FNTT Season 8, Round 1: the U Ugly! edition

Background on FNTT here. Click through to read this round’s contenders. The usual reminder: Comments below are abusive, insulting and may be triggering.

1. Bob Thompson

perhaps if you were better looking, you wouldn’t need a sex toy??

2. john

you lesbian bitch, fuck you

3. Princess Pi

Wow! Why did you have to go and ruin my favorite color, pink?
Maybe you can answer this. I saw one of your members on television as a spokeswoman for Code Pink and could you do no better than that? Besides being an imbecile, she was so ugly my cats left the room in disgust. Please tell me why all you left wing, pro-death, feminatzis are all so very unsavory looking and not to bright, to boot. It embarrasses me to be associated with you by being female. I think your problem is, especially with the pro-death stance, that you cannot get a man in the first place for you to have to make that choice. My husband always says WHAT was that thing? Yes, thing. You would make a better impression and more people might take you seriously if you colored the gray, got a good hair cut, lost the weight and wore some makeup. Can’t you change your name to Code Drab or Code Grey or something more truly descriptive? Oh, and a few courses in effective speaking and charm might help, too. Just saying.

4. Unapologetic PUA

Interesting discussion but completely besides the point. I will say at the outset I have used some PUA tactics and believe they work very well, but not everything works for everyone. What will work for someone who looks like Johnny Depp will not work for someone who looks like Meatloaf. But again this is besides the point.
PUA tactics have to pass a high threshold for working at least at a level high enough that the user doesnt get discouraged. Thus, tactics like negging and being a general asshole will stop being used the moment women stop responding to them. We use those tactics because they work. To some extent, we even care about how you feel because, well, repeat fucks are usually a lot better than one night stands. But caring about you is not the point. There’s a million places where you can go to find out how to care about women. Yes, this stuff works on a certain type of insecure woman, so what? there are lots and lots of insecure women, a lot more than secure women anyway. And yea, it probably makes the world a little bit less ideal, but then I didn’t make the world, I didn’t start the gender wars and I’ll be damned if I will be forced to carry the crosses for my forefathers. In a world full of preventable unhappiness, a couple orgasming is adding to the total joy. So in the words of Kurt Cobain, “Here I am now, entertain me”

5. Mir Losen

I thin Nir will have the last laugh. I think he was correct in his assessment. i think the Egyptians got a little to excited and when just hugging anyone and she took offence to that being a feminist and all. It’s a double standard that exist in this country. They had a woman pat the behind of a clerk who wanted to sue the woman for sexual harassment. He was mocked and laughed at, had the roles been reversed he would be in Rikers serving 15yrs. Another recent incident was a female news anchor mocking..on live TV about her male co-hosts genitalia size..once again had that been a man doing that he would be fired and eight balled from the news industry for life. Egypt has freedom I wish American men could get theirs.


About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
This entry was posted in Blogging and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

51 Responses to FNTT Season 8, Round 1: the U Ugly! edition

  1. Lweydd says:

    My vote is for Mir Losen because, holy shit, the woman was gang raped and he suggests she just doesn’t like hugs. Holy crap, Egypt, that’s freedom! Burqas and gang rape! Yay!

  2. Nahida says:

    Wtf is Mir Losen talking about? Is he referring to the reporter who was assaulted?

    I wish American men could get theirs.

    …..the fuck.

  3. Brennan says:

    Well, I’m just so *terribly* sorry that we got a little social justice in your pink, Princess, but if you don’t at least learn the correct spelling of “Feminazi,” you’ll never be taken seriously as a big bad troll like your hubby.

  4. Andie says:

    Unapologetic, for invoking Nirvana ironically, given KC’s vaguely feminist leanings.

  5. Bridget says:

    Had to go with Princess Pi because of the cat thing.

  6. Mztress says:

    Perhaps if you could find the clitoris–which is centrally located–I wouldn’t need a sex toy.

  7. Mztress says:

    Had no choice but to vote for #1. The others were so outrageously stupid & twisted that I could not understand wtf they were talking about…

  8. altarego says:

    Princess Pi because “not to bright.” I’m a grammar nazi as well as a feminazi.

  9. Jen says:

    Had to go with Princess Pi, “Just saying.” Though, quoting Nirvana is always appreciated.

  10. Tumpp says:

    Unapologetic is really hilarious, but I don’t know why xD

  11. Sera says:

    NOO! Damn John with his stupid 5 word comment. (As I’ve stated before, I vowed to vote for the most succinct troll.)

    Be that as it may, he has NO chance of going on to the next round – not up against Princess Pi the PINK CRUSADER OF PINK PRETTINESS!!1!!

