The smell of the eyeblack, the roar of the crowd: Last year, safe estimates were that 46 percent of Super Bowl viewers were women. With market research indicating that 1 in 5 watch just for the commercials, that’s more than 10 million women who have your undivided attention (not to mention of millions of men who actually, you know, like and respect women) as, once again, you devote millions of advertising dollars to naked chicks in front of wind machines.
It’s nothing new. Frankly, I’m just not shocked by it anymore, which is really unfortunate. My “aghast” muscle is fairly fatigued at this point, and it’s with rather a lack of enthusiasm that I post this year’s rundown. Luckily, a lot of other women still have the energy to take offense and, more important, actually act on it–thus
* Women are like cars to be leered at. And Italian women, in particular, are sexy, passionate, fiery, temperamental things who will slap you and then grope you and then dribble cappuccino down their sternums. And then turn into cars.
* White guys create technology. Duh. (Unlike these women, none of whom created an app that makes the picture you just took of your cheeseburger look like it was shot with an old-timey box camera and left in a shoebox for a decade, or anything important like that.)
* Something about full-frontal chocolate-candy nudity. Seriously.
* I think it’s safe to assume that GoDaddy has become actively, self-consciously pervy–they did it once, it got a response, and now they’ve adopted an any-attention-is-good-attention mindset that requires them to top themselves with every successive ad. This one was actually kind of a letdown, from a perviness standpoint, although I’m pretty sure the lack of spark-shooting pasties was a casualty of our current economic climate and not an artistic decision. But what they lacked in theatrics, they made up for in PVC jumpsuits, skin, girl-on-girl body-painting, and shudder. (Interesting note: Nekkid girls are fine; a fully-dressed man in a pink track suit is too racy for TV.)
* The perfect couch is made of hot chicks in bikinis for you to sit on. (The ad also objectifies dudes, which makes it totally not sexist.)
And the undisputed star of the night:
* Flowers will make a sexy woman have sex with you! Nice Guys™ across the country rejoice.
They’re pissed, and they’re social: Women (and men, too) tweet back at #NotBuyingIt.