Author: has written 202 posts for this blog.

tigtog blogs a lot elsewhere, but here on Feministe she mostly does the tech support and feeds the giraffe. tigtog tweets in irregular flurries @vivsmythe.
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124 Responses

  1. jemima101
    jemima101 January 25, 2013 at 6:39 pm |

    Ranting here, cos i cant on my blog or an twitter, who are the normal outlets/ victims of my rage.

    First up, I am a sex worker, OK, in a country where that is legal, I choose my job, enjoy it and only mention it cos it is relevant to the rant.

    Twitter friend contacted me and asked if I could follow someone she knew, he has cerebral palsy, is sexually inexperienced and considering seeing a sex worker. I am registered with a wonderful organisation who put together body advocates, sex surrogates, sex workers, the differently abled, often their carers, spouses, advocates. She thought I could give him the confidence to contact them and advice.

    I introduce myself via DM and he wants to sext! Keeps asking what i would do to him and giving intimate details of what he wants me to do.

    Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Except, and this is what is troubling me, I think should I give him a free pass because he is differently abled, but is that itself not patronizing, and insulting to people who simply wanted to be treated like everyone else?

    One of the things that really enrages me is when people assume I am simply a sex robot, I dont sext, dont do dirty phone calls and am treated with respect by my clients. Usually any approach like this would get instant blocking.

    But I feel bad about telling this person they have over stepped the mark, which I then feel bad about, as it means I am treating him differently.

    Double Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Why do I get tempted to say all men are the bloody same :( Even when I know that is not true.

    And breathe…………….

    1. EG
      EG January 25, 2013 at 7:06 pm |

      Wow, that is really presumptuous of your friend’s friend, not to check with you that this was the arrangement beforehand. I don’t think you have to feel bad about your feelings that you “should” treat him differently–they’re just feelings and you don’t have to act on them–personally, I think you should treat him like anybody else who’s violating your boundaries, unless there was some kind of miscommunication via the mutual friend about what he should expect.

      1. jemima101
        jemima101 January 25, 2013 at 7:33 pm |

        Thank you, I think, because I was venting, you have summed it up far more coherently.

        The person who put us in contact was very clear that she thought I could give just information, I was originally concerned that this was some creep who pretends to have a disability, so checked with her how long she had known him ect ect, and asked exactly what she had said to him.

        1. Clytemnestra's Sister
          Clytemnestra's Sister January 25, 2013 at 7:52 pm |

          Tell him that you charge for every sext HE sends, and every one you send in return. Name some kind of ludicrous fee, prepaid by paypal, and like all the rest of your clients you get to decide whether you will take him on as a client at all.

          If he is going to insist on talking to you in your professional capacity to the exclusion of everything else, then you are within your rights to charge for your time and expertise.

          I think $50 per sext he sends you, $75 per sext you send him limited to three a day, and an extra $100 surcharge for unsolicited cock pictures should fix the problem.

        2. jemima101
          jemima101 January 25, 2013 at 7:57 pm |

          You are awsome!

          Of course this is normally the attitude I would take, but not half as wittily as you have put it :D

        3. Clytemnestra's Sister
          Clytemnestra's Sister January 25, 2013 at 8:04 pm |

          Thanks.

          Are you in Aussie?

  2. macavitykitsune
    macavitykitsune January 25, 2013 at 6:41 pm |

    Happy Republic Day to any Indians hanging about!

  3. OutrageandSprinkles
    OutrageandSprinkles January 25, 2013 at 7:13 pm |

    I’m trying to look for a second job which is super discouraging because I have no marketable skills and very little college education. But! A friend of mine wants to buy a painting which is awesome. But! I’m having trouble verifying my paypal. But! I’m optimistic.

    Today I’m having a Scandal season 1 marathon. Is it the best show, or is it the best show?

    1. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable January 26, 2013 at 12:02 pm |

      Can you turn art sales into a second job? I guess it’s hard to monetize :(

      1. OutrageandSprinkles
        OutrageandSprinkles January 27, 2013 at 11:29 am |

        That’s what I’m hoping to do once I figure out my paypal issues. I’m gonna set up an etsy just for original work and a second shop just for prints. Then it’s just a matter of promoting myself and hoping people actually like my work! What I really want to do is display my art in local businesses and even do shows but I’m still trying to get over fear and anxiety of actually talking to people about doing that. We shall see! :)

    2. miga
      miga January 26, 2013 at 11:01 pm |

      Is it on netflix? Where are you watching it?