    (Bonus points also go to PUA for putting an awesome song in my head.)

  12. Jadey says:

    Honorable mention: Mir Losen

    Another recent incident was a female news anchor mocking..on live TV about her male co-hosts genitalia size..once again had that been a man doing that he would be fired and eight balled from the news industry for life.

    The relative proximity of these statements made me assume he was referring to someone with eight testicles.

    Runner-up: Unapologetic PUA

    So in the words of Kurt Cobain, “Here I am now, entertain me”

    Oh punctuation, you fickle mistress.

    WINNER: Princess Pi

    I like anyone who implies that feminism has a central membership roster and a candidate vetting process, which clearly has set its standards for entry too low.

    Also, because I can actually use her comment to respond to her comment (and, really, all of these trolls):

    a few courses in effective speaking and charm might help, too. Just saying.

    Truer words, guys. Truer words.

  13. Jadey says:

    Perhaps if you could find the clitoris–which is centrally located–I wouldn’t need a sex toy.

    Usually, maybe. Mine hangs to the left. :D

  14. ShanBonan says:

    I had to go with Princess Pi for the comment about being not “to” bright. For obvious reasons. And because Princess thinks feminists need courses in charm, clearly being a charming person herself.

  15. annajcook says:

    Princess Pi. For assuming some random woman she saw on television talking feminism was “one of your members.” Shit, we keep membership rolls! Why was I not informed?!

    Also for the body/appearance shaming and total incoherence.

  16. LC says:

    So torn. Princess Pi just edges out unapologetic PUA just due to being more interesting to read. Both excellent old-school trolling of just casually explaining things that are going to provoke reactions.

  17. Esti says:

    Princess Pi wins by a mile for unironically declaring someone to be “not to bright”.

  18. AndrewJenny says:

    “To some extent, we even care about how you feel because, well, repeat fucks are usually a lot better than one night stands. But caring about you is not the point. ”

    Glad you cleared that up, I was confused for a bit.

    “I think your problem is, especially with the pro-death stance, that you cannot get a man in the first place for you to have to make that choice. My husband always says WHAT was that thing? Yes, thing.”

    ???????

  19. number9 says:

    Princess Pi. The passive-aggressive “just saying” really did it for her!

  20. Cat says:

    Princess Pi, because pink, and cats, and her assumption that us “feminatizis” all desperately want “a man” – presumably like hers. *shudder*

  21. Emolee says:

    Princess Pi, because she is

    not to bright

  22. Donna says:

    I’m torn between Princess Pi (for making numerous spelling errors in her assertion that feminists are not only apparently ugly, but also “not to bright [sic]”. Also for entertaining the notion that cats give a crap about what people look like) and Unapologetic PUA (for the embarrassing Kurt Cobain misquote which would almost certainly make Kurt Cobain roll over in his grave if such a thing were possible. And not just because he changed a few pronouns and stripped the phrase of its original context entirely).

  23. Tim says:

    Princess Pi for knowing why her cats were leaving the room. Mine are always doing that and I can never figure out why.

  24. Deborah Lipp says:

    There is something great about how “Unapologetic PUA” is so…apologetic…about PUA. I mean, if it wasn’t for the username, I would have voted for Princess Pi (like, apparently, everyone else).

  25. Han says:

    Princess Pi for knowing why her cats were leaving the room. Mine are always doing that and I can never figure out why.

    I lost it.

    Unapologetic PUA for me because he didn’t start the gender wars, and he’ll be damned if he will be forced to carry the crosses for his forefathers.

  26. SecondJen says:

    So torn between Princess Pi (I like to consider myself “unsavory looking” enough to clear a room of cats…) and Unapologetic PUA (because whoever sounds like men I’ve actually met). I guess I have to go with PUA for making me want to punch stuff… that’s good trolling.

  27. SIVEAMBRAI says:

    Unapologetic PUA because of the unintentional irony of quoting Nirvana.

  28. Iam138 says:

    Princess Pi, apparently by a landslide. Her concern trolling is too good to ignore.

  29. alynn says:

    Pricess Pi all the way. I mean, HER CATS LEFT THE ROOM IN DISGUST!!!

  30. ellestar says:

    I had to go with Mir Losen because of his totally weak grasp of reality. Hugs? 15 years for sexual harassment? “Eight-ball”ing? The last one made me lol.

  31. LC says:

    Princess Pi for knowing why her cats were leaving the room. Mine are always doing that and I can never figure out why.

    Win.

  32. MTR says:

    and plus, “code drab.” Feminazis against color!

