It started with a Facebook complaint. Richard posted on the Facebook wall of Bodyform, UK maker of feminine-hygiene products, that women’s periods as he’d observed them were nothing like they’d been depicted in commercials. Nothing like. And he’d been so excited!
Hi , as a man I must ask why you have lied to us for all these years . As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month that the female gets to enjoy so many things ,I felt a little jealous. I mean bike riding , rollercoasters, dancing, parachuting, why couldn’t I get to enjoy this time of joy and ‘blue water’ and wings !! Dam my penis!! Then I got a girlfriend, was so happy and couldn’t wait for this joyous adventurous time of the month to happen …..you lied !! There was no joy , no extreme sports , no blue water spilling over wings and no rocking soundtrack oh no no no. Instead I had to fight against every male urge I had to resist screaming wooaaahhhhh bodddyyyyyyfooorrrmmm bodyformed for youuuuuuu as my lady changed from the loving , gentle, normal skin coloured lady to the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360 degree head spin. Thanks for setting me up for a fall bodyform , you crafty bugger [sic, all of it]
Bodyform took his concerns to heart, and their pretend CEO, Caroline Williams, was quick to post a video responding to his concerns.
WILLIAMS. Hello, Richard. I’m Caroline Williams, the CEO of Bodyform. We read your Facebook post with interest, but also a sense of foreboding. And I think it’s time we came clean. We lied to you, Richard, and I want to say “sorry.”
What you’ve seen in our advertisement so far isn’t a factual representation of events. You’re right. The flagrant use of visualizations such as skydiving, rollerblading, and mountain biking–you forgot horse riding, Richard–are actually metaphors. They’re not real.
I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but there’s no such thing as a “happy period.” The reality is, some people simply can’t handle the truth.
In the past, we’ve tried to be more honest in our approach. In the 1980s, we ran a series of focus groups to help us gauge the public’s reactions to periods: the cramps, the mood swings, the insatiable hunger, and yes, Richard, the blood coursing from our uteri like a crimson landslide. So we knew we’d have to change our strategy.
And so from that day to this, we’ve managed to maintain this illusion. But you, Richard, have torn down that veil and exposed this myth, thereby exposing every man to a reality we hoped they would never have to face. You did that, Richard. You. Well done. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us.
[quiet farting noise]
Oh, sorry, Richard. You did know that we do that, too, didn’t you?
[her cell phone rings with the “Bodyform” jingle]
Hello, Caroline Williams.
[upbeat music out]