      1. OutrageandSprinkles
        OutrageandSprinkles January 27, 2013 at 11:26 am |

        It is on Netflix! If you have not seen it yet I highly recommend it.

  4. PeggyLuWho
    PeggyLuWho January 25, 2013 at 7:21 pm |

    I’ve been sick and working from home all week, which I am really lucky to be able to do, to not have to lose any time and what not, but it’s really frustrating sometimes when people just act like I should be online 24/7 since I’m working from home.

    Also, how the heck do these idiots I work with get jobs in the internet industry without knowing what a URL is?

    1. Andie
      Andie January 25, 2013 at 10:03 pm |

      Oh, my goodness, I feel your pain. I deal with this all to often myself.

      1. PeggyLuWho
        PeggyLuWho January 29, 2013 at 2:09 am |

        Thank you!

        1. Andie
          Andie January 29, 2013 at 11:14 am |

          Okay.. for example. This just happened.

          Colleague: Please use these .swf files. If you can’t, use the .pdf provided.
          Me: Can’t. Only .jpg and .gif are supported.
          Colleague: oh. Okay.

          Later:

          Same Colleague: Okay, here. Please use the attached .jpg
          Me: I see only an .swf and .pdf. I need a .jpg or a .gif
          Colleague: Can you use the .pdf?
          Me: *head explodes*

        2. PeggyLuWho
          PeggyLuWho January 30, 2013 at 12:09 am |

          Wait….do we work together? ;)

    2. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable January 26, 2013 at 12:03 pm |

      Oh man. I work in banking, and I’ve had to explain how fractions work more than once. I think that’s the banking equivalent.

      1. PeggyLuWho
        PeggyLuWho January 29, 2013 at 2:06 am |

        I learned that in third grade. I thought you had to graduate high school to work at a bank. How do you graduate high school if you can’t pass third grade math?

        1. The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
          The Kittehs' Unpaid Help January 29, 2013 at 2:55 am |

          Is maths a required subject all through high school in the US? I’m in Oz and it’s a looooooong time since I was at high school, but for us back then, maths was an elective after fourth form (I dropped it like the proverbial hot potato, lol).

        2. PeggyLuWho
          PeggyLuWho January 30, 2013 at 12:08 am |

          It varies from state to state. In California, you’re only required two years of math in high school. And three years of physical education. Go figure.

  5. LuckyLady
    LuckyLady January 25, 2013 at 8:02 pm |

    What is everyone reading right now? Need some airplane material.

    1. jemima101
      jemima101 January 25, 2013 at 8:07 pm |

      If you are a fantasy fan i am loving the mistborn books, Vin is an awesome hero, for once a woman who rescues the men instead of falling over and needing rescuing!

      Unlike so many of the genre socio economic considerations are made, and the society described and the results of revolution are thoughtfully described.

      1. SweetJess
        SweetJess January 26, 2013 at 8:37 pm |

        OH MY GOD. YES. I just re-read those for a second time, finished yesterday. So good. Had to reread them because my sci-fi/fantasy book club just read The Alloy of Law, which is the first book in the second series.

        Also, jemima, I’m a big fan of Mercedes Lackey and Andre Norton for their bamf female leads.

        1. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune January 26, 2013 at 9:15 pm |

          Uh, a caveat re: Mercedes Lackey: I love much of her work, but she can be massively racist. “The Wizard of London” was so incredibly racist that I had to stop reading it in tears. (I would stay away from that entire series.) Ditto an indirect homophobia warning on the Five Hundred Kingdoms series, though it’s more of the Gays Are Just Impossible To Consider Lol than anything offensive, it does wear on one.

          Your best bet if either of these bother you is probably the Bardic Voices series, or the Born to Run series. Both are cool.

        2. SweetJess
          SweetJess January 26, 2013 at 9:26 pm |

          Huh, thanks for the warning. Those are actually two of maybe three series from her that I haven’t read. Apparently I should be glad I haven’t. Ooooh, maybe this is my hidden super power – an ability to sense when books will piss me off, and avoid them? could come in handy.

        3. jemima101
          jemima101 January 27, 2013 at 3:04 am |

          Ohhh I dont know them, thank you ever so much! I love the genre but have so often ended up hurling book away in anger. Don’t even get me started on Thomas “incest is OK if you are a self pitying leper”Covenant .

