Apparently being an asshole when you’re drinking is especially problematic for young women because it gets you raped. That’s what I’m pretty sure Prudie is saying here, anyway:
Q. Drunk Friend Drama: My friend Carly gets insanely drunk whenever we’re around alcohol. She gets loud, pushy, and oftentimes mean-spirited. Most of our friends laugh off her antics, because they have more experience with drinking than I do. We’re all freshmen in college, and I don’t want to come off as a killjoy. But three times now, when I’ve been with an inebriated Carly, she’s almost gotten in a fight or has said really hurtful things to me. Is ignoring the comments and behavior of your drunken friends something adults learn to do over time? I don’t think Carly would react kindly to me talking to her about her drinking habits. When she’s sober, which is the majority of the time, Carly is a wonderful person.
A: The most salient fact here is that you’re all freshmen in college, and unless all of you are later-in-life students, your drinking is illegal. Your teenage friends who have “more experience” with alcohol do not sound like people who enjoy a glass of wine with dinner; it’s just that they’ve had more adventures puking and blacking out. Carly is young, and I don’t know where her drinking will end up, but right now she has a problem. Hers is the kind of behavior that leads to young women finding themselves waking up next to young men they didn’t intend to have sex with. She also sounds like a mean drunk, and while your friends find her “antics” funny, they’re not. When she’s sober, go out for coffee with her and tell her that you’re concerned about her alcohol intake. You can say she’s probably not even aware of her personality changes when she drinks, but she has said some truly nasty things to you. Add that you’re concerned about her safety when she drinks, because she doesn’t seem in control of herself. If she blows you off, but keeps drinking, report her to the resident adviser.
If someone’s a total jerk while they’re drinking and they say or do things they would never do sober, that’s a problem and it needs to be addressed. But it’s a problem because getting so inebriated you don’t know what you’re doing is a problem, not because bad drunken behavior means that you’re going to wake up with someone you “didn’t intend to have sex with” (is that a new version of “surprise sex”? Or is it just plain rape, instead of rape-rape?).
Stepping in and speaking to someone about how their behavior is hurting you is good. Continuously using the pervasive threat of rape as a “warning” to women who do just about anything is very not good.