  33. Katie says:

    Princess Pi- because we all know the ‘Natzis’ overall agenda was to ruin pink for everybody.

  34. AnotherTracey says:

    Princess Pee all the way, for her cosmic fit of internalised misogyny, the cat thing, and claiming that sexism would be over if we all got good haircuts.

  35. Tapetum says:

    Princess Pi, for all the reasons already mentioned, and for the assumption that only single Feminazis without children could possibly be “pro-death”. Ahem. *waves* at my husband and two children behind me.

  36. igglanova says:

    Had to go with john, for at least having the decency to not bore me with a word wall.

  37. armillaria says:

    Pi, but almost voted for dude misquoting Nirvana. X(

  38. Christina says:

    Princess Pi, for successfully getting me to wonder for a minute how the death penalty was relevant…

  39. Angie unduplicated says:

    Princess by a nose, because her colors are bright and she apparently equates this with intellectual brilliance. She knows that real kyriarchic victories come from good hairspray and the right armpiece, and is unwilling to give up that edge to genuine talent or achievement.
    Unapologetic PUA ‘s just too math-impaired to buy a blow-up doll, even though it’s cheaper than all those drinks and PUA manuals.

  40. The Dormouse says:

    Unapologetic PUA for repeatedly declaring that things in his comment were not the point and making me wonder what the point actually is…

  41. Jjuliaava says:

    I think your problem is, especially with the pro-death stance, that you cannot get a man in the first place for you to have to make that choice.

    WTF? Immaculate conception = tough decisions = pro-death
    I will never wear pink again.

  42. Ellie says:

    John. I love how concise it is. No wasted blather there.

  43. Dominique says:

    She knows that real kyriarchic victories come from good hairspray and the right armpiece, and is unwilling to give up that edge to genuine talent or achievement.

    Perfect.

  44. Stacy says:

    Princess Pi, for getting to the really important issue: what her husband thinks.

  45. I almost gave all the things to Princess Pi for “not to bright” but I fell hard for Unapologetic PUA for quoting Kurt Cobain. Solid gold!

  46. Jamie says:

    The Princess was great, but I was swayed by john’s insistence that lesbians still want to fuck him. Someone should buy him a dictionary.

  47. Sara says:

    I voted for Mr. Pretty Ladies Don’t Need Vibrators because it’s hilariously sad that some (potentially straight) dude might actually believe that.

    I’m convinced Princess Pi was being a relatively self-aware troll (saying things she doesn’t actually believe just to provoke a reaction) on the grounds that someone actually meeting her self-description would not choose that username.

  48. Sara says:

    The first Google result for Princess Pi is TVTropes.com, saying the following:

    Peter Paltridge, the host of Platypus Comix, created Princess Pi in 2011. The main character is an invincible Egyptian princess named, “Princess Pi,” who reigns over the kingdom of Piscataway. This comic follows Pi’s efforts to protect her kingdom from conquerors, such as a superpower-stealing American dictator named Princess Ip. Paltridge planned for Princess Pi to become one of his weirdest comics ever, so Pi’s adventures tend to rely on nonsensical logic.

  49. RipVanWinkler says:

    I thought Princess Pi was a bit too generic. Unapologetic PUA, on the other hand, was original enough to be entertaining while offending. His standout points:

    1. Making it incredibly easy for readers to draw the conclusion that PUA tactics are for guys who look more like Meatloaf than Johnny Depp. True that bro.

    2. The use of the phrase “world full of preventable unhappiness” in a speech about getting laid. The world is truly too small for you, you modern day Gandhi.

    3. “I didn’t start the gender wars…” We didn’t start the fire. It was always burning since the world’s been turning.

    4. I’m still (literally) laughing about the “I’ll be damned…” bit. Seriously dude, the next time you’re in a bookstore just remember the phrase “Less Mystery, more history.”

    5. Then (as others have noted) to top it off there is the straight-faced paraphrase of “Smells like Teen Spirit”.

    Here’s a Nirvana lyric more representative of your attitude, UPUA:

    “I’m so ugly, but that’s okay ’cause so are you. We broke our mirrors.”

  50. Sarah Harper says:

    Three of them were boring cliches, Mir Losen was just plain incomprehensible, but then you get this gem:

    she was so ugly my cats left the room in disgust

    Princess Pi wins, for finding a new creative way to say the same old slur.

    (But how does she know her cats didn’t leave the room in disgust at her sexist attitude?)

  51. shay says:

    I love that Bob Thompson is thinks that sex toy use is negatively correlated with a woman’s attractiveness. Can the same be said of men who masturbate in Bob’s world, I wonder?

Comments are closed.