        4. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune January 27, 2013 at 3:41 am |

          Don’t even get me started on Thomas “incest is OK if you are a self pitying leper”Covenant .

          For a bonus racist riff on that, the author (whose name I blissfully cannot recall, since I am buzzed and do not wish to be pissed off) declared in one of the books that he based Thomas Covenant off the lepers he’d known in Calcutta. The books themselves were lent to me by a white guy my 12yo self didn’t recognise was a blazing racist. I finished those books due 90% to a sort of… bewildered trainwreck fascination… and a sincere desire to see Covenant die like a dog for being a raping, murderous, whiny, weaselly shit. Alas.

          Seriously, I’d take Joffrey Baratheon over Thomas Covenant. At least THAT raping, murderous, whiny, weaselly shit owns his fucked-up.

        5. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune January 27, 2013 at 3:42 am |

          I mean seriously. WAHHHH MY WIFE LEFT ME AND I HAVE A DISEASE. OF WHICH I AM MAGICALLY HEALED BUT I’LL ANGST ANYWAY. Fuck right off, you privileged little turdwaffle.

        6. jemima101
          jemima101 January 27, 2013 at 4:03 am |

          I also had them passed to me as a teen, I never finished the series, but do remember feeling physically sick at his whole, its OK she isnt really my daughter justification.

          The really worrying thing is the author clearly thought he was the hero, and like all MRA’s anything was justified because the wimmen had been mean to him.

          Look I said don’t get me started on the nasty piece of shit! :D

    2. OutrageandSprinkles
      OutrageandSprinkles January 25, 2013 at 9:42 pm |

      Right now I’m shuffling between The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, Interventions and Hegemony or Survival by Noam Chomsky, and the graphic novels Preacher and Fables. Preacher has such an amazing story but the violence really squicks me out so I’m kind of struggling to get through it.

    3. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable January 26, 2013 at 12:07 pm |

      If you’re into well-written non-fiction, I’m reading Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks. It’s a series of case studies about people who experience hallucinations outside of schizophrenia. It’s super neat.

    4. Andie
      Andie January 26, 2013 at 9:37 pm |

      Reading “Through the Looking Glass” and after I’m done that I’m going to start on “Cinderella ate my daughter”

    5. PeggyLuWho
      PeggyLuWho January 29, 2013 at 2:15 am |

      Anybody else read The Night Circus by Erin Morgernstern. I loved it. Recommended it to someone. Got back a serious ‘meh’.

    6. The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
      The Kittehs' Unpaid Help January 29, 2013 at 2:58 am |

      I’m re-reading (or re-re-re-re-lost-count-reading) The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club by Dorothy L. Sayers.

  6. spongleflipper
    spongleflipper January 25, 2013 at 8:41 pm |

    [Comment content deleted at commentor's request]

    1. spongleflipper
      spongleflipper January 25, 2013 at 8:51 pm |

      I should not have made that comment and I can’t fond the delete button.

      1. spongleflipper
        spongleflipper January 25, 2013 at 9:32 pm |

        I apologise for making you have to delete my comment. I would like to go back in time and not make that comment.

        1. spongleflipper
          spongleflipper January 25, 2013 at 11:55 pm |

          I think the main reason I apologised is because it wasn’t important and I did not want to bother anyone. But then, I believe that was my motivation for wanting to delete the post in the first place. I didn’t want anybody making a big deal out of it or to waste their time responding to it, when they could be discussing hats (loljks). It was not out of shame about the content of the post.

          [Moderator response: let it go now. Continuing this dialogue will only be a derail. The other comment using your email address on another thread (that I deleted outright) was even weirder. Either you are trying to mess with the moderators or somebody else is messing with you. Either way, you are in permamod until the bizarre comments from you haven't been seen for a while.]

  7. Palaverer
    Palaverer January 25, 2013 at 9:30 pm |

    I made a piece of art representing the right to take up space. It’s up for auction and proceeds will benefit Planned Parenthood.

    1. OutrageandSprinkles
      OutrageandSprinkles January 25, 2013 at 9:48 pm |

      That’s really neat, and I love that the proceeds are going to Planned Parenthood. That reminds me, I need to make a donation to my local branch. I went out for a sandwich the other day and drove right through what I’m pretty sure was an anti-choice protest. I just wanted a sandwich, man.

