We must have as much sex as possible.

A brilliant Democrat in Oklahoma has tagged an amendment onto her state’s proposed Personhood law, making sure that the government doesn’t just intrude into women’s reproductive lives, but men’s as well:

Oklahoma State Senator Constance Johnson, a Democrat, has offered an amendment to the “personhood” bill pending in the state legislature. The pending bill, if passed, would declare that “the unborn child at every stage of development (has) all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.”

Johnson writes that “the Personhood bill would potentially allow governmental intrusion into families’ personal lives by policing what happens to a woman’s eggs without any similar thought to what happens to a man’s sperm.” Her amendment reads:

“provided, however, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.”

But that’s not enough. The Bible is pretty clear that only the Lord knows which sperm and which egg will join to create a person. Interfering with that in any way is very very bad — so we should give the Lord as many opportunities as possible to make sure that the right gametes can come together. As the wonderful Frances Kissling says in the comments to that article:

This [spilled semen] amendment is critical. We must protect spatial separated persons – sperm and eggs. The creator, the bible tells us, knew each of us before we were “knit” in the womb. He knew the very sperm and egg that would unite to make us who we are. Given that reality, it is imperative that we all have as much sex as possible. For women, ovulation is the time when we must be sure to give our egg a chance to join with the sperm that it was destined to meet.

The fact that God chose not to tell us which of our eggs and our sperm would join means that a celibate priesthood and sisterhood must be ended. Each priest and nun knows not what God intended for their eggs and sperm and therefore, procreative sex is essential lest we prevent the person already know to God from coming into being.

About Jill

Jill began blogging for Feministe in 2005. She has since written as a weekly columnist for the Guardian newspaper and in April 2014 she was appointed as senior political writer for Cosmopolitan magazine.
This entry was posted in Reproductive Rights and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to We must have as much sex as possible.

  1. Tomek Kulesza says:

    And thus the USA entered the age long predicted in Science-Fiction. Every sperm is sacred!

  2. PrettyAmiable says:

    I understand that Republicans are not trying to police our unfertilized eggs (except every time they try to smack down contraception), but the women who have been tacking on these measures to every ridiculously conservative abortion bill are doing us a huge favor.

  3. Athenia says:

    I understand that Republicans are not trying to police our unfertilized eggs (except every time they try to smack down contraception), but the women who have been tacking on these measures to every ridiculously conservative abortion bill are doing us a huge favor.

    I think if we went on sex strike, THEN they would suddenly be concerned with our unfertilized eggs. LOL

  4. I think this assumes a lot about the average guy. There’s been a whole lot of semen spilling in their lifestyle. Do you know how many galaxies have been cast aside from their ultimate purpose?

  5. A.Y. Siu says:

    The creator, the bible tells us, knew each of us before we were “knit” in the womb. He knew the very sperm and egg that would unite to make us who we are.

    Anti-choice conservative Christians love to quote the Bible out of context. The whole point of Psalm 139 is that God knew before anything happened. Other parts of that passage: “Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely” and “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” The point of the song is not to say that life begins at inception (once sperm and egg meet). The point is actually the opposite—even before people are people, God knows them.

    Oh, and Monty Python’s probably having a laugh, too!

  6. Jamie says:

    … And this is why, citizens, I support laundromat automation to seek out those of either gender who fail to preserve our precious bodily fluids.

  7. William says:

    our precious bodily fluids.

    Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?

  8. Angel H. says:
    our precious bodily fluids.

    Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?

    I happened to see this comment right after swallowing a big gulp of tap water.

    Thanks for that, William. >:P

  9. Marlene says:

    I happened to see this comment right after swallowing a big gulp of tap water.

    Dear GOD! Your essence is in peril!

  10. knivesout says:

    I think they should add another amendment: Having sex with a pregnant woman (or while pregnant) is a sex crime against a minor! No child should be that close to a grown man’s genitalia, right?

  11. Manju says:

    Heh. But isn’t his how gender became a protected class? Howard Smith…1964 Civil Rights Act.

    So you never know…

  12. Stella Marr says:

    This amendment is brilliant. Thanks so much for drawing our attention to it. XO

Comments are closed.