena: Are you aware that not all whites are blondes? Your post reads as though white= blonde, and my mirror thoroughly disproves that.

  127. Andie
    Andie February 9, 2012 at 10:46 am |

    Wow, Jill. I didn’t know you had the ability to sanction or imprison people for their blog comments. Because if she’s invoking the first amendment that must have been what you were trying to do.

  128. Fuck the patriarchizzle « Dissent of a Woman

    […] And sometimes, even people aren’t people, when they keep emergency contraception from their se… […]

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