  8. Li
    Li January 25, 2013 at 9:31 pm |

    It’s the 26th of January in Australia, which is the date of our major national holiday, Australia Day, which commemorates the arrival of the first British settlement fleet and the declaration of British sovereignty. Which means, of course, today is a day of deep, deep racefail.

    At least I’m seeing Perfume Genius play tonight, which has the benefit of being an event entirely unrelated to celebrating the slaughter of Aboriginal people.

  9. mxe354
    mxe354 January 25, 2013 at 9:33 pm |

    I just got back to California a few days ago. I’m going to head to the LGBT center downtown and check out the trans* women support group. Hopefully it’ll go well – I admit that I’m very nervous about doing so, but I think I need to push myself to go out there more.

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune January 25, 2013 at 9:41 pm |

      Do it, do it! It’ll help you.

      And if it helps you to not turn back, imagine me standing behind you waggling my finger and making little chee chee noises at your dangerous decision.

      1. macavitykitsune
        macavitykitsune January 25, 2013 at 9:41 pm |

        Your dangerous decision to turn back, that is.

    2. EG
      EG January 25, 2013 at 9:47 pm |

      I’ll be thinking of you, mxe, and hoping you meet up with some good people.

    3. OutrageandSprinkles
      OutrageandSprinkles January 25, 2013 at 9:49 pm |

      Good luck!

    4. PeggyLuWho
      PeggyLuWho January 29, 2013 at 2:17 am |

      I will remember to ask my doc if she can recommend someone this week. I will. I will.

  10. pheenobarbidoll
    pheenobarbidoll January 25, 2013 at 9:43 pm |

    I turned 40 today. The day I was born we had a freak snowstorm.

    So basically, Hell (west texas) froze over and I entered the world. mwahahahahahahahahaahahahaha

    1. EG
      EG January 25, 2013 at 9:48 pm |

      Happy birthday, pheeno! Hope you got to celebrate with people you love.

      1. Jasmin
        Jasmin January 25, 2013 at 11:09 pm |

        Happy birthday!

        On birthdays, I like to share fun facts. On this day:

        –Sao Paulo was founded
        –Nellie Bly completed her 72-day round the world trip
        –JFK gave the first live presidential news conference

        You share a birthday with Virginia Woolf, Etta James, and Alicia Keys. :-)

    2. OutrageandSprinkles
      OutrageandSprinkles January 25, 2013 at 9:50 pm |

      Happy Birthday!

    3. librarygoose
      librarygoose January 25, 2013 at 9:50 pm |

      Hahahahaha

      Happy Birthday.

    4. Donna L
      Donna L January 25, 2013 at 10:13 pm |

      A most happy birthday to you, pheeno!

    5. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll January 25, 2013 at 11:40 pm |

      Thanks! Being the exciting person I am, I spent the day watching people scare themselves silly on youtube videos of filmed amusement park rides, watched the dog dig a huge hole, went to dinner with the spousal unit and was home in PJ’s to watch the last few episodes of Deadwood on my Kindle.

      This is what happens when rent falls on your Birthday lol

      I’m thankful it’s paid, but it doesn’t leave much for whooping it up.

      It’s also my husbands birthday. But I have seniority so I picked the place to eat.

      1. macavitykitsune
        macavitykitsune January 25, 2013 at 11:57 pm |

        Yay! Happy birthday!

    6. A4
      A4 January 26, 2013 at 10:53 am |

      Happy Birthday Cherry Pegasus! Preen away!

      1. pheenobarbidoll
        pheenobarbidoll January 26, 2013 at 11:50 am |

        *preens*

    7. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable January 26, 2013 at 12:50 pm |

      Happy belated birthday! Your day sounds like it was awesome. Glad to read it!

  11. Foxy
    Foxy January 25, 2013 at 11:04 pm |

    I watched FRANKENWEENIE.It is excellent.Surprised it made just 60 million dollars at boxoffice

  12. shfree
    shfree January 26, 2013 at 1:01 am |

    Last night I got very little sleep because hoo boy withdrawal from lamotrogine is WEIRD, and I’m so very, very glad I got my meds back. Tactile hallucinations aren’t for the faint of heart, and feeling myself involuntarily stitch down my face to my skull via threads feeding through the palm of my hand and attached to each of my fingertips was a bit…odd. If I hadn’t been mentally prepared for some seriously fucked up shit (My body also was being puffed up with cotton batting with each breath in an earlier hallucination, and each body part was separated from each other at the joints from the other during another one, just on slightly different planes of height.) I could see how things could have gone seriously awry, my brain tends to take strange turns during dreams.

    But I heart my meds, and I’m glad I have them back.

    1. A4
      A4 January 26, 2013 at 10:55 am |

      That sounds pretty damn intense.

    2. miga
      miga January 26, 2013 at 11:05 pm |

      Whooo boy, you’re on that too? I’ve never hallucinated from going without my meds but it has made me very very testy.

      1. Caperton
        Caperton January 26, 2013 at 11:28 pm | *

        Same here — I’m on lamotrigine, and when I go without I get testy and weepy. But that’s only ever been for a short period of time, and now I’m kind of terrified of the thought of going longer. I’m sorry you had to go through that, shfree, and I’m very glad you’re back on. I hope you’re feeling better.

        1. miga
          miga January 27, 2013 at 11:43 pm |

          I’m usually a lamotrigine girl, but when the pharmacist people are being asses they give me the much more expensive lamictal instead (lamotrigine is the generic, yes?) so I figured the side effects would be the same. That’d be very strange if the side effects were different.

    3. SweetJess
      SweetJess January 27, 2013 at 8:10 am |

      Holy crap, did not even know that could happen. Any time I’ve missed a few doses I got the symptoms Caperton mentioned – very, very cranky/irritable and lots of crying.

      Very glad for you that you have them back – withdrawing from mood drugs suuuucks.

  13. mxe354
    mxe354 January 26, 2013 at 1:23 am |

    I just got back from the trans* women support group. I was really nervous at first, but my experience was lovely. There were so many kinds of people, everyone was very kind, and I left without a trace of nervousness in my heart. I was very comfortable there, and I met some people who really liked talking to me.

    This is the best I have felt in ages. =)

    1. Donna L
      Donna L January 26, 2013 at 1:47 am |

      That’s wonderful, mxe! I don’t know how I would have managed without the year-and-a-half I spent going to support groups, almost every week, at the Center in New York. It did a lot for me.

    2. EG
      EG January 26, 2013 at 12:26 pm |

      That’s so wonderful! I can’t imagine how anybody wouldn’t enjoy talking to you, to be honest. You deserve all the friendship and good feelings in the world!

      1. mxe354
        mxe354 January 26, 2013 at 10:29 pm |

        Well, talking to me can be quite overwhelming, especially in face-to-face settings. These days, when I meet someone I really like and talk to hir a lot, I bring up something pertaining to social justice very quickly. Whether it’s something like rape culture or the oppression of trans* people, the topics I bring up are always very heavy and often dark. And not only do I delve into such topics, but I also go into a huge amount of detail, never failing to bring up my numerous speculative opinions and tangentially-related facts. I just go all over the place when I talk.

        I’ve also been told that I talk too much about myself, although I’m not sure if that’s really true.

        1. EG
          EG January 26, 2013 at 11:01 pm |

          I dunno, mxe, I feel like you must be selling yourself short. Your comments are always thoughtful and tight–“all over the place” is not how I think of you at all!

        2. mxe354
          mxe354 January 27, 2013 at 12:44 am |

          That’s good to hear from you. Maybe I am selling myself short, but I’d rather sell myself short than do the exact opposite. Being boastful and pretentious has done no good for me and others. I understand that I’m making a false dilemma there, but I’m still figuring out exactly how to be unassuming. Having grown up with the notion that self-confidence and arrogance are the same thing, I continue to find it difficult to reach the middle ground between pretentiousness and selling myself short.

    3. hotpot
      hotpot January 26, 2013 at 10:32 pm |

      I’m glad for you, Mxe. As a side note, I every time I check out your blog, I like it more… you really provoked some thoughts for me regarding the definition of God that came up tonight in conversation with my regular friends, haha.

      1. mxe354
        mxe354 January 26, 2013 at 10:58 pm |

        That’s nice to hear! The validity of the definition of the classic omnipotent god is something that people don’t talk about enough these days – that’s the main reason I wrote about it. I suggest that you read about theological non-cognitivism if you’re interested in learning more about the issue I brought up.

    4. The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
      The Kittehs' Unpaid Help January 29, 2013 at 3:00 am |

      Hey, mxe, that’s great to hear! :)

  14. Andie
    Andie January 26, 2013 at 10:43 am |

    A localish cop was charge in an incident where he beat the everloving shit out of a guy in a mall after the guy refused to give the name of his friend, who had broken a Christmas ornament in said mall. A video has been going viral on Facebook and people are pretty horrified. However we’re still getting people doing the victim-blamey “of COURSE the cop shouldn’t have beat on the guy, but why wouldn’t he just give the cop his friend’s name?”

    Um, not wanting to give the friends name is good enough reason not to give him the name. It’s personal information. And when you say “of course it’s wrong, but…” you’re pretty much saying “it’s wrong but in this case, not really because the guy had it coming.”

    1. A4
      A4 January 26, 2013 at 10:56 am |

      UUUUUUUUUUUGHGHHGHHGHGHGH… cops.

      That’s all I have to say.

  15. dc
    dc January 26, 2013 at 2:03 pm |
  16. dawnofthenerds
    dawnofthenerds January 26, 2013 at 6:38 pm |

    I got to play whack-a-mole with some stupid concern trolls on my friend’s facebook page today, that was fun! I’m so much better with snark online than in person XD She’s decided she’s not changing her last name if she ever gets married, and some of them were being huge assholes about it.

    1. jemima101
      jemima101 January 26, 2013 at 7:15 pm |

      I never changed my name, I never understood why I should, solidarity with your friend and shock anyone expects it these days.

    2. auditorydamage
      auditorydamage January 28, 2013 at 11:30 am |

      My partner and I are choosing an entirely new name when we make the marriage official. I’m curious how my family will respond.

      I don’t understand why someone would think another’s decision regarding whether or not to change hir last name requires the approval of anyone but the partners (and, for completeness’ sake, the legal system).

  17. miga
    miga January 26, 2013 at 11:08 pm |

    It’s so cold you guys! I have a seven minute walk home from my train station and it was so cold my chest hurt. I want to never leave my bed ever ever again!

  18. Frog
    Frog January 27, 2013 at 1:02 am |

    I just failed my drivers licence test for the second time, leaving me stuck with a really shitty power imbalance in my otherwise awesome relationship.

  19. macavitykitsune
    macavitykitsune January 27, 2013 at 2:39 am |

    You know… I’m getting really tired of the door-to-door Christpeople. They’re very nice, but just….go away, please. This Hindu with the wife does not want.

    …your drunken complaint of the week, courtesy Mac on Saturday night. (Whose typing does not fail, even when her fingers do!)

    1. Dee
      Dee January 27, 2013 at 2:51 pm |

      I kind of want to say, “Oooh…Jesus? Yeah, I know him. We used to chat every now and then, but I’ve kind of realized he’s not all that. Just not into him, you know? He can be kind of an ass…but, I’m sure you guys have a good time together soooo ENJOY!” and then shut the door.

      1. macavitykitsune
        macavitykitsune January 27, 2013 at 3:03 pm |

        I’m always terrified that one of these days I’m going to be feeling really uncharitable when they turn up and say something like “Well, I’m Hindu and pantheistic, so I guess I could add Jesus to my personal favourites list. I’ve always wanted a white god! ….wait, he’s not white, is he? Whoops, got my quota of brown ones, sorry. But nice try.”

        1. The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
          The Kittehs' Unpaid Help January 29, 2013 at 3:10 am |

          Oh, do it, Mac, do it! The looks on their faces would be priceless.

    2. librarygoose
      librarygoose January 27, 2013 at 3:55 pm |

      They once had the gall to address my four year old niece who was behind me, instead of me. I nearly snapped but she was all “Who? Do you like Batman?” Then she talked about Batman while I shut the door in their faces.

      1. EG
        EG January 27, 2013 at 4:00 pm |

        “I like Batman. He has batarangs. Does Jesus have batarangs? Batarangs are cool. What about a cape? Does Jesus have a cape?”

        1. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune January 27, 2013 at 4:21 pm |

          So I have been looking up a comparative study of Jesus and Batman, and I am forced to conclude that I must go with Batman, as Jesus never made out with Catwoman. And his costume never had nipple contours. I has a sad.

        2. librarygoose
          librarygoose January 27, 2013 at 7:07 pm |

          I love preschoolers, she just shrugged it off and asked to watch Batman.

      2. PeggyLuWho
        PeggyLuWho January 29, 2013 at 2:25 am |

        I answered the door when the mormon boys came a’knocking once whilst completely hopped up on codeine cough syrup, feverish, and in my underpants. I haven’t seen them since.

  20. SweetJess
    SweetJess January 27, 2013 at 8:17 am |

    Ugggghhh my body is in full-scale-revolt mode. Still recovering from a concussion a few weeks ago, and I’m super sick, and I haven’t gotten decent sleep for two days because these new drugs are keeping me wide awake.

    Also! I’m new to posting here. I’ve been reading and lurking for quite some time, and finally got some braveness and started commenting. Woot!

  21. Andie
    Andie January 27, 2013 at 8:26 am |

    Hey, this happened:

    Looks like Ontario just got it’s first not only it’s first female premier, but it’s first lesbian premier as well.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2013/01/26/liberal-convention-kathleen-wynne.html

    So that’s pretty cool. Hope she does a better job than McGuinty. Not sad to see that guy go, after fucking over the teachers.

    1. auditorydamage
      auditorydamage January 28, 2013 at 11:45 am |

      I fear we’re going to get more of the Standard Liberal Party Modus Operandi* – campaign like the NDP, govern like the PCs, although I will allow they’ve been more like the former in matters of education about sexual and gender spectra than the latter.

      * Mostly applies to the Ontario and federal Liberal parties; I can’t speak to the other provincial Liberal parties, aside from a rudimentary understanding of the BC party’s relatively conservative overall stance.

  22. EG
    EG January 27, 2013 at 11:42 am |

    So, I’m completely in love with “I’m a Daddy and I Know It” and cannot stop watching it. Best parody ever.

    1. Donna L
      Donna L January 27, 2013 at 2:46 pm |

      Very cute. Are those all his kids? I lost count!

    2. Lolagirl
      Lolagirl January 27, 2013 at 7:30 pm |

      Haha, that made me laugh. I rarely take all 4 of mine out into public on my own, because I hate looking like a circus sideshow act. Apparently some parents have a better sense of humor about it than I do…

      I also love how the house is one big baby gate and how in one shot a kid is stripping ornaments off the tree in the background.

  23. Katniss
    Katniss January 27, 2013 at 5:58 pm |

    TW for alcohol abuse:

    I’ve been going to these meetings called Moderation Management because I felt like I was relying on booze too much for anxiety relief. Anyway, they suggest everyone who goes to the meeting goes either 15 or 30 days without booze, just to show yourself you can. I’m starting my 30 today and am really proud of myself.

    1. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable January 27, 2013 at 6:38 pm |

      Yay, you can do it! I did something similar when I was in college (alcohol abuse runs in my family, and I was engaging in some problem drinking). It made a huge impact on my relationship with alcohol (e.g. I started asking myself questions like, “Do I really think I’ll enjoy drinking tonight? And will I be content with it tomorrow morning?”), and I hope it does the same for you. You can do it! Team Katniss!

    2. Li
      Li January 27, 2013 at 11:11 pm |

      I lost a friend two weeks and while I’ve made my peace with occasional self-medding with alcohol I’m taking a break from drinking for a little while because I know (not least from experience in the first week of those two) that I’m at risk of going majorly overboard with it. So totally with you in spirit.

      1. EG
        EG January 28, 2013 at 12:43 am |

        You have my deepest sympathies, Li.

    3. OutrageandSprinkles
      OutrageandSprinkles January 28, 2013 at 11:29 am |

      That’s awesome for you!

  24. librarygoose
    librarygoose January 27, 2013 at 7:30 pm |

    I had two nerd related things occur to me. I wish someone could tell me some good story arcs for batman that I can read to a four year old. Also, the whole “women are naked or inanimate in comics” thing so much more visceral for me while I was trying to show my niece the fucking Lantern Corps. Having a kid ask where their clothes are is so saddening.

    1. bettierage
      bettierage January 27, 2013 at 10:04 pm |

      It’s not necessarily Batman, but are you familiar with Tiny Titans? They’re great for kids that age. Or maybe Batman Brave and the Bold. As for the second part, all I can say is: word.

      1. librarygoose
        librarygoose January 28, 2013 at 12:56 am |

        I ended up getting Batman brave and the bold for her, it’s much better than I thought it would be. I thought it would be too childish for her (she used to the *slightly* darker Batman cartoon from the 90’s) but she loves reading them so far.

  25. poldergeist
    poldergeist January 28, 2013 at 11:57 am |

    Hi, all, I need some advice. I’m a woman engineer dealing with the age-old “aggressive/assertive” double standard at work. Specifically, I sent a forceful — but professional and on-point — email to a histrionic bully in another department who’s been wasting my time, breaking agreements, and personally disrespecting me for quite some time now. Email was totally focused on the problem, not the person, but I used a vivid metaphor or two.

    (No, I shouldn’t have been the person sending this email — but my management, though excellent in many ways, is quite conflict-adverse, plus they simply have no control over this guy. )(No, actually it shouldn’t have been an email at all, but a F2F discussion. That’s been tried, and the guy just says ‘yes’ and then does ‘no’. )

    So, bully got wildly butthurt and complained at the highest levels, and tomorrow I have to have a discussion with my boss about my “communication style”. Now, my boss is a stereotypical geek: he’s an deeply fair-minded and rational person, but he’s also blind to privilege and not at all aware of gender issues.

    I’ve decided I want to address the double standard issue in our discussion tomorrow. I need to somehow do this without making my boss defensive, e.g. “how dare you accuse me of sexism”. I think if I bring it up as “give a little bit of thought to this issue, because it affects almost all women in the workplace” sort of manner, and leave it at that, I might actually get through to him. At least I’m pretty sure it won’t hurt me. (By the way, I do have another job option. But of course it’s the same everywhere.)

    Any thoughts? Having a nice succinct article by a psychologist or HR expert or something, explaining these issues in a neutral tone, might be very helpful.

    1. matlun
      matlun January 28, 2013 at 1:10 pm |

      Not much information here, but my $0.02 going from what I guess the situation to be:
      If your boss is really the classical geeky, rational type, then if you can start with having him convinced that you are correct on the underlying issues, this would normally help a lot. You could even make him a long term ally in regards to the underlying problems (if he is not already).

      Once you are at that point, then getting understanding on the “communication style” question can be easier with the approach you outline. Though I am not sure how easy it will be to get away from being criticized on that. If it has been escalated highly and your boss is risk averse, then will he be prepared to counter the interpretation the rest of management have of the incident?

      Again, since I have very little information, take this advice for what it is worth…

      1. poldergeist
        poldergeist January 29, 2013 at 1:25 am |

        Thanks, Matlin. Indeed, I think that getting him on my side on the underlying issues will be quite easy. I think I really need to lead with, “I’ll be happy to talk about the tone, but can we please first talk about the content?”
        I notice that you don’t recommend talking about gender standards at all. It’s certainly not something I’ve ever dared to discuss at work before – – I recognize that most men just won’t respond well. And yeah, part of the problem is that I have 2 layers of management above me who have a rather passive style, which doesn’t match mine, which isn’t a gender thing. But part of it is , and maybe it’s just that I’ve reached an age and a point in my life where I am tired of pretending this is normal and okay . It’s so depressing.

        1. matlun
          matlun January 29, 2013 at 2:02 am |

          Yes. I did not really recommend it since in my personal experience that can get quite a negative response. Especially from geeky tech guys with poor understanding of these “softer” issues. But I am just going from my preconceived notions of the personality of your boss, and you need to judge this from your knowledge of him and the actual situation.

          Anyway: Good luck!

        2. poldergeist
          poldergeist January 30, 2013 at 12:27 pm |

          An update: when it comes to ‘content’, seems top management solved virtually all my problems in their first meeting after seeing my email. The project which had put me in contact with the problem person is now cancelled, my official priorities are now in line with what I want them to be, and my work life is about to get much, much better.

          I am still characterized as ‘undiplomatic’, but given the good outcome, I think I can live with that. Hopefully my skills at ‘diplomacy’ (putting up with crap) will be called on less frequently from now on.

  26. The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
    The Kittehs' Unpaid Help January 29, 2013 at 3:18 am |

    What a mixture of things this weekend! Queensland’s flooded again – people are being airlifted from Bunbury and a heap of other places are underwater. My sister and BiL just moved up there, and arrived at one of those towns just before the flood hit. She’s safe, but there’s almost no phone or internet connection at present (we’re about 850 miles/1370 kilometres apart). Fingers crossed the place they’re staying is on high ground.

    Minor pleasing news is that I got a whole new face template of Mr K made, a full picture from that, and a blog post about that and a few other bits and pieces. :)

  27. Fat Steve
    Fat Steve January 30, 2013 at 1:10 am |

    I have been an absolute diva all week, threw several tantrums and fired my assistant.

  28. pheenobarbidoll
    pheenobarbidoll January 31, 2013 at 4:54 pm |
    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune January 31, 2013 at 6:35 pm |

      FUCKING RAGE.

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